at_anchor

I cannot cut it off, I'm a prisoner of this environment to such an extent that it pulls me back when I try to leave like crabs in a bucket. I'm also so unwell now and don't have any options that I basically cannot move and fit anywhere else to survive. So many problems with creating a better life for me that it seems virtually impossible. Yet if I stay here any longer it will severly damage my health to the point of no return. I wonder maybe that line has already been crossed and now there is no turning back. I wish I could leave and become free and secured from these crabs, but I cannot. The places available are unsuitable for me now and were even worse in the past, with some additional better people around. I really should get out of here immediately but I can't. Like a person caught with sharks in the water cannot save himself.

Sex and romantic connection is very important to me, I can remember that being the case like always. Problem is that I cannot let go of this need which I shoukd let go of cause I guess other more basic needs are also not being fulfilled.

That sounds kind of hard atm... I mean, I could imagine a life without sexual orgasam being kind of empty... What else is as enjoyable as sex? I can't go travel, do martial arts, dance, music or something like that. The problem is that I feel like I cannot let go of a biological need for this sort of physical connection, at least not until I have an amazing threesome a couple of times or just amazing sex a couple of times with someone really special. You can't be happy in a position of a wounded slave in an abusive relationship that angers and depresses and shames you so often, relationshios that rib you of everything including your health. The only pleasure someone in that position can hope to have is in the end just some really bad or humiliating sex or someone taking control of you.

Yes, because of lack of sex. Chickens then have a terrible fate, like many humanoids. Isn't sex the root cause of jealousy among people?

I didn't know there is such a large number, poor things. What's more important than sex? If you had the best sex along with some health and intelligence spiced up in there, and with security, you'd be fine. I say it is the most important, but I don't act that way all the time due to shame society has placed on it. In life there is sex, and then there is career, family, security, competition, etc.

Perhaps so...

I try to stay healthy and alive, so no, I think I wouldn't take drugs. The problem with chasing internal instead of external fukfillment is that some things are just so fundamental that when you take them away you end up like Alan Turing. I'm all for happiness and health, but not as an end in themselves, but rather as a means to an end :))

If I had all the free time and could do whatever I want, I'd dare fly an airplane, drive a motorcycle, drive a car, go into nature, have amazing love making, eat amazing food, run, run and run, swim, dive, and yes, meditate but as a result of freedom and of doing all the prior activities which are like more important on the hierarchy of needs. Meditating for average people doesn't work when their life is so cinstrained and somehow suffocating and unfulfilling or even in danger.

Did Americans destroy ex Yugoslavia? Tito made some bad decisions, primarily not allying with Stallin, but it is apperant what is going on here. There are many foreign company productions in these places that they appear like banana states of the West. Is what is being said here true?

It probably is and was, but it is likely that if tomorrow Serbia all of a sudden disappeared from the map and Bulgaria or Albania took its pplace, people in that entity would fight even harder for separation, which would then be supported by Russia and then you see,it has nothing to do with Serbia. It has everything to do with national identity that has gained momentum and the Orthodox Church. It is simply that people there were of a particular religion in the past and decided to baptize their children all the same. There simply is no way that Serbs in that entity would all of a sudden become Bosniaks without Serbia.

@Bojan V I just read that they were enemies, that they tried poisoning each other, that Tito was stubborn and wanted to unify with Albania against Stallins plans. Tito also did not allow the king to return. I think average Americans if placed in the same situatiin as Serbs in Bosnia would do exactly the same thing, since they wouldn't want to have an Islamic president. If it happened to be so, they would probably all either flee or convert to Islam.

I had no idea. Just googled that he executed a million of his own people. I thought he was just a dictator that stood for communism and unification of the globe, nothing else. I'm not able to study history atm, which is why I'm asking this.

How do you know if you are wired as a conservative vs liberal? I'm was liberal with food, sex and speech I guess, or maybe not in speech cause I was not always open about stuff. I'm maybe utopian when it comes to politics. I'm not that self-expressive, indvidualjstic and quirky, more od a loner, but I can say and do stuff when I'm made to that is stupid to say the least but individualistic. I'm open to radical new ideas when I am in a really radical and openminded environment I guess. I'm not that optimistic about human nature, but I often end up being gulliable, so maybe that's a sign that i might have been optimistic. This point makes me 50% conservative at least, cause I don't trust so many people. It's that I must trust them or don't have an alternative that makes me "trust" them. Can anyone help me figure out what percentage am I conservative and what liberal?

should you live with people who have hurt you so badly and still are doing so, to the point that you feel deep anger that they are trying to actually elicit amd you cannot grow or do anything in a state of intoxication that they put you in combined with all the manipulations they do with a clear mind and conspiracies to cut you out? or is it better to just be homeless and hopefully find a way to survive on streets?

I heard that question somewhere. In reality, there is no freedom here. I do not have the freedom to say no to communicating to whoever I want, I do not have the freedom to go walk somewhere farther than my home, even at my home I am not allowed tp go outside without being disturbed and these days ridiculed implicitally, shamed and so on. Scammed, happens all the time. It is pretty bad. God given rights is illuss for people like me. There is no justice or security. As long as greedy and vicious capitalist overlords rule. But that's where we are right now. You're gonna start attacking me for thinking capitalists are bad and so on, I know. I frankly don't give a damn. I'm leaving this site for the holidays to give people some rest. I don't know how to explain, but there really are no rights if the people who have money can use it to steal the little money = necessity for freedom, that you need to heal and live well, and even use their money to make sure they get to see you where you don't want to see yourself. No, I don't have freedom. I never had it. Ever.

No prob. Anyway, I might have freedom from your perspective, but I also see the consequences of using it and those rights. I might end up losing it entirely due to threats, manipulations, provocations and framing. What is freedom worth without money? And these days everyone has internet. Even kids in rural villages of Africa can find electricity, phones and internet providers.

@Devin yeah, well, if you find one, tell him/her that I will be waiting here

What if I can't leave this place?

Hey, what if bad people who are entitled to everything, who have rights and protection beyond ordinary and so much, are trying to frame me for being a danger or psychopath? I don't have a money to get loyal and trustworthy help, nor friends that love me and are able to help. My family and others mostly just wants whats the worst for me. I can't explain which is why I need you to take my word for what I am saying. I could explain, but I'm very afraid and so forth. They follow me here.

so it is simply that I cannot get along with people here due to certain others who are powerful and smaet and everything here scaring me, demonizing me, in camouflaged ways turning everyone against me. i would love to call for help, but the likelihood of me encountering a cop with integrity who cares about justice and so on VS a corrupt, abusive and malicious one that takes bribes is like 1:999 or lower. And if I did find such a cop, God bless him/her, and managed to explain to him things that even I don't fully grasp yet, how I got screwed over, they would be powerless to help me. Need someone just as powerful, just as experienced, cunning, malicious, with my best interest at heart, connected. Cause that's what is necessary to defeat every single one of them. Cause getting the truth out is hard without evidence. That's lacking. Many other problems as well. Like the fact that I'm not independent from them and my environment affects me in negative ways. But I don't have good options for the environment so screw it, I'm stuck in this loophole till I die.

I don't want to die! My whole life was full of the wrong people who ruined me and exploited maximally. I could never fit in and live normally because of them and now I can't as well, anywhere on this planet. It feels like grave injustice to see them getting away with so much and getting so much while I'm leaving this planet with just thoughts and feelings of regret and deep hurt from what they have done to me. Of course, I can't prove, explain and tell everything to get justice, otherwise I would have an opportunity to live. But I don't. So how do I accept death with a past full of abuse, scams, manipulations, lies aimed at robbing me of everything? I guess I cannot accept it. I can only die in deep not fear, not pain, but deep sense of injustice.

@flowboy that is awesome, but I have a hard time not being sceptical about such topics, and also about just spirits communicating to you through tarot, cards or the like. It is kind of hard to say whether it's gambling or real devils work. Sometimes it really appears real, but I don't know how to test it, the tarot kind stuff that I'm kind of experimenting with or just blindly trusting from time to time.

@LSD-Rumi what a wonderful idea, why haven't I thought about it?

I am in a position of a tortured and wounded slave. How do you think I can achieve independence when my masters, those devils above me are not going to allow it. And even if I found a way to somehow survive on the streets and in that way achieve independence, healing around here, in this poverty is not gonna work bro. Not to mention that healing is just getting back my strength and while I'm preoccupied with that, they are gonna.... Which is exactly why I'm trying to figure out how to accept my premature death, cause that is how it has to be.

i don't feel safe and at ease with people that have robbed and abused me since i was born but covered it up and now are free ad able to defile me while i cannot show the truth and make the law take care of itself. horror filles my soul when a beast like this walks in, approaches me all quiet until it finds something to poke me at. then i have to retreat to a place i feel so bad in and cannot do anything from this dirty evil thing. how do i get it away from me? how do iget them away from me? they harrass and then i end up in this emotional state afterwards. or worse. and the worst part is that i am an easy target because of something that has hurt and damaged me and still is hurting and damaging me from inside, requiring healing and peace to not hurt so much. why do I have to die because of people that are so selfish and lying and manipulative and yeah