Kundalini Cataclysm

German here. I'll adress your points individually from my perspective: If you want to improve your German, there obviously aren't many places where you could do so better. I'd recommend a place with many young people though (often cities in which University students make up a significant proportion of the total population), because being at least somewhat skilled or fluent in English (or even Spanish) is way more common among younger people than the older generations here. Regarding the dating life: I'm not sure. I kinda agree with the people before me, many Germans seem to be rather stuck up, but I've also experienced the opposite. It really depends on where you go. There's also a lot of foreigners from all over the world here, especially in places where there's Universities, so you wouldn't be limited to Germans only. When it comes to Life Purpose, I think I highly depends on what you want to do. There are many opportunities here, but you might also be better off elsewhere, I don't know what it is you want to do. I deem it highly unlikely that the war will reach German ground, except if they decide to bomb everything into oblivion with nuclear missiles, then it's not safe here either, obviously. Germany is also pretty damn crowded in my opinion, so there is hardly any untouched nature left. This doesn't mean there aren't beautiful places though, the country is really diverse landscape-wise. That's it for now, you can ofc also DM me if you have further and/or more specific questions, maybe me and my gf could even help you with deciding where to go, we both enjoy the cultural exchange.

So, you're judging the quality of a country's music by how many international pop hits come from that country? The best musicians in any language never become really popular. What many people like is not a measure of how good the music is. Also, Rammstein sell out fucking stadiums around the world.

Oh boy, if you like Metal, we have quite some good stuff. Here's some examples: And here's some great non-Metal stuff: ^This one is even about becoming the witness when thought and emotion are intense, Cr7z is often quite spiritual in his lyrics. ^Käptn Peng also is very deep in his lyrics. Hope you'll enjoy some of this, don't listen to @Epikur saying that German music is borng

One of the most effective things in any kind of afflictive emotional state, be it depression, fear, grief etc. is crying I've found. Few things are as releasing as crying. Depression can be seen as your accumulated emotional pain trying to bubble up to the surface, yearning to be really felt and maybe expressed. Meditation can be helpful here, to really look into the pain that's there and give it space. You might find that "hidden" within the depression are a lot of suppressed, probably intense "negative" emotions. Releasing those through crying is very healing I've found. All this is based on my own experience, take it with a grain of salt. Maybe it helps!

Artem Boytsov, he's a relatively unknown teacher, but his stuff is great, especially because he kind of "normalizes" how intense, dark and difficult the unfolding can be. Adyashanti is also great, his style is both really straightforward, but has a certain pleasant warmth about it at the same time. Tich Nhat Hanh, I just love the vibe his voice brings acorss. Samaneri Jayasara is also great, I've enjoyed her recordings.

@Galyna I have (and still am) experiencing similar things. Here's what has helped me: Suicidal thoughts and impulses are apparently entirely normal during this kind of unfolding. It is a suicide, in a way, but it has nothing to do with the body. The body is fine 99,9% of the time. You are okay 99,9% of the time, even if it doesn't feel that way. There's a difference between feeling okay and being okay. There's no need to "do anything about" suicidal thoughts and impulses, just watch them arise and disappear, they are always temporary, even if they come and go. Try to muster the courage to do basic things, even in the face of great fear. I don't necessarily mean "carry with on everything you used to do", I dropped my studies as well, but still go for walks, go to the store etc. if you can. You'll learn that even when you feel like you're deep, deeep in it, the basic bodily functions still work just fine. Breathe deeply and deliberately. Read some about Dark Night Phenomena in Daniel Ingram's book "Mastering The Core Teachings Of The Buddha". You can read it for free online here: https://www.mctb.org/ Talk to people (as you already do). Find a community where you can talk to others in real time. There are some great folks here, for example @Nahm or @BipolarGrowth. This can be very valuable. That's all I remember right now, you can also shoot me a pm and we can talk more specifically. I hope some of this helps!

Alan Watts was my introduction. That's where it all started. Adyashanti, especially lately. Artem Boytsov was definitely one of, if not THE most influential.

Right?

@thenondualtankie I once devoured like three big plates of vegetable stew during an LSD trip. We made the stew beforehand, which was a good idea. I started to feel quite uncomfortable at some point during the trip, but I was like "Nah, I can't be hungry, trips don't make me hungry." Eventually, I tried eating and it was exactly what was needed at that time. So, I can highly recommend having some good stew or soup ready before tripping.

Beautiful read! Thanks for sharing dude.

Oh Boi, I might sign up for this.

@BipolarGrowth Funny, one of my current mentors was/is a student of Dhammarato! Interesting how the threads intertwine. I've also benefitted a lot from the wholesome approach.

I don't quite understand what you mean by all this fully I think. I've been making a practice out of observing the thoughts and emotions a lot already and always come back to that being the only thing that can be done, really.

Hahaha didn't know these exist, had a good laugh

Really good post, even though I can't claim to have understood it 100%. But I'm coming to the point of feeling like having to choose between suicide and living the life I have again and again, which just feels awful because it seems like the choice between pest and cholera. Have also understood the "total surrender" thing conceptually, but not embodied it yet. Maybe you have some pointers for me, maybe not, but great post, anyway!

Oh HELL YES. Got to see them live on their last tour in Berlin, shit was gooooooood. Loving this thread people, I've listened to Metal A LOT in my youth, the music really was there for me in some dark times. Maybe I got into that dark mindset a bit too much though. Still love the genre, it's so diverse and versatile and comes in so many varieties with different levels of consciousness.

@Endangered-EGO Thanks for this, I own the book as a physical copy, but haven't read it in its entirety. Checked out the section you mentioned just now and holy shit, it seems that I'm SO in this right now. Thanks for the recommendation, it'll prove helpful for sure!

There you have your answer: "You" seem to see the problem of life and "you" want it solved. But the "you" that sees the problem won't get to see the apparent "solution". So, it only seems like a solutiuon from this side of the equation. That also makes any thought about death rather moot, because they only make sense on this side, and not even there really. Any thought you have about death is not it.

Of course it IS an option. It always is. Don't get me wrong, I'm IN NO WAY encouraging you to do it, but it'd straight up be false to deny that it IS an option. I don't know what your beliefs about death are, but here are my two cents on the matter: There's no evidence that anything you currently call "you" will survive death. What was there "before you were born"? What is there when "you" are in deep sleep? No matter what that is, I think upon some close contemplation you could agree that it is totally impersonal and the "you" that you currently think you are does not experience any of that state. So, of course, you can decide to end life, but you will end up there, anyway. As far as I see it, there isn't any evidence that anything we do in life actually matters beyond the moment that it is happening, because everything we know as the world will (and, as a fact, does so every moment) perish and leave not a wreck behind. So, whether you're happy or miserable doesn't matter one bit in the end. Death is the great equator, the great liberator, in a way, because both kings and peasants will end up as a pile of rotting bones. This doesn't mean that death is something to be sought out, but it also doesn't mean that it is something to be avoided at all costs. Death is as pointless as life is. Now, this might sound bleak and nihilistic, as if nothing mattered, but even the fact that nothing matters does not matter. Another point that has helped me, because I also find myself in the place you're in time and again: How's "your" body? Does it really want to die? And if so, why doesn't it? Once it's time to die, there's nothing that "you" could do about it. As long as the body is relatively alive and well, there's reason to live, simply because the body wants to. The body is also the prerequisite for ANY action (at least in the everyday state of consciousness), thought and emotions are completely powerless without the body, maybe they're not even possible without the body, but that I don't know. You'd even need the body to kill the body. So, why live? Because you're still alive. The ego mind might not like this point, but apparently, as long as the body is relatively fine, everything's okay. Maybe some of this helps, I wrote this to you as much as I wrote it to myself haha

What's up people, I thought I'd share something that may provide a tiny bit of relief to others aswell as it has for me. I've come in contact with a spiritual teacher (Artem Boytsov and his works on https://true-freedom.net/) who really acknowledges the issue of (sometimes obsessive) suicidal ideation on the spiritual path. He went through it himself and states that it's not uncommon, since the crazy ego mind deep down just wants to die. I'll link some of his stances on this here directly: https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-position-of-Vedanta-regarding-suicide https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-biggest-mistake-you-have-ever-seen-caused-by-ego/answer/Artem-Boytsov I also got to talk to him live in a yt broadcast about this and some issues, I'm on for the first 20 minutes or so: So, the bottom line I want to bring across is: If you happen to be dealing with suicidal ideation on the spiritual path, know you haven't necessarily "fucked up" or are necessarily heading in a totally wrong direction. It's all going on in the mind, the body has nothing to do with it. If you don't do anything about these thoughts, you'll be fine, sooner or alter.

@Giulio Bevilacqua Dude, check out this youtube channel, this guy also went through a hella intense Kundalini Awakening, apparently. Maybe some of his stuff will be helpful. https://www.youtube.com/user/mattpallett1 Also, check out this book, it has helped me tremendously: https://www.amazon.de/Enlightenment-Through-Path-Kundalini-Overcoming/dp/3732388166/ref=sr_1_11?__mk_de_DE=ÅMÅŽÕÑ&crid=1YX0FSKDHD05K&dchild=1&keywords=tara+springett&qid=1626172630&sprefix=Tara+S%2Caps%2C195&sr=8-11 You can also find the book as a pdf or ebook online if you can't afford it right now. You can also pm me and I can help you out with that.

@Flowerfaeiry It's actually not that bad. I don't particularily enjoy the taste either, but it becomes less and less of a big deal the more you do it. I recommend you drink at least a sip or two of your own urine first to get an impression. I usually use urine that is rather salty for my nose, it's almost as if you prepared salt water to flush your nose. Plus it's warm if you've freshly harvested it, which also makes it more gentle on the nostrils. My experience is that it really frees up your airways and also starts to make you blow out and spit up lot of snot and mucus, which I'd say is more disgusting than the actual pee ingestion. It's a necessary cleasing process and probably won't last forever.

I know this may sound controversial or even downright disgusting, but try snorting your own urine. I got this from Nick Caputo, you can find him on youtube under The Caputo Method or grubfromthegarden. His whole stick revolves around breathwork and also urine therapy. Some pretty radical shit, but he seems to be on to something. I've experimented with treating my own nose and sinuses with urine lately and it seems to improve, also been having blocked airways for years.

Holy shit, I'm studying Geosciences currently (though I have lost most interest in it and only intend to finish the studies so it's an impeccable end), but this sounds awesome! I would appreciate hearing some of your ideas

I speak German (mother tongue) and English completely fluently and Finnish pretty fluently within my vocabulary. Know some basic Swedish and French aswell. Rudimentary bits of Spanish and Latin can also be found in my mind.