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Everything posted by Gabith

  1. When I speak with people, sometimes I feel oppressed or anxious, I am too focused on myself. I don't understand because there is some days where I don't really care what others think and I feel more like myself, it's nice because I feel good even if I do "weird" things in front of others. I make jokes, I can stare at people, saying hello to strangers, speaking with a stranger on the bus, not being too self-conscious, smiling at girls etc.... and others day it's like I'm another person, I feel ashamed, too self-conscious, imagining the others judging me and fearing their judgement of me. A practical technique could help I guess if I use it everyday Are there any techniques to use with the body / breathing or psychological tricks to feel more comfortable in the presence of others?
  2. Go to bed, everything's alright Don't know the whole world's changing As you sleep through the night Wake up slowly and it's a different world Hear the news and the floods begin Screams so loud but only felt within Heart is shattered The pieces can't be found I feel your pain I wrote this song for you, for you You will make it, you will make it through I promise you he would want you to Months go by still living in a daze Don't know what you've done With the last seven days Soul is numb and life is like a dream Helping hands but you push them away How could they understand Don't wanna share your pain Afraid to heal 'cause that would mean goodbye I feel your pain I wrote this song for you, for you You will make it, you will make it through I promise you, she would want you to One day sunlight hits a photograph And it makes you smile The memories dance around you now And they make you smile You're not alone, you'll never be Just like the stars they oversee And they whisper to you you're still, you're still You're still, you're still alive I feel your pain I wrote this song for you, for you You will make it, you will make it through I promise you, they would want you to Do not stand at my grave and weep I am not there, I do not sleep I am a thousand winds that blow I am the diamond glints on snow I am the sun on ripened grain I am the gentle autumn rain When you awaken in the morning's hush I am the swift uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circled flight I am the soft stars that shine at night Do not stand at my grave and cry I am not there, I did not die
  3. Thank u. I can't help u with that
  4. What are the solutions ?
  5. Give me good reasons to stay alive please
  6. I've been trying to get better for 10 years now and it doesn't work every time I find myself in a bubble of naivety for a few months or even years before it bursts and then I fall back into another one. Now I see the illusory side of it all, I see that using distractions like music, movies, drugs, women, sports are all useless and I'm still as bad as ever. Even spirituality doesn't attract me anymore, the realizations I've had scare me too much and I would have preferred not to know and stay unconscious but it's too late. I thought that doing street interviews and meeting thousands of people would help me to feel good with others and create bonds but no, I always feel paranoid when I do that, the feeling of being judged or not liked, the inability to open up to others and my body freezing up as soon as a girl I like shows interest in me. And anyway even when I'm with a girl I risk attracting a bad one and if I have a good one like my first one, I'll end up being left or cheated on because she'll see that I'm not loving myself and I'll be back to the same starting point. So using a woman as a distraction won't even help me, except to have the illusion of being happy for a few months. I don't know what to do, it's survival, I can't see myself working 8 hours a day and then on the weekends doing my shopping, cleaning and watching a screen. And even suicide is not a way out, if I could be sure that there is no more consciousness after physical death it would be liberating but unfortunately it is not the case. The only time I feel a little better is when I am myself but I can't stay that way because it's dangerous. When I am myself I often have unfiltered behaviors or cynical comments and if I persist towards that, I will not be able to thrive in this society because I will quickly have repercussions on my actions since there are too many rules and almost no freedom of expression. So I have to play the robot like everyone else and even doing that, I feel out of place or perceived as weird by others. I don't understand how we can have children in this human society, we are so backward I feel more and more disconnected from others, part of me sees them as animals, flesh, we are not worth more than an insect, nothing has value. When I see things for what they are, I have violent ideas and I drop the concepts of good and bad with which I was indoctrinated from childhood. All this indoctrination by religions, sciences, philosophies, marketing, hierarchy, politics makes me sick. I feel more and more like I'm stuck in a flesh body of a race I hate. A human race that I would like to see disappear, I don't want to experiment again what it is like to be a human on earth
  7. Great movie by Noe ! Starred Up
  8. What are your thoughts about the spiritual teacher Matt Kahn please ?
  9. I started smoking weed 1 year ago, I am not addicted but I think I'm not far from developping a psychologic addiction. I don't smoke everyday and don't want to because I want to keep the effects and I don't want to be addicted. The two past months, I did 3-5 days in a row of smoking. I could notice that the effects were different, it was like background effect but still strong! It was almost negative, I felt a little bit less confident and happy, less positive. I had like 2 experiences where I would tell myself "If I haven't smoked I would feel better". I decided to stop 10 days, then I smoked again and it was GREAT, I had all the positives effects I was loving about weed, more presence, more insights, more positive thoughts, more facility to see beauty etc... Why does the effects have a tendency to become negative when we smoke for several days in a row ? Why do people get addicted and smoke everyday if that make them paranoid or less happier ?
  10. In some of his videos Matt Kahn talks about responding to people judgement/rudness or complain with kind words like compliments for example. Do u guys took this habit and is it worth it ? I could take it as a "game" or social experiment but I'm not sure if it will be the best way to deal with this...
  11. What are your experience with LNT ? Would you recommand it ?
  12. Leo and us are playing a game of exploration, endless exploration... Why ? There is nothing to find, no answer...
  13. @Adodd And then we explore, we share it and it becomes eventually beliefs Are we really stuck doing this for Eternity ?
  14. Are any of you honestly happy alone for long period like years without sex / a girlfriend ? I have a hard time with this, I have had periods where I was happy for a week or two, but unfortunately I always come back to the starting point: wanting a girlfriend, not a manipulative one or the first one that comes along like I used to do in the past. I won't put myself in that anymore fortunately, but I desire a real loving relationship. And sometimes when I try to be happy alone, I know it's somehow to make it easier to find a girlfriend because I know I'll be more attractive once I'm not looking for someone. So there's this trap that I set for myself: the desire to be happy alone not for the sake of it but for being more attracting and getting what I want: a girlfriend. I think it's due to a lot of conditioning. I can't admit that I can be happy alone for life. I feel like if it's possible, it will take me years of work at least. On the other hand, I know that if I fall in love with someone and I'm in a relationship with them, I risk to forget myself again and the relationship will end in a few months or years, I'll feel miserable again. I know that I have to be happy on my own to have a satisfying healthy relationship but I can't. Do you have any advice? Can you be happy alone for years without having desires about women, sex etc ???
  15. There was a boy A very strange enchanted boy They say he wandered very far, very far Over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he And then one day A magic day he passed my way And while we spoke of many things Fools and kings This he said to me: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn Is just to love and be loved in return"
  16. Hey what about a little bit of Gratitude ? Share here what you're grateful for, take your time! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am grateful to have been born into a family where I was not physically abused. That I was fed, had a roof over my head and did not experience war as a child. I am grateful for the diversity of music. For the beauty I see in my eyes. The beauty of women, the beauty of a movie. I am grateful for the pleasures of sex alone or with someone. For the drugs and their powers to open my mind and see beyond human beliefs. I am grateful to be lucid enough to use them as tools and not as an escape. For not having an addiction outside of the Internet. I am grateful for the knowledge that I will cut this addiction with willpower and by getting out more often to do more street-interviews/activities. I am grateful for my ability to see the beauty in almost everything, to never find a limit to that beauty when I focus on it. I'm grateful for having seen the movie American Beauty and for the beautiful work of the tattoo artist who etched it on my skin. I am grateful for being sensitive and intelligent. For the courage I had after my first romantic breakup. For the interviews I do and the videos I make. I'm thankful for my guitar and my creativity. For the french toast I make for myself every morning. For my ability to enjoy all kinds of music and vary that enjoyment. I am grateful for the internet, for having access to ancestral knowledge that I would never have known or learned through school, family or society. I am grateful for the beauty of nature, the diversity of sensations, colors, emotions. The infinite possibilities to experience Reality. For the pain that sometimes shows me how powerful the Existence is and how good it is to feel "alive". I am grateful for the infinite Love that one day pierced me everywhere. I am grateful to realize little by little how much Death is a gift and how crazy it was to see it in such an ugly way. For this creation that frees us from the burden of an eternal life with the same body. I am grateful to laugh more and more without feeling bad, to be able to laugh at all this human madness, to see more and more things with detachment. To realize all the behaviors I unconsciously adopted to please people. To be more and more aware of the thought patterns that cause me unnecessary stress or fear. I am grateful for realizing how indoctrinated I have been and still am. To have the pleasure of discovering Reality and to drop each filter one by one to maybe one day have the courage to drop the veil completely. I am grateful to be more aware of my body, of the tensions I have been holding for years and to learn to release them. I'm grateful for the girlfriends I've had, what those relationships have taught me. And for all the prostitutes I've meet, their sympathy and charm. I am grateful that I am not absorbed by any ideology, scientific, religious, spiritual, cultural or political. I am thankful that I am not addicted to gambling, a sports team or gaming. I am grateful that I have a caring stepmother and that my father is happy with her. That my father was able to get over his alcoholism. I am grateful for the cold winter weather that allows me to appreciate the warmth under my bed sheets even more. To live alone and have a lot of time to myself. I'm grateful that I have a best friend that I can count on. I am grateful that if I live a few more months or years I will have many more experiences in this dream, good and bad. I am grateful for you taking your time to read & maybe contributing with your list.
  17. I have gained confidence in myself over the last few years, loving myself more and meditating every day. I still feel bad when I do street interviews, I feel like people think I'm weird or unconfident. I always feel like an outsider and if they laugh I feel like it's about me or what I said. I have this with almost every person I meet, one out of 10 times I feel more comfortable with certain people and talk with them for a few minutes. But why can't I feel comfortable with more people than 1 out of 10 ? It's like it's true, people judge me, find me weird, too different, I can't stand it. I never feel like I belong here, when I go out I see people on their smartphones, people with a closed face, sadness, anger, unconsciousness, stress... Even an exchange of eye-contact in public transport becomes difficult, when it's a girl I see on her face that she's disturbed just by a 2 second eye-contact, when it's a man it's like they wonder "what do he wants ?" "do he wants to fight me ?" We're so disconnected it's awful how will I find a deep relationship in this society ? I feel like it will never happens no matter how much I love myself
  18. @JohnnyAb Yes I did meditation, using law of attraction, diverse exercices of self-love. It helped but not enough to stop caring about what others think. I didn't do real work yet like for example a solo retreat