Natasha Tori Maru

Same thing you pulled regarding your generalization regarding women - see what I did there? And the men who work on construction sites are ace. Much respect to them. I work with some of the greatest men. Turn up. Get shit done. Stoic, respectful to the women who order them around (me). But they do engage in the same behavior you accuse women of solely engaging in. You cherry pick as it favors your rhetoric. You are sexist - and you are heading for points if you keep up this men vs women crap you like to seed and sprout throughout the forum.

You might be thinking of this example from a severely restricted domain - women sacrifice in other domains. IE children. We all wouldn't be here without our mothers sacrifice, as an example. Damn my man - you ever been on a construction site? I've worked on TONS. Men engage in this behavior just as much. Same across sexes. And this is from what I have seen, experienced & what my 3 brothers and father report. Def same across the sexes.

@Judy2 PM'd you

Indeed, just look at some of the recent arguments regarding Love around here... or, shall we say, the grand lack OF it (embodiment and conceptually)!

Thank you, Leo.

Sleep is top priority for me. I do not mess with it if I can help it. You feel the effects much more keenly as you gain in years too. Do you eat close to bed time? I ask because I backload my main meal in a similar manner to you - my largest, most voluminous meal is in the evening - however - eating within 3 hours of sleep is a no go for me. We are all different, but when I eat a large meal too close to sleep, my heartrate is usually higher and I do not enter deep sleep cycles as easily. I track this with a Garmin (so big grain of salt as these are inference devices) and see my sleep cycles, resting heart rate and heart rate variability. But above and beyond this I *feel* more rested, am more alert and calmer, and have more stamina on the days following a larger meal outside of 3 hours before bed. I fall asleep much quicker and require less sleep. I typically eat 5 meals - break my fast at 11am, last meal at 6pm. My daytime meals are the most calorie dense, with my evening meal consisting of small amount of protein and mostly fresh vegetables with EVOO. But a big plate. No caffeine after noon. Stop water intake at 7pm. Hard cardio every morning within an hour or two (outdoors in the sun) of waking seems to reset my clock to sleep at a good hour. I fall asleep within 5 minutes of laying down.

They do not feel whole, complete and at peace inside. So, many users need to engage in 'something' to make them feel alive to stave of the numbness of their existence. Social media and that sort of rhetoric makes people feel numb. Then they engage in this sort of rhetoric in an attempt to feel human again. Because they have lacerated themselves from unity, intimacy and bonding with themselves and others. I speak of the sort of extremist views where men/women blame each sex that perpetuate. But I think you know exactly what I mean

ROFL - I can sniff it out

It was that way to begin with 🤣

I'm glad you called this because there are some WILD assumptions being made about your situation.

Thank you, @James123 You sleep tight now ❤️

Same, up late sneaking episodes with my Dad 😍 Mum did not approve. Some of the episodes were wild tho.... The one with the inbred kids who kept their limbless mother under the bed to have sex with. My God.

@Xonas Pitfall I was hoping you would poke your head in this thread Well said!

@Wilhelm44

Hmmm, and moral reframing often feels safer than the raw hurt. We choose to feel the sting and allow the pain - or we can decide someone is toxic and move into righteousness. And that sneaky move into righteousness is a move to reclaim power - power we think we 'lost' in the exchange. As if anyone could reduce our power or sovereignty without us allowing it in the first place! We engage in lots of emotional and thought ju-jitsu. All to evade feeling states that end up causing the discordance that results in an outward reaction! Many 'spiritual' conversations degrade into these loops.

If we are defining reactivity as being the external action following internal state change - you can definitely remain graciously stoic. "Poise" as Leo terms it. The internal reaction remains - it is just that we do not act out a compulsion in reality. Perhaps you are referring to our internally perceived 'state' change when we react with a feeling/emotion to some external information, when you refer to: In my experience the internal feeling/emotional reaction will occur, depending on our current state, complexes & biology. Naturally so. Human experience. It is how well we manage this internal reaction that is the 'space' we inhibit that lets us see clarity and act with calm confidence. The more conditioning we accumulate during our lifetime experience can result in the amplification of what is felt - leading to a compulsion to act out. Reply to the forum post. Defend. Attack. Or some other such action. I think the above quoted passage from you is a statement regarding those who suppress felt emotions/feelings. And those who spiritually bypass these felt states. Coupled with this, there is often an 'ideal' that is being adhered to. "Spiritual people, awakened people, enlightened people do not do 'such-and-such'. Spirituality, awakening or enlightenment 'non-reactivity' does not exclude us from biology & incentive structures.

I really dislike Steven Bartlett. Perpetuates a lot of covert messages and never pushes guests when they share completely batshit stuff.

Very interesting reaction. Very natural and normal to not understand what we are feeling with precision. When you think on this, it is a product of society/the social domain. Efficiency, effectiveness are prioritised. It is no wonder we cannot clearly feel our inner states. Most people cannot telly you the difference between stress, anxiety, worry, concern. Shame is a big one. Biggest for me. It was rooted in false beliefs based on meaning making early on my life. 'I am a burden to others, not enough for them'. The truth is that there is nothing wrong. It is the world, more often than not, that is wrong. But when I was little it was too much to bear to think the wide world was bad. Much easier to think I was bad...

I dunno. I honestly don't know. I work in construction. The methodology can work - but the timescales do not add up for me. Whatever theories float around - the current explanation does not suffice for me. Channelling your hardcore agent Fox Mulder X-Files moment right here

I call the space between internal reaction and action 'grace'

@Nick_98 It is a difficult question because the process is different for us all. Big topic. Usually larger, charged up emotional reactivity arises from not only the reaction to the situation - but an inherent and unknown belief we hold that is ALSO being touched on. Addressing the (usually) false belief was the way I begun to deconstruct the emotions to a calmer state; calm enough to be able to assess them clearly. Really FEEL them, and not mask them with the fire of anger. I believe some of what you describe relates to alexithymia - which is common in men. But I would not slap myself with a diagnosis like this because it doesn't do to pathologize unnecessarily. The first step for me in this process was to allow all emotion/feeling. No suppression. Let the anger exhaust itself, and then ask again, after the fire was out, what was left? It took me a long time. 4 or so years of this process. Once I was able to identify the emotion/feeling - I then reverse engineered the feeling back to the thought - where did the feeling come from? What thoughts came up with it? What part of the situation am I judging or showing attachment to? Interestingly, and it may not be the case for you, many of my feelings of anger were rooted in shame. Shame for being who I am. Not allowing myself to be without fulfilling some function. Not being 'right' inside. The 'shame' belief is very common. The feeling reaction of shame, then anger, is rooted in the belief 'I am wrong' - as in, I am fundamentally wrong or broken in some way. Anger arises because we have the conflicting thought 'No, wait, I am not wrong!' counter to this shame/belief. This naturally results in shame/guilt spirals. Shame being 'I am wrong'. Guilt being 'I did the wrong thing'. Again, it is not the same for everyone. I speak of myself here. My own observations have revealed some emotions are generated from thoughts, and some arise from unconscious beliefs. Some are pure survival instinct. Thoughts can arise from emotions/feelings also. They arise from many sources - inquiry will reveal the truth of them. Overall our attachments, desires and aversions, usually operate to ENHANCE whatever feeling is present. You will need to inquire into attachments you have. Which happens naturally as part of truth seeking. Regardless, emotional work and inquiry is not prioritized enough. The long and short of my answer is; emotional/feeling enquiry & deep allowing of said feeling/emotion. Deep inquiry. To the level you inquire into the self regarding truth. Or ontology. Or phenomenology. Emotions and feelings are the greatest part of this work that is overlooked; how can we know truth if our own emotions could be clouding our vision in ways we cannot perceive? This is the other side of the coin - the feminine path. This compliments the heady cerebral masculine spiritual truth seeking. Both must come together. Yin/yang. How can we ever be clear regarding our beliefs and biases, if we aren't even aware of the emotions infecting and tainting what we receive as 'truth'? These are my own insights I have through inquiry. Who knows, I may be totally wrong. Emotions and feelings are so nebulous. Very difficult. I am still working on this aspect myself and claim no expertise

Yes boss, thank you boss Good to see your high quality posts of late!!

I joke I joke - smileys and laughs

Slurping up that nonduality juice from James all over the forum, I see. Rimjobs on all his posts

https://www.actualized.org/insights/lessons-from-being-a-public-figure I think my own insights around reactivity do not nullify our internal reactions (ie thoughts/feelings). I react to criticism 'That is a nasty thing to say' 'This contains a provocatory attack on character, rather than addressing the point' 'This is a highly negative person'. I react with a thought assessment; I do not have a great emotional reaction unless I have some personal connection to the individual. Without a strong emotional reaction, I have space between my own thought and action because there is no judging response; merely a discernment 'This person is not for me' 'That is nasty'. I still feel emotions; but they do not grip me and have me by the throat. I am not compelled to act from this emotional space. Having this space between the thought and the action not being occupied with highly charged emotion/feeling is the key. It is possible to cultivate this sort of stoicism. Some people have this innately; for others it can be a learned trait when we stop tying our sense of identity to our thoughts, physicality or externality. I used to be highly reactive. Physically and emotionally. I worked on my identity attachments to bring out more authentic emotional and feeling expression without being so swept up in the experience. Prior to this I had less feeling/emotional discernment; I would become so charged up my emotions felt like a big soup. I wasn't able to bring nuance to a particular feeling. I would simply have a huge reaction 'charge' with little clarity. Anger was my most commonly felt emotion/feeling - but it was mostly a mask for other, more nuanced internal reactions, which were far more subtle. You want to reach a state where you can feel these subtle shifts. Everyone's experience with their emotions/feelings and reactivity will be different. Nature / nurture have their own parts to play. In the end, it is about changing our relationship to emotion/feeling. Spirituality did this for me, as a by-product.