Natasha Tori Maru

Do you think having a lover will enable you to delve deeper into consciousness? In friction with another, personal truths are revealed. Intimacy can reveal your own truth, as your own self-perception is always fucked in some way. My biggest moments of 'Wow, I am a piece of shit' have been in relationship. This has always raised my consciousness.

@Puer Aeternus I like your vicarious bliss! In the end its arriving at the same place, but walking different directions around the circular track of life. Just maybe one gender has that dick rudder involved

Yes for sure, once they get over my initial appearance. Appearance has always been a big hurdle for me. I am not beautiful at all, but I think... striking? would be the correct term. So I would be attracting men who value this highly. But I do not want to be valued for my appearance. I want to be valued for my character and attributes. The struggle lies in waiting for men to see who I really am, as they tend to project a fantasy onto me based on what I look like. It takes a long time for them to see me for who I really am. This comes down to my own fault also, as I was not discerning enough with previous partners. Additionally, while I style myself how - I - like, this is attracting someone who values that. So I dig my own grave there. But for attraction to be maintained for me, the man has to be operating on a similar level. I've found mature men in the older age brackets tend to value markers for someone that really looks after themselves: fitness, self care, emotional work and stability. They no longer value attributes that were unearned. Youth isn't as highly valued as it is just a phase we all go through. It catches the eye, and is admired. But it fades. All people must face this. As you age up the playing field begins to level out more. My own unique pathology is more around competence. I was handed so much, and given so much, so many doors of opportunity were opened PURELY because of my appearance. It made me SICK. To see the concessions made. How much nicer people were to me, simply because of appearance. As a result I drilled down hard on competency, and really threw myself into everything I do to master my abilities. I was lucky that I was gifted in artistic creativity and also intelligence. But in the back of my head was this horrible running program 'You are here in this position because someone likes your appearance, not because of how competent you are'. What a reverse mindfuck ay? But that was my issue for the first phase of my life. I was pretty emo and nihilistic as a result. How unfair the whole game is.... unattractive people get totally dicked. My heart gets broken over and over again for anyone who wasn't lucky enough to be born looking a certain way... shattering. But this lead me to work hard. Earn my position. Hone intellect. Read. Challenge myself. Face fears. I have no regrets. As for finding a mature women who has their shit together? Jesus, I have no idea. I'd imagine hobbies would be a good one. I flat refuse dating apps. I refuse to engage in something that commodifies and whittles me down to pure appearance to gain interest. I suppose you would find a women who appreciates the type of consciousness work done here on meditation retreats, book clubs, engaging hobbies. Nature. Hiking. If there was ever an actualized.org meetup (or similar), I'd imagine some opportunity would lay there.

He certainly didn't deconstruct that aggression 🫠 😂

I think for many people with trauma bonding tendencies and attachment wounds, mature people get screened out as 'boring', 'no chemistry'. I tend to give people a lot of time, as what is on the outside, and what they present initially, are totally different to what is within. I do not trust intense chemistry. It blinds me to compatibility. But I am a freak example as I really only give a shit about someone's mind. Their brain. Can they keep up with me? I run circles around a lot of people, and I need to be able to really talk about concepts and reality. Mechanics and driving forces. Of course there are other factors, these are just my top values. And yes you could say I have some arrogance, but I think I just have a good idea of what my capabilities are through a lot of experience. I am sure I would come across as boring to most, initially. But I am happy with that as I would want to screen for maturity. Someone who can actually deal with truth. And challenge me and my thought process.

Hahaha he probably hears a turd from a kangaroo drop, and next minute he's there looking for the crop circle it generated

Self help industry is literally leveraging peoples pain and selling them a solution. The people who are drawn to self help are vulnerable. Worst position to be in. Strolling into the water, bleeding from open wounds, asking for crocodiles to help you. Crocodiles masquerading as sugar-gliders here to soothe what ails you. Not to mention they all spin the same 'I have a book' scheme, which we all know is the new marketing slop. 20 years ago either I wasn't aware of the extent of the self help industry dogturds, or it was higher quality

This cock rudder analogy is getting out of control 😂 Cock n balls steer the way!

Holy shit I can even hear his weird accent and see his shit eating grin. The intro, the sales pitch, 'the most profound revelation yet'. Then the nothingburger that hits like a wet noodle.

Possible root cause is that prior to feminism, women didn't have to pay as much attention to these aspects. The men taking the larger brunt of the responsibility in these arenas. You could also raise - who created the system of men taking on the umbrella of survival and material needs? Men. But then again, did they create it, or was the burden always there since they shouldered natural power? Intertwined is the past history of women's subdugation, which points to men creating that system and hating the system at the same time. It's hard to blame anyone

Brah got rated a 3 on SOMEONES SUBJECTIVE VALUE SCALE and went crying to the internet. His voice is wavering and shit as he retells the story. He is very hurt

@Princess Arabia You got the jukes and have solid points, but with regards to @Hojo I would call it a day. Their mind is so infected with pill ideas, the insidious loops they jump through are completely logical to them. The twisted part is, there are some logical truths interwoven in the mess. Also, whoever they are they have zero experience in the real world

'You gave me the blue-balls in Atlantis and I've been trying to cum ever since' 'Oh my god I been tryin' to bust this nut since Egypt' fucken DEAD WHY are these peckerheads always reincarnated gods and queens!? Always some grand important historical figure. Like that is going to validate some twisted situation they put themselves in. Looking to inject meaning into anything. She raises some good points regarding 'being enough'. It's never about your partner not being enough. It's about the blockage in you, or the lack that YOU have inside. Obviously, Aubrey self-betrayed when he reversed his stance on polyamory, and the result was he later tried to engage in it again and shit on everyone involved. Even the fact they got engaged so quickly indicates to me their trauma bonds were triggered when they met (blindly following emotion), resulting in Aubrey deleting his opinions/values. What sort of a vetting process is that for marriage? They both had no idea who they were or what they wanted before going in. She hits it on the head regarding the new age spirituality movement always trying to invalidate negative feelings by inserting the narrative 'You're just not conscious enough'. Oh Leo, you're personal boundary is not to tolerate cheating? Well, you just aren't conscious enough!' The narratives inserted that serve to twist personal agendas...

+1 Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by service to self.

It could be how I view it also - I see sex as an act and expression of love from a man to a woman. Love he is giving to her, in a language he himself understands. This is interpreting the act given in a totally non-transactional way. For real lovemaking is when you are genuinely concerned with the pleasure and satisfaction of your partner. The cure for a mans terrible day can be in the act of lovemaking. Emotions and feelings for the man, flow out from the act. Whereas the cure for a womans terrible day can be in emotion as the currency (talking/feeling). Sex flows from the feelings/emotions, for the woman. 2 different languages coming together to meet in the middle. Both arrive at intimacy, simply from different paths. Yin/Yang.

Interesting. In my experience the path to most men's feelings has been through sex.

@Santiago Ram You might find that discipline will come without force when you really find the truth of what you value and go after it. If you are having trouble applying yourself to something, it means there is no joy or pleasure in the process. Discipline becomes the pleasure when you pursue meaning. That meaning has to be found, and when it is - you unlock the power to be a discipline machine If you still cannot attend to agendas with discipline, you will need to probe deeper as there is a truth unrevealed. It is a big signal you need to enquire further within. For example, I was a lazy POS for a lot of my life. Shortcuts. Path of least resistance. At the truth of it was; I was quite nihilistic behind it all. Nothing had meaning, so I lacked all discipline. You find your meaning, and even just doing the dishes isn't a chore. Because if you do those dishes, your mind won't dwell on it. You will have the dishes ready for the next meal. Because you need to have shit ready for when you require it, so you can commit with all you got to the meaning you are pursuing. You don't want thoughts like 'I didn't do the dishes' sprouting in your mind to interrupt your process.

But with accurate and honest interoception you will find men can facilitate growth just as much as women. Have you not experienced this within relationship? The men I have been with have been powerful. Powerful catalysts for change. This could go back to the type of men who I have been with. I tend to go for power, even when it is not good for me. I also very, very honestly attend to the learning experiences within relationship. I would be dishonest with myself, and quite arrogant, to think I facilitated more growth to another, than accurately seeing the growth that went both ways. Pain is always involved. Value is an individual preference. If we are speaking absolute - all beings have innate value. But in terms of relationships between men and women, it is deeply personal. Why would the amount of sex a woman has make her value go down? Are you sure that isn't your own personal feeling? In terms of the 'prize' argument - well again it is what you value. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. You are going to see a prize in one of those statements.

Yeah fucken, hell yeah. This has always been the way for me.

mic drop

I'll rewind my initial statement and agree with that. I can't know what is good for the person or not. Shit, I keep getting caught up in believing that! Lovely arrogance there. I was broken as fuck and already immersed in spirituality due to upbringing. I didn't have much choice. Being fundamentally unhealed and embarking on that path - you bring unconscious beliefs into the mix.

Much to my chagrin, I agree broken people shouldn't go near spirituality. Hate admitting this. They simply end up transposing all their hidden, internal broken dialogue into it. They invest in it and it becomes a religion to them. It becomes a bandaid narrative for other internal issues. They seek spirituality in an attempt to heal or ease their suffering. Rotton roots need tending before you swing from the top of the tree of truth. Or the whole thing is going to come down and land on you. And you will end up in a worse place than when you started.

I was taught as a child meditation acts to train you to be able to engage in mindfulness. Meditation essentially lowers the barrier of entry to mindfulness. Mindfulness: The quality of attention. Meditation: The practice that cultivates that quality. Like exercise: you want to keep a regular routine. Maintain muscle or fitness. If you don't, you are going to gas out quickly, or not be able to access the abilities at all.

I watched this yesterday. I almost can't follow the topic anymore because everything is a nothingburger.

@Puer Aeternus Which are actually fair points! Sex drive changes for some, less for others. But it is threaded within the tapestry of our experience. It circles back to knowing yourself, insight. Maintaining that connection to yourself with conscious awareness. You will grow, you will change. What you value will rise up - and in your example, that could happen alongside valuing consistent and novel sex. And as your nursing home example encapsulates - sex doesn't just end as you get to an age (as my anecdote and what I experienced relays). The trials and tribulations of relationship to others. One quote from my ex 'The mind is willing, but the body can't keep up' with regard to his sex drive. The thoughts remain; the drive is there. I thought the example might be interesting for others here, as it is an example of a man in a power position. He had a wide option pool of women. But the things he valued changed. And he was caught off guard. He was left alone, with no one. The body gets to a position where it just cannot function the same. Typically, you're going to experience a crisis of values. Just like when a woman ages and her pool of options suddenly becomes very narrow. I just want people consumed with this 'top .1% of men' hierarchy issue to realize that if you project some of these lifestyles forward in time - there is very little critical thinking involved. Which shows lack of consciousness. Anyone at the top of the hierarchy also has to deal with falling from it - which is an additional ego death lower rung people may never have to experience. As Leo says, it's a shame more people don't go down the path of honesty, truth, consciousness. Because hey - there may be more people out there able to engage in conscious polyamory. Conscious open relationships. I admit through all of this, my perspective is inhibited because I cannot possibly ever know what it is like to experience the sex drive of a man. My mind goes more toward building a sustainable life. Not getting distracted by comparison. If you approach something with this perspective of lack - you are creating that void inside yourself.