Natasha Tori Maru

Good conversation, good brain food. Much appreciate

Thanks, indeed you also! Your prose has excellent pace and structure. When you read it, the cadence helps illustrate your point as it has a pleasing rhythm Unless you are frustrated - then it is a staccato explosion

A fuckton, chronic blow-my-brains-out to escape life amounts. By the time he went chronic with it... consistently for 4-5 months would be my approx He was 32.

Yes I agree, it's just a model I currently use to try to understand feelings as a process and system. They exist, they have an energetic pattern to them, yes. Are they useful for survival? Absolutely. I feel there is some confluence & coherence between feelings, their purpose, and God. But I admit its just something I purely intuit. I need to think on this more

Yep, they stabilized him enough to begin coming back down to reality. Around 8 months of anti-psychotics and abstinence from all drugs They absolutely TRASHED his body though. Destroyed his muscle mass (wastage and atrophy) and he put on a profound amount of weight.

Do you think maybe it would be better to define the act of observing beauty as not the feeling itself - but your response to it as the feeling? IE observing the beauty is the action, and the feeling of joy and pleasure is the feeling 'reaction' ? I think I am caught trying to understand you as beauty isn't a feeling to my knowledge

Tracking back to the schizophrenia topic directly - this is my anecdote from my experience with my ex who went through it (if any are interested): It started with hearing odd things within sounds, and progressed steadily from there until experiencing full auditory command hallucinations. So, as an example (which he commonly reported), the sound of a drain gurgling. He would often ask me 'did that sound just like, say something? It sounds like children laughing when the drain empties, can you hear that?'. He would fixate on listening to the specific sound, analyzing it every time. It went from 'laughter sounds' to 'someone mumbling' to 'someone talking'. Right before he went to speak to a professional and start medication, these 'sounds within sounds' had jumped out to be independent voices telling him to do things. Checking the windows and blinds was a common command hallucination where the voices told him there were people about. Constantly opening and closing the blinds. Interrupted sleep to check the blinds.... The above was a similar story regarding visual hallucinations - where he would catch something in the corner of his eye. Soon he was seeing cockroaches flitting about. Shadows turning into animals - which in the same progression as above, moved to an animatronic dog that spoke to him constantly. I had no idea how to deal with this other than to be there with him, and constantly repeat 'I know you see that L, and its real for you, but I want you to know I am here also, and I don't see that'. I don't know what his full direct experience was like, but these were how his symptoms manifested and grew until they interrupted his ability to function. By the end he was terrified he wouldn't get his sanity/normal brain function back. It didn't help his doctor's answer to the above was 'We really don't know, some people recover, some never' This was from cannabis.

For myself I think of thoughts as an electrical pattern of energy, a nerve pulse that has a frequency. That frequency in the brain creates a field, which gives rise to the emotion. I use the analogy of an electrical toroid wire with a current applied: we know a current passed through a wire induces a force called magnetism. So in the above example - the thought 'electric current' arises, which induces an emotion 'magnetism' that has a polarity. The magnetism or 'emotion' in the body has very real effects: blood pressure can rise or lower, heartrate, breathing etc. This emotion will effect your state, and what you draw or push away from you. As I cannot clearly define a thought or emotion, I find this analogy to work so far to understand the mechanism of feelings as a system. By understanding these emotions are like magnets, they will attract me to what I require through their polarity. God wants to experience itself through me, as I am the fabric of existence. So love, as a feeling, a magnetic polarity, draws me to everything, connects. I am in love with existence, so I draw the entirety of the universe through, and of me. The feeling is the connection. To be so in love with the moment and existing as to feel all, have all emotions. Embody God. I should add that lesser emotions that do not have the same power level of love, as they do not always unify, definitely have a role in survival, as our existence is a system

They are clean in the sense of being sterile, as infection control is an entire department that comes in and assess areas we fit out as part of commissioning. But clean in terms of smells and scents as per @integral's definition in relation to his triggers? No way. Smoking is a huge example - many mentally ill people still regularly smoke in acute adult mental health facilities. The nurses hold onto their smokes and dispense them at regular intervals under struct supervision. It's rather well known nicotine assists in keeping these patients stable as it is a powerful dopaminergic drug. I have witnessed these conversations almost every time we have been to these facilities. 'WHERES MY SMOKES, I NEED MY SMOKES' On the floorplan of a big refurb we did, there is an outdoor courtyard dedicated to this. These patients walk straight back into the ward, carrying these smells

No, love is a feeling and an emotion to embody

@samijiben It is a disservice and insult to Leo's work to engage in trolling like this. ignored

You haven't given my proof any thought

Haha, It is more that I find maths useful to clearly and logically express a deduction in reasoning without any fluffy language that can be misinterpreted. I still think what I wrote is true, and I am very open to it being disproven. I don't mind being incorrect

I'm trying to understand. Truth =/= Feeling Love = Feeling Love = God Therefore, Truth =/= God

Keen to hear the answer here also. Mainly because I experience all as vibration, frequency, energy. So I can integrate feelings into this experience easily as they are another frequency. Confluence & coherence are the reasons for matter arising in this reality, all lit up with the energy of god. So making something happen is a matter of increasing coherence of a system. So god is everything, everywhere. I am merely the manifestation of this coherent system of energy, frequency and vibrational alignment. The energy of the absolute creating my experience is made up of the very fabric of reality itself. Consciousness gives rise to matter in its slow, concentrated vibration.

Are your cuticles fucked up and brutalised? Dead skin build-up and overgrowth like an evil fungal infection? I've got the treatment for you! Step 1: Soak with Blue Cross cuticle remover Step 2: Gently use cuticle sticks to push cuticle and rub away dead skin Step 3: Moisturise with Jojoba Oil I have tried many different ways of managing cuticles, this has been the best by far. I learned this from nail-techs & advice from online. I did go through a phase of literally cutting them down with a v shaped tool, however all this did was cause them to return like fucken weeds with dragon armour. I do my own nails as I enjoy the process so much, I never pay for it to be done. This works great for feet also! The Cuticle Remover is basically a depilatory, so it will dissolve any dead skin and leave a renewed surface.

I think there is a pattern of behaviour to recognise with this man. He has continually treated the women around him like objects, brood mares, rather than emotional human beings. I do believe there has been an ongoing battle between Elon & Grimes, the musician, regarding custody and payments. Grimes is adamant she wants her children off social media completely. Elon is clearly not respecting her wishes, using X as a public shield of innocence in the metaphorical sense, and literal. There was also an incident recently where X was quite sick, and Elon was using him as a manipulation tool. He refused to pass on critical information. I haven't read the thread here in its entirety, so this may have already been discussed. His treatment of his estranged daughter Vivian is something to note, also

In my personal experience, you get to this point where you feel like you need to be high to enhance any activity. It becomes the constant in life that underpins every event to make all activities less boring. 'I need to be high for this' It ends up backfiring and working against you. It robs you of the ability to get on with the cotidien nature of reality, and your tolerance for boredom is decreased. Say goodbye to your appreciation of the small things, of just being. Nope, gotta be high for this ... Not good

Need to take into consideration the real toll growing and giving birth to a child has on your body also. Kids alter your body & mind in a irreversible way. It's a sacrifice.

@LifeEnjoyer @integral It is good you got out with lucidity. I recently worked on a fitout of a hardcore mental health lockdown ward at a hospital. For acute mental health care. The things I saw while working there... turbo level volatility. The schizophrenics that were checked in from weed psychosis would turn on you in the most unexpected ways. I'll never forget the man who came at me for some measuring I think I had to do, accusing me of stealing 'all my fucking black jelly beans' because I was in his temporary bedroom. Apparently later that day he smeared his shit all down the walls while speaking to 'the shadow people'. We had security details with us when we went to the ward to do any works. I have close family who have also experienced amphetamine psychosis. I'm not sure what the care system is like for psychotic patients in the US, but here in Australia is a shitshow. Pump you full of meds and send you on your way. Its just a triage system, no proper long term care. Not surprised @integral, you had to resort to trail and error. It goes to show we really do not fully understand mental health. The system of the brain and body is so complex...

I've had a lot of experience with cannabis. I have since totally quit. I got sick of feeling foggy, and appreciate the precise clarity of mind sobriety brings. I do not have an addictive personality, so it was never a crutch. I never had any adverse affects. My sister, however, experiences full panic attacks at the smallest toke. My ex, also, was triggered into full psychosis - he required heavy medication to stabilise him. My brother also has experienced some psychotic symptoms. It is a heavy substance that isn't given the full respect it deserves. The biggest issue I have seen from individuals who do not enter psychosis: a total inability to emotionally regulate themselves. Without cannabis (or even with) they seem to fly off the handle very easily, and are overwhelmed by emotional states. This, combined with the rumination cannabis can lock you in, leads to paranoia. Very rapid emotional cycling is another common one. @integral So much compassion for your struggles, I stayed with and lived with an ex who went through psychosis induced by weed use. He just wanted his brain to be normal again I appreciate the post. Caution.

Bump for content - feed me These images are delicious!

I have not tried Holosync. I have progressed through the Gateway Experience to focus 12. I feel at this stage I could go further, however I appreciate taking my time. I like to let things cook in my lizard brain for a while, as I tend to find I integrate concepts in a rapid manner (intellectually), but my body takes more time. I simply repeat the tapes over and over and over. I didn't move on from the first wave for 2 months. I like to go slow I have had several experiences within the process that were so unexpected - one being an awakening triggered out of no where that has stayed with me in presence ever since. The tapes have enhanced my focus. Everything is sharper. Reality now feels like a simulation. It is very clear, and totally evident to me, I am everything experiencing this reality in my tiny feminine body. I am the universe experiencing itself through this body. In this knowledge, you understand consciousness gives rise to the brain, to matter, to the fabric of reality. I've been applying this knowledge and focus in my construction work, and energetically towards assisting those around me. I have been very, very successful. Everything is just energy, and it is my job to put it into a cohesive format so that it is useful. I visualise 2 sine waves overlapping or the point of a graph where the 2 lines meet. This is the cohesion of energy I aim for. I like to visualise it in a mathematical manner as for myself, maths is a discovered, universal language. I took it to 3rd year university. I think of matter as just energy in a slow, dense vibration. But matter is still energy vibrating. Think about a bench - you can place your hand on it. You could put your hand through it if your energy was a match, as the bench is mostly empty space. Consider the atoms that make up the bench - mostly empty space. If your energy is cohesive (slow, dense) enough you could match the energetic frequency of the bench. You could put your hand through the bench like an anvil of force. Think of the energy of a growing forest - the grass' energy is all cohesive as one, so that it can achieve its process of photosynthesis. All the elements working together, as one, else that shit ain't gonna grow! The thoughts you have, the words you use, they also have a sound, a geometric pattern. They have energy, and when you feel, think and do in alignment you achieve what you will. These geometric forms arise from sound, and often when I have taken psychedelics in the past, these geometric 'thought' forms become real. That is happening all around you. All the time. Only the gut-punch of a psychedelic chemical brings them into your conscious perception. However, it comes with a cost to the nervous system. I use the tapes to focus myself, and engage in a state of total energetic cohesion. I can only do this when I have an outcome I want to achieve, as the energy needs a direction. But the tapes have helped me synchronise all these things. The gateway process was the link that let me embody & integrate the awakenings psychedelic opened me to. The chemicals felt like opening the door, and the sound process of the tapes feels like the path I need to take. The tapes do highlight breathing, as this is one of the only autonomic processes we as humans have control over, to alter our state. I do a combination of listening to the tapes in motion (walking) & laying down. Body asleep, mind bright. Awake. With the above, has come a rather obscene amount of body energy. I have found this difficult to contain. For this reason also, I go slow. I have experienced much more than the above. I would love to hear if anyone else has had any similar sort of experience <3

The priority placed on physical appearance tends to decline with age. As you mature this evolves My grandmother used the adage 'a beautiful woman dies twice' as a warning. Always invest in your attributes that aren't looks based. As a woman, when your looks fade, if you haven't grounded yourself in other areas, this loss is traumatic. Thank you very much for your post @Emerald 🙏

You're just reinforcing what I said. Implying the presence of the skirt decision related to her being assaulted. Miss-attributed responsibility