Natasha Tori Maru

It could be how I view it also - I see sex as an act and expression of love from a man to a woman. Love he is giving to her, in a language he himself understands. This is interpreting the act given in a totally non-transactional way. For real lovemaking is when you are genuinely concerned with the pleasure and satisfaction of your partner. The cure for a mans terrible day can be in the act of lovemaking. Emotions and feelings for the man, flow out from the act. Whereas the cure for a womans terrible day can be in emotion as the currency (talking/feeling). Sex flows from the feelings/emotions, for the woman. 2 different languages coming together to meet in the middle. Both arrive at intimacy, simply from different paths. Yin/Yang.

Interesting. In my experience the path to most men's feelings has been through sex.

@Santiago Ram You might find that discipline will come without force when you really find the truth of what you value and go after it. If you are having trouble applying yourself to something, it means there is no joy or pleasure in the process. Discipline becomes the pleasure when you pursue meaning. That meaning has to be found, and when it is - you unlock the power to be a discipline machine If you still cannot attend to agendas with discipline, you will need to probe deeper as there is a truth unrevealed. It is a big signal you need to enquire further within. For example, I was a lazy POS for a lot of my life. Shortcuts. Path of least resistance. At the truth of it was; I was quite nihilistic behind it all. Nothing had meaning, so I lacked all discipline. You find your meaning, and even just doing the dishes isn't a chore. Because if you do those dishes, your mind won't dwell on it. You will have the dishes ready for the next meal. Because you need to have shit ready for when you require it, so you can commit with all you got to the meaning you are pursuing. You don't want thoughts like 'I didn't do the dishes' sprouting in your mind to interrupt your process.

But with accurate and honest interoception you will find men can facilitate growth just as much as women. Have you not experienced this within relationship? The men I have been with have been powerful. Powerful catalysts for change. This could go back to the type of men who I have been with. I tend to go for power, even when it is not good for me. I also very, very honestly attend to the learning experiences within relationship. I would be dishonest with myself, and quite arrogant, to think I facilitated more growth to another, than accurately seeing the growth that went both ways. Pain is always involved. Value is an individual preference. If we are speaking absolute - all beings have innate value. But in terms of relationships between men and women, it is deeply personal. Why would the amount of sex a woman has make her value go down? Are you sure that isn't your own personal feeling? In terms of the 'prize' argument - well again it is what you value. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. You are going to see a prize in one of those statements.

Yeah fucken, hell yeah. This has always been the way for me.

mic drop

I'll rewind my initial statement and agree with that. I can't know what is good for the person or not. Shit, I keep getting caught up in believing that! Lovely arrogance there. I was broken as fuck and already immersed in spirituality due to upbringing. I didn't have much choice. Being fundamentally unhealed and embarking on that path - you bring unconscious beliefs into the mix.

Much to my chagrin, I agree broken people shouldn't go near spirituality. Hate admitting this. They simply end up transposing all their hidden, internal broken dialogue into it. They invest in it and it becomes a religion to them. It becomes a bandaid narrative for other internal issues. They seek spirituality in an attempt to heal or ease their suffering. Rotton roots need tending before you swing from the top of the tree of truth. Or the whole thing is going to come down and land on you. And you will end up in a worse place than when you started.

I was taught as a child meditation acts to train you to be able to engage in mindfulness. Meditation essentially lowers the barrier of entry to mindfulness. Mindfulness: The quality of attention. Meditation: The practice that cultivates that quality. Like exercise: you want to keep a regular routine. Maintain muscle or fitness. If you don't, you are going to gas out quickly, or not be able to access the abilities at all.

I watched this yesterday. I almost can't follow the topic anymore because everything is a nothingburger.

@Puer Aeternus Which are actually fair points! Sex drive changes for some, less for others. But it is threaded within the tapestry of our experience. It circles back to knowing yourself, insight. Maintaining that connection to yourself with conscious awareness. You will grow, you will change. What you value will rise up - and in your example, that could happen alongside valuing consistent and novel sex. And as your nursing home example encapsulates - sex doesn't just end as you get to an age (as my anecdote and what I experienced relays). The trials and tribulations of relationship to others. One quote from my ex 'The mind is willing, but the body can't keep up' with regard to his sex drive. The thoughts remain; the drive is there. I thought the example might be interesting for others here, as it is an example of a man in a power position. He had a wide option pool of women. But the things he valued changed. And he was caught off guard. He was left alone, with no one. The body gets to a position where it just cannot function the same. Typically, you're going to experience a crisis of values. Just like when a woman ages and her pool of options suddenly becomes very narrow. I just want people consumed with this 'top .1% of men' hierarchy issue to realize that if you project some of these lifestyles forward in time - there is very little critical thinking involved. Which shows lack of consciousness. Anyone at the top of the hierarchy also has to deal with falling from it - which is an additional ego death lower rung people may never have to experience. As Leo says, it's a shame more people don't go down the path of honesty, truth, consciousness. Because hey - there may be more people out there able to engage in conscious polyamory. Conscious open relationships. I admit through all of this, my perspective is inhibited because I cannot possibly ever know what it is like to experience the sex drive of a man. My mind goes more toward building a sustainable life. Not getting distracted by comparison. If you approach something with this perspective of lack - you are creating that void inside yourself.

All valid points. A man (or woman) can choose to not commit to one person and endlessly wet their dick. Sexual novelty is really important to a lot of men. The reason I don't judge that decision is 1) it is actually a decision, and 2) who am I to decide what is good for that person? The issue for me is lack of foresight. Theres an assumption personal values are static. Sure, it may be good to be non-committal in the moment, indulge in hedonism. But let's tack on 50 years. Now you're a geriatric, your sex drive is lower. Sometimes the peepee don't work, and it's like sticking a marshmallow in a coin slot. Recovery time from sex is no longer minutes - it's a week or more. Your cock isn't governing your decisions like it was, or, you are mature enough to tell it 'down boy' when needed. Suddenly you want just one woman, you want closeness, intimacy, kindness. Commitment. There is inherent risk with any decision in life - but you need to make it a calculated one. Decide. At least then you can't just sit back and cry, and make everything a pity party 'life was so hard on me'. No, you took a risk and it didn't pay off. You gave it a hell of a go. You were a man. You HAPPENED to life, it didn't just happen to you. This lack of foresight is woven in with many people. Whatever decision you make, you are going to miss out. That is just how life is. Compromise. I've personally been with a man who went through this transition. He is well known online, and locally. He could have any women due to the fame and power he has. He is 63 years old (yes a large age gap, but I don't do anything by the book). His value system completely changed in the time I was with him. I am not saying this happens for every man, but you need to assess what a life looks like for you without your dick being the rudder. BTW not talking to you directly Jannes, just expressing my views and experience.

Exactly - you are automating the processes that don't require executive decisions and creative direction. It's how AI should be used. Take it as learning, asses and change your productivity timelines. Get more done, make more $$$. It now leaves your life open to: persue other accomplishments you are interested in. Or invest the additional time into more work. There's no deception to me, just an adaption.

Interesting. This is what I see a lot of on this forum, and the internet at large: the attempt to try to divorce sexuality from the rest of life. It doesn't work, sexuality is the very essence of life. With men that have opportunities like the above (as with women), my personal view it's it's cowardly and flippant to not be decisive. 'The grass is always greener' is based on fear. Face that shit and choose. I respect that. Be decisive. Fact of the matter is most people have nfi who they are or what they want. So they have no confidence in their ability to select.

I know, it went dumb dumb. It was an interesting listen until he hamfisted his own beliefs into it. 0/10 try again

When I witnessed the above dialogue regarding running, it really made me aware of how much pleasure I take in discipline toward a goal. The meaning erases all the negatives of running. But then again, how could one ignore the pure bliss of cool, crisp air hitting your lungs? The joy of movement and energy coursing through your body? The feeling of sweat gently evaporating to cool you down? The adrenaline of the final push to conclude the run? Getting home, jumping in the shower & sitting down to a hot meal, feeling calm but energised. Ready for some focussed work.

This goes into the Dr's past a bit - starts approx 8mins in. It wouldn't be incorrect to surmise he was cherry picked to affirm Aubrey's premise. Not that these 2 subjects are linked. 'Yes men' tend to float around the outskirts of those with power. Trigger warning: Christianity, link for the Dr's history.

Absolutely - and thank you. Your questions really prompt me to think about what I am doing behind the scenes. Every time I encounter someone, in particular on this forum, the interaction prompts me to really assess my values, my internal process. Even my emotional responses. "Why am I being presented with this situation? What can I learn from it? And, more importantly, how can I use it in application to positively effect future outcomes?" I sort of dissect myself and others as a study. I love self-development, because I get to assess behavior and then figure out what I can do to skillfully influence the individual to grow in the direction that will help them. I do this with the people I work with in a professional environment to achieve shared goals. I do this with my family, with my friends, even lovers. I never order anyone around; I never use force. I use leverage. I work out the weak points in the system. Can I bend this rule? Can I break it? No one can escape my manipulations 😈 I can't do this with any benevolence unless I am always assessing what my goal is. But I do have to check myself, as there is some arrogance in me believing I know what is best for others. If I don't know what will help, I simply accept me listening without any intention to respond, will be help. Anyway, I digress - but this forum and the users sharpen me. So here is my belated appreciation of you as a poster Aurum, as you produce high quality content. Even if we are in disagreement

Many, many variables... Emotion, attention, brain chemistry (Vit D in this case), environment, memory, consciousness state. All effect time perception. Get some sleep my man so you can serve some more delectable thought biscuits !

It is my honor to inject as many colorful word combinations into my prose as I can muster! After all, I am trying to serve up some turds in the most appetizing way possible ദ്ദി( • ᴗ - ) ✧

I consider actions as the body language of truth. But I will add - actions should align with words. Words are on air, in paper, on a forum. Actions exist in that they impact people, systems & environments. And while words can have impact, they are a fart in the wind compared to action. Words can point to meaning, but its actions that create meaning. What you say and what do must align. This is when someone has congruency internally. Words can lie, but actions reveal. Just look at the turdfest that is reddit - it's full of words that postulate, flatter, or manipulate. Approval seeking, virtue signaling. Consistent action/behavior shows actual values, beliefs, and priorities. If we apply this discernment in seeking maturity and self-awareness in others, we need to watch their patterns of behavior. This requires time and experience with the person, but also objective observation - which can be difficult if you are emotionally immature/unconscious and looking for something ie confirmation bias. This can be why you will attract the wrong person into your life. That unconscious will control the trajectory of your life until you make it conscious. I don't want to know anything about a person's past. I want to see them now. Words can create a false sense of closeness - especially if you are expressing trauma, as to be 'seen' is powerful, and can accelerate bonding without truly assessing character. Beware of text - it gives the person time to craft a false identity in lieu of body language, tone and actions. Actions that show someone is conscious (not an exhaustive list): In argument, choosing not to react in anger. Care or service with no intention for it to be returned. Sacrifice. Owning mistakes quickly, no blame shifting. Saying no and not doing something without guilt - truth over approval. Delaying gratification - discipline. Following through with promises (words and actions aligning). And the biggest measure for character for me personally? Doing the right thing when no one's watching. Forgetting about the inconvenience of the action, but proceeding because it is RIGHT.

Honestly this is it though - it's an unending fucking turd fest. Its giving plumber mode. Every time one is found, I turn to find I am the dog shitting them out in a line. Only, I own myself, so I have to bloody bag them up! I suppose this is what we call responsibility

I didn't know Carl was studying neuroscience. I could be wrong, but in terms of neurotransmitters, my understanding was dopamine effects the internal clock. High dopamine speeds it up, low dopamine slows it down. Cortisol & adrenaline slow perception during high stress moments. Sleep & fatigue are interesting as they cause me to misjudge time completely. Minutes can feel like hours - or vanish entirely.

Infinity and God realization - for myself - was an experience. Temporary. It helps with understanding. But it has nothing on BEING. Which is why I think OP's question is valid, as God realization isn't clearly the answer for everyone. Spirituality to me is more about the journey of embodiment. Interoception. No external experience has the answer. Having an aim to be infinity, or the God head, seems counter intuitive to me. Dissolve all definition, when the point of all this is to experience the catalyzing reality of friction, contrast & comparison.

Definitely not saying this is true for you - but this was my experience until all my unconscious behaviors/issues were resolved. I had a relationship that was like being a dog and having my face rubbed in my own shit. And I mean a fucken horrible realization I was a complete piece of turd. After that, I just don't click with any of the sorts of previous partners I was with. I see unconscious behavior is almost everyone, and it's a big turn off. Attachment issues, trauma, father or mother issues. Addiction. Within a few weeks of knowing someone I can see the root issue from the pattern of behavior. Words don't mean shit to me at all anymore. I only look at action. This has led to my current state: foreveralone I am still seeking, but I am much more discerning than ever.