caspex

I am at a point where I am questioning once again what the fuck is going on. And I don't mean in this a rough way. It's a very calm way of asking what is happening? I used to ask this to myself a lot before as well. But now it has gone deeper than ever. I have recently had some realizations and I have been trying to live by them. Realizations like I am everything and nothing, etc. etc. Well really this gets me into more of the territory of "I don't know". I thought these realizations about no self and all is me, infinite love, everything is consciousness. etc. will be the end to the question to what is happening? But really these were the start because these realizations are me peeling the layers of concepts. And now I can finally start to inquire truly. And man honestly my mind is in this question. "What?". For once in my life I am feeling like there is this no point in describing what I am being. Because there is no way I can do that. Why am I even writing this? Hopefully to get some leads and further into this. Well ultimately I have to look inwards and find it for myself. But I find even looking inwards as a tricky thing. Because to navigate the inner plane there are so much twists and turns. You really gotta bend everything to reach places, I dont feel like I am writing this. If I read back it doesnt even feel I wrote it. I feel like my whole world has dismantled. I dont feel bad. I feel good infact. I have been deluding myself so much and still am. I wanna die. Not in a suicidal way. You know in what way I mean it. This is in no way the mental illness sort. 'I am" feels the same as 'Everything is" because everything is me. The idea of me isn't even real. Nothing and Everything feels merged. Only thing I know now is that I don't know. For the first time I genuinely want to know the truth. And not chase the 'end of suffering' or some 'bliss'. For the first time in this life I want to know. I want to know an answer to "What?".

Shiva

The second poem flew more through me than the first one. Both flew through tho!

"I got wet in this warm waterfall that originates from nowhere I surrendered to the pressure of this waterfall. I let go of myself and let the water move me wherever it likes I let it take me to the furthest of places, I closed my eyes Succumb, Surrender, Let go I let myself be, be one with it's flow. Than I let the river take me wherever I stopped worrying about hitting the rocks in the way, for there were none. I opened my eyes and looked at the the sky's magnificent stars Twinkling as the owls hooted and wolves howled in the forest around the river Even with this dance of sound, sight, feel and smell around me I found this stillness permeating through it all, peace. Nothingness dancing as something" I wrote another poem. I have a question. Is it ok to keep posting poems I write overtime here in this sub forum? Edit: I came up with another poem when walking around. Thought I should add it in here. "The owls hoot into the full moon, The wolves howl into the night sky. A certain silence lives in the vastness of this forest. I bask in it, I soak it in I let it seep into me, permeate me I sit, and be."

A poem journal in the journals sub forum would be nice I think

used to happen a lot with me too

My theory is that your consciousness states are like a elastic band. When realizing and seeing God, they are expanded a lot. But due to habit of being into the *normal* state, they eventually come back together back to what it was. With enough expanding and contracting, they can loosen up to be in the God state naturally. When expanded, that rubber band knows it is God. When contracted, it doesn't, but it still is.

could be something similar to getting close to a highly concious being and being sensitive enough to know it

I am very interested, Well you can start by telling us in this thread. Just getting it out to people helps a lot too.

I was on one of your streams the other day. I wake up too late and always miss your streams. Am Also in India but I wake up at like 12 pm lol. And your streams are always like 7pm. So I always miss em. Not asking to change your timings. Just saying.

Well the idea of there being an inner space called mind is just that, an idea. Really what you are doing is directing attention/awareness. You don't really arise your thoughts or intentions as well. They arise, your awareness goes to them. So ask yourself what is Attention? And how do thoughts arise?

this is no-brainer!

Well, there are a lot of theories and information out there about this. Personally I see this as a great opportunity to practice letting go if you are a frequent fapper. But what about all this energy stuff? And what benefits do you think it has onto the spiritual/self-actualization process?

Well how else are you planning to communicate

I think you can start by trying to being aware of each breath of yours during the whole day, then moving to being aware of blinking and after that your heart beat. Learning conscious sleep could also help. ....That said. I haven't actually done any of those lol. But through intuition I know it is possible and helpful. I'll be practicing to do it too.

You right. Gotta take into account there is no you to begin with!. So YOU didn't even actualize it. It actualized on it's own.

well dreams also become that tangible. It is all you imagining life, but this is as real as it gets. This is where duality between imaginary and real collapses.

Hm I see, I was wondering what to do next. Looks like it is observe God

Have had similar experiences some months back, they are not that common for me.

Reality cant be a simulation because the ones simulating us in their computer would be IN reality. There can be as man layers to it as you want, but ultimately reality is groundless. And enquiring into the nature of existence inside a simulation or outside of it, is no different. A lot of things said in Law of One and from what I can gather from different teachings + my own realizations. It does seem like a simulation. A cosmic play. It can't be a game because there are no players. So it's just a play. Leela in hinduism it is called. So it does look like so, but at the same time, why would it matter? Only reason you want to find out is because it'll help add yet another layer to your identity.

Oh and also I don't think it's decrealization, atleast in my case, because i literally feel i am nothing yet everything at the same time. Also something exists but also nothing

I have been feeling this same way for some weeks too now. But I have been using my time pretty nicely by binging anime and writing poems. (I have nothing to do these days.) But I could also just sit down like that and wait for nothing. I am not particularly depressed. It's more like I am nothing. Not even nothing. I have also stopped meditating. And when I sit doing nothing, I fall into meditation as well. Nice to see a post i can relate too

It's funny how dumb we are to not see something so obvious for our whole life. Searching it from place to place. Hilarious

When you realize it's harder than your dick ok Idk why I wanted to say that I mean your dick IS it