caspex

(33 mins) Even though this is shameless self promo, I do feel this adds to forum. Therefore I am posting it here. Let me know if there's a problem.

@Breakingthewall ngl, I predicted that people will project this exact same thing on her. That's because I did the exact same thing after the first few videos I watched of her. But honestly, after closer inspection, there is no real way of knowing and that what I felt towards her was 100% just a projection. In fact, it doesn't even matter if our projections are correct, don't you think? All that matters is what comes out of that mouth.

What's your definition of yellow?

nice song

Don't give me the "That ain't gonna get you to liberation." I know. So, I want to see Auras and get into that general area. I am already trying to AP every night. Anyone here who is able to see auras and colors. Help me out please? All I have gotten from watching Teal Swan etc. youtubers is being able to see something colourless around the object/person/my body. That too only about a centimeter off the surface. No colors, nothing fancy. So if anyone can help me out with that.

Not me, but my parents were scammed. The manager of my parent's company did some shady stuff like taking money from clients but never telling us. Our business was about teaching how to do stock marketing and trading and other related stuff. This manager guy is actually part of a group of several hundred people that scam new business owners. Now among the clients who actually got scammed by the manager, they sent random lots of people from their group and started blaming it all on my parents. So naturally the ones who actually got scammed blamed us too in the mob mentality. Someone who had a newspaper editor as a friend, got us in the newspaper in the form of an article as well, calling us a fraud company. They also bribed the police in a separate state(Jammu and kashmir, India) (I live in Delhi, India), to come arrest my parents. Jammu Kashmir cuz back then that state had a more independent government from the central government, so police had most of the control, so easy to bribe, and get away with shady stuff. They took most of our money and got our bank account's freezed so we couldnt use money to help ourselves with legal matters like getting a good lawyer. It's been 3+ years, both parents still in jail. These people are able to evade law because of money, and they're just stalling the case. They really thought this out. At this point, all we have is a government lawyer and those aren't that good here. Now if I had to describe my parent's mentality which would have led to this, I don't know. I bet they had really thought this out and paid much attention to what they were doing, mainly because something similar has happened to them in 2008 as well. The scammers were just too good at what they do.(Not saying my parents were perfect at inspection, they must have slipped up in many places and ignored red flags) And these people are pure stage orange. They got both my parents incarcerated, didn't care that me(14 at the time) and my sister(3 at the time), would probably have to go to some institute to live where they keep children with both parents incarcerated, if not somewhere worse. tldr; a group of people who scam new successful business owners some how infiltrated my parent's company through jobs, and fucked us up from the inside, and then got away with all the law shit with money

@impulse9 I have already tried this, I can only see colourless aura, as I explained in the post. How to improve?

Tbh here in India, in old times they suggested starting spiritual work after you are 50, so I wouldn't say you are too late to the party

honestly having the same problem. I see the that when I don't do it, after about 2 days, I am able to be much more productive and have much more control over my life mentally. But at the same time, more and more sexual urges build up. It's even worse when I define a time like "every saturday", because in the anticipation, I end up relapsing halfway through anyways. part of me hopes i magically figure out a way to transmute this build up of sexual energy

A few months ago I really tried to understand the straight feminine perspective during meditation. After watching a few episodes of Teal Swan on masculine and feminine energies, and how they are attracted to each other, I started to get a little bit of an idea. I forgot how long it took me, but that night after meditating and trying for a while, I could say with 100% honesty that I was a woman. It was very surreal how I just changed genders. I wouldn't know how to describe it but I just became a girl. I observed it for a while, but I couldn't change back, which scared me a bit. However, after about 5-10 mins, I could change back into a man. I conducted a bunch more experiments like changing one side of my body into a man, and the other into a woman(took a while). Then communicating those two together and integrating them. Ever since then, my internal has always been something that isn't either a man or a woman. I mainly did this because at that time, I was trying to understand why someone would like sucking a dick(Being a straight male). But it escalated into turning into a straight woman. However, now I can actually see/feel(not fully) why males would be appealing on a sexual level. Problem is, I am only attracted to males when I am a female, and vice-versa. I cannot seem to understand how homo-sexuality will be appealing. Any help?

I'll try this

I don't need to understand it, I just want to.

when you feel the watcher, remember that it is also a feeling, existing like all others the watcher then may get pushed back, keep remembering it's just a feeling

try meditating after waking up. Turn on a fan or go hear the birds chirp. Keep your attention on that noise, keep bringing it back onto it. Whenever you feel like "Aw shit here we go again, that's another interest af thought", tell yourself these magic words "Just don't do it" and just don't indulge in the thought. Focus back onto the noise. Let the exterior enter through your ears and dissolve your interior. Try to occupy your hearing with outside noises, instead of the inner voice. If your thinking mostly occupies your ears(sound) then open up your ears to all the sounds outside and let it all inside your head through your ears, don't let your inner thoughts occupy any of that sound space. If your thinking also mostly occupies the visuals, open up your eyes, and let all the visuals flood into your head through your eyes. Don't let the visual thought take any space. Doing this, you may have an experience of total silence and peace. hold onto that and try to be in that again and again for as long as you can.

All of us have some sort of idea of where the next level for oursleves is. Sometimes we don't, but eventually we find it. In that we slowly create a model with labels etc. In our mind. Like first, ego mind then no mind then God mind etc. Whatever your personal model is, as you went through this journey, please share if you'd like. Also pls explain

After contemplating what @Gesundheit2said. I see that it's not actually that I love suffering. But that I think it's necessary. How do I deeply accept suffering? edit: but if I deeply accept it, won't it dissolve and disappear? Would that mean suffering is an illusion? Still can't get myself to say that tho because, there's a lot of things that can make me suffer. So what is THAT if not suffering? Nothing?

I also made a post about this some while back, but people got defensive

I think there are multiple reasons for it. One of the more boring reasons I have verified for myself is: The mind creates these 'feel-objects' with every situation, along with memories. That's why when you remember something, it's usually attached with the feeling you felt then, or is detached and you can notice that. Every memory has a particular feeling. And so does every action or angle of looking, etc. Brain reuses many of these feel-objects as you re-experience those things or similar stuff. But sometimes it forgets to attach the memory that says "I have used this feel-object before with a similar situation." So you feel that this feel-object is supposed to be new, but still feels so familiar. Knowing this, I can actually consciously induce a deja vu. However, this is only the case with most of my deja vus. I had had some where none of this applies. Which implies there are other reasons too. But this is the case with most of mine.

Probably basic survival stuff like eating and shitting, and going further spiritually and whatever other field they like, are the only challenges left. Which probably wouldn't even be considered challenges because they aren't.

Maybe you get angry at such people because you would hate yourself if you were like that? Also, ahem.. YASSS QUEEN ? SLAYYYYY ✨✨✨

I get you man. That's why I believe that too. But your head might be underwater. Pull it out and see the beauty of everything at large. Because I think you can see that we are just trying to find meaning when there is none. And "if only there was more between now and that inevitable loneliness". But there is no loneliness. Its all love. I don't claim to be someone who has embodied this love because I suffer a lot with that too. But everytime, love is the only 'thing' that makes me see it never mattered anyways.

I think that whole image of people being nothing behind their ego, and that being somehow scary is just a false image. You see, even if there was a soul layer, that's just adding one more layer. Now you can say, people are nothing behind their souls. But clearly you don't do that imagery when it comes to souls. So just don't do that with ego either. You can love those egos as much as you love those souls. Howcome adding a layer of souls makes it more comfortable? I think soul stuff is highly likely, but if having 'no soul' seems scary then that is social conditioning imo. What does 'soul' even mean to you except what you have been told by society? But it's still scary, right? Well if you see the love, it shouldn't be at all IME. It's not like traditional loneliness at all. Aloneness is just a fact, but love makes it all so worth it.