mandyjw

Can you imagine of all the things there are to want in the world and believe in yourself to the point of obtaining them, mansions, fame, etc, that if someone told you that you could transcend suffering that you'd actually really believe it was possible? Can you imagine a more entitled, ridiculous, high reaching, lofty goal than that? Suffering is the indication that something is off. We use our mental frameworks to avoid that guidance and then we call it suffering and we believe it to be inherent in life. We avoid the real message and ignore the suffering, assuming that we already know how things are, how we are, how other people are. You (Awareness) are not two separate things. So of course, you cannot look back at yourself and compare yourself in judgement because you are not two. Any thought or perspective that you hold that looks back on your Self and finds it lacking in anyway is not aligned with Truth or Love. You know this because it feels awful. But because we DON'T know this in our ignorance, we ignore it, and we call it suffering.

In the moment, there's alternate nostril breathing or various breathing exercises. I would also consider yoga, especially yin yoga if you can find the right postures for you, and also maybe massage. I think that regular practice of such things and especially meditation is key to having the tools right there when you need them or sometimes even preventing the response in the first place. Good luck!

That's how exercise and meditation already works. Go for a 3 mile run, you'll have a runner's high for hours. After a while running isn't short term suffering anymore.

@nistake I'm sure he just meant "gay" as in happy, because books make us all very gay.

@Leo Gura Two lamps are no longer innocent again.

I like the Lundberg Wild Blend Rice kind of rice, white rice makes me hungry and meh. I love apples, wild blueberries, green beans, spinach, zucchini, cucumbers, grassfed butter, sardines in moderation, celery juice in the mornings, oatmeal, pumpkin, carrots, sweet potatoes. Occasionally walnuts and brazil nuts.

I feel like I've been spending my life trying to get rid of myself. And that's the split and the original issue, I can't get rid of myself. Like Eckhart Tolle's awakening insight "I cannot live with myself anymore." Then, "What are there two of me, one that cannot live with itself?" To someone who is trying to self actualize, he knows he doesn't want to be where he is, and his hope is in the future. But sometimes you move so far away from your center or your Source that the hope for future is lost and the sense then becomes "I can't live with myself", "I want to kill myself". There have been a lot of nights post awakening that I've gone to bed and thought "I just want to fall asleep and never wake up." Also a lot of days of that I'm just so fucking grateful I could cry all day about what "I've" discovered and I feel like the possibilities could keep me living happily for thousands of lifetimes. Like Nahm says above so profoundly, there aren't two of you and so you cannot look back upon yourself and see yourself lacking in any way and not have it feel off. I've learned that none of thoughts when I feel off are worth considering. I try to remember to only pay attention to them when they feel good. Seem so simple, but I still forget and find myself where I don't want to be, (there are two of me again.) I made this visual to help me understand how this works and to wake up when it's happening and realize when I need to disengage from thought or make a conscious effort to move my thoughts up the emotional scale closer to the center. It also helps to make a list of things that raise your mood, (music, web comics, comedians, walk in the sunlight, look at art, etc), make the list when you feel good. When you notice your thoughts are self referential and feel bad, refer to the list, pick a thing and do it even if you don't feel like it.

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They are fun words for you because you grew up in a certain environment. If you grew up with God and the Devil as your main framework of life and reality they might have much heavier connotations. My mom actually suspected that Arnold Schwarzenegger was the anti-Christ when he ran for office. I laugh now, but it's no joke to grow up that way.

Also, very important if you eat roasted beets, do not be alarmed if your pee turns pink.

I sometimes have unrealistically high expectations for people and am short on patience with things that trigger me. I sometimes get so wrapped up in the flow of writing/reading here that I can't snap out of it quickly when I need to and do what I need to do. I sometimes project what I believe/assume about a person and make all kinds of crazy assumptions about them. Sort of like I thought Nahm was a woman for months but I do the same with pretty much every user. I then read what they say and interact through a filter of memory and bias and my emotional state at the time. Once I've seen your avatar/screenname, I've already judged you and already have expectations. Sorry.

This is how I cut them. Cut the whole thing in half length wise after cutting off the top. Then cut the halves in half again. Then cut out a strip for the core if you don't eat that part (makes your mouth hurt sometimes). Then cut off the peel from the quarters and slice.

Well, rejecting pain medicine would be "hard core". Pain medicine is not human, and not separate from you, but if you think Truth is hard core, I guess you better stick to what you think is hard core or you might miss it. Would be a shame if you missed out on an opportunity to suffer and had to suffer for it later. Man, how would you forgive yourself? Rough.

The entire story of your life was born out of inspiration, you are sheer inspiration. So when you align with inspiration no matter in what form it seems to come, the misunderstandings you had or traumas are seen from the author's point of view, which is inspiration. JK Rowling was inspired to impose Voldemort on Harry Potter. There is no Harry Potter. You are your own author. There is no authority. No imposition.

So if you ARE Consciousness, there's no conscious of yourself. Duality collapses. Self conscious doesn't just mean anxious and shy, it means you're conscious of yourself, which means you're thinking about yourself. So any thought you have of yourself is a self conscious thought. So for example, if I eat an entire chocolate bar and feel fat and like I have no discipline, I'm self conscious.

Don't dig. Go for your dreams, and focus on what inspires you most. Often when we do blockages come up and we may want to avoid them. Don't avoid, but keep going for what inspires you, seeing the world through eyes of love. When you're ready to look it head on you will, with eyes of love. That's how huge misunderstandings about ourselves are seen and let go of. We never solve problems by seeking them out because they never were "our" problems.

What's the difference between being conscious of yourself and being self conscious?

Well, if you put the devil up to the mirror it reads "lived". Or evil/live I guess the survival of the devil or the body is just all in what you think is being reflected.

Ok, so there aren't two of me. There's no self and others. I don't have a separate self. Ok. Not two. Got it. No me, yay! I was such a fucking bitch anyway, Glad I'm gone. Phew. Such a relief. Oh, ok, wait. Hold the phone. I'm the Devil now? And I have to stop being the Devil cause God wins and I want to win too. So I need to stop being the devil and be God instead. But the devil and God are two right? And I'm not two? So confused.

Have you tried gratitude journaling and affirmations? Also you can try setting a timer to focus on the task and then taking a break to do something you find really fun when the timer goes off.

What exactly do you mean by devilry? Why should devilry be avoided? What is there to gain by avoiding devilry?

One of the tendencies of religious beliefs is to demonize "the flesh" (term from Christianity), for example demonizing sexual urges, greed, gluttony, etc. This can often end up in the sense in someone that "I am bad", "I am a waste of space and resources" ( sometimes results in environmental activism), "I am dirty" and results in a general sense of shame and then a drive to work to overcome and prove oneself in various ways. Could be becoming famous, rich, highly esteemed, enlightened, whatever. "I" trying to rid myself of the problem of myself is the problem. Not the "I" of "the flesh" or the animal I tried to overcome in my belief that we were two separate "me"s, but my own disgust with my own self.

Have you tried stream of consciousness writing? Just writing whatever comes to your head, even if it's the word "fork" 200 times? Or going out for a walk or a run? Both of those techniques are great when you need to clarify your thoughts. I know it's tough because to identify what you need and to get help you have to be able to communicate it. Hope things improve soon, hang in there. Share more of what you're feeling or experiencing here if you can.