mandyjw

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Everything posted by mandyjw

  1. Write down what you want. No judgement. Journal out thoughts and feelings. Don't write a story of your life or your day, just spontaneously write. You can do stream of consciousness writing if you have a hard time writing freely. Use meditation to drop thoughts, connect with your breath, let go of tension and connect with your body. Don't force concentration. You do not fight every man you encounter in a crowd, you just weave through them finding the path of least resistance. Don't fight your thoughts. Don't label them low consciousness.
  2. Exactly why you focus on anything during meditation, to focus on it rather than the thoughts. To drop my focus on thoughts I only have to focus on something else. I'd play around with genuine wonder and curiosity about rather than determined focus. Time is a thought, so the experience that "the more time I spend concentrating on something the more effort it seems to require" is actually in fact indicating that you are resisting and believing thoughts more and more. As that thought arises now, and you focus on it, how does it feel? Based in time, a limitation, it's is not true. Yes, it all goes together. Negative emotion when not listened to chronically will eventually result in dis-ease. Thought would like to just shoot the messenger. Yes, we store emotions and tensions in the body, the grand design of actual physical muscle tension is good and not a problem, these emotional releases are much stranger and bigger than that, because... we aren't our bodies. Our bodies are a manifestation, manifestation is what comes late. Thoughts are manifesting, emotions are the indicator of what those thoughts are manifesting. The thought itself doesn't matter the emotion does. Because we are only aware now, feeling is what guides thought because to directly feel we must always be now. You came to think, explore, contemplate, but as we know, we can get lost in thought, and then it feels bad. We want to return home, like the prodigal son. Emotion, ultimately feeling, is always the way to clear the slate and come home. You're never without feeling, so when you think you are never without emotional guidance. It's what allows you the best of both worlds. Have your cake and eat it too. If I tease you and call you something insulting and you are feeling good and you know that I actually really like you, you'll maybe insult me back and our words will be horrible and a fun time will be had by all. If I'm doubting that you actually like me and I'm doubting myself and we have a disagreement and you call me some insult that triggers all that insecurity, I just became aware of something I had within me. I can shoot the messenger and blame you and continue to doubt myself, or I can go "home" and feel it and examine the thoughts. People who are experiencing negative emotion attract others who reflect it, just like the example of the car pulling out in front of me. If I hold in the hatred and the self doubt, rather than opening to feeling I "take it upon myself". All hatred is stored tension taken upon oneself. Thought says it's about another, outside, but it is all against oneself. This is why the "there are no others" pointer is not something that leaves you as some lonely god, but is the essence of love/feeling itself.
  3. It doesn't, the location in the body would be another after thought. Or it could be used to point someone to the actual sensation and drop the thoughts that are saying the negative emotion is rightfully caused by outside circumstances. Imagine I have a conversation that does not go my way and interpret it such a way that causes me to feel insecure, and then a lot of anger and blame. I'm driving later that day and my mind is wandering thinking about it, and I feel negative emotion. A car pulls out in front of me, slightly. They could have waited. I get REALLY angry and think it's because of the driver in the car. I'm already in this emotion and so my experience is already colored by it. It's reflected back to me. If I were instead to feel the direct sensation and express emotion, to realize the negative emotion is not because I've been wronged but because I'm thinking thoughts that don't resonate with who I really am, I would feel and release the emotion. I would not continue to see the world through that lens and therefore attract events and interpret as "me against the world." The idea of "my hand" is vastly different from the direct now sensation of my hand, in fact, the direct sensation is always something completely unique. See for yourself. You've got these wild fantastical ideas about what you are and who you are and how things are, and how emotions feel, and you've entertained them so long you even call them mundane. They are so wild and fantastical. All you know is knowing (verb), directly, now. That's all you've ever, ever had and you don't even really have it, it has you. Wild and fantastical ideas about what's "known" and what's mundane say otherwise. If you're going to have wild and fantastical ideas, by all means have fun with them. Write a children's book about a unicorn named George who goes through the drive through every night at 3AM for cheeseburger and a milkshake. But for God's sake, don't suffer for your wild and fantastical ideas. Don't pass them off as "mundane" and "survival" or whatever else. It's fleeting, unexpected and ephemeral. Don't call it anything. Or call it George and be conscious that you made it up on the fly. You see what's happening here? YOU CALLED IT A HAND AND FORGOT WHAT IT ALWAYS DIRECTLY IS. YOUR HAND. YOUR GODDAMN HAND. It was always in front of you, right under your nose. Not even, but closer, closer, closer, closer, than that. You think you're gonna get more understanding throwing in other concepts like physiological phenomena? Tension in the muscles? You're so insistent on using your mind, you forget you've never directly experienced a fixed thing called a mind. Never. All you have is thoughts, saying otherwise. The word "fork" loses its meaning if you write it out or repeat it long enough. It never had any inherent meaning. Language is magic. Sheer magic. It's George the unicorn. He didn't exist 20 minutes ago, now I'm very fond of him, even though he still doesn't exist. I've got George and you've got "understanding" and "mind". You're the one who is insisting to understand through language before he will directly explore feeling. Sit down to meditate for 15 minutes, breathe deeply, invite in pleasure, satisfaction and relaxation, feel the charge up and down your spine, Whatcha got outside of fleeting thoughts about it? What?
  4. There's a difference between refusing to feel shame, and therefore avoiding shame with thoughts (I am a spiritual person who feels no shame, etc) and being present/surrendering to the direct feeling. Directly in the present moment, outside of thoughts about me or others and what this feeling means about them, shame is not what we think it is. So you "should" feel what you feel, directly. There certainly might be thoughts and beliefs trying to secure or uphold an identity that you can drop though.

  5. What is wrong with me?

    mandyjw replied to actually's topic in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family

    @actually In my opinion it's a spectrum, and we all fall on it somewhere. So nowhere in particular is it "too" much, but sometimes people have so much disruption in their lives that they find much relief in having help with it. There's nothing wrong with you, contrary to your assumption in the thread title. Diagnoses can be freeing or limiting depending on how they are used and interpreted. If Abraham Hicks resonates with you, I think listening to her video clips on YouTube would really explain a lot of what you're experiencing and wanting to know about. Especially if you're wanting to apply this to more of your life than just social situations, which will in turn help and balance the social and dating aspects.

  6. What is wrong with me?

    mandyjw replied to actually's topic in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family

    There really aren't confident people, or extroverted people or shy people or insecure people. In any given moment you are in flow or out of it, resisting. Nothing wrong with you. Meditation connects you without distraction and allows you to see the thoughts that seemingly resist and disrupt it. Some people experience strong back and forths being in flow and out of flow in action of day to day life. Sometimes this is is very intense, disruptive and is diagnosed as bipolar disorder. Everyone experiences it to some extent. Meditation takes you beyond, gives you a bird's eye view so to speak.
  7. It helps to go "big picture" or "little picture". Big picture... look up at the stars, realize that you are a part yet never apart from this unfathomably beautiful, perfect, yet chaotic world. Little picture. Look at the way the light reflects on the glass of water in front of you. Recognize that you are a part yet never apart from this unfathomably beautiful, perfect, yet surprising world. Realize that the ordinary and mundane is never what you think it to be. It has and always will be extraordinary when you really see it. Of course, there's no difference between big picture of little picture, you are what allows any picture to be. Clear the slate. You already IS the magic now, and never any other time. Have you ever experienced the past as a past? Have you ever experienced the future as a future? Or have you always, ever been eternally now?
  8. Only YOU can prevent forest fires, er uhmm zen devilry. See the problem, you?

  9. Writer's High

    mandyjw replied to mandyjw's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    Sometimes you mistake someone being moody as someone being deep. Sometimes you mistake someone being happy for something you don't have.
  10. Already perfect! Digestion works best all on its own when you're not thinking about it. Contemplation is fun though. Questioning is fun. Letting go of questions is fun. Stumbling on the answers when you least expect them is fun. Nothing serious going on here. No one getting anything from it. Just fun having fun. That curtain has a big hole torn right through the middle.
  11. @happyhappy Utter perfection would be utterly free. No conditional thing can ever be utterly free. Therefore if perfection is ever a condition imposed on a thing, it is not free, therefore not perfect. It is an imposter upon itself. The conditional "you" you believe yourself to be is an imposter. It's just a thought. Yes, desire for perfection would be perfect in itself, and also a total misunderstanding. Perfection desires itself, by appearing as imperfection. Well played universe. Couldn't have written it better.
  12. Do I have to like Captain Ahab to love and appreciate the brilliance of Moby Dick? Do I have to like Voldemort to appreciate the brilliance of the Harry Potter series? The unconditional love that creates is completely beyond the condition of liking or disliking.
  13. That's the quest for love and happiness. Not perfection. The idea of perfection is what requires the need for purification in the first place. Everything imposed on that "nothing" is what stands outside it and says "look a void!!!! MUST AVOID!" If you seek perfection inside you without realized there isn't a you in the first place you always confuse outwards for inwards. Then you build churches with big steeples and stained glass windows, and wear suits and ties. Or start a Youtube channel with your insights and get followers. How will I know I'm perfect? I'll figure out how to get some others to think it about me. Then I'll feel love and peace. There's just no where to turn. "No where" is the pivot point itself. There's no point at all, that's exactly why it can pivot.
  14. I'd say that anything that has to be one way and not another (excluding some other possibility) is a condition. Perfection as a condition is defined and only known by the knowing of imperfection. Ultimately "Perfection" includes perfection and imperfection. A great novel has imperfect characters, the imperfection is exactly what makes it great. Were the characters to be perfect the work of fiction itself would be bad. If you were an author you would not choose perfection over imperfection. Nor would you believe the characters really WERE that way, because you know that you consciously created them that way.
  15. Would you really, truly desire perfection as a condition if you had the choice? If you were an author would you write perfect characters?

  16. mandyjw replied to lmfao's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    The mask is the idea (thought) of the one who suffers and the one who knows it... the one who is behind and subject to the suffering. What is thought to be the source, or what is behind it all, IS the false and superficial. This is the identity you cling to, and it clings to suffering. What beautiful fatalistic, heroic, nihilistic things you say. The writing! Beautiful. Intelligent. Lucifer knows better than God. How much effort you've put into convincing yourself that you're miserable because you know better than to be anything else. If you were to let yourself be happy, or admit that that's what you TRULY want, your identity would be gone. The mask, broken, shattered, gone. All that's left is pure light. The mask was the slide on the projector, projecting an image. It was never you. It was just blocking the light that you are.

  17. mandyjw replied to lmfao's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    True intelligence is delighting in one's own stupidity. No one is behind stupidity, no one is behind intelligence. PUNCH. THROUGH. THE. MASK. You INSIST that your reality is miserable and YOU are the one who knows it. PUNCH THROUGH THE MASK. Those random moments of you feeling good are when you've done it, you've punched through the mask. The feeling is how it's known, in real time.
  18. I've always been very jealous of people who can fart in front of people and have NO shame about it, (usually they are men or very old ladies). It's really the only reason I'm interested in enlightenment at all.
  19. People create value in that they create the concept of value and determine and constantly edit what IS value. Therefore the idea that people have value assigned to them is dehumanizing. There is no value already that could be lost, just the illusion that there is.
  20. Maybe because they haven't been taught that it's a bad thing yet. Really though it expels fluid from the lungs (crying is always a release of something you no longer need) and cause, boobs.
  21. Yeeeeeeees. Yes, yes yes! "Being aware of being aware." Every negative judgement of lack is totally decontextualized when spoken as true Self (Awareness.) Separate I was the con-text. When we feel overlooked we are the ones overlooking. "For the LORD thy God is a jealous God among you." PAY ATTENTION TO ME, GODDAMN IT. No holier words have ever been spoken.
  22. There just aren't spiritual people. Such a relief. Ever seen someone in action who is really, really good at their job? It's fucking breathtaking. Just as breathtaking as seeing an awesome performance of your favorite musician at a concert, or actor in a movie, or whatever. You ARE the recognition/appreciation of it. Same as in the appreciation of a sunset or a flower, etc. There are people in the flow, and people resisting it. Doesn't matter what exactly they do or don't do, it's how. It's not about the person, they aren't even the same people. There aren't even people to shame people for being normal people or spiritual elitist people. Shame.
  23. See that you create it all. If someone says that Mandy is a bitch and I believe their opinion and also believe my opinion that I DO NOT want to be a bitch, it hurts. If someone says Alice is a bitch, this doesn't affect me because I don't believe that I am Alice. If someone says Mandy is a bitch and I don't believe their opinion, this also doesn't affect me. The thoughts I believe and the identification with them and how they fit in with the belief "Mandy" is how I create suffering. The suffering is only an indicator that I am seeing something other than the truth. I am the feeling itself, not the one feeling it. In that I am utterly vulnerable and utterly invulnerable. Is the space in the room totally vulnerable or invulnerable?

  24. Writer's High

    mandyjw replied to mandyjw's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    You've got unconditional consent but you deny you have it. My sister said last night that after she ate wheat accidently she was very depressed, she had all these thoughts about her career and her relationships. She recognized that the cause was the wheat, it was what she ate, and that it was not the the relationship or her career, or the subject of the thoughts that were causing the horrible feeling. They were not true. It was the wheat. However, it was not the wheat. That was one more thought. One more "cause." The first step to realizing that happiness is uncaused is to see how food affects your mood. In the end, food does not affect you. “Very truly, I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you." Eat up.

  25. Writer's High

    mandyjw replied to mandyjw's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    I'm feeling like a 3 or a 4. However, super curious about a lot of things, and not sure about what I'm wanting to explore. You do not need a circumstance to resolve before you can feel better, in fact, it's the other way around if anything. You do not need to understand something to drop the question, in fact the answer can't come until you do. Last night I was feeling pretty bad and had dinner with my sister and her husband, who she just legally married. I'm really happy about this. I always wished I had had a brother. I was feeling pretty shitty about stuff, and the conversation and kids, and Christmas exchange was so much of distraction that it just couldn't hold. I love their house, there's so much to appreciate and look at. Stepped out to leave and there's Orion in perfect view. The stars were phenomenal. This time of year I think sucks so much but seriously there's an energy the intense cold has that is just cleansing. All of this is attributing circumstances to the feeling result, is it not? I "need" to get out of the house, the time of winter affects me, I need conversation, I need the company of others. I need to drop thoughts. Oooh. Are we going there? WHY, YES WE ARE. Maybe I don't even have to fucking drop the thoughts. Am I the devil? Yes. Yes, I AM the devil. Ah... Such a relief. Well that was unexpected. I think I just let go of a thought. ?‍♀️ "What I believe I need to be, or do or have to be happy." The COMPLETE impotence of thought IS its power. There is no authority behind it, which is EXACTLY its authority. If you give authority to another, your giving it IS the authority. If you give the power of happiness to a circumstance, if you believe happiness is caused or things or actions are required to make you happy, you FEEL the LACK of your power as you have given it away, not the lack of the thing. The felt lack is exactly the proof of its presence.