mandyjw

Kind of funny too, like a person who realizes "OMG, I'm so selfish, I only think of myself!" is still in that moment only thinking about... themselves.

They don't mean to trivialize life. It's hilarious to realize that we have such strong connotations for the word meaningless, when it just "means"... no meaning. So we put this sad, nihilistic sort of meaning over "meaningless" and in doing so give meaning to the word meaningless!

When your kidneys are healthy you just don't think about them hardly ever.

@Preety_India You have a beautiful, powerful voice.

Many women and some men seek their identity in relationship with others. However, your relationship with others and how you feel about it is always up to you and what YOU think and feel about it. So we feel like we must be loved by others to love ourselves, but what we really want is that permission from them to love ourselves in the first place. So we hold the love that is inherent in ourselves away from ourselves. The desire to embody your own innate authority and independence and feel your own self worth is sometimes projected onto another, and all this accomplishes is disempowerment, as giving away your authority means you're holding it away from yourself. It's already yours. We just forget that we've done this ourselves. As this is a process to remember this time and time again, I highly recommend Abraham Hicks, there are a lot of her clips on youtube for free. The books are great too. Remember, the only purpose of a teacher is to connect you with your own inherent, already here, source of love.

Your perception of them is not quite accurate, which is why it feels bad. Drop the thoughts until you're feeling better around them, then notice what is there to appreciate. There's a lot. There always is. No one can possibly waste their life. If someone WERE to waste their life, they would be a Great Selfless Teacher, a bodhisattva, there to show you and teach you by contrast what you want to do with YOUR life. So is that a waste? Nope. See what I mean? It's just not possible in the grand scheme of things. There is no waste in this universe whatsoever.

Is there any real border to your field of vision right now?

If it really resonates and sticks with you without you having to do anything to try to remember, it was worth remembering. You have your own highly intelligent note taking system, you remember what strikes your curiosity. If you're studying for school or a project, then notes or highlighting are good too. Anxiety kills your ability to remember and engage with material, so I'd say the more important thing is to relax.

Funny, it doesn't matter to me if Jesus was real or unreal, but it seems to matter to you. Sure, it's "fictional", you create the meaning, you decide, so you create meaning in other people lying, saying that your reality and your judgements about it are very real. If you say that the meaning of meaningless is that it doesn't make sense to you, so therefore, you "know" what meaningless means and therefore give it meaning, then you're at the mercy of all that meaningless meaning you created.

I am the devil, I am everything, this is what Jesus meant by communion, there's no me, sort of following or simultaneously, I dunno. (Was religious and used to believe in and intensely fear the devil much of my early life). Also later realized I'd already had this insight as a child, thought it was a dark intrusive thought, and felt it to be one of the most intense forms of suffering I'd ever experienced. Later labeled myself OCD. Realized that back then the feeling was telling me that the way I FELT about the thought "accept the devil into your soul" and felt that I had to resist it with everything I had, was what was so very "wrong", not the thought itself. Phew. Like, can't even find words to describe the relief of that one. Didn't even know the misunderstanding was still stuck there, 20 years later.

I think it's super simple, being turned on is a prerequisite for sex to happen at all for men, not for women.

No, it's not your responsibility. She is telling you the truth about the stress, but the problem is that it's a perspective issue about her responsibilities, and maybe not necessarily the stress that's bothering her. That might be why you're doubting it. It's her responsibility to take care of her own stress levels. Really encourage her to get out, spend the day with a friend, or go do something she likes and get a break for a day. I bet you that night or shortly after she'll be very much in the mood.

It's a focus problem, which by focus, I mean self love, not more self discipline. Your body will defocus if you don't focus properly, and will do stuff like skip meals, and want to sleep all the time. That's how it takes care of itself. If you can get to a state where you can get excited about things, that's effortless focus. But you can't go there from the state you're in immediately because your perspective is colored. The main problem is entertaining thoughts reflected back at yourself for failing. You call yourself a failure so you maintain the identity that you don't want, since it's the only one you're offering in thought. There's no rock bottom, there's no bottom at all, just right now. The present moment is pure potential and pure forgiveness. Seen Leo's self love video? Start to look for stuff that inspires you, no matter how small. Why? Start to focus on the life you want to live, not the one you don't want to live. Let yourself off the hook, then get inspired, write down what comes to you and you'll find the energy flows. That's why personal development people are like, "set your alarm and meditate or go running first thing in the morning!" Why? Cause you don't have a chance to think about it. It's done before you had a chance to shoot it down and feel bad for not having done it. Then there's just momentum from there the rest of the day. Once you get momentum it snowballs. Start a first thing in the habit morning if you want, or make some sort of inspired action moving towards what you want, not cause it makes you a better person but because it makes you feel better. There are tons of other ways to get momentum, the way is whatever feels good to you, but you have to stop pushing against yourself first before you can move forward.

Sounds like an adventure, and part of the beauty of adventure is, who knows? This new experience will cause you to clarify what you want more, even though for now, it might be too early to determine much about what that is. Amazing read by the way.

Thanks! yes, I made it.

Feeling the need to prepare yourself for something scary that might occur in the future is only fear occurring right now. Increasing consciousness is a falling back into pure awareness right now, if you are aware of fear right now that is the only fear and the only "time" fear can be seen through. What is it?

Well, I'm confused. confuse (v.) 1550s in a literal sense "mix or mingle things or ideas so as to render the elements indistinguishable;"

Do you have any meditation, breathing exercises, or yoga routines? Part of why smoking is so relaxing is because you are making a repetitive motion, focusing on your breath and regularly taking time out for yourself. You will be very wise to find new ways to meet all those needs without the cigarette. What is your diet like?

So first of all, let's clarify what we're actually letting go of. We're not driving out to a cliff and forcing our loved ones over the edge and then dramatically letting go of their hand. We are not literally letting go of anything. So what are we letting go of? We're letting go of thoughts that aren't aligned with our Source. In this particular instance, thoughts about our loved ones that don't feel good and stem from mistake beliefs. When we think of letting go of something, we actually think of letting go OF _____ whatever the fill in the blank is. We make that something a real thing, and don't see through the illusory nature of a thought OF that thing, which is already not that thing. It's as if the letting go and the thing being let go of were two real things. See how tricky that is? DON'T THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT. Doesn't work, see? So in order for you to have a thought or feeling that there's something that must be let go of, you create a vision or idea of you not having that thing anymore, which is the thought itself you're wishing to let go of. You cannot think "I've finally let go of my obsessive thinking about ice cream" without thinking about ice cream. "To use a finger to illustrate how "a 'finger' is not a finger" is not as good as using something other than a finger to illustrate how "a 'finger' is not a finger". -Chuang Tzu

Welcome to the forum! It's not uncommon for physical pain or an illness to pull people into the depths of being, and the search for happiness and the pure driving desire to see through suffering. The anger, withdrawal, trouble relating with others often comes from not taking care of ourselves, and making time for our own joy and happiness. It's a common thing that happen to caregivers, but it can happen to anyone, especially if you're ill or in pain. The main fix is to sit down and determine how you can take care of yourself, make a list of things that raise your mood, make you happy and make time to do them. If that's a week long retreat, plan it. Could be small things, listening to music, going for a walk in nature, etc. Sounds shallow, stupid, silly, I know. It's KEY though. It's a misinterpretation. There's no you. There's also no f-ing such thing as "no you". When we think not _____ we actually think whatever the fill in the blank is. As if the negation and the thing being negated were two real things. See how tricky that is? DON'T THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT. Doesn't work, see? So in order for you to have a thought or feelingthat there's no you, you create a vision or idea of you or a void, that simply is not. There is NO void. That's what makes this... actually, the most fascinating wonderful thing beyond your wildest imagination. Your wildest imagination, right now, is turning it into void or boogeyman. That becomes your new identity. Cut it out. You're free. "To use a finger to illustrate how "a 'finger' is not a finger" is not as good as using something other than a finger to illustrate how "a 'finger' is not a finger". -Chuang Tzu My Grandmother's death two years ago was a profound experience. I lost two Grandparents before, but this one I lost consciously, and as I was becoming conscious of what was really going on with death. Death is a thought. The thought of death occurs within the timeless consciousness which has neither beginning nor end. That consciousness is what you REALLY are. You are not a thought. You cannot think yourself. There are not two of you, one that can think of itself. When you start to see through death and you feel this intense feeling of love for someone, and that love and the idea of loss merges and the idea of loss dies itself, it can be incredibly powerful. You're coloring over this with judgements of death and it being fucked up though. No need of that. Feel the profundity and love that's never lost. No need to judge the experience by old societal expectations and standards for how death and loss of a loved one should be experienced. You're moving beyond this fear and avoidance of death. High five. This is pretty fucking awesome. That's ok! It's life, Life itself, lived to the fullest. OMG, yes, yes, YES!!! No more rat race, you're FREE you can do whatever you want. Laugh at a funeral if you want! Life is so fucking beautiful. Don't overlay "no point" with a negative feeling or connation. You have pure creative freedom, that's what you've stumbled on. You've found a pirate's chest of gold, but you're still looking at it thinking, "oh shit, now I have to get rid of this rusty heavy old box somewhere, poor me." NOOO! This is awesome beyond your wildest dreams. The problem is you still THINK you know what that box is, and you think it's not that great. Just be honest with her. Tell her how much you love her and care about her, and want her to be happy. Use your time to yourself consciously and intentionally, like I suggested above, raising your mood. Then your interactions together will be fun, loving and natural again. Make it your objective to use your time alone to take care of yourself and raise your mood. You've realized a whole bunch of shit really fast, you're just not emotionally there yet to see the real meaning of nothing having meaning (the chest is full of gold, buddy, not some rusty, heavy box you have to haul around for life). And that is FINE. You've gone through A LOT really fast. It's ok. Let it go. (There's no actual heavy pirate's chest, really. ) You are well on your path. Found the treasure chest, just haven't discovered yet that it's a beyond awesome thing to have stumbled upon.

"To use a finger to illustrate how "a 'finger' is not a finger" is not as good as using something other than a finger to illustrate how "a 'finger' is not a finger". -Chuang Tzu

This is a great topic. Source, inspiration, joy, Love, etc, is what we really are. Sometimes we use qualities other people have as a sort of roadmap to get "there" not realizing that there is already here. We are obsessively focusing on objects, so if we see a teacher who has a very peaceful presence for example, we might think that that's what we want. The outward reflection, and our projection of it is from Source but we mistake it for Source and mistake the thought for the feeling that we really seek. Sometimes we get so mixed up we want to think of ourselves and see ourselves as peaceful beings, even if that means beating up on ourselves and creating a war with ourselves when we aren't peaceful. Peaceful is just an example, it could be any other quality we latch onto. Years ago I got into a new artform that was just taking off. It was an incredibly exciting time and there was a community built around it. People were discovering new techniques all the time. When you started though, the best you could do was sort of emulate what you had seen before and what had been done before. Once you got some practice and knowledge of the basics, you could innovate, and become one of those who were pioneering new stuff that other people would in turn emulate, and then you had to not get upset about it. Part of this is just how things go, it's how we learn. Teachings are changing all the time. For example, Rupert Spira is jaw-droppingly clear about the deepest teachings taken from thousand years old traditions with antiquated analogies and religious lingo. People like that make it easier for everyone, but still, we can always objectify the teachings, find qualities there, then we creates rules and guidelines for ourselves that aren't really there. We make the next thing into the newest standard. The beauty is that it's always in flow, and you're part of creating it. Present Sarah is always present Sarah, she does not need to make standards for herself that she must impose on herself in the future, no matter if they come from the motivation of wanting to be authentically her, or motivations of wanting to be like someone else you're inspired by. You are inspiration itself.