mandyjw

@Preety_India That's just not how I see things. I see people who use their intelligence selfishly to take advantage of others as the most naïve people of all. Whoever throws away love and understanding in favor of power over others and reliance on their own reasoning is ignoring and cut off from their true infinite intelligence. It's far, FAR more naïve than doing something like choosing 100 pennies over 10 million dollars because you know 100 is more than 10. Infinite intelligence knows no separation. How naïve! How perfect.

So the video I mentioned is all about "intention vs impact". If I say to myself "THINK POSITIVE!" and I feel worse because that only highlights the fact that I'm thinking thoughts I think I shouldn't be, my intent was not the impact I hoped it would be. It's the same reason why this is so damn funny. I remember first hearing Eckhart Tolle and taking in EVERYTHING I could get my hands on by him, KNOWING this was the answer to all my issues and all my suffering. I pretty much pretended to be him and repressed everything for a couple weeks and finally exploded when I was alone in the woods, saying "fuck it all, it doesn't fucking work!!!" and I felt so much better. I kept on listening to and reading Tolle. But, especially initially, I was trying so hard to make it all fit and make it all work. We learn by making mistakes, seeing what works, what doesn't, by trying too hard and noticing that that's not it. It's perfect. This is how you learn, how you align. Your great enthusiasm is perfect. You skepticism is perfect. Your rebellion is perfect. I did the same thing as I did with Tolle, again when I discovered Abraham Hicks. Instead of listening and feeling into it I made it into this whole "thing". I honed in on fixing this horrible kitchen sink drain problem, I was SURE I couldn't live with, I was so fixated on it, it hurt. It turned out that fixing that sink took weeks, the yard had to thaw out (it was late winter) and the pipes dug up completely in order to fix it. In the meantime, what DID happen was completely mind-blowing. I got everything I never gave much thought to dream of, or hope for BUT the kitchen sink. Looking back now, it's utter perfection. It's hilarious actually. What we feel we NEED will not come quickly. Go easy on yourself, chill out. You've got all the time in the world, you literally create time. (Exactly why what we feel we NEED will not come quickly, "time flies when you're having fun") No problem.

@Fearless_Bum I just finished editing a youtube video in which I say "one of my early realizations was that how I see my family is a reflection of my own emotional state". During which my husband came home and said the snow shovel was in the driveway, as if I used it and just left it there, and I was "like, GODDAMN it, the WIND blew it, and you'd THINK you'd be glad I'm the one who shovels snow." We are all pretty funny. "Delusionally happy". Let's see, what is "no mind"? Is that delusion? What is happiness? Our true nature without thoughts saying otherwise imposed it? So happiness is the absence of unhappy thoughts. "Delusionally happy?" I say SIGN ME UP. But, there's no list. And no names. What's scary about being delusionally happy? Delusion causes suffering, so that's why no one is a fan of delusion. But knowing that, how could you be delusionally happy? not delusion, de-illusioned.

@Fearless_Bum Focus pocus. It doesn't "work", it is BS. No problem in recognizing this. When we pin our hopes too much on something, it feels good to see that it is indeed not our salvation because we didn't need salvation. It's just a tool for assisting in letting go of thoughts that aren't focused in the direction we are wanting to go. Try using it to check in once a while but be more free, write what you like. After all the "object" is to tap into the completely free, liberated love that you truly are.

Let's examine what the appearance of "happy" is in another person. Does seeing a happy person make you happy? if yes, you recognize yourself as happy. If no, you have the wonderful releasing of jealousy to explore. There's absolutely no shame in this, it's like when you were a kid and you buried treasure for yourself to find in the sand pile later on. You get to identify, define and express you OWN unique desires in a way no one else ever has before. We have all kinds of ideas about what happiness is and what happiness looks like. Anything you think it is, it's way, way better than that. Oh my god, such a relief! There's a difference between the desire as an "intention" and the "impact" of recognizing it. So you say you want to be happy? Just like the TRUE recognition of happiness feels just like happiness, the true recognition of what you want feels like excitement. For example if I'm nervous and I tell myself "RELAX" but yelling this at myself only makes me more tense and more aware that I am NOT in fact relaxing, my intention was to relax, but the impact of this was more tension. This is what you're doing with happiness and relaxation both. You've got to allow yourself to find the feeling of them. Melt into the true feeling of your intentions more. Don't settle for the ideals of them. These are just thoughts, not the actuality of them. If you tell yourself to relax, allow yourself to find the relaxation even if it's being ok with being tense. This is found in the dropping of the thought and melting into the feeling behind the intention. If you tell yourself to be happy, find the satisfaction in that desire, no matter wherever you are, what others are doing or who you are around. Daydream, fantasize, journal, write, express jealousy and anger in writing, cry, laugh, meditate, take deep breaths. Find that relaxation and contentment alone. Find it in a crowd. Start to really look at people. When we aren't engaging, when we are a wallflower we have the ability to purely observe. Appreciate it, there's so much in it for you. Really appreciate their happiness and their quirks. Often our own quirks are what we try to hide the most about ourselves, but what we love the most in others. You know how telling a joke that really strikes someone as funny feels so good? All that's required is to drop the thoughts of unworthiness of it, thoughts that define the owner of it, or the thoughts that say it is not here. Suddenly engaging becomes just as effortless as observing. You are very much still a kid, as are all those people enjoying themselves, dancing, laughing are kids. They don't have anything on you, they are simply lacking some resistant thoughts about themselves, that now you know you also want to let go of. Then there's just fun and childlike wonder in your observations. And DAMN, look at you! Exactly because this didn't seem to come naturally to you, you're really are going to appreciate and understand people with the depths of your being. This contrast of the not belonging, of the tension, only serves to make you appreciate what's on the other side with so much greater depth. To those who interacting comes easily, fun interactions are like eating a meal when they aren't really that hungry. But when you eat a meal after you've been really hungry for a while, NOTHING tastes better. Nothing is appreciated more. That's what's in store for you. You've lost nothing, you've missed out on nothing. I'm so excited for you. ❤

People can't be happy. Being itself is more profound than happiness as a condition for a person. As it's totally free and undefined the realization of it allows happiness with a depth and freedom beyond the limited notions we might have about "happy". We have all kinda of ideas about what happiness is and what happiness looks like. Does seeing a happy person make you happy? if yes, you recognize yourself as happy. If no, you have the wonderful releasing of jealousy to explore. There's absolutely no shame in this, it's like when you were kid and you buried treasure for yourself to find in the sand pile later on. Happy "is" without having to even become a person, or any condition. So there isn't "happier" although letting go of ideas about required circumstances and causes for happiness will unveil your inherent bliss. Anything you think it is, it's way, way better than that. Oh my god, such a relief!

@Myioko Absolutely not shit posting, that was all so on and perfect and thoroughly appreciated, thank you! In sight and ex sight... damn! ? I went to bed last night kinda annoyed I wasn't able to express any anger. What you pointed out about it being a really big part of the scale is quite striking. Relax, take it easy For there is nothing that we can do Relax, take it easy Blame it on me or blame it on you

Try alternatively listening to a sound, a fan in the room, etc. Also try to get in the habit of taking deep breaths during the day, just take a really deep breath every now and then when you remember. You'll start to crave it, and do it automatically just because it feels good. You start to tap into the pleasure and relaxation of taking a deep breath and breathing. It will transfer over the meditation, and you'll have all day benefits.

I'm jealous of the people who have time and clear access to take psychedelics. I'm jealous of people who can travel. I'm jealous of people who are confident moving around the world and traveling. I'm jealous of people who grew up in areas that have access to services, education, lots of interesting people, and who grew up with parents that demonstrated confidence with travel and social situations. I'm jealous of single people who have the time and freedom to do what they like. I'm jealous of people who have the money to travel how they want. I'm ashamed of where I come from. Where did you come from? What is Source can have no source. How could you be ashamed of "where you came from" and not feel awful about the misunderstanding?

The more thoughts we have about ourselves, the harder it is to see clearly. For example if I'm giving a speech and I'm thinking about how dumb my sweater looks and what others might think of it rather than the topic of my speech, I'm not going to do a good job with the speech. It's not that I'm not intelligent, it's that my focus was on myself rather than where I wanted it to be. We aren't dumb, we just get in our own way. Even wondering whether or not we are inherently intelligent is the same as worrying about the sweater rather than focusing on speaking. It's such a relief to know that you're unconditionally ok. Thoughts about you are never the real you. It's like a murky dark slide put on a projector. You aren't the projection from the light on the wall, you're the pure light that allows the projector to project. That's just how bright you really are. ❤ Thoughts about ourselves that feel bad are the dark slide covering the projector's light. Intelligence and wisdom is so much of an overarching, forgiving, inherently beautiful "thing" than we can ever think of it as, just like you.

SIT STILL. RELAX!!! EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY! Intention VS Impact.

This perpetual doubt. "What should I DO?" "What is the right action?" You CAN just fucking sit and do nothing. No tidal wave will sweep you over, and if it does fine. Such a fucking relief! You can sit with no thought and it's the best fucking joy and openness you can feel. How come no one told me? Maybe they did. Maybe I fucked up the intention and the impact. I'm sorry. I'm sick of running. It's as if duality was a powerful devil speaking in my ear my entire life, and I rushed and rushed and did his bidding. No one told me, he wouldn't tell me, he couldn't tell me, I could just sit still.

That's a topic that terrorized me most of my life. I also felt like I couldn't talk about it, because I just had these thoughts that I was so deeply repressed and obsessed and fucked in the head. I "should" be ok with it. I see how it's connected with the need for authority, the need for a teacher, giving them the right to tell me if I'm ok or not, and doing things out of fear that I don't want to be doing. And feeling totally powerless. In another scene in the show, the woman freezes up and the therapist asks if she wants to put her clothes back on. I so related to the pressure she was feeling, to be "cool" and open and confident... to appear that way, not to "be" it. Faking it, not taking the time to truly feel into it and be ok, is exactly what I want to stop doing. It's such a relief. It's such a relief that I don't have to secure my place among others, I don't have to be anything for anybody. I don't know why but I'm not getting a "kick" from that last statement like I'd like. It feels slightly forced. What's my list of things I have to do to be "ok"? Why am I so afraid of making mistakes? Of fucking it up? Holy shit. I gave Thought Art all kinds of shit for his perspective, worrying about making mistakes. Here I am, desperately wanting to pull myself out of the same. @Thought Art sorry, hon.

Watching Sex, Love, Goop on Netflix. One of the therapists told the woman when she was telling herself "relax" but it was another thing she was failing to live up to consider "intention vs impact". Immediately I was like "DAMN that's such an intelligent way to explain what I try to teach people constantly." So if you're shouting "relax" at yourself, and it's actually stressing you out more, you've missed the intention. Just like Will Ferrell's everybody love everybody meme. It's funny cause it misses the mark. I think that people believe that repression is caused by religion but from experience, the idea of one being "repressed" is exactly where the repression lies. Sex is not one category cut off from everything else. The wrong idea of beauty and attraction and self image is where repression lives, although religion creates extra conflict. You've got society saying to be sexual and open and cool and chill, but it translates for us so often as "RELAX you uptight FUCKING BITCH!". When one of the women realized she was "bracing" I just bawled. Women (and men) try to please so hard, and try so hard to be "ok" we forget out own pleasure, we forget out own wellbeing and we forget that we can say no and be ok. Medical exams aimed to prevent horrible things that are expected are to be frank, presented in a horrific way that totally bypasses consent. Pap tests for women, prostrate exams for men, colonoscopys, etc. Technically the consent is there, but when it's motivated from fear, and fear of death it's really bulldozed over. The essence of consent is throw away. Ultimately no one can take your consent, not science, no doctors, not anyone else, which is why believing they can feels so awful. consent (v.) c. 1300, "agree, give assent; yield when one has the right, power, or will to oppose," from Old French consentir "agree; comply" (12c.) and directly from Latin consentire "agree, accord," literally "feel together," from assimilated form of com "with, together" (see con-) + sentire "to feel" (see sense (n.)). ?

Maid of the mist. Made of the missed.

I adore Abraham's "two piles" analogy lately. Forget who is is wise and unwise, forget republicans and democrats, forget spiral dynamics stages, forget conscious or unconscious, there's only under the influence of Source or not. Ultimately, you are ONLY Source, but paying attention to your alignment of it is everything. Otherwise there are teachers, there are gurus, there are people who need saving, and we're back to the Christian paradigm of needing to sacrifice ourselves to save everyone. Or the one needing to be saved. I'm feeling disappointed. I saw something by someone I really, really respect, and it wasn't good, it was off. It was accidently misleading and condescending. It wasn't anyone's "fault" but... ugh. There just aren't teachers anymore. I'm free to be the biggest fuck up that ever lived. I'm free to be as awkward as I want. I could sit on stage, say nothing and fart and still enlighten people, because even the most eloquent, perfectly chosen words are just as effective. This is the same analogy that hit me a journal long ago, but it replayed in my experience. I went across the stream on a fallen log and I used the thin branches to steady myself. I know that it's purely psychological, they they won't keep me from falling, but instantly it steadies me. I went across the but my dog wouldn't follow. I went back and tried to pull him along by the collar and he balked. Eventually I went right up to him and he followed me by example. Sometimes you need an example. Sometimes you need something to hang on to. And sometimes you realize that you don't. You don't need to rush to that point. But sometimes, it's just not there, and you realize, like the baby bird flown out of the nest, that it was you. All along. I'm looking around and no one is there. There are faces and those I love, but the leader vanished in the mist. In the missed. Oooo...

I suppose it's a plain white mask with "this is not a mask" written on it.

What you wrote below was exactly what I was hoping to get to by asking this, so no worries. ❤

The only waste of time is in entertaining thoughts about yourself that feel like crap. I'm 33 and I've never felt better. I've found confidence like I never had in my early 20's and that's what matters most in attraction, whether it's friends or relationship partners. I see women in their 60's and older who are beautiful and living amazing lives, some even starting over with new careers and partners. I see people in their 70's and 80's who are so clear and transparent as a spirit that they just glow. There is nothing to fear in aging. It just keeps getting better and better. If you lose something in your life, or about your appearance, it's liberating to let it go. It feels amazing to feel amazing in your skin. All there is to be done is dropping the perspectives that already feel like crap to you that say anything different. Notice that when you feel depressed, you aren't attracted to anything? Nothing looks good to you. It's like grocery shopping when your nauseous, it's such a task to fill your cart with stuff. In the same way, you're not gonna me a match for that spark you're looking for unless you find it within yourself first. Pay attention to how you feel first and you will attract and be attracted. Make a list of stuff that makes you happy, or that would be fun. Maybe learn something new, bellydancing?, or learn to cook something new. Paint something, sing, dance, whatever pleases you.

Awakening is realizing that one's self is prior to the mind. There is no self to be insecure or doubt or unsure. Mental illness is referred to as "losing one's mind" because the thought is claiming that the mind that it thinks it's coming from itself is lost, broken, part is missing, etc. That "mind" has always been a thought. Suffering is the real marker of "mental i'llness". Total lack of suffering is the marker of an awakening. There are thoughts that resonate with who you really are, and thoughts that don't. One thought at a time, how does it feel? If we start believing in identification with a mind that might have some major malfunction, we will tolerate thoughts that feel awful. Trying to diagnose yourself with derealization-depersonalization disorder is always someone trying to diagnose themselves as a someone who has lost their sense someone. Isn't that kind of... funny?

@ElenaO Have you tried this stuff? It's magic. https://www.amazon.com/Lansinoh-Lanolin-Breastfeeding-Soothing-Essentials/dp/B005MI648C

I'm grateful to know that if I receive help, I don't cost anyone anything, instead I give them something even greater in return. We keep becoming more, and more and more together. I'm grateful to know that there is guidance for me, and that I AM perfect guidance because I am always perfectly Home. I'm grateful to know that I guide myself to guidance. I'm grateful to know that I am loved and Love as I am, as ridiculous as my quirks may seem to me sometimes, these same things are EXACTLY what I appreciate most in others/myself. I'm grateful for all the connections I've made here, and I'm grateful for all the sharp contrast and squashing of limiting expectations that has taken place. I'm grateful to have seen fear for what it really is. I'm grateful to have seen through so many of my judgements where within which I veiled it. I cannot possibly BELIEVE that what I always wanted deep down and never put words to, is already the essence of what I really am. I'm grateful to know that I am ok, eternally, always unconditionally ok, and there's not a reason in the world that I should need to feel anything less than that. I'm so grateful to know that I can align with this and reflect it. I'm excited to continue the mind fucks and the purification and the expansion and the humbling and the revelations and releases and the inspiration and all the rest, never alone, but never apart.

What do you seek to gain from those memories? Meditation is being a baby again. You were pure being. You've always been pure being. Everything was going perfectly for you and already done for you without you having to do anything about it. Same case today, your heart beats, your lungs process oxygen, etc. There's never a moment when what you really are isn't perfectly held and supported. But you get to create and want and see things come about. Best of both worlds.

You can do concentration practices, and all sorts of things for the mind that are like weight lifting and building strength up. But meditation isn't really developing focus or developing anything at all. If you want meditation to feel good, it's more about seeing thoughts as they arise/paying attention to how they feel. If a thought, noticing "there's a squirrel squeaking outside" is judged as being bad and unwanted, then you might miss the thought that said that thought was bad or unwanted. The judging thought felt bad, the squirrel recognition thought felt neutral. If we are developing a concentration practice, we miss the judging thought, not paying attention to how we're feeling because all we care about is our goal of becoming "one who is more focused." This requires openness, which is not a thought (Mandy thinks I'm closed minded, therefore, I'm not good enough, I'm being judged on my practices) but that openness is the very feeling you're looking, for as well as the "way" of meditation. You get to have your cake and eat it too. I just had to walk a good distance in deep snow in -20F windchill with no gloves to retrieve a trash can that blew away. Trust me there were tensions of all kinds. You know how chronic emotional stress and particularly anger causes heart problems? That's what I mean. It's obvious, medically proven and also goes much deeper than that, however, often people read shit like this worry, freak out and really what I'm wanting you to see is you shouldn't have a care in the f-ing world. Probably shouldn't have mentioned it, the last thing I want to do is frustrate you with more concepts. Life should feel awesome. Don't notice the dissonance between how you feel and how you want to feel, when you drop the thoughts that are doing that and truly feel, now, the tension of that thought is released like it never was. You are invulnerably vulnerable. You've read a lot of Tolle? How does Tolle talk about meditation, and how do you feel about that?

? Just like directly NOW what I'm seeing in front of me directly is the only "truth". But if I give a police report later about what color the car was that pulled out in front of me, it's all gonna be colored cause I was seeing red. Maybe it was green. Who knows? Direct seeing does not presume to "know" what it is seeing, yet it is the only real knowing.