mandyjw

Yeah, cut sugar and cut almost all dairy except maybe plain yogurt, kefir, small amounts of butter. Add in veggies, start with whichever you like the best and keep increasing them and trying others. You don't have to do this drastically quick, slow and steady wins the race.

I don't think that many successful women are discounting men because they aren't as successful as them. This entire narrative is very limiting to women, and discouraging and just as limiting to men, all just to keep some insecurities alive. Society as a whole may confuse well-being with outward indicators of success but it has nothing to do with women being at fault for not "staying in their places." Yuck.

I'd start distance running (by this I mean running for 15-60 minutes at an even pace) or Wim Hof breathing and do that regularly. With running you will both slow and clarify your thinking, connect with your body, raise your mood and sensitivity levels, and increase endorphins but it happens very slowly and doesn't really even wear off. You feel clear, relaxed and amazing for several hours after. It takes some building up to getting used to running to get in the flow state fast and the first 5 to 10 minutes always are very often resistance-filled and you feel laggy until your body gets moving. But it doesn't take very long.

@Raptorsin7 Definitely not in my experience.

No, I'd say that only hurts the men who hold those limiting beliefs chances.

Ok, it's a hunger, and it's not important. Oh no, we've devolved further into romance and the 80's music. I'm powerless to stop this. Yes Eric, her boobs do look fantastic. Also fun fact most people forget, boobs make food. Eric Carmen is Cookie Monster. He's confused too. Nonduality. While I'm not paying attention watching cookie monster and boobs, the dog just ate the hot dogs. ?‍♀️ That's ironic. She plays the saxophone? What the fuck? Nice job focusing today Mandy! A++++ Aww, it's just a movie he's watching and he disappears at the end! Nice.

We are making macaroni and cheese, not going to the beach right now. I AM the BEACH just like in the Blake Shelton song. I am the WORTHY BEA-I-CH. Ok, BUT I didn't go to the beach today. But we went to all kinds of beautiful places on all kinds of beautiful days. Yes, but it's not enough. Ok, ok, I just want to go outside and look at the sky. Like the last time I was walking it was just like I lost myself in it. It's so beautiful, the clouds are always so unexpected, so breathtaking. Watchin' every motion in my foolish lover's game On this endless ocean, finally lovers know no shame Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn around and say Take my breath away Take my breath away Watchin', I keep waiting, still anticipating love Never hesitatin' to become the fated ones Turning and returning to some secret place to hide Watchin' in slow motion as you turn to me and say, my love Take my breath away Through the hourglass I saw you, in time you slipped away When the mirror crashed, I called you and turned to hear you say If only for today, I am unafraid Take my breath away Take my breath away Watchin' every motion in this foolish lover's game Haunted by the notion, somewhere there's a love in flames Turning and returning to some secret place inside Watchin' in slow motion as you turn my way and say Take my breath away My love, take my breath away My love, take my breath away My love My love, take my breath away pine (v.) Middle English pinen "cause to starve" (c. 1300), from Old English pinian "to torture, torment, afflict, cause to suffer," from *pīn (n.) "pain, torture, punishment," from a general Germanic word (compare Middle Dutch pinen, Old High German pinon, German Pein, Old Norse pina), all possibly ultimately from Latin poena "punishment, penalty" (see penal). If so, the Latin word probably came into Germanic with Christianity. The intransitive sense of "to languish, waste away, be consumed with grief or longing," the main modern meaning, is recorded from early 14c., via the Middle English intransitive senses of "endure penance, torment oneself; endure pain, suffer." Related: Pined; pining. Whoopsy daisy. pineal (adj.) 1680s, in reference to the gland in the brain, from French pinéal, literally "like a pine cone," from Latin pinea "pine cone," from pinus "pine tree" (see pine (n.)). I definitely get God, sex and nature all mixed up sometimes. Nonduality.

Alright so, is my FOMO from not being in nature a form of insecurity, or feeling not enough? Yup. But, but, but. How can something I LOVE...? Woah. My attention was just pulled to a flower jewelry piece right in front of me. My entire business is about being inside making things, "inspired by nature" Imagine if I used for my tagline, NOT INSPIRED BY SOME FAKE SHIT. Is LOVE enough for me, not to focus on the exclusion of it? Oh no, it's really not. Universe, you've got a high maintenance one here. LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR HER. I am not love in exclusion of anything else. I do not buy the ketchup I sort of want and walk away lamenting the other ketchups i did not select. Cause I don't give a FUCK about ketchup! But I do give a FUCK about some people and some beaches. What was I journaling about again? Oh right, I want to go to the beach.

What if the things you love seem to cause the most suffering because when you shine the light fully on something it makes the contrast around it seem more? It seems stupid but one of the ways I suffer the most is with getting outdoor time. I go back and forth, I exhaust myself making sure I make the most of every season, everyday, good weather. I neglect the laundry, the dishes, my business, everything and drag unwilling children to the beach. I think it's because it clears my mind so effortlessly. I love the focus of it, once I'm there, and at home it's like there a million things vying for my attention. But it feels like FOMO and there's this deep existential fear of being inside on a nice day. Sounds ridiculous! Maybe this has been happening for a while. I remember taking my SATS and losing all hope when they weren't over when they said they'd be on a Saturday on the first nice day of spring. I've created this sort of worship of nature and moving around in it. worship (n.) Old English worðscip, wurðscip (Anglian), weorðscipe (West Saxon) "condition of being worthy, dignity, glory, distinction, honor, renown," from weorð "worthy" (see worth) + -scipe (see -ship). Sense of "reverence paid to a supernatural or divine being" is first recorded c. 1300. The original sense is preserved in the title worshipful "honorable" (c. 1300). OHH!!! Worthy, worth ship. Am I just some fucking idiot, who never got these word connections before or do we all unconsciously go about using words? Language is a real bitch, like me. Oh. Nicely played. I'm loved very much by everyone mother fuckers! Says it right here. You better comply. Hubby calls me Demand-a. What am I journaling about? oh. I want to go to the beach. Wait, no, that wasn't quite it.

What do you truly want to do, what do you love, what are your passions?

You feel loved by another when you feel that someone is openly, without judgement, giving you their full attention. This awareness of ourselves with curiosity but without judgement is awareness of our own awareness. You find that you have no borders but that Awareness itself, like unconditional love, has no borders. Then "you" Know and appreciate everything to be your very Self.

Universe, LOA, whatever, I want Bob Hartman's address so I can write him and thank him. Internet search is not turning it up. I can find only that he lives in Lyons, NY. Heartman lives in Lyons. Universe, you so funny.

Ah, ok. (Petra is like Elmo to me, them there early beloved original teachers.) My parents stopped going to church when I was really young and I ended up with some Christian rock cassette tapes of rock music and a purple Walkman to teach me about God, and was in pretty damn good hands. Ok, so what they're really saying is people think of themselves are great Christians, but they isn't lovin'. That's what they mean by seen and not heard. I can get down with that. I'd actually flipped that on it's heard (ugh, head) and thought silence was the only way to get others to think of me as good, when I is Good-ing. Oh, somehow typing heard instead of head just gave me the insight, if someone SAYS that you should be silent, they are talking, so should you believe them? Fucking hilarious! I is free. Oh so free. I can teach/learn as Elmo in all my immature uninhibited fuckery, or well intended mature Kermit. I am both.

Greed is a form of suffering and is usually thought of as an insatiable desire for money and material resources, but also could extend out to accolades, fame, sex, etc. The root of greed is insecurity, the sense that "I am not enough" and rather than investigating the "I", the "enough" or the feeling, we are driven to obtain.. whatever. Sometimes this is an idea of oneself as a spiritual person or minimalist, or whatever. Sometimes we see the obsession with obtaining and we think we can obtain security by renouncing obtaining. Always whatever we seek to obtain through being driven by this feeling is a thought, it's a thought, chasing more thoughts. But on the surface greed looks like a simple desire for resources, and money is what people think is the most fluid resource and therefore the most powerful or useful resource. Even if it's an idea. Once you realize money is a thought, you start to see the power in thoughts and also the impotence.

There's truth, and a desire in this thought. What I think I am is not enough and will never be enough.

Oh. My. God. greedy (adj.) Old English grædig (West Saxon), gredig (Anglian) "voracious, hungry," https://www.etymonline.com/word/greedy?ref=etymonline_crossreference I always hated the name Amanda as I got older, so I decided to go by Mandy at some point cause it was what people called me when I was really little. Amanda is a Latin female gerundive name meaning "deserving to be loved," "worthy of love," or "loved very much by everyone." Its diminutive form includes Mandy, Manda and Amy. Why am I rewriting my journal, rewriting those insights that came to me? “Whatever you forget, is not the truth, always remember that.” ― Nisargadatta Maharaj, The Ultimate Medicine: Dialogues with a Realized Master “Truth is not a reward for good behaviour, nor a prize for passing some tests. It cannot be brought about. It is the primary, the unborn, the ancient source of all that is. You are eligible because you are. You need not merit truth. It is your own....Stand still, be quiet.” ― Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, I Am That: Talks with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj Let's go back to the first teachings we encountered.

Alright so, (are we meditating this morning Amanda, or just spamming your journal?) I still judge myself for expressing things, especially if I express those things when I'm not in a great mood. Actually, I do judge those things when I am in an AMAZING MOOD, perhaps the most, so maybe the lower my mood is, the less I speak. But sometimes I express things that are misunderstood, when I'm not seeing clearly. But there's no opportunity to see clearly if I don't make a fool of myself. I so wanted those proverbs about being silent to feel good, but they never did. They felt like a solution to problem like "I'm bad at math, so I just won't try." I kept telling myself all my life that wise people shut up. The best way to lose your reputation is to open your mouth, so just stay seen and unheard. If a tree falls in the woods and not one hears it, does it make a sound? If some fucking idiot never opens their mouth is the fucking idiot still a fucking idiot? I mean, you're still gonna come across a fallen tree if it falls over your path, even if you didn't hear it. I never liked being around people because I felt like I had to keep everything in. If I felt sick, I couldn't show it. That would upset people. If I was upset, I couldn't show it, that would upset people. If I said the f word in polite company, I'd feel sick for sure. "You'll not make a fool of me Rose." It's all of course, again, so much effort put into caring what other people think. What's wanting money for? Creating, feeling good, and greed because of caring what people think. I don't think you have one without the other. Greed and caring what other people think goes hand in hand. So what were we supposed to do when people told us not to be greedy because people wouldn't like us for that? We found ways to be greedy about things other than money. Easy. Cause greed is just a thought, "I'm not enough."

Alright so, if there are no "low vibrations" as there is no thing that can be vibrating, then you can let go of the resistance to being in a low vibration. What happens when I get in a low vibration? Understanding and insight from the experience of observing what it's like. The feeling bad is always feeling, always observation. So who/what has a low vibration? There has never been a more useful conceptual framework to embrace and throw away at the same time. It's like consuming food, communion. "Jesus said to them, "Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you."

So ultimately your mood or vibration is total bullshit, but since it's more real than the thoughts you're used to thinking, so it's much better to care and focus on it and give more attention to how you feel than the reality of the thoughts. If our judgement of how we're feeling wasn't total bullshit we couldn't change it so profoundly. If it's changeable, it's not real. Last night I want to bed with a slightly "meh" mood and woke up thinking, thinking, thinking, not satisfying thinking. It struck me that this is what greed really is. I want to know what people think of me. Ultimately I want to know what I think of me. I want to know when the package I ordered will come. I want to know where I stand, how I'm doing. I am Knowing itself, Awareness saying in this moment, this Knowing is not enough, I want this specific knowing that I do not have. In these "moods" I frustrate myself and freak myself out because I can't find a perspective to land on, I know they are all untrue and yet I search through them endlessly. I'm looking for an object to rest on, none will do, none will fit. How exhausting! I'm noticing more and more how every flawed thought has a truth at its root, under a misinterpretation, and so dropping it feels horrible, it feels like a cutting yourself off. We are taught to drop thoughts that don't feel good, and if your vibration is such that you cannot see it with clarity, this is the right route to take, BUT this dropping, is not dropping, it's like shoving the mess on the floor under the bed so it's out of the way but not taken care of. To take care of this thought, you must see the pure light in it. "I'm unworthy." I don't need to do anything to prove my worth, I have no inherent, measurable worth of my own that can be lost. "I'm silly." I am uncaused, purposeless, spontaneous, here for joy and hilarity. “Learn to live without self-concern. For this you must know your own true being as indomitable, fearless, ever victorious. Once you know with absolute certainty that nothing can trouble you, you come to disregard your desires and fears, concepts and ideas and live by truth alone.” ― Nisargadatta Maharaj “In dream you love some and not others. On waking up you find you are love itself, embracing all. Personal love, however intense and genuine, invariably binds; love in freedom is love of all.” ― Nisargadatta Maharaj

@Nahm Ah ok, I gotcha. Yeah, resonance and inspiration are all of their own making and not dependent or inherent in presenter or audience. I really like this quote from Nisargadatta when it comes to trying to "get" and "keep" insights and teachings, "Whatever you forget, is not the truth, always remember that."

I love them but also will go for long periods without touching them. They work based on law of attraction, you use your intuition to select a card and use your intuition whether to use them or not. If you rely on them too heavily they will be less satisfying to use and you can block other unexpected ways of guidance from coming. The card is often an indication of your vibration. They can be used to think about things differently and from different angles. It takes a really open mind to stomach them because there are some pretty "negative" cards, but those cards like the others can be a really helpful indicator of your vibration about a subject or at the moment. If you are aware of this, you are more likely to be able to give attention to it and clean it up before it starts showing up in other ways in your life. In some ways we want the universe to surprise us and guide us, in others you'd rather know where you're at before it hits you upside the head. It's a fun way to take a pause and contemplate.

Teaching is an art and has the potential to be as spontaneous, free and just as fun as any other art form.

My sister entered a beauty contest when she was 19 or something like that. It was so strange and awkward, our parents never cared about looks, we were never taught to dress up or look nice, or sing or dance, or any of that. She was exploring something or going through something. We all went out of support for her. She was the only one who didn't sing or dance for talent, she bucked the trend and did comedy that she wrote instead. Although I didn't appreciate the whole scenario and setting, I thought the comedy was absolutely brilliant and I had so much admiration for her for that.

Well that's a crappy, limiting perspective that doesn't resonate or feel good.

@Zeroguy You is not, and you is know this, zero is infinity. Well, that leads perfectly into my next subject, people aren't what I think they are. I mean oh God, what a relief but still, feels a little... creepy to be left with this... confusion? I'd say "I'm on my own", but there's not even that. Thank God. Not that either. Oh give me a break. You'd think after my 666 post here, I would have woken up. BAHAHAHA. You'd think.