mandyjw

You know if you're suffering, engaging in thoughts patterns that perpetuate the suffering. Unfelt, avoided, stored emotions have to be released by being felt, not by thinking about them. (The distinction falls apart, but don't try to DO it or make it happen.) Invite, open to it, follow your own intuition and what feels good to you. The "newbie" vs "fully enlightened" narrative feeds into the repression of emotions. If we think that certain feelings and revisiting certain subjects are backwards or childish and otherwise off limits, we hold on to them rather than releasing them and they continue to drive us.

Really, I'm allowed to want this? Really, it's ok? Really? Really, I'm not "bad" for wanting this, some sort of devil? "Friendships always fall apart. Real connections fall into devilry. Cheating maybe. Charisma is a bitch. Charisma is the devil. Don't have it, don't see it. Worse, they disappoint. That, THAT is the worst. That's why we don't risk them. You could disappoint. You will disappoint. You can't be what they project on you for them. You can't be someone's Source for them. Best not to temp them by giving them a glimpse of it." "Stay away. Hold back. Don't act. They'll misinterpret. The world sees through their clouded lens and all you can do to survive is cloud yours too. You're too open. Too innocent. Too naïve. Too vulnerable. Secure yourself. Make your NAME." "You need to stop caring so much. You're attached, a loser. Just fucking stop. Men don't have these problems. Cool people don't have these problems. Successful people don't have these problems. They don't fixate on other people. They go for what they want, they are selfish. You need to be more selfish." Mother fucker, I'm making it through and I'm gonna LIVE. I'm not gonna leave. I'm not gonna end it. I'm here to live. I'm not letting go of anything. What if this IS my selfish. It is! It is my Selfish. I just need to align with it. My worrying about misinterpretations CREATES them. Damn. "You literally progress by rejection -- a veritable rocket." -Nisargadatta Maharaj

Why should I have to explain why I want what I want? It needs no reason. Even if it's a higher reason. No reason is a higher reason. If I try too hard to have a reason, I won't go into the real root, which is nothing. My friends are my teachers and my students, we learn together, you can't teach without learning and you can't learn without teaching, because all love is all knowledge, and knowing someone, really knowing them beyond thought, is loving them and love is teaching you who you really are. And so real friendship is where the separate self goes to die. Friendship and love for humanity is a higher goal. At first Adam and Eve had all these desires too, but they didn't have to separate romance from friendship or love from their family as love for humanity. Then Cain and Abel. Then they all fucked up and restarted all again with Noah's ark, and the world became inbred family again. Shit. What if all the other desires pathologized are just a symptom of this one doubted desire. If I can't have real love and connection, having the perfect spouse, children, or several "hot" partners will be ok. If I can't have real love and connection I'll get respect from acquiring fame, knowledge, money, beauty. If I can't have real love and connection I'll just watch Friends and TV and watch shows where people do. WANTING FRIENDS IS STUPID. "You should want money. You should want fame. You should want something of substance, something that helps you survive." Self talk, all my life. I've DOUBTED THIS DESIRE. I want REAL conversations. Conversations where crazy connection happens, insight arises, stuff comes out. I want everyone to stop fucking around and be honest. I want to have connections with people and stop having it ruined because they think it's about sex, or I worry they think it's about sex. I'm sick and so fucking TIRED of being mistaken for an object. I'm sick and tired of everyone having some GOAL for everything. I DUNNO. I think I'm on to something here. As far as the world is concerned, I have friends and all the love I want. But there's a doubt and a lack of settling there. I want to bring the illusory world together in a way it has never come together before. And it's not going to be hard work, it's gonna be effortless, because non separation is already the case. I shame myself for wanting this so much, I can't stand it if someone else shames me for it. Of all the things to want, how silly, pointless and trivial.

Why We Really Want What We Want Fame- If everyone thinks I'm great and valuable, I won't have to think that I'm not anymore. Sex- Desire to feel, merge separation and create Freedom- Desire for life circumstances to reflect and align with the inherent boundless freedom of Awareness Security- Desire to know on a feeling level that one cannot die, that no matter what all is well, all is well, all is well. Money- Money is unique because it represents the pre-manifestation and the feeling of having both security and freedom. Power- Desire to create to merge with the non-separate creative power, to realize the potential of one's own consciousness, the reality of no self and other. Beauty- The desire to recognize oneself in other, to merge with the other, God said let there be light "and it was good" This is why beauty and sex is often conflated. The same desire is being fulfilled and the same creative desire to create what is beautiful, what is good. Love/Friendship- (I can't actually answer this one as well as I'd like, because it's secretly my deepest, darkest (most doubted) desire.) Knowledge- The desire for a "key", an "in", to see, to understand the depths of one's being. Entertainment/Fun- The desire to see that the depths are not exclusive, and not deep, but totally right here on the surface, neither at surface level nor deep. The desire to know that appreciation IS creation. "And it was Good".

I guess that I see or envision this place as a more open community than @Leo Gura intends for it to be. Perhaps that's my own fantasy. I believe there is immense need for spiritual communities such as this right now, where people can talk and interact with a huge variety of teachings and be introduced to understanding things from different viewpoints. The High Consciousness Resources section of this forum is a beautiful example of this. I'm incredibly grateful for this community and for Leo's videos which I discovered back in 2014 which had a huge impact on my life. I see a lot of wisdom in his work but I do see a lot of misunderstandings especially ones that are reinforced here on the forum in general, as a sort of belief framework. I do not believe that this community or Leo is in any way responsible for Soonhei's death. I think that there is a lot of fear and need to control being acted out here in response that is unnecessary. However, I do see a lot of suffering and beliefs that hold this suffering in place being perpetuated here on the forum, in the form of the misunderstandings I mentioned.

ingest, in jest

It can relieve pain for some people, it really depends on you and what you have going on. It relieved pain slightly? maybe? in my hips and low back but increased the pain in my neck. I went to a massage therapist who does myofascial release and that worked 100 times better for me. I was shocked at how effective it was especially for the neck issues, without the violent snaps.

Yes. "Words dont teach." Do we fault Jesus for all of Christianity? ?

If you love the truth but don't know what it is or why, is it the truth or just love?

There's a spirituality focused Facebook group with an announcement of his death on May 5 when the cause was unknown, the photos match up.

Wow. I loved his posts. @Muhammad Jawad Hugs, so sorry for your loss. I don't think it's really good to surmise much about this. However, realizing your inherent freedom and your inherent infinite nature and taking it as a rule or a belief can sometimes lead us to steer and explore in some pretty funny directions, rather than realizing that this is all about, really, really LIVING. This is a license to live! There's nothing but. The notion that the cycle of birth and death is a curse to be liberated from is just a spiritually filtered variation on the "I am separate and flawed" belief that is the separate self.

Ahem, I'm technically a woman and other women replied in this thread too. Not exactly what you meant or envisioned I realize, but the point is if you keep thinking what you want is out of reach then, rotten bananas. You just made me realize for the first time how deeply profound of a saying it actually is. ? So thank YOU!

@Blackhawk Also want to be very clear that while I AM making light of this, I'm also not if you know what I mean. ?❤ Hope you feel better soon.

Ahh.... ahhhh... yes. Been there. Have you ever been in a bad position and went into a bit of a panic, and completely forgot that there was some simple solution you weren't seeing? Reminds me of when I was a kid and got trapped under a huge blanket and my mom was vacuuming and couldn't hear me. "She's vacuuming, I can't breathe, I'm gonna die!" I thought. I got so panicky that I couldn't do the first thing that came to me (call for Mommy) so I stopped looking for a way out on my own. You're at the "baby bird gets pushed out of it's nest" stage here. It only seems as if there is no solution, only rotten bananas. You cannot access your creativity and resourcefulness unless you relax a tiny bit and admit what you want. "I want OUT! I want out of this smothering blanket! I can't remember why I thought it would be fun to climb under here, but I did, and now I want out." You want to feel better. Just leave the rotten bananas alone for a while, chill out, throw them in the compost and next time, don't buy so many bananas. Maybe you prefer apples? What DO you want? What DO you love? What even just looks or smells good to you right now? What can you find the slightest bit of curiosity about? What web comic or blog or book did you used to love but haven't thought about in ages? What song do you love but haven't listened to in forever?

We're all A holes. ??

Here's another take. Imagine that there is a giant sea sponge sea cucumber thing. We label this giant sea cucumber, Awareness. Every single pore or hole out of the giant sea cucumber is awareness, but each hole is a lens, it's focused awareness. Those holes only see everything around them, as a hole, they cannot see the hole themselves. The holes take themselves to be a THING, they take themselves to be their most immediate surroundings, not a hole, part of not separate Awareness itself, but an actual thing. When you look deep into someone's eyes you look into their pupils, a hole where light enters. Considering this is a little bit creepy, but it's always been the case, it has always been so. Basically the insight is that you've taken yourself to be a thought, a body all this time, but you are actually pure Awareness, and the implications of this are wonderful. When you interact with people you are always taking a snap shot in time of them, making judgements based on what you think you are and how you compare, etc. You are actually interacting with a dead thought of someone, not the real aliveness of Awareness. The more you start to realize (real eyes) this the better, and better things get, the more fully Love is experienced.

If I offer you a choice between a rotten banana and a brand new Ipad, you'll choose the Ipad and say it was "no choice". You'll put no effort whatsoever into making this choice, it's clear. So think of your thoughts as choices. No thoughts are imposed on you, but like a choice, they seem to come to you. Choosing a thought that feels good is no choice, choosing to throw away the rotten banana and not offering it again is no choice. No one is making you eat rotten bananas. It does take a little while to sort through all the stuff you've never sorted through though, there's a cleaning house period in time when you end up dealing with a lot of rotten bananas. During this time it's very important to focus on what you want to KEEP, not the work that must be done, or the things you're discarding.

Imagine that there is a giant sea sponge sea cucumber thing. We label this giant sea cucumber, Awareness. Every single pore or hole out of the giant sea cucumber is awareness, but each hole is a lens, it's focused awareness. Those holes only see everything around them, as a hole, they cannot see the hole themselves. The holes take themselves to be a THING, they take themselves to be their most immediate surroundings, not a hole, part of not separate Awareness itself, but an actual thing. When you look deep into someone's eyes you look into their pupils, a hole where light enters. Considering this is a little bit creepy, but it's always been the case, it has always been so. Basically the insight is that you've taken yourself to be a thought, a body all this time, but you are actually pure Awareness, and the implications of this are wonderful. When you interact with people you are always taking a snap shot in time of them, making judgements based on what you think you are and how you compare, etc. You are actually interacting with a dead thought of someone, not the real aliveness of Awareness. The more you start to realize (real eyes) this the better, and better things get, the more fully Love is experienced. We're all A holes. ??

They are, sometimes consciously pursuing something can be a huge boon or a handicap for the time being. You're only looking at people in one snapshot in time. You were well on your way before you knew there was a way too.

The potential to play any character means that there are no actual players. No God. You are potential, you can call the potential "God" but don't mistake God as or you for a thought. @Thought Art "You" is a thought "Leo/other" is a thought. You can think Leo or you is good or bad or whatever depending on how you feel, which is why you love yourself but are also hyper critical of yourself. Well, WHICH IS IT? Thought is dead, so what's alive can't ever find security in thought. So when we realize that other people are thoughts, it allows us to really see, love and know them as they are. Feels amazing. Go into your awareness OF thoughts. You can only feel right now, so paying attention to how a thought feels over the content of the thought is your guidance and leads you back to your source of potentiality. Feeling is alive, and it's more reliable truth than thought, it's happening here and now. Going by a framework of thought and knowing the world by a framework of thought that is always shifting, building and collapsing is exhausting. Who wouldn't want more control if that was going on all the time? Go to direct experience. Pay attention to how you feel. Don't entertain thoughts or beliefs that feel bad.

It feels awful to think we're responsible for EVERYTHING. OH my God, no thank you. "I'm responsible for my happiness, I'm responsible for my sadness, if there's a problem the problem is me, me, me." Ugh. Sounds awful. Nope. It feels awful to think that we are at the mercy of everything, just an inanimate, freedom-less, choice-less, volition-less "thing" floating around that emotion and circumstances impose themselves on. That doesn't sit right either. Maybe the truth is neither or those, or somewhat in the middle? Have you ever been given a choice between doing something you LOVE and doing something you don't like? Is it actually a choice at all? Are YOU actually choosing, or are you just effortlessly following your heart?

I had mine out, no regrets. I did end up with a dry socket which really sucked, so really follow the instructions they give you, don't use straws, etc. Putting clove oil on it worked really well after I figured out what was going on. The prevention of that may be why the extra procedure is being pushed.

I totally get the visual learning thing. I also love how you UK people spell color. This is how I'd draw it out only there are no really bubbles or separations from anything, and there's no edges of the paper to awareness. In your direct experience you already don't experience time or a separate you but thinking makes it seem as if there's a you in time and that you do. So what we're doing rather than saying "all thought is wrong" (which would itself be a thought and a belief) is we want to align thoughts with the "qualities" of Awareness, or what we actually already are. The only way or time that we can do that is now. We are choosing which thoughts we want to entertain for the purpose of creation and love, etc. (Where this falls apart is that Awareness is the unconditional knowing of everything, so it has no qualities, but since we're using thought and language to point, we say that awareness has qualities, and then we throw those pointing thoughts away once we experience this.) Awareness is open, unconditional, both knowing and unknowing, borderless. You can only feel now. You are only aware now. We can think OF a feeling as a thought about an emotion later, or fear/desire it in the future. But feeling itself, the direct experience of emotion only happens now. That's the magic of it. So you could say that feeling or emotion is the awareness of the thought, it is not a thought, but it has a pre-thought knowledge OF the thought. It also dictates which thoughts that come to you and your thoughts dictate how you feel, they are not separate from each other. If you are feeling bad, you are likely to recall bad memories, if you are feeling good, if you recall memory it will likely be of something good. It get's crazier, if you are feeling good and recall a bad memory, and do not identify and step into thought belief, the memory will be seen in an entirely new light. This is the unconditional love piece, and how forgiveness happens (we don't do it). We only believe (think) thought is separate from feeling, like we belief ourselves to be separate from the world. See how crazy tricky that is? It's astounding, breathtaking. If you imagine having an amazing interaction with someone you're taking it all in, listening, and feeling every word that they say and at the same time appreciating the heck out of them. Likewise, they do the same with you. This is how we love and want to be loved, and coincidently, that's exactly what awareness is doing with us right now, all the time, but only ever now. Because we are love, loved so completely like that, if we think a thought that is not true about ourselves or unaligned with Awareness, we feel bad. This feeling/awareness is our guidance that all of us have. Yet because awareness is free and unconditional, we can go there if we want. Ironically that's where we start building walls and beliefs out of thought, which impose limitation and condition, out of our inherent freedom. The feeling of freedom, the freedom that is already the case, is traded in for the idea of freedom.

So memory is thought, and awareness is always aware of thought. If we think we ARE a thought (if we believe that we are the body, essentially) we miss this. The feeling (emotion) that is directly experienced along with thought (only in the present moment can you know how a thought feels) indicates how aligned with awareness (unconditional love) the thought is. So if I remember something traumatic from high school, it feels bad. If I remember something sweet my kid did, it feels good. I get more of what I think about. If I think about Toyotas, I notice more Toyotas. If I think about people being assholes, I see people acting like assholes all the time. Beliefs are thoughts I keep thinking and are like the roots of various thoughts that I revisit a lot. So beliefs like memories will powerfully but usually unconsciously color my experience. The belief that I am a thought, means that I put particular importance on time, because the thought "I" is the only thing that connects my past with what I think is my now or my future.