mandyjw

cringe (v.) 1570s, "to bend or crouch, especially with servility or fear," variant of crenge, crenche "to bend" https://www.etymonline.com/word/cringe "Cringe" is a projection from others made from a place of fear. It's a boogeyman word. You give power to it. Look at Prince, Michael Jackson, Cyndi Lauper, etc. All celebrated artists. Cringe or brilliant? Matter of opinion, preference, expectations and projection. As time goes by what used to be brilliant is sometimes seen as quite cringe and outdated, a funny meme. It's meaningless. If you want to improve, do that. Think deeper, redo it, revel in the practice. But don't use your own fear to shit all over your own brilliance.

Yesterday I had an OCD flare up. I should not use this label, because I have already awakened to the fact that my lifelong OCD is actually some sort of deep intuition. It's just the right amount of weird. But honestly, sometimes it fucks with me. I had very limited time, was stressed and getting groceries. I saw this coffee drink at the grocery store and had an impulse to buy it. It made no sense, it's far more caffeine than I can handle. I used my intelligence over intuition and didn't get it. I couldn't let it go. The obsession grew stronger and stronger. I did a good job of opening to it rather than suffering by it. I gave in and actually drove back 35 minutes to the store that night and bought this stupid $3 over caffeinated drink. I had given in to my time shortageness and just utterly said "fuck it." The whole drive there was full of strange synchronicity, like in a dream. Me and the kids had an incredibly fun time, I bought some new, weird random foods because we were out there for really, no good reason, I had JUST gotten all the groceries. It was like an exotic vacation, in the same stupid grocery store I've been going to since I was a kid. We went into Walmart and my daughter was going "Beep beep, beep beep!" and the cart guy honked this super loud horn to entertain her, my daughter loved it and it was absolutely hilarious, perfect timing. Earlier that day I had realized that my wireless keyboard I needed to write my book on on the first retreat I've ever done this weekend was not going to arrive. In Walmart, in the same section I had looked before I found a perfect wireless Bluetooth keyboard. Now I have this $3 energy drink, "Death Wish" coffee I will likely never drink, but "through" which this whole synchronicity and fun experience came about. I guess I could just keep it as a reminder. God works in mysterious ways, ie, Divine Fuckery.

I've never had knee issues, I've had some other injuries though. Play around with it, try some yoga and different stretches. Try different shoes. Try working on your form, do you over pronate, under pronate? Where are you wearing your shoes through fastest? Play around with where and how you land on your foot and how you push off. Practice doing this smoothly, seamlessly. Some people's form makes running unnecessarily high impact. Play around with different stride lengths. you can find a lot of resources for working on your form online and a personal trainer can be well worth it because they can spot issues we're blind to. Often rest in addition to making some changes can resolve the issue.

Running. You get the runners high and incredibly sharp clarity of thought, almost as if you're channeling. It pays huge dividends back to your work. You do not have to run very far, anything like 1.5 miles to 8 miles or so. Running 5 miles totally puts me in bliss like lala land, and I start being less effective but 2 miles is a good daily routine. I'm sure it varies for others.

You know how in Disney movies the birds and animals magically interact with the Princess and she is just delighted in them? As batshit crazy as it sounds I've experienced that a lot. So there's a common question people ask here that seems unrelated, "why do some teach, why do some stay in caves and mediate and which is "better"?" Animals act with nonaction, the are frequency holders, they are in touch with being. If you aspire to this too, they become indispensable teachers. It becomes profoundly, beautifully obvious that holding a frequency, non-action and interaction aren't separate things. Play with this. Start to notice and appreciate birds and animals. Appreciation and love is the key to understanding. When you give something your loving attention it reveals its secrets. In the end you laugh and say "Nothing could be more obvious."

Your post shows a lot of awareness, now use it to define what you do want, how you do want to feel. You cannot categorize or pigeon hole spirituality. Even if you were to let go of it it would pop out of the strangest places. It wasn't a thing you had to hold on to in the first place.

That's such a funny synchronicity because I want to start a blog and focus on some other writing projects. I've been giving that a lot of thought lately. I'm used to letting loose here with no expectations of how things come out or what they mean to anyone. So it is all I write. LOL November/December are the ones I demonize the worst but I live in a cold climate. By February my cabin fever insanity has run it's course and I'm more happy insane, like the Mad Hatter, and there's usually skating or skiing and more daylight hours. I should find some more appreciation for the dark time of year. Last year I found Mister God, This is Anna in a free book box in December, (which will be one of my all time favorite books) and there was a section appreciating, glorifying darkness, it was amazing.

Most people do gravitate to thinking about what's wrong or not quite right about themselves or others, this is in itself the entire point of doing shadow work, to be able to stop doing that. The end is the means. Also you're correct, we do avoid feeling feelings fully, we avoid really investigating fear or grief and so avoid the charge of it, the freedom and love in it. But all negative emotion is a layer of BS unless it feels great and if you give too much weight on thought, you get lost in spinning circles of BS. There's a difference between looking under the bed to see if the imagined monster is there once and for all and laying in bed imagining what it might do to you.

Is life supposed to entertain you? Entertain it and see what happens. My GOD look at this beautiful blade of grass. Pristine, perfect, vibrantly green. How is that no one knows about this, no one cares about this? Why is its photo not posted up in Times Square for everyone to appreciate? What are the chances of my discovering it here? How fucking lucky could I possibly be? I'm the most lucky person in the entire world. I'm just going to sit here and cry at the infinite wonder of it. Devastating, it's absolutely devastatingly beautiful. Oh fuck it, what's on TV?

Why is shadow work so often focused just on trauma and negative moments, why not nostalgia work? Now is a doorway, and the tone of your thoughts is determined by the amount of light that doorway is letting in. Think of your current mood and emotional state as an indication of the size of the door. When you aren't feeling good, everything looks shadowy and distorted and hard to make out. When you're feeling love and appreciation the door is flung wide open with the morning sun streaming through directly. In this way all memories and other thoughts are filtered. Now. Now. Now. I don't try to clean up my house when it's pitch dark. I turn the light on first.

The first is just becoming aware of what already is, a very seemingly mundane thing the magic of which (you Are) becomes palpable as you drop thoughts and meditate. Call it prana, the energy field of the body, alive being, etc. You're giving attention to that which you really are, that which animates all else. The second is the possibility that various chakras can clear through remembering ourselves, (spontaneously). This can be a very intense experience because an ice damn in a fast river gives way suddenly lots of other things chain react along with it. Or the ice can melt slowly. There is no difference between the two. The more you think about it, the more you ironically cover over the attention, or the warmth that melts the ice.

I just got an order with a note that said "It's exactly what I didn't know I was looking for." I've heard that before I guess but I loved it. There's something so delicious about finding something wonderful you didn't stop to think or know was even a possibility. You do know how you feel about it though. Forgot to post this.

@AtheisticNonduality Thanks! I drew it years ago, was really obsessed with Aslan from The Chronicles of Narnia.

I had trouble with deciding to get the shot. I read so much, I felt worse the more I read. Eventually I got a cold from my daughter, and that gave me an excuse to stop thinking about getting it because I wasn't going to go do that when I was already sick. I completely dropped the whole topic. Immediately after I was better I was clear, I wanted the vaccine. I was so enthralled and appreciative of being a Guinea pig for new technology, the potential of which is absolutely incredible, that the kindness and love within the entire Walmart pharmacy, including the clock on the wall brought me to tears. You'll find conflicting stuff everywhere, the goal is to align with what feels right to you and go with it. Sometimes the best way to get clarity on that is to just drop the subject for a time.

I had trouble with deciding to get the shot. I read so much, I felt worse the more I read. Eventually I got a cold from my daughter, and that gave me an excuse to stop thinking about getting it because I wasn't going to go do that when I was already sick. I completely dropped the whole topic. Immediately after I was better I was clear, I wanted the vaccine. I was so enthralled and appreciative of being a Guinea pig for new technology, the potential of which is absolutely incredible, that the kindness and love within the entire Walmart pharmacy, including the clock on the wall brought me to tears. You'll find conflicting stuff everywhere, the goal is to align with what feels right to you and go with it. Sometimes the best way to get clarity on that is to just drop the subject for a time.

So while this is the most overplayed song in the history of mankind, it does have a lot of wisdom. I saw your drawing in the share your art thread and holy cow, amazing! All that glitters is gold.

So it helps to contemplate what connection really is. Sometimes we mistake thinking for connection, so we actually connect with being disconnected. Sometimes rather than noticing that we're "not connected, not connected" we just have to disconnect from the feeling that we are disconnected. Sounds stupid, but it's sort of profound. In practice, when you're feeling disconnected, drop the thought and focus on breathing or look at the sky or something interesting in the room, etc. It's a total flip of perspective, we're rewriting the story. More disconnection, yay! I've dealt with oddly strong social anxiety as well. What helped in every case was just going along with what I did love. My extreme shyness as a teenager was not what I focused on. Instead I focused on the business I wanted to build and I started doing events where I got to sit down behind some work that I was proud of and talk about what I loved to do with people who were interested as well. The shyness just wasn't present. My parents were shocked. It was like I had had a personality transplant. Salesmanship, they passed it off as. No, I was just focused on what I loved and wanted. It's not really an either or thing. Healing happens when we least expect it, when we are not focused so much on being the wounded one but instead enjoying life. If you've got a bad cut, clean it out and put a bandage over it to protect it. If it hurts to poke at a wound, stop poking it, let it heal. I once got an infected ear piercing because I was so paranoid about it getting infected that I put alcohol on it everyday which didn't allow it to ever heal. So often we come at our issues this way. Wise, timely attention to issues is warranted, but also sometimes letting it go and just enjoying life is fully warranted too. ❤

My God, he's such a delightful disappointment.

Except on the internet.

You'd think a blank canvas would be the most terrifying thing, but no, it's when you make the first outlines, knowing they might be moved later, when you're not really sure of where it's going, when you have so little tangible to back you up, and yet have to rely on your vision and inspiration fully. It hasn't become anything yet. The doubt of your own action. You'd think.

I don't think the bad idea is in the method, but in the more underlying misinterpretation that there is someone who is trying to become God realized who can utilize methods to become a secured form of themselves from a place of insecurity. This is the disconnection with the true intuition and connection that the methods offer to connect you with. "Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them." -Jesus

We call what is ungiving "strong". Resistance is like walls, they protect, guide and confine depending on your perception. Resistance is not felt as resistance until there is resistance TO resistance, until those same walls are perceived as confining. This is actually impossible, having resistance to resistance. When you're 5, having a step stool to reach the sink and brush your teeth is enabling and liberating. When you're 10, it's a pain in the ass thing in the way you'd trip over. You get rid of it. Unless it never occurs to you that it was there only to assist you, and now that it doesn't, you can get rid of it.

I would take a much lighter approach. I'd look to volunteer my time and foster my own interests. When you're on the lookout to meet interesting people it makes activities even more fun because not only are you there because you're passionate about the cause or enjoying the activity, but you're also interested in the people around you too. You already have something to connect over, a shared interest. This is healing in itself. First just appreciate casual connections with people. Sometimes if we're too fixated on the lack of the close deeper relationship we miss the beauty in casual interactions, and it's always from these that deeper connections form. Also, here's the thing, if you think you NEED someone as a mirror, all you'll get mirrored back is that need. The mirror is a given. Follow your loves, passions and interests and it will be mirrored back to you.

Teaching is art. It's just that. Art is knowing the rules of your craft and then breaking them. A good teacher comes out and teaches you even this, "I'm teaching you the rules, now you connect with it, deeply, intuitively for yourself and break them." I'll never forget being told this when I was 14 by my art teacher. It was the only class that was almost entirely made out of firsthand experience, just creating on your own within some guidelines. Those guidelines gave you the confidence and permission to experience exploration, to create. When the guidelines stopped being freeing and enabling for the creator, they could be dropped. When you're 5, having a step stool to reach the sink, brush your teeth and wash your hands is enabling and liberating. When you're 10, it's a pain in the ass thing you'd trip over. I see it as the same with pointer like "present moment" and "awareness". If my art teacher had said "there are no rules, there's nothing I'm asking you to do or explore" that would have been the only rule we were given and we would have just sat and talked through the entire class.