mandyjw

See what you did here? Get out of that, "I need a reply, I need to send a text, I need to know the next thing to do" mode. Listen to some music. Watch something funny. Chill. She wants fun you, not needy you. Be that. Not for her, or anyone else, for YOU! "Because she's beautiful I have to be smooth." UH! No! Women want to feel beautiful, feel your appreciation of their beauty in the moment, not be treated like a video game console that is in low stock and high demand. That's what beauty is for. It's for YOU!

There are no rules in love or war. Get in a good mood. If you feel inspired to text her do. If not, you'll be in a good mood. Win, win.

I am a sculptor, a molder of form. In every moment I shape an idol. But then, in front of you, I melt them down I can rouse a hundred forms and fill them with spirit, but when I look into your face, I want to throw them in the fire. My souls spills into yours and is blended. Because my soul has absorbed your fragrance, I cherish it. Every drop of blood I spill informs the earth, I merge with my Beloved when I participate in love. In this house of mud and water, my heart has fallen to ruins. Enter this house, my Love, or let me leave. - Rumi

You are looking at everything through a lens of survival as if there is an outside God outside that made you. You are the creator, you are literally creating this, that's what you point at when you tell people they are imagining it, creating it, same thing. So it's not a bias to survival, it's creation. There's no dire purpose to this for survival, it's for our pleasure and artistic expression. Creation. Suffering is the indicator that you are creating against yourself. If someone gives you a choice between a rotten banana and a new iPhone you'd say there's "no choice". What happens when you realize that your choices don't matter because you are creating them, is that suddenly there's an obvious strong resonance with what you want, that makes choices seem as if it's "no choice." The suffering comes from the belief that I must make the RIGHT choice OR I will suffer. There are no right choices. This is art. No rules. Then paradoxically, the choice made out of love becomes hyper clear. So clear it's not even a choice.

You're confusing biases with preferences. In normal language, that's fine, but for the sake of understanding it helps to differentiate the two. True biases cause suffering, the suffering is the indication or guidance that something is off through feeling. So it's like a parent that pulls a child away from sticking something in an outlet. The parent loves the child and wants the child to explore but they know that they must intervene in that case. This is loving intervention of guidance through feeling. When we ignore negative emotion and persist with what we are thinking or doing anyway, usually because we don't understand the negative emotion, we suffer. Preferences and choices are not biases because they don't cause suffering. If you are attracted to color blue, that's not a bias. If you go on a crusade to rid the world of everything orange, people who love orange be damned, that's like sticking a fork in the outlet.

Ah!!! I think I perpetually stopped appreciating, which comes naturally to me, because I thought I was stupid or not striving enough to do so. I mixed up what I want and what I like with what others wanted or liked. It strikes me that the belief that happiness is found in objects, people, circumstances ACTUALLY PREVENTS THAT FROM BEING THE CASE. I was not expecting to end that sentence that way.

I got married just before my 21st birthday but we had dated since age 17 and good friends since age 14. My parents have been married 41 years and knew each other six months before they got married. My husband's parents have a similar story to us. I think your expectations get set by what you observe. However, it's important to focus on what YOU want so be mindful of what you're observing. There are examples of success and examples of failure in everything. Failure isn't really failure, just a refining of what we want.

@Danioover9000 Trichinosis?

I don't like to tell people to avoid anything, but have noticed that there are so, SO many reasons not to eat pigs. I think Islam and Judaism got it right, LONG ago.

I have LED lights installed throughout the house. It's too harsh anyway. I'm not sure what to do about it. Can you install filters over the recessed lights? Recently stayed in a cabin with gas lights and no power. Oh, the atmosphere! lol

Have you ever thought how pathetic The Office would be in you removed the most pathetic characters? Ironically our being pathetic and foolish is what makes us great. Cosmic joke.

For sure, but what you're realizing is that the you can harmonize because you are also your surrounding space, you don't have borders. So as you belief in borders diminishes, it reflects in your experience of reality. It can feel like you've lost your armor, but not so, if you are everything and there is no outside how can you be hurt? The belief that there is an outside apart from me is the beginning of vulnerability. Just to clarify where I'm coming from on this particular topic, I was raised in Christianity with this exact belief and I really took it to heart. It caused a lot of judgement, fear, and suffering. Ironically, my relationship with the only man I've ever slept with got better when I realized what an existential, spiritual whore I actually was. So everything was I, that I could never be touched, nor did I have to touch anything off limits to prove to myself that I can. In the realization that there are no true limits, limits can be loved and respected. This goes to non-sexual relationships with people and places and things too. The more we realize that someone else or something cannot control how we feel, the more enabled to become to set boundaries or focus on other things. More importantly we are able to really love and really connect and see the best in anyone. This is covered over when we are busy protecting ourselves. Ironic, the empath feels they are so open and sensitive to the outside and yet they still try to build up that border and strengthen it. It's a conflict.

Intelligence is a farce. You'd have to give it up to even get it at all. Hilarious! Yellow looks yellow to us because it absorbs all other colors except yellow. It reflects/rejects it. So likewise, if you want to be intelligent, you better be believing NONE of this.

“It is a curious subject of observation and inquiry, whether hatred and love be not the same thing at bottom. Each, in its utmost development, supposes a high degree of intimacy and heart-knowledge; each renders one individual dependent for the food of his affections and spiritual life upon another; each leaves the passionate lover, or the no less passionate hater, forlorn and desolate by the withdrawal of his object.” “It is to the credit of human nature, that, except where its selfishness is brought into play, it loves more readily than it hates. Hatred, by a gradual and quiet process, will even be transformed to love, unless the change be impeded by a continually new irritation of the original feeling of hostility.” ― Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter Thought says someone or something makes me happy. Thought says someone or something makes me unhappy. Love doesn't say this, love just is itself, love. Love loves. Love feels like love. You never stop loving anyone.

When you sit on the chair, is there two sensations, the sensation of butt and the sensation of chair, or just one sensation?

It seems this way, but this belief is no different than the purity mindset of religion, for example Christians believing that if kids listen to rock and roll they will have mindless sex and lose themselves to the devil. The evil or bad is a projection. You attract what you get from others, what you notice, what you see, what you react to. Any bad energy is just a signal, you can flip your perspective to "oh, I want to heal something around this." or "oh this makes me appreciate something I wasn't appreciating, I'm more clear on what I want now."

Creation is creative AF. Who would have thought?

Make a list when you're feeling alright of fun things you can do. Maybe there was an old comic strip or web comic you loved but had forgotten, a hilarious youtube video you haven't forgotten but haven't seen in years, music that you used to love but haven't listened to in forever, etc. Send something funny to a friend. Go for a walk in nature of a new trail, someplace you've never been. Cook a new recipe. Make a list of stuff like this. Then make it a point to do 1-4 things a day. Maybe, unless it feels like too much of a task, start a creative endeavor with no expectations of outcome, just for fun and exploration. So much of your endeavors are focused on healing something that's wrong. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that we want to feel better and taking steps to achieve this. There's everything right with taking responsibility for it. However if you perpetually seek fulfillment in the future, when we are healed, etc, we actually cut ourselves off from the life force that is already PREDOMINANTLY well being. Instead of thinking 99% of people haven't had these awakenings tap into the feeling of what they were like... what they are now, what "now" really is. The moments of awakening and inspiration were not past. They are here, now, more clear, and better than ever. There's never ever been a moment like this, and there never, ever will be another moment like this because there are no moments. You are free and clear! Never, ever, ever failing. Never falling short. Never falling behind. What a fucking miracle THIS is, THIS, this? How is THIS possible? YOU, it's all you. How you YOU ever improve on this? You couldn't. Ok you could. But only cause you're already just THAT fucking awesome.

Jealousy and feeling off track isn't going to go away if you change your circumstances. If you get married and you still have habitual thought patterns that are always looking for the next thing, the next step and the something else, then you feel tied down. Or you go for the house, or the baby, or the better spouse. If you have a baby you get jealous of the peers who don't have kids and have their freedom and actually get to sleep at night. Recognizing the thought patterns and owning your own desires can go a long way to turning jealousy into inspiration and curiosity. We are all free to create, cultivate and live our own unique dreams and visions. The fulfillment of a dream is not where the joy lies, it's in the creating and the becoming of it just as much. It's fun to step inside someone else's life to see the choices they made, and how right they are for them, even if it's not what you want, it can still be inspiring or clarifying to what you DO want. There are no right or wrong answers for anyone. That's the beauty in life. If we try to live by what is right we must always act out of what our mind says is good and right rather than out of inspiration. And first we have to fight with ourselves to even figure out what good and right is. And we'll never get there, because there is no definitive right answer that ever feels as amazing as living as open, free, inspiration. It can never compare with knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt on a visceral feeling level what we really want. Nor does it compare with being able to drop the question and be ok with NOT knowing, and with finding inspiration elsewhere on other subjects until it DOES occur to us. This is what no one tells you, you can always go straight to inspiration and relaxation. It's not that you want the security from having achieved what you think you must achieve in life. Those things are not prerequisites to feeling that way. You can feel fulfilled now. You do not have to make anyone out as wrong for their choices and you do not have to feel less than for not having the same opportunities or having made the same choices. You can tap into that security and inspiration at any time. Then we can really ask, from a place of open, pure, inspired, needing nothing, but simply for the pleasure of expressing from our already beautiful state of fulfillment... what do YOU really want?

Woah. Woah. Woah. People sit laughing at this scene not realizing THEY are the patients. We know they are actors, it's a show but then we think there's this thing called reality outside it. It's for you. FOR YOU. I did not make the perpetually annoyed appliance salesman's day. He is still grumpy but he made MY day. Maytags are falling from the sky. Oh... Stewart. It's funny when you're conscious of how you're doing it. Projecting on Stewart, wanting an appliance salesman's love. So what I really want is to not be like Michael. I'd like to be an effective manager. No. I'd rather be the script writer for The Office. You're already doing that. You always lead me straight to plagiarism. You encourage plagiarism. What gives? Plagiarism is only possible because of the belief that there are others who are better than you, who achieved before and that copying them will give you what you want because there is some sort of formula that they got right. There's no surer way to lose the game by the default of not enjoying it than to believe in others who are better than you, who come before you. It's FOR YOU. So productivity or rather, doing what I want to do, wanting/allowing love, and creativity, all the same fucking thing. Yes, but not a thing. Things are what are different form other things. What makes a difference is not a thing. For you. Not a thing. What a wild ride. I just read this thing on Facebook about screaming behind the laundromat and then someone said "it's a daycare now" and that was fucking hilarious. But then I read, it was in the middle of the night, and it was some kind of animal and I remembered that time I heard screaming in the middle of the night. I mean, it's hilarious one moment, and then we're back to serious. Is it really back to serious? What did you interject right before it got serious again? A personal memory of something frightening. I. I don't like letting go of the punch line. I don't like people laughing when it's no appropriate. What's an appropriate duration to laugh? Can it be funny all the time? Should I call Stewart back and order a fridge too? Right on his lunch break? You see, I'm aware of my infinite nature, and I will perpetually cause problems and want things. There's no getting rid of me. Poor Stewart. ?‍♀️ Oh! Oh! It's OK that I'm never satisfied. I don't WANT to be satisfied! I do but not forever. Oh Stewart, you got me a stainless tub dishwasher, you pulled it out of thin air, but I want a fridge that doesn't freeze my fucking cucumbers now. And it's ok. It's ok. Only I know how badly I need to have reliably FIRM cucumbers. Just FOR my PLEASURE! For my SATISFACTION!

LOVE ME, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! YOU AREN'T LOVING ME ENOUGH. I'm so fucking special. Can't you see? There's never been anyone like me. Sometimes I think I'd sell my soul to be loved. I'd pretend I don't have these ridiculous outbursts. I'd bottle them, up, keep them hidden, not just laugh about it. I mean, they think that the comic strips with Hobbes edited out are sad, but think about the strips with Calvin edited out? That would be even sadder. Neither Calvin or Hobbes actually exists. No one thinks that's sad. Geez, that's wise. But sometimes I feel like Michael feels about Toby towards you. How sad would The Office be with no Michael? Jesus Christ! It would be fucking pathetic. The pathetic character MAKES the show good. How fucking beautifully, ironically hilarious.

I misspelled massage as message. Sigh... I think it honestly does not matter what someone shares or what they don't, Ok, something I've been wondering about... I assume that I have low self esteem. I was raised by people who have low self esteem, Bullshit. Yeah I know. They're always both, always arrogant, always a back and forth. But what I want to know is how appropriate it is to appreciate yourself. You're always appreciating yourself, whenever you're appreciating. So there isn't anything WRONG with appreciating myself? There isn't anything evil about it? If there was a self there would be things off limits that are wrong to and for the self. So the need to have others appreciate me, does that come from resistance to appreciating myself because I think it's wrong, or inaccurate? Something came to me. I wrote, "If you have thought patterns that are constantly berating yourself for not being good enough, nice enough, etc, a relationship with someone who is mean to you can seem for a short time like beautiful sweet freedom from this because we don't have to do it to ourselves any longer, we've outsourced it. " Ok, so it's letting go of the berating thoughts. So if I appreciate myself and that happens I could just fucking leave it at that. I wouldn't have to berate myself for it later. berate (v.) "to scold vehemently," 1540s, from be- "thoroughly" + Middle English rate "to scold" I could just leave it at be--- before I get to the rate. How do I rate? You don't. Oh. Right.

Oh journal, sweet journal. It's like getting home from a vacation and all the old familiarity looks so new again. The smells, the comfort of your own bed... Ahh... You cut the vacation short. Shut up, there's no time! Uh huh. Fuck practices. I want positive motivation. Motivation is not positive. I want inspiration. There you go. I want to eat that bag of chocolate chips right now. Is that inspiration? No. Is it motivation? No. It's trying to make myself feel better. Well you can't make the jump to inspiration, but you can feel better. Why would you choose something that doesn't make you feel better, and could make you feel worse, but will probably leave you right where you are? Because I have low expectations for myself. I have low standards. You don't really, you have incredibly high, high, HIGH standards for how you want to feel. And so the dissonance between this and how you notice you feel is actually the creation of the thoughts that perpetuate dissatisfied feeling itself. There's no place low on the emotional scale you could be. You are not a thing, not a particle that jumps around. You're always beyond high or low. Ok, so what can I let go of? The resistance to the stomach pain. The resistance to low energy. The resistance to calling that appliance guy for the third time, that I imagine thinks I'm a total PITA by now. I love you burnt out appliance man. I will totally make your day. I can let go of the resistance to journaling, the idea that I should have my shit together. That just triggered something, my message therapist telling me she's moving, selling everything, she kept saying getting her shit together. I can't get my shit together to get rid of it. Expansion, none of this shit ever comes together. You're always just perpetually, anyway, already, letting go of it.

Kids are in school so I'm taking half the month off from extraneous internet to hopefully get ahead on some projects.

Oh HOLY SHIT. Crime is an extreme of trying to take action and force into place what one wants. I can't have what I want, so I will take it, force it, make it happen, kill it. Crimes have motives. It's a total misunderstanding of the law of attraction.