mandyjw

@Alex That was fascinating, thank you. I'll look into him more.

I found what Arhattobe said about the middle path to be true. I let myself have desires but they are nothing more than nice thoughts I like to think about the future. If I find myself feeling like I need the future to fulfill me I know I'm not being present and I can always go back to being fulfilled in the present moment and being grateful for what I already have. Once you can ground yourself pretty well that way ans generally feel fulfilled, you can enjoy having visions of things you might like to do in the future and play around with trying to make them come about.

The LOA is actually incredibly hard to do. Years of practice will still have you accidentally attracting things you don't want. You should never ever start to try the LOA on things you care a lot about. They have too much momentum in the wrong direction. First try it on little insignificant things.

Yes. "Gravity isn't real!", says the person standing on the ground.

With meat it's really important to focus on choosing clean meats. My own rules are, Cow- Only grassfed, no factory farmed raised beef Pig- Only organic, (pigs concentrate toxins) so basically I almost always avoid it unless it's Christmas or something Chicken- Organic or only breast meat if conventionally raised, again toxins concentrate in the animal fat Fish- Only wild caught, low mercury fish, basically that means I only eat sardines and Alaskan salmon, but there are others that fit into those criteria as well.

Me too, thanks!

And there's where you went wrong. The whole time you were listening she knew that you thought what she cared about was bullshit. Which is why you're not ready for an actual relationship. You're too self absorbed and care only about getting your own needs met. That's why girls you know in real life don't pay any attention to you. The problem that could be addressed first is the wounded, insecure, frustrated part. You can fix those things with personal development and mindfulness, read Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now, some RSD coaches even recommend his book strangely enough. Also do you guys realize what happens magically as you get into your late 20's and beyond? All of a sudden there are a lot less girls your age looking for just sex and a lot more that want a committed relationship. Those women will care a lot about your job, your work ethic and very, very little about your sexual history, in fact the less women you've been with the better, even if that's no women. You're the only one turning your lack of sexual experience into a huge problem. But I get it, you want what you want now and pick up gives a way or at least a hope of getting it. Also our culture is uncaring and materialistic in a lot of ways, and women treat men horribly and have no compassion for them and men only care about women for how they look and whether or not they put out and the problem perpetuates itself.

@Mikael89 Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl" is not a good example of all women. Most women are not bisexual. Women know that if they make out with other women, men will want them more. It's a good trick, and it works. We aren't as disgusted by other women like some heterosexual men are disgusted by other men, but that's all. You are fantasizing and inflating the idea of women in your mind. If you think women are unicorns it makes sense that you'll never find one because you don't think they really exist. Would you rather have an actual woman or this fantastical idea of women?

Don't do it. It's easy to fall into the trap that you need to be able to do something to get enlightened. It's easy to blame the kids for why you don't have time to meditate and do all this spiritual work. Believe me, I know. We tend to think our kids are what's keeping us from being enlightened. It's the opposite, it's a great opportunity to put others ahead of ourselves and die to self in that way. You can only enter the present moment now, you can only be aware now, you can only be enlightened now.

You are taking how you perceived things in the past and projecting them and expecting them into your future. You don't need to do that. Be conscious of the present moment and all problems resolve. Past and future are always just thoughts and concepts. The Power of Now is the perfect book for you. If you like Leo's stuff you'll be ready for it, it tells you how to finally get out of concepts and past and future is a very clear way.

@Shin You're definitely on to something here.

@Shin This is the same hair transformation as Walt in Breaking Bad.

The consensus? Eckhart Tolle had a snap enlightenment after experiencing suicidal depression, he spent years just sitting around, then longer learning how to put words to his experiences and drawing from spiritual traditions to make logical sense of what happened to him.

It's even pirated on youtube.

Well this makes me feel like a huge failure as a woman. LOL Mikael, you're going to find a woman someday and she'll be great but you're gonna be extremely disappointed. Please, please, please, please take David's suggestion and read The Power of Now.

Eckhart Tolle is a fantastic suggestion here, but if Eckhart Tolle won't get you enlightened, what teacher can? His books are the most clear, concise, and free of egoic traditions and language of anything I've read on the subject.

I doubt anyone would ask. And if someone said they came to library to meet girls, that would be the perfect answer and if I was interested, I would find that charming and/or hilarious and also a great opening or incentive for me to start a conversation and find out if he was just kidding or not and ask him to have coffee. Maybe I'm weird. Of course some libraries would not be good, like I said it's really stupid example but you get what I'm trying to say.

Yoga. Just kidding. Sort of. My real answer is just go about your life focusing on the things you love and the things you find fulfilling and the right relationship will come to you. Go to social settings and events for things you're interested in to meet people and further your social development. Don't go just to meet girls. Go for the yoga. Or whatever it is. But if you really have to go to a place for the purpose of meeting girls, you can also be a lot more creative about that if you want to be.

It's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the path that was right for you and the steps that you took to get there are right for everyone else. Leo has fallen into that trap with his advice and so have I and most of the rest of us. That's why some of the things I say are judgey even though I'm trying to be open minded. We can only give advice from our own limited experiences and perspective. That kind of advice can only be helpful to a point. The only real personal development is to find your inner voice and know what's right for you. That and to have faith in life and acceptance and appreciation for what it brings you. Going around trying to make things happen all the time gets old and empty really fast. That's why so many of us have looked to mindfulness and meditation. Life is short and you can only pursue so many things to the best of your ability so you have to pick wisely and know which are the right ones for you.

ANYTHING challenging you try or feel inspired to put everything into is the best environment for developing awareness. You think marriage or raising kids with someone is easy? Or putting all your focus into a business not knowing whether or not it will work or fail? There are all kinds of challenges that can grow a person. I'm not discounting pick up I'm just saying that for many people there are going to be much higher ROI challenges than pick up. Some people love having casual sex and connections without commitment or clinging. There's something beautiful about it. But there's a cost. Some people love having a committed relationship and being able to focus on building their life and business and personal growth in other areas. There's something beautiful about it. But there's a cost. NEITHER scenario will make you truly happy. BOTH scenarios will make you realize that you are the only person who can make you happy. The only thing I'm trying to challenge here is the OP's question of whether or not pick up is necessary step. It's not. Figure out who you are and know what you want and then you'll know what steps to take.

Ok, the library was a bad example. But I think you get what I'm trying to say. How is possibly creepier to meet women at a yoga class if men do yoga too! Do you mean you'd feel like you were a creep, which is an insecurity or do you mean to say that women feel too insecure to have men at their yoga classes?

Ok, good point, plenty of women want casual sex too. But for both men and women looking to fulfill a need without having to do deeper work and encounter relationship challenges it can be a cop out. If you go into a relationship knowing it's casual there's no chance for real rejection. Pick up can be a way of getting needs met without ever having to open up emotionally, be vulnerable and grow as a person. Some people have to go through that stage before they are ready to tackle all that, other people are just ready for relationship without having to do it. It's not a necessary step for any guy to have to learn to get good at pick up. Getting stuck in pick up or doing it at all when you're already evolved enough to be able to handle a relationship can really hinder your growth. But again if it's fulfilling for both parties then I can't judge.

That's a limiting belief. There are certain settings where this is true, like the bar/club/party scene setting, but it's not true of the world or women in general. How much sense does it make to go to a setting where there is the largest amount of competition for women and women KNOW that they are a commodity? Why not go to a library or a yoga class or where you'll be the only dude among a bunch of women? Why else, because you don't actually want a relationship but want to play a game. Pick up encourages you to go to specific settings, and do specific things to attract a specific type of woman. It's great because by being so specific you can teach other people skills in how to have success at it. It's not great because it's incredibly limiting, especially if you want something more than the results you're getting. If pick up makes you happy and fulfilled and you aren't hurting anyone, I can't judge. I took the initiative in my relationships when I was dating because the guys who did take initiative with me were not the type I would ever want. So I wanted a guy who was honestly interested in having intelligent conversations with me and I didn't care that meant that he was too shy to ask for more than that, because i could. Everyone, men and women should learn how to take initiative.

Are you asking if you should take it while in care of the kids or asking if you should take it when you are gone on a weekend away while they are in someone else's care? Of course you should never ever consider taking anything while they are in the house or could see you, even if there's another adult caring for them. It will be really damaging to them. My own choice is that I won't consider using any substances until my kids are grown, if then. Having kids is a spiritual practice like no other. They are both developing egos and enlightened masters. You don't need to take anything if you have kids, being a good parent is a massive spiritual challenge enough. It will ruin you, transform you and change you forever for the better if you embrace it. My advice is just focus on this one massive and fleeting challenge for now because no matter how enlightened we are, we're still going to mess our kids up somehow.