mandyjw

The thing that you "did to me" was open me up to the vortex almost completely. Now, I only fall out occasionally, and when I do it's bad. I have to be careful with myself when I get tired or triggered. Instead of walking around like a dead person 90% of the time, living in drudgery and in getting the next thing accomplished I walk around in the vortex, confident, the words flow, I look people in the eye, I know what to say. This painfully shy girl is now an extrovert who puts smiles on people's faces. I attract people like a woman in love attracts men to her when she doesn't want their attention anymore. People don't want me to leave, but I know how and when to end conversations for the first time in my life. Inspiration is there at the snap of my fingers.

I've had access to the vortex my entire life. When I listen to a song I really love, when I'm inspired and create something without drudgery or doing. When I write something I'm passionate about and the words just flow. It's like it comes from a place of passion and love and it's so intense that it HAS to be created. It's channeling. It's when I run through the woods on really rough trails but I never ever miss a step and I run fast and gracefully and don't even give notice to the obstacles. It's like God is with me. I'm doing his work, he's using me to do it. I've given myself up to God and therefore become God. This is presence, this is the ego-less state. Mediation, presence and quiet mind only prepare the ground for this to occur.

Too much focus on authenticity makes one inauthentic.

@tsuki Because when you are a powerful creator and you aren't intentional about creating and you don't strive to create from within the vortex, you create destruction. You serve the law of entropy, not creation. Is that what you want?

@tsuki You did leave the vortex. You're fooling yourself. Why? The coworkers attitude would have been enjoyable as it usually is if you had been in the vortex. Presence is different from the vortex. Presence is being, the vortex is about creating. You went to a place of desperation rather than creation.

@Colin That makes me physically nauseous to read that. Wow. My floaters appeared after a really pivotal and intensely painful event in my life. Of course. Thank you.

Oh, I've really outdone myself this time. 80's COUNTRY music. Around here most people like country music, it's a very conservative Christian, blue collar country bumpkin kind of thing. It's simple. It's made for simple people. I hated it my entire life but I had a really long bus ride, over 2 hours everyday were spent on the bus and the bus driver ALWAYS listened to it. I brought my CD player and listened to my 80's rock, Elton John, whatever I had. Eventually I ran out of music, I'd forget my CD player, the batteries would die, etc. I started listening to the country music, this was about 3 years of riding the bus. I thought I was going to go crazy, eventually I surrendered to it. By my last year of highschool I learned to like country music. I started choosing to listen to it, finding old songs I liked. That phase lasted a couple of years. Then I grew out of it. I don't really hate it and I don't really love it anymore.

@tsuki You fell out of the vortex and let it spiral. You need to learn what interrupts that state and what puts you back in the vortex. Listen to Abraham Hicks. Or my 80's music, that'll do it. You're powerful and you're a powerful creator. You need to get control and stay in the vortex, it's more important than ever. I'm learning to do the same. My money situation has been weird too. It's like I'm barely working lately, paying a lot for daycare and sales are slow. And yet the money is somehow still there to pay all my bills.

@Colin You're probably right. I've had such a bad relationship with them I hadn't considered that. I have one that's balled up and looks like a dark spot and settled almost right in the center of my vision a lot .

@Colin Floaters are different, they are physically there in your vitreous fluid, it's a literal projection that you're seeing. This is more like seeing electrical "pulses", it's more ephemeral rather than physical.

The first signs for me were increased awareness of exactly what you describe. I remember being aware of what you describe when I was a little girl but I didn't pay attention to it as I got older. Recently I noticed that there is/was also a constant dynamically changing display of color and patterns. I saw the vision of an eye centered sometimes. I think now that the colors may have corresponded with chakras but I'm still not sure. I'm an artist so I work with and pay attention to color daily. I wrote down the colors I saw and used them in my work. Eventually I grew tired of that and just enjoyed the display. Pay attention to it, enjoy it, hone it. Good for you.

@bejapuskas That's really funny that you ask that because that has been happening to me a lot lately. Apparently we used to sleep in two shifts. I've been embracing it. The key is not ignoring the urge to go back to bed when you get it, if you get too wrapped up in what you're doing you won't get enough sleep. https://www.sciencealert.com/humans-used-to-sleep-in-two-shifts-maybe-we-should-again You can also use the time to stay in bed and meditate.

I think that past turquoise there are just trees, the sky, the water, the stars, black holes, light, energy. Dispersed expansive all encompassing life energy. In stage turquoise you get to dance with it, knowing it as yourself but still able to play with things because there is a you and there are things. That dissolves eventually.

Which option makes you feel lighter and freer? Pretend that you already picked one and judge the feeling of each. What can't you try the option to take a year for yourself and see how it goes by the end? You can always go to college after that year. College is a huge investment and it's one you want to make when you are 100% sure it's what you want. There's a lot of societal pressure to go to college and it can be easier to go rather than answer to all the questions and judgement of others. That's the wrong reason to go. Laziness and apathy are the wrong reasons not to go. Make sure that whichever option you choose, you choose it because it makes your soul feel lighter.

Play with a litter of puppies. They already have a sort of hierarchy established around 8 weeks. Is one puppy sweeter or more valuable than the next? Whose approval do you want and why? Close your eyes and imagine that you already have it. What does it feel like? Do you feel fulfilled?

Sounds more like immense potential to me. Of course you feel out of place.

isn't that a beautiful thing? You cannot help others without helping yourself and you cannot help your self without helping others.

@Sahil Pandit Hugs. @AlphaAbundance Do it because it's fun to see what happens. It's like planting seeds in a garden. You work hard and get all dirty. You don't know which will die and which will sprout when you do it. But life begets life and it's fun to see what happens in the end. It's like wrapping a present up for yourself, hiding it until you forget about and finding it again someday.

Those are the same patterns I've fallen into with my relationships too, wanting to help or "save" somebody, wanting their attention and approval. Those are our own egoic needs though. Isn't that interesting how we go into a relationship on hand wanting to be loved and accepted as we are and THEN we also have this big goal and intention of fixing them? We can't have both. I'm just wondering what that same relationship dynamic would be like now that you are more conscious... if you could resist falling into those ego traps. Would it be all beautiful magic? Think how much you'd have to open your heart, be vulnerable and be present with what is in order to manage.

@Serotoninluv What exactly about them attracted you?

I would love a video on astrology.

Try the law of attraction, Abraham Hicks. Fits nicely into all this but it SEEMS wrong.

You're doing good, but pretend that you're playing whack a mole and as soon as that belief pops up your'e like, no you're not, the opposite is true. Try to think more in paradox when you think, or correct yourself with the opposite paradoxical truth. Paradox isn't IT either, but it's a good way of thinking in "not it, not it"

@Serotoninluv @tsuki great advice. Opposites attract however, you also need to have things common with your partner where it really counts. If you're looking for a long term relationship try to find someone who will challenge you. Sometimes that means finding someone with more traditional, high IQ, type intelligence when you have high emotional intelligence or vice versa. Most couples are mismatched, heart led with someone brainy. If you're heart led you might want to look for a more intellectual type woman. You'll give her what she can't access easily on her own and vice versa. My father has really high emotional intelligence but compared with my mother he's not nearly as smart. I would have had a horribly cold and disconnected childhood without his warmth, and I would have been neglected without my mothers careful planning. I on the other hand, only really like intellectual type guys. I'm good friends with heart led guys but together we'd suck at making it through life together as partners. I can just imagine the passionate fights we'd have, the relationship wouldn't last two weeks. Instead my husband is more cold and unfeeling on the surface. It drives me crazy and I always saw him as a challenge to get him to open up and see what he was really all about. Put the work into really digging deep so that you know yourself really well. Then you'll know what partners to pick. If a girl is turned off by you sharing too much, that might mean she just isn't the right match. It doesn't mean you were wrong to share, in fact you probably saved yourself weeks of wasted agony in the relationship. Also, trust and work to hone your intuition. Also remember that attraction and love is beyond thought and understanding, bottom line.