mandyjw

You actually demean the very thing you worship. "You shall have no other gods before Me." There is none prior to me, you'd have to split Me, demean Me to put me on a pedestal. It doesn't matter if you tie me to a stake and burn me, nail me to a cross, throw tomatoes at me to mock me, or put me on your wall or on a stage and reverse revere (fun spelling mistake) me. I Am undefinable. Untouchable. Inconceivable. And yet... Oh hi.

Consider the "perspective" of an author writing a novel. There are high, lows, there is misunderstanding, there are revelations. Yet the author knows all, and yet also the author knows nothing, they create it on the fly. The character isn't real. The author feels fully what the character feels, but they also don't feel it at all, the character isn't real apart from them. Clearing trauma is like this. Harry Potter doesn't by his own volition locate Voldemort's horcruxes or resolve conflict. The very one who has created Voldemort has hidden them, and only the author can resolve anything. Now consider your life, trauma, trips, everything with this "perspective". It really isn't a perspective at all, but a stepping out of one.

You cannot write or speak without selecting thoughts. You channel, select and become aware of them. Flow of consciousness writing. i should have finished eating the rice cake before i started doing this. Oh my God, I don't need other people, i need to do this. Don't stop to fix your punctuation. Mrs.Maker. Thought i was bad, actually i think she was a bitch. i'm sorry she died. I feel bad about that. Now I find this humorous, that's not ok. Black curly hair. I wish I had black hair. What will they think? Viszla! Oh Jesus, they're going to think I'm insane. the field, driving in a field. Sundays! What about Sundays? Oh God this feels like when you're skiing downba hill, and you can't dig your poles, in, there's just no slowing down. Oh fuck, here we go. This is it. Lord Jesus. Cabin. That Shania Twain song, oh my God, my dad said to me today that women can't get enlightened because they can't focus. Oh shit. Don't stop now! You can't stop on that note! I have no common sense. Right. Yup cabin. What about the fucking cabin. It's the rotten cabin, they lived in a cabin. Cabin, cabin, why the cabin? My hands hurt. Mrs. Maker hated how fast I typed. Furiously. That bitch! Hmm. Ok. So focus is a good thing. I would not have chosen to write or communicate all of this, for sure. I'm rather entertained. My parents built a log cabin and abandoned it. I walk by it almost everyday. Mrs. Maker and my parent's cabin, what? Is this like a dream? Means something and nothing at the same time? Shit. She really was a spectacular woman. Why was my perception of her so selfish? I feel like I just got rick rolled. Reggae. Lana Del Rey? I may have gone completely insane, but at least now this song makes perfect sense.

What? I want to tell you what's wrong with the world but the sun is streaming in my window through the leaves and curtains and it's so fucking beautiful. It's unreal, perfect. I am sheer appreciation, surrounded by beauty. Loved. And I'm just an asshole who sometimes is like... Nope. Let me tell you what an asshole I am. No, listen. Listen. Thoughts just fire like fireworks. Pew! Ooooo...... Pew! Ahhh...... BOOM RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! What in the fuck God, seriously you make people. Well you know what, I should be here forever. I SHOULD BE YOUR FAVORITE, GOD. I WANT TO BE YOUR FAVORITE. You made him too, and her? She even has way prettier hair than me. Like, what the fuck God? I thought we were best buds. I'm your right hand girl, right? I wanted to be special. Not a species. Not a specific. Humans think they're special. And I can't be infinite and be special. I'd have to identify as a body. MOTHER FUCKER. Why? Why, God, why? I want to be the fucking Queen, God. I will smite all those women with better hair and boobs than me. None of them have a better ass though, I know that. Maybe some of them do. Oh well. This might be a losing game. And it's my game. I made the rules. Sigh.... I used to sort of idolize this woman when I was younger, I didn't know her well, she was more a story. Her name was Ruby and she was a missionary to Africa. She never married, or dated. There were some mystical stories about her being protected. I felt like she had sacrificed her whole life and given it to God. And I wanted to do that. But I was afraid to go to Africa. Germs. Worms. Machetes. My childhood best friends Mom had been in the Peace Core. I was fascinated. I so wanted to do something like that but I didn't have the guts. I couldn't give it up. Instead I gave it up in the back of a Mustang. Husband, house, kids. I'm rewiring this story. Rewriting, not rewired. Oh ho ho Source, you're so funny. Ho ho. Like the SANTA I NEVER FUCKING BELIEVED IN. WHERE'S MY FUCKING CHRISTMAS AND HALLOWEEN CHILDHOOD MAGIC? Instead I just got Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I'm rewriting it. I get to have my cake and eat it too. You know what. It's perfect. It's perfection. It's a bunch of fuckery, sure, but it's perfect. So where do we go from here? Oh glorious cursor. We stop the self defeating bullshit. We start just having fun. We push ourselves. We explore. Yeah, what's with this vague shit though? I feel like shit when my thoughts are present, but unclear and unformed. Also, I feel amazing sometimes when thoughts are vague but that seems to be the case when I feel the worst. When I'm really in a funk, it's just as it's described. I've had very clear discordant thoughts before, but rarely. Sneaky little bitches basically just squeak by unformed. vague (adj.) "uncertain as to specifics," 1540s, from French vague "empty, vacant; wild, uncultivated; wandering" (13c.), from Latin vagus "strolling, wandering, rambling," figuratively "vacillating, uncertain," perhaps from PIE *Huog-o- and cognate with Old Norse vakka "to stray, hover," Old High German wankon "to totter, stagger," Old High German winkan "to waver, stagger, wink," Old English wincian "to nod" [de Vaan]. Related: Vagueness. Just the opposite of clarity. But we don't have an opposite. Emotion is the precursor to thought? Emotion is preformed thought. Emotion is never separate from thought. I feel like I had a shitty childhood, lonely as fuck. No opportunities for fun. Did I do that? Am I continuing to DO that? Was that just a façade? Dude what is this? The lights, the show? The party? I'd go, but I'd want to go home. Ohh... this is why journaling rocks. When I feel like I'm just bonking my head on the wall I stop. Of I could flow of consciousness write. Ha, I'm too fast, I'm way to fast, I have to pick the most... I HAVE THE PICK THE BEST THOUGHT! It's impossible. Fuck me sideways. You cannot write without being choosey. You have to form those sons of bitches to write them, and you have to align with one to write it. Why do I swear so much? These aren't my thoughts! This is just communication. This is why I have a such a need for communication. I don't know what to do with this. What do we do with this? It's all write. You're pure potentiality. potential (adj.) late 14c., "possible" (as opposed to actual), "capable of being or becoming," from Old French potenciel and directly from Medieval Latin potentialis "potential," from Latin potentia "power, might, force;" figuratively "political power, authority, influence," from potens "powerful," from potis "powerful, able, capable; possible;" of persons, "better, preferable; chief, principal; strongest, foremost," from PIE root *poti- "powerful; lord." The noun, meaning "that which is possible, anything that may be" is attested by 1817 (Coleridge), from the adjective. Middle English had potencies (plural) "a caustic medicine" (early 15c.). Wow. There is no opposition to actual, but there is only what's actual. There is never a point where potential becomes actual. I cannot conceive of this. So why does it feel so much better to form a thought? Can I be aware of a thought that is unformed? Are there really unconscious thoughts? This is almost getting into creepy territory. creep (v.) Old English creopan "to move the body near or along the ground as a reptile or insect does" (class II strong verb; past tense creap, past participle cropen), from Proto-Germanic *kreupanan (source also of Old Frisian kriapa, Middle Dutch crupen, Old Norse krjupa "to creep"), perhaps from a PIE root *g(e)r- "crooked" [Watkins]. From c. 1300 as "move secretly or to evade detection," also "move slowly, feebly, or timorously." In reference to imperceptible movements of things (soil, railway rails, etc.) from 1870s. Related: Crept; creeping. Can I tell my thoughts to shit or get off the pot? Are there thoughts I'm pushing away because I refuse to see them? That firework got fired off sideways, everyone had to run, no one saw it explode and then burn down Uncle Jimmy's shed. I dunno, whose fault was that?

It's fantastic to realize that one is not what they thought they were. Sometimes one then thinks that they are fantastic.

In the 70's female apes didn't find tight bellbottoms and low V shirts on males hot, and in the 2000's the majority of males didn't find large breasts any more interesting than they ever did. Humans pretend that there is time, comparison, value, etc. What there is IS style, creativity and it's meant to heighten the enjoyment of sex and mating, not detract and complicate. If you think there's inherent value in beauty rather than the being of it, you've missed it. Which is exactly why Bansky sat all day as a street vendor in NYC selling his art for normal prices like any unknown artist and no one gave a shit.

@StarStruck I don't know if this is helpful or not, but the idea of beauty really isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's an illusion. Just about every girl who is "beautiful" is very aware that this is reality. She can go from looking like absolute shit to completely out of your league in an hours time. That's why when you are too starstruck by beauty, we don't want to be the one waking up next to you in the morning. We know it's not real. You think it's real, and we don't want to be the one who disappoints you.

@StarStruck My name is pronounced A man duh. No shit. But language isn't quite the experience is it?

SHIT TEST. Again. Dude. Yer totally lost in language.

Stick and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me. Unless I believe them or resist them that is. If someone uses shitty vocabulary to help uphold some shitty belief, I can get pulled in and feel shitty or I can remember that I am always undefined. Hard choice there.

I've had several sessions with @@Nahm here on the forum. There's definitely a huge energetic shift thing going on, but also just conversation and addressing stuff about life that seems to be a source of suffering. Lots of insights and understanding. My personal opinion is that presenting transmissions as a "thing" that one person gives to another person and comes from a specific direction is a bit counterproductive, and kind of takes away from the magic of what its really about. But it's definitely "real". Impossible to define or explain, so I guess any language you stick of it will inevitably sound misrepresented. Sometimes I come away with a energetic buzz, bliss, heightened synchronicity, other times lose my appetite for a week., and almost always have more clarity and direction. In the beginning with I let my idea of him and self concept block the seeing of the bullshit I was wanting to see through. I also had the benefit of experiencing from communication here that there was some sort of beyond logicall connection and knowledge going on before I ever talked with him "in person". There's a pattern of overlooking what's already here for something great out there. How fitting that here on the forum, we already got the best. And... ultimately it's already what you are. ❤ But yeah, over 20,000 posts here and who knows how many PM's helping people, hours and hours of his time given for free, helping people, awakening people. My advice, if you're wanting to spend money and check out what transmissions are about, try Phil.

Why not have both electric and acoustic guitars? Maybe you need to save a bit to buy one, but why not do that? You can do a cold shower tomorrow, or right now if you like. Maybe you learned something from doing that, and don't want to do it anymore. Focusing too much on women and dating is how you fail at it. It's great if you forget about it and focus on living, developing and enjoying your life. That's half the advice given to people in the dating section who are really into pick up. Focus on what feels good to you now. The essence of Law of Attraction is, ask and it is given. Ask, and forget the subject. Seems you're pretty great at doing that. LOA is not something you need to devote yourself to, it's the awareness of how things are already working out for you. You also see the power in focusing on what you want, not what you don't want. Notice the difference between actually doing something, playing guitar, taking a cold shower, and the thought "I haven't stuck to this". LOA teaches us that there is no wrong direction, only the fear and avoidance of it, is what makes it seem so. FOMO creates itself. When you are afraid of missing out, you miss out in that very moment of entertaining that fear.

? Ironic that the mind thinks it is bound, and so it creates bounds, "in order to be ok, I must be sane. I must be able to reflect back upon myself as sane." It cannot reflect back upon itself though. It is a thought, and it will create itself anew as another thought. There is no continuum or substance behind the thought. Suffering is really what the healing of mental illness seeks to address, suffering is the only real insanity if there is any. To believe a thought that feels awful to think is insane.

Meditation is detachment from thought. Are you talking about contemplation or meditation? I've mostly been totally spontaneous and free with contemplation. I've run since I was 10 and thoughts would slow and insights and passionate feelings for spiritual things arose. Do what you are inclined to do. You're utterly free. Thoughts say otherwise. We make time in meditation to enjoy our utter boundlessness. Meditation is not contemplation, it's letting go of thoughts. I have a habit in the morning and night to brush my teeth because I like having clean teeth and I don't have to think about it. Build in habits that serve you. Enjoy life and spontaneity around them. Then do as you're inspired to do. Focus on what you have determined through the means of inspiration and feeling that which is important to you. There is no conflict here. I spontaneously journal or write to let go of thoughts and work up through a low emotional state. I do this as needed. It's helpful to carve out time for it, but it's best done when the need arises. Again, fantastic feelings and insight comes out of nowhere. Sometimes it's the most unexpected random things (we would think it to be distraction) that inspire an insight, other times we have to clear everything away to make space, we have to listen and open to receive it. You've got all the tools at your disposal. Practices, spontaneity, it's all at your disposal. It's all for you, all part of you. No conflict, you're just lucky. Meh. We're all just a bunch of idiots on the internet. We're just writing all this shit for you. None of it is valid. You got this. ❤

How is it possible to read a book? Pages of a book, frames of a video. Same dif. You are what does not have pages or frames, or seconds or moments, or beginning or end.

"Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." "We all have the same asshole." Yeah, I don't know about that. ?

Before I attracted a kind comment, I noticed I had verbal diarrhea with my husband this morning, and just everything was coming out of my mouth with no filter, and luckily he's always just too chill to be bothered. Then I thought of something I said in conversation recently and part of the youtube video I have ready to post. And I thought... "I really wish no one took me seriously. " And like... with nonduality, you have to have both, you have to not take it seriously and disregard it and also, it's the truest thing you ever heard. At the same time. So likewise, in my relationships and interactions I reflect this. I Am hollow. I Am hallowed. I am full of shit. I am fertile soil for ideas. I am never the ideas.

@Gili Trawangan Comments are fine, and thank you so much. ❤?

I'm jealous or something. I feel like no one gives me any credit. I don't know if I want it. Do I want it? Yeah, I want it. I want some fucking credit. credit (n.) 1540s, "belief, faith," from French crédit (15c.) "belief, trust," from Italian credito, from Latin creditum "a loan, thing entrusted to another," neuter past participle of credere "to trust, entrust, believe" (see credo). Awww. fuck. Trust again? Credit. Trust. Money. That car loan I feel a bit sick about that we took out. I thought these were two different subjects. Alright, what's my problem? I had a problem. Who the fucks knows. I want to feel amazing. I want to teach, like in person, in conversation, actually actively teach. But I know I can't teach. Whatever speaks in italicized font can teach, and it's not separate from me. I want to make money. I feel like these two things are impossible. I don't know why I'm so hung up on it. Oh Vortex. Oh Source. https://youtu.be/ipqqEFoJPL4 I get confused sometimes. Everything I can think, write, attribute is not. And this is the best news I never heard. Shirtless guy in an old perfume ad. A field. My idea of what California looks like. An old clock. A woven chair. The ocean. I tried marijuana. I have too many dreams. How can I shuffle between them all? You can't. All are not subject to time, never a problem, never separate, each serving the other, serving the whole. Are there too many people? Too many animals? Too many trees? Too many planets? Too many stars? I Am prolific, and never divided. Nice to meet you. I'm too lazy to cook and live off rice cakes. What nothing to say? Have you abandoned me too? Too? Sigh. What are you focusing on not being here, that is?

There's nothing serious going on here.

Have you explored how infinite your right now experience is? Looked for your center, your borders outside of thought?

Hahahaha. That's the furthest thing from the truth. I laugh not out of disrespect but because the lesson is still fresh and tender. Fearing for your child and wanting them not to experience any suffering is highly conditional. What's incestious is a relationship with one's own thoughts and beliefs. The feel familiar so you don't dare let go of them to venture out to meet new ones you could really create something with.

@Gesundheit2 He composed, lost his composure and then decomposed. The Romeo and Juliet of the East. I Am Shakespeare, I don't come from east or west. What of love?

To the contrary, how f-ing beautiful that it's still purely on topic. How to feel... Higher, higher, higher. https://youtu.be/dTYOkcRH220

That's all there already is. It's not that it will bring peace, it just is that. But to avoid the recognition/enjoyment/Knowledge of it, you say women are incapable of the "higher" love men are capable of, so you cut yourself off. No need of that. You're free to define things how you'd like, and pay the fines.