mandyjw

I had an awakening on the forum, at the start of April as strange as that sounds. I still don't understand everything that happened, it involved some channeling and happened when I made an inexplicable connection with someone I met here. I started seeing signs, started receiving messages and guidance from things. I'm understanding more of the how and why, but all of it is love, pure love. I hope that someday I'll be able to write out my understanding of what happened more concisely for other's benefit. I highly doubt that there will be any takeaways like specific directions, so I'll might be as disappointing as Eckhart Tolle when it comes to specifics. Here's one specific, it feels like there's space between my eyes and I feel sensations there when I do certain things or certain things happen. I'm still the type of person who bursts out laughing about woo woo stuff sometimes. It's all a hilarious joke.

Thanks everyone. The housework, giving the kids more structure, and relying less on screentime to keep them occupied because I'm off in lala land. Those things were always a huge challenge before this though. I can't decide if I'm giving up my business, taking a break or or keeping it. I feel like I'm letting people down, but it seems really unimportant in the scheme of things now. Abraham Hicks talked about this and it made a lot of sense to me before I had the awakening. I wish i could remember everything she said but I understood that we can't be understood on the level of mind, just connected. I forget though. This need is bigger than having others understand me, it's a need to want to understand myself, to want to know how I fit into things and how others see me or what i can do for them. So I look to others to give it to me when it's an impossible task for them or myself. I see now that I was trying to use him to understand myself. I thought that he is a huge part of the puzzle because he has the same sort of bizarre personality I have, a really big heart, always trying to connect with people in some way or another but always feeling like a fool for it. He said that a coworker strongly rebuked him for talking about politics at work and it really upset him. That's my same personality, always talking about things I shouldn't be. The parallels are so funny and ironic now that I think about the entire conversation.

@DrewNows Please don't feel bad, I'm flattered but honestly struggle with feeling like I'm not being taken seriously, even just for being female here sometimes. I know most of you guys are more woke than that but I still feel it sometimes. I have conflicting feelings about about it all. @Truth Addict I'm thrilled that you started a journal.

@now is forever I love the rest of the world too even if I haven't seen it, and Canada is just as awesome as the US. It would probably be easier to love my country if I was Canadian actually. But I do what I can with what's in front of me.

Green tea?

I don't know anything, I love you @Truth Addict . I'm not right or pure of heart and neither is Leo. You are perfect as you are and caution is necessary. Forgetting all the lies we tell and all the insights we have that are actually lies, that will always be our baptism, a washing away of sin in thoughtless presence. This is the ground that has no ground. There is great value in reminding us all of this, thank you.

No, when I came here this winter (or came back I had an old account I visited infrequently) I thought Leo was full of shit. I connected with David on a lot of his beliefs about how enlightenment wasn't real and how we were already "enlightened". I may have not liked his tone that much, but I agreed for the most part. But then David said that Eckhart Tolle couldn't get you enlightened and I couldn't understand why he said that. I never even opened my mind enough to be receptive to Eckhart Tolle before watching Leo's videos. Leo did that for me. And I had come to here to throw it all in his face. I made a separation between the two. They weren't separate, I created them both, they created me together. Then I realized I wasn't awakened at all, and I realized what a weight my spiritual ego was. I always thought it was strange how connected I felt, how I would just learn something new and Leo would be talking about the exact same thing in a different way that very week. I never did psychedelics but I had an hour long high after watching his trip video. Then all that fell away and i started to think his work was ridiculous, at the same time Eckhart Tolle's teachings even stopped working for me, I fell into nihilism, there's even an old post from this past fall that I came here and made in desperation and Leo encouraged me. I started to have strange experiences and my posts in an Eckhart Tolle group weren't even approved to be posted at all. they just disappeared in the void and I was left alone. I tried to do spirituality on my own, i thought it was a solo thing. The law of attraction pulled me out of the nihilism and brought me straight here.

Meh, yeah. There is, but there is not. The truth cannot be spoken. But we must.

@Truth Addict David Hammond told me that Eckhart Tolle couldn't get you enlightened and I had a fit about it. Of COURSE Eckhart Tolle could get me enlightened. Leo was full of shit. Full of false conclusions and concepts and dangerous misleading distractions. I came here to save people from it. And then for whatever reason, you and the entire forum and spirits from other places showed me such love, some of it felt like getting hit with a stick, some of it like a stab to the heart. And after that I could look at Leo and see myself reflected back. The truth cannot be spoken, but we must connect with it in a deeper unspoken way to see and hear it.

I want to say that it can't be described but I know that's a cop out because someone in another thread just reminded me of a quote from Leo about how the Truth cannot be spoken but it must be spoken. Yet when I try to describe it, I realize that there's something I can't reconcile that is being reflected. Let me contemplate some more and I'll give you an answer.

I loved it, of course. I had to watch it twice because the first time through I thought you might speak so I was thinking and anticipating a lot. There's an energy about you I understand better. I also find it strange how much you look like and have some of the same mannerisms as me. I love the setting.

So how did that feel?

@Truth Addict Are you suggesting that it's time to make this into a secret society? Should this knowledge only be kept for the "elite" then? We live in bizarre times, when Youtube is full of information that was held closely as secret for hundreds of years. Just 10 years ago it was a place for cat videos. Not only is information more readily available than ever but secrets are harder to keep than ever. Maybe this could be a prophecy for our times? "No one lights a lamp and covers it with a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he sets it on a lampstand, so those who enter can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, and nothing concealed that will not be known and illuminated."

Our government is too large and complicated for any one person to understand. Isn't that what is meant by bureaucracy? There's no way that corruption can be taken out of it without simplifying it first. It's pretty amazing that it works as well as it does. There will never be an elected government that does what needs to be done for climate change, or the national debt problem. They have to be popular, they only get a four year term. There's no long term project... the ones that REALLY need to be done, that can be accomplished by a democratic government that is electing leaders with short terms. It needs to be accomplished by the people, because they have a vision and a love for the world. It's a mistake to think that government and politics will fix climate change or our biggest problems. Those problems are in our hands. It's a mistake to think that conservatives need to evolve into being liberals, when conservatives are trying (sort of) to address the bureaucracy problem. I think spiral dynamics is very useful and that's how it happened for me personally, but it's really important to remember that they are both two halves that need to be integrated. Republicans and conservatives aren't all stingy, they just can't see the actual good that their tax dollars do. When your taxes are going to fund unnecessary wars, how could you not be for lower taxes? Conservatives and liberals have reacted against each other, splitting themselves into two. They need integration, this is not a war, this is duality and law of attraction at work making them more and more distant from each other. Having a local community with friends who you barter and trade with is a beautiful thing, especially if you feel like your tax dollars are funding evil. I've had the experience of hiring people who are out for profit and always concerned about any little thing that could cost them money or get them sued. They treat me like an object, not a human being. I've also had the experience of hiring people who do their job because they love it, and are fulfilled in being able to do the work they love and help out someone they love. Those people become friends. You trade with them, you give them food out of your garden, you make friends with their families, you meet more people through them. Government sucks the unique human connection out of everything and democrats only want to more and more of it. They think it's the one solution to our problems and they don't have a more holistic view. People really like the illusion that they are independent and yet they trust in a system that's too large to be understood by any one person to take care of them. They would rather trust in a system than in people whose eyes they can look into and whose hands they can shake. Their egos are triggered more by a person than by a system. They don't want to put their faith in God but they put faith in their a fictitious and unreal understanding of a government that they can never understand. There's a greater vulnerability required to trust your actual neighbors when you've seen their flaws and limitations in real life. Everyday human connection is everything. When we put connection with God (Being, Source, Etc) first we act out of love and love connects us naturally.

Ah. Isn't that always the way though with nonduality? Together but separate. Fulfilled but wanting. You have no idea how bad my heart breaks for certain countries and communities around the world. I know that I can only focus on the here and now and doing good, the law of attraction. You said that a girl in a bar that you felt obligated to talk to gave you the idea of becoming a life coach. Maybe I'm your random girl in a bar/forum. I've seen the signs.

@Leo Gura This kind of thinking combines your desire of wanting to change things up and have events in person and your passion for politics. You already have a worldwide reach and huge influence over people. Are you perfectly fulfilled? Or are you missing a connection with nature and a sense of community and connection with people in person?

Nazi Germany!!! If everyone did a lot of the exact same things I do, the world would be in big trouble. We all have our different jobs and purposes. I do have a global worldview but I think disconnected communities are a huge part of why our challenges are so great right now. People are looking for fulfillment through material gains, food and entertainment rather than where it's actually present, through rich relationships, connection with nature and being. I truly value the friendships I've made with people across the globe on this board, thanks to you and this community. I've learned so much more about the world from them and feel more connected to it than ever. You're blessed to have created such a community. But I know the life that I want to build for myself and I know that building it will extend to help the world too. That's the beauty of the internet and of enlightenment and knowing yourself as One. I tried to get enlightened without doing shadow work and then I had an awakening and shadow work snuck up on me and ate me alive. Since going through it, I know that the Christian patriotic child I was wanted to be accepted and my shaming it for my entire adulthood built a really big shadow. I mean, Jesus was enlightened after all, and America was the pioneer of religious freedom. That pleased God immensely, you know it's true. It's part of God's will. I don't know if America is the promised land or Babylon or The Great Satan. But... we're going to find out. Honestly, we're God, so it's up to us. I say, it's the promised land, the lost Garden of Eden. And I'm going to make it just that.

I'm one of 7.53 billion but I'm also God. So anything that I do is too small to address serious world problems, but God wanted to be small, God wanted to experience herself through me. So it starts with my community. It's a small enough of a community that I can make a HUGE impact on it. It think my time is better spent on my local community than spending my time working for a deluded political party, even if it is slightly less deluded than its rival.

But what about a community without walls or it's own rules, within an existing country like the US? For example if you got a bunch of enlightened people together to live in one area. They would transform that area by changing the local politics, building and running conscious businesses together and the influence would spread. I've seen this work on a small scale. For example there is one very stage green artsy community in among a wide area of stage blue territory here. It's law of attraction at work even if they aren't aware of it themselves. I'm just imagining how powerful it could be with stage yellow and turquoise people.

@Leo Gura But you could put the genie back in the bottle in a small area couldn't you? Assuming that you had the right amount of land for the population, you could create a community that lived like a tribe off the land with help from technology. I look at the Indian (Native American) reservations here, and how we shoved all the people together on small amounts of land. There is no possible way that they could have kept their traditions of seasonal migration and continue to hunt and gather over the wide areas that were cleared. They became dependent on our agriculture and they didn't even have time to adjust genetically to that diet. Wheat was never a great idea as a food staple anyway. We've nearly hopelessly fucked things up, the earth and people are sick as a result. As we combat climate change we need to learn to unobtrusively farm the land, and a lot of that means going back to gathering and farming efficiently. I see the world very differently because I live where people are a rarity. I see food growing wild going to waste and running wild in the woods while I burn fossil fuels to drive to the grocery store and buy food that was shipped hundreds of miles to me, grown on depleted soils with chemicals. It's insane. Reconnecting with nature is a necessity. The wisdom we need to get out of this mess is there.

We could go back to something like what America was when the Native Americans lived here with no concepts of land ownership. The fictions of wealth, expensive properties and buildings are what make that impossible. An enlightened society would resemble what America was before Columbus, but without the disconnection and warfare caused by tribalism.

I thought it was a unicorn. I was fooled.

@now is forever My new vulnerable avatar. I was missing FOOD! Problem is I'm on a diet where I can't eat apples and the apple tempted me too much so now I'm gonna have a stomach ache.

Oh shit. I'm missing something, aren't I?