mandyjw

Now you've got it!!!

I'm experiencing a lot of really old painful thinking patterns, in addition to it, I've added extra thought stories and feelings of shame of things done and said during my awakening. I'd really like to gloss over it, but I think it's better to admit it. I made some progress in one area earlier today and cried and felt a lot better, but it's still there again with a new thought story about self and other. I have glimpses of the master grand plan and I need to own and become suffering rather than think I shouldn't have it.

They definitely appear feminine to the gender identified mind. When Nahm mentioned his wife, I was sure he was lesbian rather than my mind going to "oh, Nahm is actually male".

There is a stage when you intellectually understand that every thought is a lie and your patterns your entire life were based on a false story of there being a you trying to obtain this thing called happiness. After many thwarted attempts you understand that this whole idea is a fiction. Once you experience seeing through the whole thing, there's no going back. Yet the thoughts still remain and the thought patterns still exist. The hope of finding fulfillment in experiences, thought or future isn't as sticky and no longer has the power to distract for long. This results in feeling less than alive, like Khal Drogo when Daenerys brings him back to life and realizes her horrible mistake. Yet this too is only a thought. Ramaji and others do us a kindness by mapping out and explaining the whole thing in detail, yet the masters who don't say a word to anyone also do us a kindness.

This is my computer screen right now. I have a prism in the window near my computer that throws rainbows all over the place at the right time of day.

Unfortunately diet questions are almost never straightforward. It's really common to have a sensitivity to wheat, if not a full blown intolerance. A sensitivity can be as mild as being slightly bloated all the time but never realizing it because wheat is such a common everyday food. It depends on genetics, age and your past diet whether you're sensitive to it. If you can tolerate wheat, you can eat whole wheat in moderation, but balance it out with legumes, rice, and don't neglect other grains. I believe that people have so many problems because we made a very refined version of wheat a food staple, present in almost every meal for years.

@Anton_Pierre You're ok, it's ok, we're all ok.

Yes, BUT, it's not your fault. There's no you to be at fault. Careful, it's an empowering truth if you can become it, but it can a crazy neurotic belief if you let the mind make it into a belief.

Try eating carbs before bedtime, when this happened to me my appetite disappeared and not eating much made the sleep problems worse. Get lots of physical activity and fresh air, a long walk outside everyday, etc, express yourself creatively.

I just think that Osho himself fit your description of devil.

@SunnyNewDay It's ok to call people devils but not bad persons.

Devils are a dime a dozen.

I get sensations in the center of my forehead a lot. It feels like space and sometimes when I'm outside if the breeze is blowing it feels like a part of my head doesn't exist anymore. I'm a for real airhead. It started happening after an awakening. I didn't believe in chakras at the time but experience tells me there is some deep ancient knowledge there. Of course knowledge is only good for letting go of, but you can't let go of something if you don't have it to begin with can you?

Why do women always get blamed for everything? Osho was stuck on himself, he just used her intelligence and ability to magnify the state of his own heart. It was as if he got perpetually stuck in an immature state of awakening, one in which he completely capitalized on his own magnetism. The problem was that it was his personal magnetism, the problem started when he accepted worship as himself as another. Osho's community thought they were more enlightened than the conservative Christian residents of the town they took over, they had the problem of belief in an other, did not believe that they should "turn the other cheek" and they magnified the problem until the entire thing imploded. A community that believed in oneness, only within a carefully constructed community, centered around a specific man. What a joke.

That happened to me when I awakened. @tsuki Is it correct to say that Christianity was my path, even if that's half the truth? And that Jesus is the tantric approach?

@Truth Addict Thanks for the encouragement, I'll try to make them more on a schedule. Watching the Osho documentary. Oh the parallels, the parallels.

Yet another Thomas? He said that spiritual people (as opposed to religious) don't want be under an authority and they want more participatory kinds of teaching. Actualized.org is interesting because we have the lectures, and here on the forum is the participatory piece. I've always wondered why churches set themselves up for failure. The Pastor depends on the church for his monetary survival, and can never question his faith, therefore can never go deep with it. And the church goers are not encouraged to question their Pastor.

@Leo Gura and @winterknight 's perspectives are both correct. No one is full of shit, or we all are. Natural awakening or psychedelic induced if you're talking about it as something that happened in the past, it's an experience, a thought and a memory. I am you, you are I. We created psychedelics to awaken, just like we created each other and a lot of other things whether the illusory I took them or not makes absolutely no difference.

you and me here and there past and future

How much value did they have when you took them after?

Podcasts are the new hot thing. But that may be so six months ago by now, I'm not sure.

That's interesting. I make glass beads for a living, and so I have spent thousands of hours focusing on a flame and molten glass, for the purpose of fun and making money, so who knows how much spiritual growth I've gotten out of it, except that I did notice way back before diving deep into spirituality that I wasn't actually making the beads myself. I've always been really drawn to fire though. There are so many things that came together to make me as awake as I am, that there is nothing or no one that I can point to. Methods dissolve into this beautiful sort of understanding that life is happening for you, as you are life and time never existed so of course everything "unfolds" perfectly, how could it be otherwise? I had a pretty amazing/disruptive awakening recently and I'm still trying to let go of the experiences, which are now memories and false standards of being in my mind. To me at least right now, I'm trying to er more towards living a mundane life than trying to have paranormal experiences. We're all just out for clarity, right? Sometimes clarity is a clear message and sometimes it's a blank still mind.

The only thing I'm trying to say is that there are no inner or outer gurus, we are one consciousness. I will take all the help I can get from anyone or anything anywhere. My "inner guru" if I have one is discernment about whether or not a sign or statement or person has something to teach me. But generally it doesn't show up strongly in my awareness if it doesn't, and if I have a negative reaction, that's a another lesson in itself. What I would describe as an inner guru is more of a gut feeling or sensation kind of system than something that speaks in language though. I have an inner voice too, but it's tricky because my own ego can confuse play an imposter role to anything that speaks words.

@tsuki Stop creating my reality. It's MY reality.

There you go, dashing my dreams of becoming the next Osho.