mandyjw

So sleepy and unfocused but inwardly terrified and desperately wanting clarity. I don't even want to admit that.

Sure! You can choose to answer the following questions I asked the others, or ask a particular question if you'd prefer. What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality? Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience? What do you currently do for spiritual practices?

I think it's because we can see how we created them/they created us, you can see the perfection in the design even if it doesn't seem to be the case. What we perceive to be flaws in them are pointers to who we are and what we came to seek, discover about ourselves in our lifetime. Just because you might find this interesting, in my case my mother acted on a spiritual/emotional level as a distant masculine figure and my father as a open feminine one. The differences I like to draw between the two get very confused.

The two paths are the last illusion of creation, because it seems like we have to travel to meet. Because thinking is the illusion of travel, that we are doing something to get somewhere, going into sensation brings it back to its root, and fulfillment is found to have been the case all along. That there is ourselves and other, lack and need, fear and desire.

You chose your parents. There's a lot of value in finding out why you choose the ones that you did.

This is a challenge we all go through but it can become quite a trap. In fact from one perspective people who aren't as developed spiritually are the easiest to get along with. Everyone no matter what their level of spiritual development brings something different to appreciate and resonate with. I've always believed that every single person is higher developed or aware of some aspect of life that we aren't. It's a really useful skill to develop how good you are at teasing out what that is. The universe is a mirror, if we aren't excited about an interaction then it will bore us but if we go in open minded and curious you never know what will happen. You don't have to remember what life was like, just be open to the present experience.

@Zigzag Idiot It might be the wrong term but I mean entering your post when you aren't aware that someone has replied before it. Usually this forum notifies you when that happens but it doesn't always work.

@Zigzag Idiot That's strange, I just cross-posted, I'm not that strict about posture mediating and even spend a lot of it with my legs hugged into my chest because my hips start to hurt so much. Today I carefully adjusted my posture and had some kind of kundalini energy event. I was googling to try to figure out what it was, ended up finding a thread back on THIS forum where the secret of the golden flower was mentioned. I think I'll try alternating standing instead, I never thought to before.

@Zigzag Idiot Interesting. I always suspected that there was something about the late 20's and age 30.

That has been happening to me too. Sometimes I see something symbolic, occasionally it's an awakening like you describe. Other times it's a dream that is vivid but random and annoying and I disregard it and find out that's it was symbolic or prophetic a couple days later.

Mom forwarded me an email from her neighbor and she had this quote as her email signature. “All shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be well. No matter what. “ Julian of Norwich 1342 - 1416 Julian lived during the Black Death and the Peasants Revolt https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Julian_of_Norwich I'm going to pass out on my keyboard but I hope to study it more later.

I'm so sorry. I recently lost my dog to a massive spleen tumor. A few weeks before he died, I lost my Grandmother, and the night she died I had a mystical experience. My mom told me that she thought it would be within the next few days that she died and she said to send good thoughts to her. So I did tonglen for her. In breath take on their suffering, outbreath breathe out peace. And very clearly for the first time ever since doing the practice, my intentions bounced back to me and I felt this deep sense of peace. It wasn't her pain, it was my pain. My mom told me an hour later that she had passed. Something was waking up in me, something that knew that death and suffering were illusion. That was the first glimpse. Death is an opening. It sounds cruel and ridiculous when you try to describe it to someone, that everything is love. But please believe, it can be experienced and seen.

@Zigzag Idiot I love it.

@seeking_brilliance Oh no, sorry to your friend! I'm an accidental witch but my magic is just that I'll open your eyes to synchronicity but you still are the power that creates your own reality, or us as the Collective God is co-creating reality. I got upset by something yesterday, and it was completely unexpected where it came from. I was already very tired and in a low mood. It struck a nerve that was a really deeply ingrained and unexamined pain point, one of my remaining demons. Something in me said "that's not true", and I went into the sensations I was feeling in my body. Instead of having to sit with discomfort a while, I was surprised how quickly I saw through the illusion and felt love. I woke up today and felt revived. Today I noticed a car I've never seen before down the hill from the place I started going to get insights last winter where a lot of my awakening revolved around. It was a black sports car from out of state with the license plate DEMONS. Yesterday I went for a run where I got the idea to metaphorically offer someone an apple and I got the idea for a metaphor of wolves fighting and baring their throats to one another. I used it in the conversation and then I went to pick up my son at my parent's. I have a doberman there that isn't good with my kids, so I had to give her to them but I still ADORE her. Dobermans have a way of sticking their nose up and looking up at you when they want affection, so she did that and I scritched her chin and she licked my throat. She never does that!

@seeking_brilliance I really enjoy your lighthearted journal entries. So I want you to DEEPLY examine where this comes from. When it comes up on its own spontaneously, really watch the thoughts that come up. What are the stories that are being told you yourself about it? Is it because Leo's style has a way of lighting a fire under our asses so we'll want this? Is it because you believe that effort=results? That's true to a point but it's an oversimplification. There is a danger in turning it into dogma. Or is it because you honestly feel a draw or a pull toward deeper meaning and you aren't following it? Once you know more about it comes from follow the thoughts to their root what are the subtle sensations that come up? Is there tightness in the chest or is it more a gut feeling kind of resistance? You have an amazing outlook and attitude and your interest and curiosity will take you far. At 22 there is a lot of turbulence as you transition into adult life. Remember that the early 20's are supposed to be fun and they are supposed to be somewhat exploratory. The prefrontal cortex isn't completely developed until 25. You will find that your ability to go deep and focus will come. You're right where you should be. Fuel your passion for this journey but don't get caught in beating yourself up or thinking you should do more. Counterintuitevely if we fuel an authentic love and desire for truth, we'll happily be willing to do more, it won't even seem like a choice anymore. The only thing between you and that authentic love is resistance, so remember when it comes up, go into the sensations of it. The duality between spiritual life and regular life, the duality between spiritual practice and daily life gets slowly disappears the further we go. I believe that knowing up front that the difference between the two is an illusion will help that process go faster. Good luck on your retreat!

@Nahm Got sick of popcorn?

@tsuki woof.

@seeking_brilliance Driving is a very high level spiritual practice. There are few others quite so dangerous.

@Enizeo Yes, same questions if you would please.

@seeking_brilliance I want you to be very aware of your mindset and how you feel in your approach to meditation. You really want the result of having more improved focus on the fan. Can you let go of this desire/expectation and see what happens? Even 15 seconds of focus out of that 15 minutes is a win and building your connection with Source. Sometimes a text message is more meaningful than a half hour telephone conversation. What I want you to move your intention toward is feeling the magic of that focus. It's not something we are supposed to be doing instead of another thing, it's the beautiful seashell on the beach you stop your walk for a moment to pick up and admire. Also, your subconscious maybe wants you to treat yourself to a candy bar?

The opening of the third eye chakra corresponds with a certain stage of enlightenment. If you have not done the ground work you will not want to attempt to "will" the opening of the third eye chakra. In addition, there are different paths, and different chakras will need to open first in some people rather than others, they can open from the bottom up, or top down, but even that is a gross oversimplification. After opening the third eye you will understand why before an earthquake you will want to have your house in order and your furniture secured. There will be a lot of mess to clean up afterwards, but a good foundation in basic personal development, learning how to handle relationships and your own emotions, and proper development of morality cannot be stressed enough. There is good reason why certain spiritual techniques were kept secret for hundreds of years and only passed on at the discretion of a teacher or guru to worthy students.

The pathological thing about stage blue religion is that while it doesn't prevent and can even assist one into moving into stage orange, it uses fear, and employs the fear of death and God itself to prevent a move into green because it teaches that inclusion of other religions, and even honoring nature itself means a denial of one's own God. I live in an area that is too poor and rural to support a move up to orange for many which results in a lot of suffering. However the silver lining is that slowly stage green people are moving in and taking over. They thrive on building up the community that is already in place. They are generally smart enough to keep the political views to themselves unless it really matters but communities of like minded people are growing. I've met a lot of really amazing stage blue people, they are only in that stage because of lack of education. They also have skills that in a rural area, are necessary for survival and are underappreciated by the educated stage green people, until they are needed. I think that's a reason why the "Make America Great Again" thing appealed to so many stage blue people, they see a loss of many truly wonderful qualities in society as people move to orange yet they also hope that Trump will help them prosper enough to experience stage orange for themselves. The heartbreaking thing is that they voted for the person who will fuel pathological orange, at their expense even, more than anyone else could have. Education is everything, but it has to be presented in a very careful loving way that does not look at people in a certain stage as a problem that needs to be solved but rather potential that needs care to blossom and bear fruit. I think the best use of one's effort is to educate stage green people about spiral dynamics and help them move into yellow. From there they become much more effective in understanding stage blue and doing things that promote stage blue's evolution rather than resistance.A lot of stage green people think that because they completed college in the past that they are highly educated, they worship education but don't fully appreciate how far they have to go themselves.

Love transcends hierarchy, roles and power dynamics. For example I can parent my children by using power and control or I can connect with love and a deeper wisdom that does what the moment and situation requires out of love. I am from one perspective the child's parent, I'm bigger, smarter and wiser. And yet taking on the role of a parent, if I accept the challenge fully will change me to the core of my being. While I'm the parent, the trick of the universe is that that little child will become a tyrant who demands the love I show it be pure. It knows what real love is. I as the parent am the one who forgot in my growing up and attainment of my strength and knowledge. There's a a moment when you hold your child's hand and see the magic of the world and the connection together and you are both roles simultaneously. That's love, that's what we're here for.

This verse is stuck in my lead lately. "If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles." It's one of those simple verses that needs to be contemplated for a lifetime to get its depth, similar to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Going one mile with resistance when asked is how most of us live our lives. Being born into this world itself is a big ask. The law of attraction teaches you to happily go two. Choose to go two. Put your soul into the work that's asked from you and do it twice as well, happily. When someone or something hurts you, go deeply into the sensations of it, deeply into the body. I have a hypothesis that once you become skilled at doing it, it can be contemplated on a much deeper level than before. There is no potential for insights unless you're willing to deeply feel the sensations that arise, and go to greater depth than on the surface it would seem was necessary. That's going two miles.

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts about it. I appreciate comments on my journal so feel free to come here to chat anytime!