mandyjw

@tsuki There's something energetically unique about this time of year, when it really starts to transition to cooler weather. It's my favorite time of year but it's also bittersweet. Since my awakening I'm very sensitive about my mood and state of mind. Abraham Hicks said that people say that they are sensitive to energy but that she would use the word "susceptible." That was a powerful pointer to me because I know that I need to work with this as it arises and not let my mind turn it into a characteristic. Increasingly I have to be outside more and more and if I feel my mood slipping just going out makes it feel so much better. It has a purifying effect. I'm not sure if I use it as a crutch or if I'm tapping into some older intelligence and need that one should be more connected with nature and the own gathering and harvesting of their food, especially this time of year. Yesterday I came down with a cold. We spent hours outside at a farm and horse fair then I took the kids out and picked blueberries from the backyard, then I went inside and still didn't feel right. So I took my daughter out for a hike at the falls, and got back and still felt the need to go for a run alone, even though I knew I should probably rest instead. Time doesn't feel like it works the same way anymore. As I got older I felt like my grip on reality and time was slipping away, and now there's no reason to fight it anymore. The problem is I am still struggling to get my practical life in order, and if I need to go outside I go outside. I'm not making much money, just enough to pay for daycare, health insurance and a few extras. I sometimes really want a puppy but spending the money and making the huge energy and time commitment doesn't feel right when I'm so lost in transition. I got another dry erase board, and am going to take Nahm's suggestion. I can think of all kinds of things I like the idea of and want to work toward but they turn to dust before they materialize. I don't mean that in a depressing or defeatist way, just that, the only thing that really grips me is this very ephemeral feeling I get sometimes, almost always from being outside. I was looking out across the ocean and this distinctive feeling comes to me and feels really good. It feels ever so slightly like a desire and ever so slightly prophetic and to push it even further it feels like a calling to the West Coast at some point. But when I work to form these types of feelings into anything tangible or actionable they turn to dust. Maybe they are still just gestating. Maybe they are just to be enjoyed in the moment.

When I had my awakening I had bipolar like energy swings. I also had the pressure, emptiness feeling between my eyes and the 666 synchronicity others mentioned in this thread. Time in nature, exercise and regular meditation really helps ground the back and forth energy swings.

@tsuki Whatever you think.

@Truth Addict I believe that you are a pompous dementor.

@Truth Addict I prefer to be surprised.

@Truth Addict Ice skating seems like a huge waste of time falling on your butt all over the ice until you learn to effortlessly glide along. What's worse than a dementor who wants to take your soul? A pompous dementor. But the magic is that you're just so annoyed by how pompous he is that you decide it's worth hanging out with him because you might get the satisfaction of being able to take him down a notch or two.

I don't think that many people realize what debate and argument is or why they do it. We hash out our differences in understanding and perspective so that we can see each other clearly. The wrong intent, such as wanting to prove someone wrong without first desiring to understand them or wanting to come out on top, usually taints or ruins the whole experience. So people think that debate is a waste of time, when in reality it may be the best use of your time and effort that there is. The difference is going into conversation with honest curiosity and connection (love) for the "other". You won't come out of it unchanged if you do that. You only get what you give.

@Truth Addict It's Friday, friday, getting down on friiiday...

You can't create without love, as sure as you are, you are made with love, when the you is seen as illusion the love of and out of your creation is all that's left. Your creation= you seem to have been created + you are creating your reality.

@seeking_brilliance On the first day of highschool, for one class we had to stand in a ring and say our name and something we liked. We had to remember and repeat each person's but I lucked out and got to go first. I was so shy, and so horrified by the idea of having to speak in front of the class. I didn't even say I much preferred to be called Mandy and couldn't even think of anything I liked to do. I wanted to say as little as I possibly could and I wanted it to be easy for people to remember so I said the first generic thing that came to mind. So I said "My name is Amanda and I like apples." The boy who was beside me was someone I would spend the next year loving and hating, equally fascinated and frustrated with and he said with a bow, "My name is Asher and I like acting." Memories are such bullshit.

AHHHHHHH why did you ask? This is all so much bigger than I thought. It was the start of integration, of my spiritual life and my "regular" life, of my Christian upbringing and letting go of and being embarrassed about my religion, of masculine and feminine in my own psyche.

Surrendered into the sleepiness which was nice for a moment and then a jolt to my heart made it feel like it was going to explode.

So sleepy and unfocused but inwardly terrified and desperately wanting clarity. I don't even want to admit that.

Sure! You can choose to answer the following questions I asked the others, or ask a particular question if you'd prefer. What are your biggest pain points in life, and which are your greatest strengths in spirituality? Which thoughts or feelings that don't feel good are most repetitive in your experience? What do you currently do for spiritual practices?

I think it's because we can see how we created them/they created us, you can see the perfection in the design even if it doesn't seem to be the case. What we perceive to be flaws in them are pointers to who we are and what we came to seek, discover about ourselves in our lifetime. Just because you might find this interesting, in my case my mother acted on a spiritual/emotional level as a distant masculine figure and my father as a open feminine one. The differences I like to draw between the two get very confused.

The two paths are the last illusion of creation, because it seems like we have to travel to meet. Because thinking is the illusion of travel, that we are doing something to get somewhere, going into sensation brings it back to its root, and fulfillment is found to have been the case all along. That there is ourselves and other, lack and need, fear and desire.

You chose your parents. There's a lot of value in finding out why you choose the ones that you did.

This is a challenge we all go through but it can become quite a trap. In fact from one perspective people who aren't as developed spiritually are the easiest to get along with. Everyone no matter what their level of spiritual development brings something different to appreciate and resonate with. I've always believed that every single person is higher developed or aware of some aspect of life that we aren't. It's a really useful skill to develop how good you are at teasing out what that is. The universe is a mirror, if we aren't excited about an interaction then it will bore us but if we go in open minded and curious you never know what will happen. You don't have to remember what life was like, just be open to the present experience.

@Zigzag Idiot It might be the wrong term but I mean entering your post when you aren't aware that someone has replied before it. Usually this forum notifies you when that happens but it doesn't always work.

@Zigzag Idiot That's strange, I just cross-posted, I'm not that strict about posture mediating and even spend a lot of it with my legs hugged into my chest because my hips start to hurt so much. Today I carefully adjusted my posture and had some kind of kundalini energy event. I was googling to try to figure out what it was, ended up finding a thread back on THIS forum where the secret of the golden flower was mentioned. I think I'll try alternating standing instead, I never thought to before.

@Zigzag Idiot Interesting. I always suspected that there was something about the late 20's and age 30.

That has been happening to me too. Sometimes I see something symbolic, occasionally it's an awakening like you describe. Other times it's a dream that is vivid but random and annoying and I disregard it and find out that's it was symbolic or prophetic a couple days later.

Mom forwarded me an email from her neighbor and she had this quote as her email signature. “All shall be well. And all shall be well. And all manner of things shall be well. No matter what. “ Julian of Norwich 1342 - 1416 Julian lived during the Black Death and the Peasants Revolt https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Julian_of_Norwich I'm going to pass out on my keyboard but I hope to study it more later.

I'm so sorry. I recently lost my dog to a massive spleen tumor. A few weeks before he died, I lost my Grandmother, and the night she died I had a mystical experience. My mom told me that she thought it would be within the next few days that she died and she said to send good thoughts to her. So I did tonglen for her. In breath take on their suffering, outbreath breathe out peace. And very clearly for the first time ever since doing the practice, my intentions bounced back to me and I felt this deep sense of peace. It wasn't her pain, it was my pain. My mom told me an hour later that she had passed. Something was waking up in me, something that knew that death and suffering were illusion. That was the first glimpse. Death is an opening. It sounds cruel and ridiculous when you try to describe it to someone, that everything is love. But please believe, it can be experienced and seen.

@Zigzag Idiot I love it.