mandyjw

She slept in the attic of the house! I sleep in the attic of our house, it was my dream bedroom, all painted in white. Her evil adoptive mother made her work, I made myself work to death. She went to the forest and found a magical necklace and her lost true family, and had to go see the wise man on the mountain. Who was pretty much a fucked up buddhist monk wizard. Her Daddy. She thought he would heal the evils of the cursed stage blue going to orange town she lived in but he wasn't her rescuer, but only the key to healing and integration and he needed her and she needed him. There were two novels in my head. Come on words, stop flowing, I want to make visual art now, since that's the only creative talent I have that makes me money. Giving Tree, I have a house and a family. I need money, can you give me money? "Boy, take my apples, and sell them in the city, then you'll have money, and you'll be happy." Glass apples. Ok, Lady Liberty, you have spoken. Liberty Hill Rd has three things on it, a fire-station, a Baptist church that burned down and was rebuilt, and the remains after a fire of a clairvoyant doctor's mansion. America! America! God shed his grace on thee.. stand beside her and guide her... Through the night with a light from above.

GODDAMN it that pond was enchanted. All water is. I keep having memories of it, it came up in mediation was it this morning? When I was flirting with disobedience, probably I was 7 or so, my mother let us skate with the older kids without her being there to watch us, but there was one rule. There was this log that we couldn't step over as a boundary. The others kids laughed about it and bigger kids than me were hoping over back and forth and I wanted to do it too. I put my foot over the log and immediately went through the ice. It was as if karma was watching me so closely that it wasn't going to allow me to disobey. The truth became dogma to me. I had the idea for fantasy story in my head in which, you lost your magical powers if you ever told a lie.

That made me remember being a teenager going ice skating on the pond by our house alone when my mother wouldn't let me attend the only dance I ever asked to go to.

OHHH! It's the morning of 9/11! I'm channeling Love through the energy of American patriotism. Nonduality is weird shit.

You guys, it's magic. From the beauty of stage blue, to country music, to the American flag, to the dirt on the floor, to overeating greasy foods. She loves you, she LOVES you so much that you get so sick of her love, and then you find this cool calm place to rest, away from the symbols and the intoxicating distracting siren song of her love, and you look up and realize that you're resting in the shade of a tree and that that cool neutral refreshing restful sensation... is also Her love for you.

@electroBeam What I'm saying is more like "meditate without ceasing". By that I mean while going about doing everything you are meditating. It's easier to do this while we are sitting with eyes closed, and aren't distracted with movement and life. That's why it's such a powerful practice to build that "skill". But if you don't eventually introduce challenge or you want to eventually do things in the world that assist others you're going to be crippled if you don't practice presence "under fire" so to speak. There's two sort of paths or points of view that must come together in the space of no mind, an appreciation of form and existence and a renunciation of it.

The most effective meditation is when you trick yourself into doing it. Feeling grateful for something without having thoughts and just feeling the vague feeling of gratitude. Noticing how beautiful the ice looks in a glass of water. Appreciating nature, appreciating people even if they are strangers on the street. A practice builds the muscle but gets in the way because we "think" it's a practice and we "think" there's time involved.

@DrewNows Bahahaha! LOVE it! Miller "High Life". I used to have a houseplant just like that purple plant growing by the mushroom. @Truth Addict You do create them, but because we are limited they seem or act like they come from outside, however you can usually see how a thought or intention lead to it. You have to train your "brain" to recognize them. It's almost as if you were window shopping with someone and they saw how you looked at things so they bought you something that had caught your eye but you had no idea they were going to get you a gift or what it might be. It takes the intention of noticing them and a desire to see them and taking the time to ponder meaning and feel grateful for them to build your connection. I go about my day with the belief that everything that happens is potentially a sign for me or has a deeper meaning that I'm missing. Just now I took a break from writing this and looked at my feet and my socks say "no nonsense" which is a common sock brand that I've had all my life. I've had that message playing in my head all my life and it seems stupid to even have writing on your socks at all. But just now I looked at my feet and thought about it. We think that the universe is random but it's not, it all makes sense to greater Intelligence. The trouble with us is that we're too discerning.

@tsuki But love never dies, he rose again. There's something very off in the way you speak about and understand hierarchies, I understand your reasoning, and I understand your objection to Leo and I honestly believe that he is learning to rule with love. The misunderstanding of the feminine, and even a woman's experience of life never ceases to amaze me here. There's a reason I turned Nahm into a woman in my own mind, so I could feel safe here long enough to stay. I've been a member since 2016, It took a lot of evolution to even be able to tolerate the environment here. My Mama taught me to tolerate the air of superiority that many men love to give off, knowing that it's just their foolishness and pain that drives it.

Great thread, I've been contemplating this a lot lately too. I don't believe that one gives and one takes or one creates and one destroys, they each do both. The feminine is passion, inspiration, desire and sensuality. The masculine is power, righteousness (the word is loaded with distracting religious connotations but that's not how I mean it), calculation, action.

@tsuki I just finished it and agree with what she says. 28:50 mark especially. I'm not sure why you think I have such shadow issues relating to power. I'm trying to feel around for a wound here and can't locate it, except for maybe my connection with the pain body of the entire repressed feminine power. I love nothing more than someone in power who rules with love.

Now that's a gorgeous Easter egg of poetry. The tree of us. Part of integrating heart and mind is hearing a pointer that you somehow desperately want to solve and it may take years of learning and experiencing life to feel the depth of it in your heart. That's the power of some of the scriptures. The intention and desire to understand is the true pointer, not the words, though they may appear to be. If you spend years of your life being a raving fundamentalist Christian, using the words and pointers as if they were actual swords, then that's how God chose to learn that lesson through you. I fondly remember my fundamentalist Christian days, it was a fundamental part of my path. Nobody died. Don Quixote gonna attack windmills. Haters gonna hate so say fuck it, let your light shine bright. Dude, seriously, check out Abraham Hicks! She channels and is very loving and sensible with her advice and interactions with people. Learning to channel is just awakening to where creativity/love comes from, and learning to connect with it and know when you're connected and when you aren't. No butt potions necessary.

@tsuki Love can never be invalidated. You're making a case to keep knowledge hidden, I'm making a case for it to be out in the open. I'm making a case for Leo sharing stuff like this as the example of the greatest love and courage, in fact if I were to criticize Leo I'd say he shouldn't hide the good stuff on his blog so much. Obviously there's a balance that needs to be struck though. Words don't teach so there's no harm in saying the truth. They can only ever point to it. They never point to a knife hidden in the closet, they can only ever point to love. @flowboy Pure creativity comes from outside the ego and it is the same thing as channeling. I don't see it as being foolish to admit where words or creation comes from, and refuse the worship of people who want to say that it's our own brilliance. Lots of teachers and artists have done this throughout history, Eckhart Tolle says time and time again that consciousness and the words that express it flow through him, these teachers admit that they are just a vehicle. One of my favorites is Abraham Hicks. Lots of people say it's a gimmick, but it's through sensation and knowing that the words really resonate within ourselves that we know them as truth. I think the thing is that in your eyes Leo saying this expands the importance of his own personal egoic role in teaching, whereas to Leo it diminishes that role and admits to his readers that he is just a vehicle for source.

Words don't teach, experience does through sensations if we will be open and listen to them. If someone doesn't resonate with what you're saying they will pass it off as craziness, maybe forever or maybe they come back when they are ready. Maybe it's true after all, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." As quoted from Abraham Hicks, "Don't get caught in the trap of trying to serve those who are not in vibrational sync because you can't" "Law of attraction takes care of those who are ready for that."

Whew! Crazy this video was already up on my computer, waiting to be watched this morning.

@tsuki Bingo. It's the inconvenient truth of I/you/we. But if you want to play the authority/power card, I guess you're above/separate from it all. Alchemy/Enlightenment is about transforming fear into love. Your mind will give you all kinds of reasons and stories about why you shouldn't try.

@tsuki The only reason your mind goes there is because of your shadow. You want me to feel fear because you do.

It's TOO LATE. The cat is out of the bag. Leo's videos and writings are available to whoever wants to look them up. Countless ancient secrets are now on youtube. 24 “The student is not above the teacher, nor a servant above his master. 25 It is enough for students to be like their teachers, and servants like their masters. If the head of the house has been called Beelzebul, how much more the members of his household! 26 “So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 27 What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. 28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+10&version=NIV Don't you see, we hide the truth from others and come up with excuses why it's good for their own behalf, just so we can keep ourselves safe. Or at least, keep people from thinking we're crazy.

Last night I had an insight that, "Chaos = Synchronicity" I'm going to explain it in a video, it requires a lot of contemplation and exploration. It's challenging to take insights from sleep that pack the punch of a deep feeling of knowing back into my daily life and then try to explain them to other people. Yet this very process is also the integration of the insight within myself.

In order to build a house you have to cut stones, cut trees, forge nails, dig out the earth and destroy countless plants and animals as collateral damage in the process. Destruction is the first step to creation. Or more accurately it's simultaneous with creation. You take nature that formed in a free manner and destroy it to form to your image. If the image we try to match comes from the ego, which is the only place that ideas of power can exist, the ripple effects of chaos in what we build strengthen and eventually destroy whatever we build, but more so they hurt others and destroy ourselves because we are only ever building with ourselves. If we learn to let creation tell us how it wants to be shaped we create out of love and in our desire to create alongside God, we have an opportunity to transcend the ego. The only thing that is ever being really destroyed is the illusory separate self. Structure is like a bandaid you put on a wound. It protects the wound and makes us feel like we've done something. But the wound heals and then the bandaid is thrown away.

With that logic you just called Jesus the worst spiritual teacher in history. Chaos is creation. Give me an example of someone who has been damaged from getting too much knowledge too soon from a teacher and not just displayed a massive ego backlash?

There's a huge difference between reading the Bible before an awakening and after an awakening. You know how some pointers resonate with some people at certain times and others don't? Even when we think we're keeping an open mind, we don't even know what an open mind actually is. After you've seen duality collapse, you start seeing pointers to the nature of reality as oneness literally everywhere. Then that ancient language makes sense, and you realize how it was that much of the Bible was actually the inspired word of God and how it got so horribly twisted. Back before psychedelics people got to that awakening on their own through faith and devotion. People's faith certainly can be abused as we've seen countless examples of for hundreds of years, but now we've gone so far against religion and thinking faith is silly that we've forgotten how incredibly powerful it can be.

There's this kind of independence that's ruthless. There's a kind of independence that says you let me down once, then fuck you, I'll find a way to meet my needs myself or leave them unmet. That of course is the ego. I want to know what enlightened independence is. I guess it's knowing that in your being all alone, you're never ever alone. It's not expecting anything from anyone but appreciating everything that they are. I've been quite disconnected from that enlightened state the past few days, I could blame certain circumstances for it, but instead I'll just say that you can't appreciate really appreciate water unless the well runs dry sometimes. That's the entire point of life isn't it?