mandyjw

A month ago I started losing my body awareness in meditation. Not completely but it felt like I lose dimension and was becoming flat, as funny as that may sound. It stopped happening until today at the end of meditation, it happened again only this time it didn't become complete, didn't really settle out and it felt like clear weightlessness, in the top half of my body at least. During my awakening there was this weightless feeling, especially in my heart that I will never forget. What I did differently during meditation was I took some deep belly breaths. The Wim Hoff method seems violent to me and I have an aversion to it, even if I get great results from it. But a few deep breaths that feel good THAT'S what it's all about. So my new routine will be to lead meditation with deep belly breaths, completely INTUITIVE ones, not trying to follow a method or sustain for an amount of time. Yesterday I discovered the other side of crow brook that flows behind the cemetery and it's magical. There are red and purple mushrooms growing there. I sat on a log fallen across the brook and just watched the sunlight on the water. I'm aware of how clumsy my sore or tight muscles make me when I want to do something precarious. I'm looking forward to studying more about how chairs are not natural and doing some of my work standing and working on imbalances with yoga. Starting to appreciate Sadhguru for this kind of thing. I'm starting to realize more and more how the portal to oneness that really draws me in is visual.

@seeking_brilliance Glad to hear from you! You know that "pure experience mode" is true mediation right? Travel is it's own kind of meditation, for sure. As for dreams all dreams are important, but if it feels significant it is significant. I really like hearing them, the last one you shared in your journal about the woman carrying something was really meaningful to me. Sometimes we can't always know their real meaning until much later.

If you are God there can and never will be any external objective evidence that something is inspired. The more you are purified the more truth or God flows through you. God has been flowing through Leo for a long time, so of course this includes a lot of insights Leo already has shared and comes through in his style. If you are God, there's only one way to check the validity of something and that is through your own gut feeling or resonance with it. This is all part of following your heart and getting in tune with the guiding sensations that are beyond your own limited ego. Your ego is always arguing for your own limitation and in order to do that it has to argue for the limitation of other people as well.

http://www.northernpaganism.org/shrines/iduna/writings/what-we-know-about-iduna.html

Wooooah. Those last three paragraphs though, I really needed that. I had a flashback while reading it to high school when "follow your heart" was my mantra and what I wrote in everyone's yearbook. I really had no fucking clue what that really meant, but that was it all along!

I had a short enlightenment experience in my sleep before the story dreams and a dream/insight that gave me understanding of the star of David, how it's formed from two triangles, one pointing up and one down. I always knew this of course, when I wanted to learn how to draw stars as a child that was the only star I could draw at first. But I never noticed the meaning of the triangle until recently. Funny because I've been studying the occult 5 pointed star and how it represents the four elements and the fifth spirit, and how apples have a five pointed star inside, 5 petals on their blossoms and poison nightshades have five pointed petals. The bittersweet variety, like grows on Pomroy's grave, has purple flowers that turn to green berries then ripen to bright red.

Kundalini energy, the divine feminine suggesting it's in chaos, and not channeled.

I dreamed that there was this boy (young adult) who was starting a business giving carriage rides with horses. I had a very vague relationship with him, I have no idea what part I played in the dream but I observed him and he answered questions I asked. At one point a message in the sky was reveled and he had somehow put it there. It was symbolic but all I can remember was that it was red and white with a red heart. I asked him how he did it and he said he he made it with poisons and chemicals he had lying around, completely unconcerned. All I could think about was what was going to happen to the beautiful land underneath when it rained next. Then the dream switched up and I found that he had some connection with my daughter's childcare and that he was supposed to give her a ride home from a city two hours away and immediately I was very concerned and knew I didn't want to trust her with him, because he was too immature, careless and short tempered to understand her and keep her safe. Then the dream changed and I was with one of my husband's family members and she showed me all the beautiful things she had bought all in the color red.

This unlocked something in me, a reverse engineered kind of understanding. Thank you.

This was really amazing. Lots of connections and Easter eggs. A love of poetry!

I'm not sure I'm going to be posting much for a little while, I just got some inspiration and direction that I've been asking for for a project and I have a lot of other work to catch up on as well. Of course I never know which way the spirit will move me, so who knows. I love you guys, I'd love it if you want to drop by and say hi here.

Mediate/exercise/time in nature/contemplation/self inquiry/connect with the body/runner's high mood elevation, all in one.

@Keyhole @Jonac Atropa belladonna, deadly nightshade.

That's one of those insights that is so easy to say and know on a surface level. The depth of it is your death. Rest in peace Mandy.

I guess that this was getting set up for days but I realized that I can't ever really know somebody. I've been living based on this unconscious assumption that I can. I cannot ever really know myself. Why have I spent so much energy building this house upon the sand?

When I get a good idea I immediately rub my eyes after. Why is that?

I use them, they are like a good friend who always tells you the brutal truth but also knows when you need some encouragement. Quite like a few people I've know from here on the forum. I have the "The Wild Unknown" set, because I deeply resonate with nature and animal symbolism. I think it's important to love the deck and the art on it. Intuition and faith in the cards or a spirit guide/inner being behind them is important. Sometimes I feel for the right card but normally I choose it visually, I see "personalities" and subtle qualities or energy from the back of the card. Most of my insights and awakenings have come to me visually, so I guess it makes sense that I'd use my strongest sense. I'm guessing that those of us like that would gravitate to tarot more.

That's a really good question.

I've never had any direct mystical experiences regarding Jesus however I've loved him most all my life. The more educated I became the more I realized that that love was foolish, how does one love a dead man anyway? Silly. Then when I woke up I saw how incredibly important it had been to my path to nonduality. And then I became not Jesus, but Mary Magdalene. Ah, love. It's both the path AND the destination.

@Matt8800 So spirit guides or deities can come to you but not Jesus or the Holy Ghost? Christianity goes deep. All paths are valid. Intentions, thoughts and beliefs planted are like seeds that with the proper conditions can grow and bear fruit.

BLEEEECH!!!! It smells good and tastes good for like .02 seconds and then GOOD GOD. How does anyone get drunk?

@DrewNows I'm the only one who gets to drink, YOU get to eat an apple. Pick the prettiest one you see. Red. Cut it in half, not vertically by the stem but in half horizontally like cutting around the equator. Look at the five pointed star/apple blossom. Eat the apple. You're a witch too now. "Apple is feminine in nature and ruled by Taurus, friday, and Venus." Happy Friday! Leo is a Taurus. I'm a Libra ruled by Venus. Cheers!

I used to think that this was a subtle unsaid thing that everyone knew. It was a very frustrating and painful assumption to have.

@DrewNows Too late, challenge accepted, you have co-created and conspired with the universe to temporarily make my journal into a drinking game. I HATE the taste of alcohol.

@DrewNows Arrrggghh!!! Fine, I'll try it, just for you. I guess if I want to be like Thich Nhat Hanh and go nondual and realize myself as the pirate and the headless maiden I'll have to drink some ale.