mandyjw

@Nahm I can't know the grave ity of the situation.

No, but he asked questions and received insights. Can anyone explain God? Does that make God a fiction? Yes and no.

Everyone gets attached to their own methods, no matter what they are. It's fine to love the methods you use, but pure love is non-attachment. Just like you appear to have come here as a person, you'll have to discover your own path, teachers and methods, but all those things are fiction and part of a story. Do you want to write in a too-good-to-be-true solution to the "problem" in your story? Or would you rather make it into a more complicated quest and scavenger hunt?

Sit under an apple tree, it will answer your questions like it answered Newton's. This is because your actual mind encompasses physical reality. Even though you took away the distinction in your own mind the effects of gravity are still a greatly desired physical state. Question and contemplate whose desire is this?

So happy that you came back!

I notice that having strange insights are good for finding food. It's evolutionary helpful, you see. I noticed that my balance of embrace life and refrain is very tied to the seasons. I'm sure that to many I appear to be all about the tantric/embrace everything path of desire type. I am, but I am not. I appear that way in reaction to most of the other's imbalances here. It has nothing to do with me whatsoever. I woke up with nature around me this spring and the current time of year will have its own affect.

Yesterday I worked really hard to clean the house and get ready for my son's birthday party. SO much work for two hours of complete chaos in my home. I took a break to go for a run. I went on my usual route and had an impulse to go the opposite direction. I'm not sure why but many of my impulses don't really feel good when I receive them. They feel a lot like they did as an 11 year old when I had OCD. They feel like a demand coming from a teacher, and I know I have to listen. I assume this is because of my ego resistance or sense of separation. I turned around thought I would go to Pomroy's. There was a strange vehicle on the road and instead I ran by the river. There were a few crows that nagged and played with me. I stopped and a huge gorgeous heron was sitting in the middle of the river. I watched as it gracefully flew away. I knew that I was meant to go to Pomroy's anyway. I went there and didn't look for anything. Not for an apple, blackberries or mushrooms to eat, not for a sign. I just went there and felt good. On the platform/pyramid, there are three spruce trees growing, strangely as if they were planted on each corner. One on corner the roots have such wonderful character, this is the tree that you can climb. If you climb it in the wind it feels like you're one with the tree and you can feel the ever-so-subtle vibration of the tree swaying in the wind. Someone had dug a hole metal detecting on the platform and barely bothered to throw the sod back over it. Yesterday I went to the smallest spruce and touched it with both hands, closed my eyes and kissed it. When I opened my eyes I saw that where I kissed it was red paint, old graffiti art almost all worn away with time. How lovingly mother nature takes disrespect. Last night as I was falling asleep I had a lucid dream, describing and translating it perverts it but I am not above that kind of thing. I was God and I was trying to figure out how to have a good time and stop being so lonely being me. So I split myself into a group of kids running around laughing with each other and getting into fights, completely oblivious that their separation was an illusion. Then I knew that if one of the kids stopped running around and watched the others, that they would realize the illusion. Then I knew that by excluding himself from the action, he would remain separate. Only when he rejoined the others with his realization be complete. I saw the perfection of forgetting and realizing. I saw the perfection of the back and forth. Today was a blur of throwing a 7 year old's birthday party busyness. After I went for a run to shake off the stress of it. I didn't go far and was told "turn around". 11 year old me loved the number 3, thought the colors red and white were incredibly symbolic to Christ, and had a Buddhist sewing teacher who taught her that she could be an artist. 11 year old me ran and took running very seriously and when she ran she sometimes got obsessive compulsive impulses. One more lap, they'd say, then again ONE more lap. 11 year old me wanted to WIN a race so badly. That Fall 11 year old me, tiny for her age and shorter than the rest of the girls, won the first race of the season. I remember where it was, on the Indian Reservation, along the ocean. Before every single race, my mom packed me an apple and I ate an apple before every race. That tradition continued into highschool. I turned around and was lead to going up a road I never have run down. My Buddhist sewing teacher when i was 11 recently posted on facebook a huge harvest of quince. I was really curious and wanted to try some. As I went to run up the road I saw beautiful pears growing along the little park where I found the monarch butterflies, then caterpillars all through impulse to go there. This park is where a school house once stood and was turned into a little park, that no one ever goes to. When I went back I picked the pears and realized they were quince. https://www.thekitchn.com/quince-tough-fall-fruit-with-a-secret-reward-ingredient-intelligence-73041 When I got back I got another impulse, to go visit Rocky. The old apple tree I buried him under has the deepest red apples. I usually make applesauce out of them but I didn't this year. I sat over his grave and cried and lots of thoughts about not being the best pet owner and wishing I'd been more conscious throughout his life came up. I was told that the only death I was mourning was my own. Then I noticed an enormous spruce tree right there, its roots with as much character as the one on Pomroy's platform pyramid. I never noticed birds before and I never liked spruce trees. I didn't know what quince were. Nature itself is truly our own creation and it's creating us. I just completed a very odd impulse train. I was thinking about the death of a cross country runner at a race I ran, 16 years ago. He collapsed off the trail and died and they ran my race and another before they even found him. I was going to go into the odd connections there but there's no use trying to explain it. Anyway the guy who I believe awakened Pomroy is from the city where that happened and I've been thinking about going there and researching him off and on all summer. So I googled him and an article compared him with Johnny Appleseed. So in researching Johnny Appleseed I found a mention of this book. https://www.amazon.com/Red-Garden-Alice-Hoffman-ebook/dp/B004J4WL6O/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=the+red+garden&qid=1570407013&sr=8-1

1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed going into blaming/"othering" mental stories. 2. When I notice and become aware of feeling inadequate before going into stories to blame others, I stop and breath. 3. I am conscious that reinforcing my belief in other through stories and judgement makes me miss the opportunity to forgive myself. 4. This is why from now on, I am committed to seeing myself in others and stopping the conflict within myself as it arises.

Have desire. Follow the desire. Discover what desire actually is.

@The Don You can't let go of who you are. You can only let go of an idea about something. The reason I let go of it was because I started to believe that it was all bullshit, I was oh so right and oh so very wrong at the same time.

I did it by saying "fuck it" to enlightenment and going after the things I wanted. The Law of Attraction and my increasing awareness and understanding of it mysteriously made its way into my life in unique ways at the same time this was happening. What I realized was that the only way to let go of desire was to embrace it, FULLY until it became apparent that the desire didn't come from me and there was no me.

@tsuki I'm curious, did you ever read the recipe section at the back of Dr.Pomroy's book?

@DrewNows Thank you! Making the video and contemplation after and how I'm speaking to myself in addition to reading this thread triggered something and re-framed my intentions. @Zigzag Idiot Thank you! That book looks AMAZING. I saved it in my amazon cart. This morning during meditation I started crying and that continued off and on throughout the day. I'm not sure if it was triggered by what I mentioned previously, not that triggers matter I guess. A week or two ago I looked at the flyer ads at the grocery store and saw an ad for "Jackabee" puppies. That's one of the last combinations of breeds (jack russel and beagle) that I want. It really stuck in my mind though. Later I had a dream about going to their house. The feelings that were involved in the dream really affected me and the next day I was looking for puppies and saw a listing for some Vizsla cross puppies. I've been hoping to rescue a dog or get a mixed breed puppy but nothing seemed right and no opportunities came up. I knew when I saw them that THAT was what I wanted. I thought that it was just an accidental litter and spent all night not sleeping great and trying to figure out how I could make the trip to get one. But when I googled the phone number the next morning I found out that the seller ran a puppy mill and sold imported puppies from God knows where. But I had clarified my desire. I found a caring Vizsla breeder closer to home with puppies expected mid-month and sent in an application and deposit. I told my Mom about it, thinking she would think I was irresponsible for wanting to take on the responsibility. Instead she was very happy about it. When I talked to my husband about it he said that he was just waiting for me to be ready to get a dog and didn't want to pressure me to take on another responsibility. I realized how irresponsible and flaky and afraid of commitment I've been since this spring, and how loving and patient everyone has been with me and cried about that. Today the breeder let me know that she accepted our application and we are second in line for a male pup. I cried when I got her message. Fingers crossed everything goes well.

For some strange reason if you post the link of a suggested video it will show as a suggested video for other people's account. For me the video is "Family Paw Patrol Captain America", because I have a three year old.

@Koyaanisqatsi Amazing thread, thank you. The "rewinds" that you mentioned have been happening to me recently, but I hadn't thought of "purposefully" using them. I'm curious if you experienced anything you'd describe in terms of integrating heart and mind. I believe that awakening could be thought of as a dramatic opening of both mind and heart. I can only assume and have ideas about what happens at the end of the path.

I want to copy Peter Ralston's facial expressions and use them randomly throughout my videos. #goals

@remember Whew. Gonna have to sleep on that one. I still feel like rather than holding up a sign saying "REPENT YOU MOTHER-FUCKERS!", the Divine feminine would seduce and enchant, and much like a magic mushroom lead a yet-to-be-integrated man on a beautiful enlightening yet terrifying trip. After all free choice was an idea that came from the snake, and the snake spoke to Eve first. This "battle" occurs in only one place, our own psyche. I have to say though, tapping into it beyond just its personal manifestation is something else. It's beyond me.

I discovered that same story/analogy studying gnostic Christianity. In the analogy I read, the feminine or creative path "ends" by giving birth to a "male" (the masculine flowering and becoming awake in the psyche) child (your life purpose), then raising that child until it becomes an independent life of its own. What's going on here is that the feminine is not "enslaved" though it appears that way, it just isn't understood, recognized or experienced. "Passion" is symbolized by red and the snake or the red dragon, it rises from below like kundalini energy. "Grace" falls from the sky, (moves down through the chakras) and is symbolized by a lightning bolt. Being filled with one without the other creates hell. Hitler was an example of someone who was full of "grace" with no feminine spiritual energy to speak of, at least after he gave up painting that is. It's the balance and free flow of power from both that we seek. The "Holy Grail" or the meaning of the miracle of turning water into wine, is becoming a vessel that is filled with "grace" and then with the addition of "passion", the water turns to wine. Everyone's spiritual journey is about opening to and balancing both powers. This is why women and creative types so often don't need psychedelics, they are full of that energy to begin with, they seek to understand and channel this power. Think about how Leo had an insight to plug DMT, and how chakras correspond with that insight, "feminine" spiritual energy rises from below. What you sense happening in this community is that many here only recognize the power of "Grace" and they don't understand why exactly they benefit from the use of psychedelics, or the power through which they work. They still think embodying the feminine is only about being sweet, accepting and motherly. The Christian church saw the spiritual power of "Passion" to be evil and demonic, and only recognized the power of Grace. In fact nearly all religions only recognize "Grace". They turn religion into a logical, hierarchical, materialist rule based thing. Naturally, only men were allowed positions of power. Pagan or Wiccan traditions lean too heavily to "Passion" and so are very connected with the earth and feminine power, yet don't often manage to channel that power or organize themselves enough to manifest change and have influence.

Infatuation is one of the most striking, unignorable forms of love that life has to offer. When you have the potential to become infatuated with the sky, a tree or a flower you may experience what a relationship without goals, survival or ego can be. You can also understand that infatuation is simply recognizing oneself in something, it is simply a spectacularly strong wave on the ocean made out of love. That doesn't mean however, that great things can't come from it. Sometimes you ride the wave, sometimes it knocks you over, sometimes you simply watch the waves crash to shore from the safety of the beach.

You can't, but you can rest in the space between the words.

She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me!!! Please elaborate. I know exactly what you're saying, but you're going about it this all wrong.

@remember The hero's journey is only one half of the journey, and half of the story. But because of that it's probably more important and powerful for women to watch that video than for men.

Was Frodo happy most of the time in The Lord of the Rings? Was Harry Potter happy through most of the seven books in the series? You didn't come to be happy, you came for an adventure. Enlightenment is realizing that you are the authors and all characters from the story, wisdom is knowing that for the story to be told it must happen from a certain perspective within the illusion of time.

@Zigzag Idiot I enjoyed the documentary, I used to talk on my cell phone a lot more often and it actually felt like it was hurting me. I assumed I was an insane hypochondriac, but who knows. I was really interested when they started talking about the pineal gland and the cells in the eyes. I'm also fascinated by what sunlight has to do with this. I feel really distracted when I'm in my house, and I'm not sure if it's because it's always a chaotic mess and I work from home and I can't relax or maybe it's because of all the electromagnetic interference and electronics. This spring and summer spending time outside has become almost compulsion like for me. I just responded in a thread about depression. It seems like the more conscious on becomes or the more conscious they are born the more sensitive they are to things. In recent years I got really interested in blue zones and wanted to figure out some way to move to one. I HATE vehicles. I love driving but I hate what they've done to our lives. Walking and having a community of walking is so important for happiness. Just being able to bump into people and have spontaneous short conversations is fundamental to happiness. I HATE the fact that families are so segregated and that we raise our kids in isolation. I hate the fact that we eat alone. Of course everyone overeats! When I had meals at my parents house I never overate because conversation was rich. Now at home I often try to get that same satisfaction from food. We are told that if we feel lonely we aren't independent enough. It's fucking bullshit. We were meant to live as a tribe and live in close connection with nature. We live in the worst sort of dark ages in so many ways. Sorry for the rant, that's been on my mind a lot lately. Ok, for years. @DrewNows Cow manure is black gold. Smells like springtime. This year I used different compost in my garden and it wasn't a good idea. Just a warning though, psilocybin, I believe, is very dangerous to try to identify yourself. Even if you were completely sure of yourself the next hurdle would be proper dosage.

I think it's really important to have an arsenal of tools for dealing with depression. Make a list of things that make you happy and raise your mood. Consciousness and sensitivity go hand in hand. It's popular to call yourself an empath nowadays, but it goes deeper than that. We are building our sensitivity by meditating, and we also need to understand what those sensations are telling us or guiding us to. Sometimes they get ahead of us, and it's important to take a step back and contemplate why. I really appreciate Abraham Hicks, and the Law of Attraction is the most recent tool I've added, and it also explains why all the other tools I've had for longer worked so well. It's important once you've stopped overthinking to bring in another element to the mix which is understanding how to think positively without it becoming dogma, fake or forced. This is the same realization that God is Love, and everything is love and made of love, that energy is the building block of the universe and so we are learning to align with it. I've noticed that on a practical day to day level, I don't get away with the same things other people around me do. If I let my diet slip it really affects my energy severely and i get depressed quickly. If it's winter I take vitamin D and also try to get sunlight whenever possible. I strictly limit sugar intake and make sure I get at least 3 servings of veggies a day, generally a lot more than that. Exercise everyday. Make time for friends or in person social interaction. Try to make sure you check all those boxes off, or find the ones that you personally need.