mandyjw

He knows how to write what he wants. Everyone can do that too, about anything. Feel into it as if it's already here and less thinking about what you don't want and passing it off as what you want.

@Rilles Ooo... sounds perfect.

The "J" though.

@Rilles Awesome! I've run since I was 10. I don't do too much mileage now a days but still love it. You run or the road or trails?

You don't have an inner or an outer, so you couldn't possibly be one or the other. Don't ask anyone else, the whole notion is how you stack up and rate compared with others. People who think that they are extroverts will accuse you of being introverted and people who think they are introverted will accuse you of being extroverted. All of this has nothing to do with you, but what they think of themselves. If you want to be more free and have more fun around people, do that. If you want to do what you want without caring what others think do that. In the end they are the exact same thing.

Happiness itself is never false, it's only a thought that attributes the happiness to being caused that is false. The happiness is actually pure, raw being. Thoughts cover over it and beliefs are what gives us a reason to keep the attachment to the thoughts. The difference between the only ever now love or happiness and the thought of it and being able to catch the thought that places conditions on it, tries to own it or secure it and therefore covers over it. Belief in Jesus allows people to let go of thoughts that fear death or guilt themselves for past actions. It allows them to believe that they are not responsible for making their lives good or perfect. There are many thoughts that perpetuate suffering that any religion gives one permission to drop. There is no "devilry" in this, it is only that the attribution of the "why", the "cause" or of the needing permission to let go of thoughts is false. Getting a new desired object allows people to let go of thoughts that what they want isn't here. When they walk out in the driveway and see what they aren't used to seeing and they like what they see they tap into pure appreciation and awareness. This is real. The thought saying "it's because of the car" is false. It's actually the experience of a lack of habitually believed thoughts that they are experiencing. There is no devilry in this, just misunderstanding. When you smell perfume or a flower, it's not that it smells pretty, it's that it's so new and pleasant that you fully accept and fully let go of thoughts to take in the scent. So cars, Jesus, scents, neo Advaita, meditation, sex, vipassana, all of it is a "thing" that actually tends to help us let go of thoughts. Even letting go of thoughts, that's a thought. The thought of something is not the experience of it. The thought "meditation" is never meditation. There is no devilry in any of it, but if one believes themselves to be conditional they will experience negative emotion which is the guidance saying, "nope" to that thought.

You already have no inner or outer. Nor does anyone else. No one is outside you. Meditation is just the opportunity to focus on this wonder of no inner not outer, which isn't done but already is and is realized by dropping the thoughts that say there IS an inside or an outside. "I am the inside, the world is the outside." It's far more mundane and immediate than you imagine it to be and far more wonderful and unimaginable.

The feeling of being heard. Follow the heard. There is no heard. Hear. here. There's really nothing but here. Did we full circle that quick? Oh yes. Yes we did. Actually, we didn't move at all.

If awareness was like a screen... and instead of moving one's body and being a go getter, but instead it was like VR and everything came to you... if awareness had no location... if you had no location. Then attraction would be the true means through which things were realized rather than through movement. An object cannot obtain objects. If it is your hand, how can anything you hold within it be yours as well? If one can never own anything, then one is never apart from anything they desire.

Blocked or gestating? One could easily confuse one of those things for the other. Maybe you think there's something that needs to be done about it? I had an intense migraine following something traumatic when I was 15 and started seeing eye floaters everywhere. Looked them up, realized they were permanent. I couldn't see the sky anymore, I saw eye floaters. I would sit in class and stare at them instead of the teacher. Found an internet forum full of people complaining about how eye floaters are ruining their life. Read a bit, got horribly depressed, woke up a bit and realized how ridiculous this was, was like "Oh shit, I gotta stop doing this." Talked to people who have eye floaters and never think about them until I asked. Became one of those people. I just looked at what I wanted to look at, not the projection of flaws in my eyeballs. Learned an enormously important lesson that pertains to a lot of other things and forgot about it just like the eye floaters... until someone asks.

I also have all of the visual stuff you describe but it's fun and interesting in my experience. I don't get distracted by it, if I want a change I just focus on my breath or a sound in a room. As for the pressure, it reminds me of being pregnant and feeling kicks. Some of them do hurt and it's strange but all in all a very cool experience. Maybe examine your narrative around it, why the resistance to it?

That's why my favorite word is wonder. The feeling of wonder is a wonder, I wonder why we think wonder has two different meanings? ?

Notice the difference between loving as in actually love as in actually feeling love which can only be now. And the thought of love. "I loved her and she's gone." " I didn't love enough." Love is always whole, always now, never lacking, never cut off, never missing. The thought that love is not here feels bad because love is like "come on MAN!". Loves cares enough to smack you upside the head in the form of negative emotion. Then you think the negative emotion is not love and love is like, "come ON buddy, what do you want from me?"

How not to have awkward interactions is sort of like one of the most important things you learn in drivers ed when they teach you how to meet traffic. "Do not look at the oncoming cars, you will turn the wheel where you look, instead look at the road, keep your eyes on your lane." If you want to avoid awkward interactions so much that you're thinking about awkwardness all the time, that's what you get. What's kind of crushing and amazing to realize is that people really want you to enjoy yourself around them. That's why no one likes awkward interactions. The strange thing about this is you have to go straight to enjoying yourself... for yourself. When two people meet and the other is so concerned on what the other thinks no one enjoys the interaction, when what is mutually wanted is an enjoyable interaction. We put the responsibility on the other, and then ourselves to make the other enjoy us. In reality there's just enjoyment. Enjoyable interactions happen when people are already enjoying themselves. It can help to play around with the idea of awkwardness, and contemplate it. I adore the movie Napoleon Dynamite like so many other people because the entire thing is unapologetic, hilarious awkwardness. Awkwardness doesn't offend us at all, in other people. It's cute, and funny and honest when no one is embarrassed about it. It's the opposite of small talk and knowing what is "ok" to say and abiding by those arbitrary rules. But we don't want to be awkward. So like the new driver's ed student not wanting to hit the oncoming car, they stare at it and drift into the other lane. Eventually you just look ahead naturally and you're aware of the cars passing but you do not focus on them anymore. When you think of yourself as awkward or hate yourself for something you said or did not say, that feels bad. That feeling is not judging that past event, it's actually responding to the thought about it now. When we continually think those thoughts we practice the anxiety that blocks us from really seeing people and connecting. Meditation helps us to catch those thoughts. Then we can laugh at ourselves like the scenario of a new driver staring at oncoming cars and going towards them or awkwardness in Napoleon Dynamite is funny. A good sense of humor is all about letting go of thought and the ownership behind the thoughts. Why do we love and enjoy a good sense of humor? it's the antidote to fake small talk and awkwardness. Everything you want is right here, in the letting go of thoughts that feel bad. In no longer believing the content of them. Just being aware and really seeing people is the first step to appreciating them. For most of life I didn't notice birds flying around. Then I started looking at the sky and trees a lot. Now I notice all kinds of birds everywhere, eagles, crows, owls, songbirds, etc. It's the same way with the appreciation of people and the enjoyment of them which is what we want from relationships. Just being openly aware without judgement, without thoughts judging ourselves, is what opens the space up for us to recognize the connections that we seek. They are already here, we're just covering over them, dismissing them, calling authenticity and openness awkwardness. What you seek is seeking you. ❤

@NadosaFeeling is a real time indicator. Which means if you feel guilt over past the negative feeling that we may label guilt is saying, "this thought of me in the past is of the separate self, drop it. " How do you want to feel? What do you want to do or focus on, what do you want to create?

@Nadosa Are you aware that emotion is a real time indicator of how "true" a thought is or how aligned with Love it is? There is no need of letting go. It's already a go. It's already letting, there's no question of the letting. Thoughts that feel bad might say otherwise. There is no "yet to realize" there's get to realize. I get to! This entire "thing" exists for creative pleasure, expansion, evolution. I get to. I do not have to entertain thoughts that feel bad. I get to fantasize, imagine, focus, let go of thoughts and be what I already am.

Somebody in the US made up the word scam in the 1960's and ever since people have believed in scams. We really got scammed.

@bloomer Why do you want to be better at small talk?

In the third house, the person is open minded to the possibility of ghosts and makes new friends. Like in the movie Crimson Peak, at first you'd think the ghosts are the horror in the film, but in reality the ghosts are revealing to her what she must know and are the pinnacle of the story she writes and lives. There is no dismissing depression, it just is not the terrifying villain we think it is. Nothing is real.

Mu

Never could I decide if country music was nauseating or beautiful. The mind is the only thing that ever says "mother fucker, this has a been a long fucking journey", when it never walked a step. "Sappy old movies you've seen hundreds of times." I was too good to fall in love. Too smart to do it. I was scared. You don't get to play my emotions like an instrument. I'm too smart for country music. You don't have the emotional intelligence to push my buttons, to play me. Oh! It's devastating. And hilarious. The idea of love is just like this globe. So foreign except for this one imaginary point right here, but that's not my home. My Grandmother died and I realized how arbitrary that point I thought she was, really was. There's really nothing but here.

I like to dance with words. I'll lead, and I'll follow. One sense flows into the other. Sight into feeling, sounds into feeling, feeling into... feeling. Synesthesia is not a phenomenon. phenomenon (n.) 1570s, "a fact directly observed, a thing that appears or is perceived, an occurrence," especially a regular kind of fact observed on certain kinds of occasions, from Late Latin phænomenon, from Greek phainomenon "that which appears or is seen," noun use of neuter present participle of phainesthai "to appear," passive of phainein "bring to light, cause to appear, show" (from PIE root *bha- (1) "to shine"). Meaning "extraordinary occurrence" is recorded by 1771. In philosophy, "an appearance or immediate object of experience" (1788). https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=phenomenon&ref=searchbar_searchhint Whew. Nissargadatta would say appearance is false, go beyond. Abraham Hicks would say it's the fun, go beyond. I'll lead and I'll follow. I have one light that keeps fucking up and blinking randomly. It's doing it now. This globe cracks me up. A representation of the world. Mmmm hmm. Shit that's a powerful illusion! educate (v.) mid-15c., educaten, "bring up (children), to train," from Latin educatus, past participle of educare "bring up, rear, educate" (source also of Italian educare, Spanish educar, French éduquer), which is a frequentative of or otherwise related to educere "bring out, lead forth," from ex- "out" (see ex-) + ducere "to lead," from PIE root *deuk- "to lead." Meaning "provide schooling" is first attested 1580s. Related: Educated; educating. https://www.etymonline.com/word/educate?ref=etymonline_crossreference I'll lead and I'll follow. https://youtu.be/TOp_EW-Mirs

Because there's no opposite of living. That's not really a cause. There's no cause for being.

Definitely take vitamin D. I haven't had much results from the lightboxes but I can get outside in the sun everyday. If you are outside when the sun is high and then again before or during sunset for a walk or a run, that's ideal to help with sleep too. If you can't get outside, move your desk or sitting space near a window and or use the lightbox. Also look into making your living space cozy for the darker season. I love salt lamps, electric candles, throw blankets, fake furs, switching out sheer curtains for something heavier. You can do the same thing with food, switch it up for the season, squash, root vegetables, winter recipes, warm tea. Embrace, appreciate the season rather than fighting it. Dramatic season changes are awesome but they can be jarring when we don't want to move with them and fight them instead. Practicing meditation helps to catch the thoughts that blame the circumstance of darkness or the season for our mood.

Oh glorious summer lake. Swimming, sunshine, sunsets. Fucking bliss. You're gone. Cold, wind, dead leaves, dark nights. You lied. You're a liar. It was all me. Searching for light while I'm already shining. I stole that line. I wrote it. I'm a plagiarist, I'm the original. I'm unparalleled, completely parallel with all. Spin me, spin me like a globe. I'm tilted, angled, and totally parallel. The whole world is your hands. You don't have any and you don't hold it up. You don't have to hold me up. Outside appearances, I'm drunk. I'm high. I'm addicted. my hero in. in. in. in. I'm insane. I'm in. in. in. I'm so creative I create the worst trash you've ever seen and the masterpieces so you can't compare. And I laugh. I laugh. Unparalleled, parallel. I'll dissolve myself, I solve myself and dissolve myself. Don't you know, it's all for you? Yet to see, yet to realize? You GET to. You GET to be. You get to BE THIS. I'm an unwrapped present. I'm totally naked. My beauty is so perfectly complete, I'm hideous. Hide o us. Oh, us.