mandyjw

Yes, it's not even about the result, it's about feeling good and looking toward what you want in every moment rather than engaging in inner complaining/making yourself miserable. Meditation builds the skill to do that, to drop a negative, limiting thought that feels awful to think and refocus. Sometimes when you get really wrapped up in a thought about how life circumstances or other people is the reason you're suffering, then going and consciously taking the responsibility on yourself to change your thought about it in that moment feels like dying until you do let go, and then you feel better. We are so wrapped up in telling ourselves stories that are "true" we don't realize what a bunch of painful lies we're clinging to and refuse to let go of. It's almost as if life is already a gift so perfect and amazing, we won't let ourselves accept it.

Oh, I can relate to that. From what I understand it's because we think too much about what others think, we carefully go through all the negative things they might think or the misunderstandings that might occur and because of our focus we actually attract those very things. I also wonder if our stage blue rural backgrounds are a setup for this because we have to hide so much of our personality and become so careful and concerned about what we say because we know how strongly it will be judged. The more we try not to appear a certain way, the more we focus on what we don't want, the more we get just that. I'm still watching this play out in my experience. We also collectively have repressive thoughts, and when you interact you are never the only one responsible for the interaction, it was the result of unconsciousness or a misunderstanding which is no one's to own. So blaming yourself is never ok. The key is focus. When you let thoughts of awkward interactions or misunderstandings play out in your head, stop, think about something else entirely, or envision the interactions you want to have. By the way, thanks for the encouragement on my videos and I LOVE your journal. I still get some major insights here, sometimes I don't want to interrupt the flow of your journal to thank you, but thank you.

I want to get better at dealing with this groundless feeling. I want to want this groundless feeling. Why should it hurt to let go of things you never wanted? Because of focus. I want to focus more. This was my big insight last night. paradISe

Someone (made me? no) out of love gave me the opportunity to become conscious of the fact that I still cling to my "role" in thought. This reminds me of Eckhart Tolle talking about this and then of the Flylady self help system designed for overwhelmed housewives that preaches at you not to be a martyr. Why are some of the most basic things the trickiest to actualize? I never understood that negativity and complaint is the ego, but it's not that simple, because you can say something negative and complain but it's the inner state of feeling bad or off that indicates if it's truly a complaint or negative. You can be in alignment and be negative, aggressive, angry and complain. But usually these things feel awful and so it's easier to say that they are ego until this is seen through by the experience of them themselves. I use the fact that I have so many responsibilities to wallow around and keep me from what I want which in turn keeps me from wanting the responsibilities which were originally some of my biggest most important desires. If I just stay with the want, the timeless want, the satisfaction/inspiration of it all there is no role but "inspired doing". Abraham Hicks says that overwhelm is wanting more than you're letting in or allowing. What is it that says no? The inner complaint. Why does it feel so threatening to accept that it's all love? Would we just literally disperse into oneness if we were fully aware? Are we the balance keepers, and the balance we seek is the point on the edge in which we can see the view from the mountain in it's full panoramic glory and yet not slip and fall to our deaths?

Let go of your thoughts about them, let go of any negative judgments but look for things you honestly appreciate instead. It's not much different from meditation of mindfulness practice. Catch the negative thought, let it go, notice that having a neutral or positive thought feels a lot better. Within a couple years the difference is astounding, not only in how you see them but how you feel when you interact with them. It's never anything but an exchange of love. You reflect the best in them back at them through your eyes and then that brings out that more in actuality. It's a kind of alchemy.

The things you want are never entirely logical. The reasons you come up with for why you want what you want or in turn don't want other things come in later, and are for your own benefit to feed into a story, or reinforce how you see yourself and the world. The desire arises first. The logical mind is then used to clarify and help actualize the desire. But when we explain our reasoning to other people, most of it is justification for the choice we made. It's preferable to trust your gut, follow your heart and use logic for you and not against you. When you are using logic against you, justifying your desires to yourself and others, you'll never feel sure about anything. What you want most of all is to feel sure.

Feeling like complaining because I feel like I've got a lot to complain about. Of course this is never true, it's a feeling, it's relative and there's always a choice. I can ask myself if I'd like to complain or if I'd like to feel better. Hard to answer that truthfully sometimes. Instead, I'm going to write out some things I want. I want my husband to make it home safe with the rental car and I want to find a good solution to our car problem whether its fixable or we have to get something else. I want to be ok with spending money and I want to make more money too. I want my life and schedule to go back to normal and to get some good creative work time in. I want to feel like I'm in control of my responsibilities and doing right by my kids. I want them to learn good habits and good manners. I want to be able to meditate pain free. I want a good balanced life, I want to feel like I have an abundance of time for spirituality, for what inspires me and also be taking good care of practical things and have a clean home. I want to feel like I have an abundance of time and money. I want to feel like I deserve and can handle the abundance of love that is a two adorable kids and a puppy. Between the three of them there's SO much new innocent abundant love and SO little common sense. And some things I'm grateful for. The fact that I know and have seen that it's all love in disguise and I am the one who decides my course and focus. People who inspire me. The Easter egg hunt of synchronicity and those times when I tap into timeless memory/desires . A couple trips I just planned that I'm looking forward to in the spring. The abundant life I've already managed to build in struggle and ignorance and mostly blind hope and desire because Mandy gets what Mandy wants. Or "things are always working out for me." Something like that. The fact that that there's no one to thank, blame or live up to. It's already done.

I always wanted kids ever since I was a kid, never had much doubt about it at all. It's been the most challenging thing I've ever wanted by far. I can think of 100 logical reasons for or against having kids. It's not a logical choice at all and it should never be a rash choice or a choice made out of fear or cultural influence, it's just a knowing that comes about when and if it's right. I think it's certainly possible to find peace in being undecided too. Either way, pursue meditation and enlightenment. So much uncomfortable shadow stuff gets triggered by the subject of kids.

@Annoynymous Oh sorry. I thought this was a forum for discussing Lifetime movies.

I'm trying to take care of a puppy and two young kids while I have a stomach bug. Will it help me feel better if I talk and think about what a terrible idea it was to have kids and get a puppy when I'm in the middle of it now? No. I chose this. It's like being mad because the road takes you a bit off course so you can drive around a mountain instead of going over it. You chose your spiritual work. You have to own it. You didn't choose the suffering, you chose to feel better. Why would you blame the initial decision to feel better? Of course it's not going to take you straight to your destination without a few twists. Where's the adventure in that?

When I was a kid I fell and hit my head hard on concrete. I remember losing consciousness, throwing up and going to sleep. My parents never took me to get checked out. I've always wondered if that's why I'm so spacey sometimes. What The Bleep was my first exposure to this kind of stuff. The question of "how far down the rabbit hole do you want to go?" that's asked in the movie keeps coming to mind recently. At first it was just cool stuff to think about.

The illusion of time is the only thing that causes you to want credit the psychedelics and not the alcohol addiction. That's where morality is moved beyond, when you love the "problem" or "sin" as part of the fictional journey. This illusory story is brilliantly and creatively written but not actually occurring at all. God is the author who dreamed up the AA and the alcohol too. Even turned water into wine for people to get drunk off of. How's that for moral ambiguity.

What is the difference between mind fucking and gas lighting? Consent. What is necessary for true consent? Desire. As much as I adore Abraham Hicks I heard one of her segments that she wasn't quite "on" for. Which is expected and fine because she is human. Is compassion for someone's pain while only seeing the good or seeing through to the truth and purpose beyond possible? Seeing is not ignoring, is not resisting. Happy New year everyone. Last year the word "clarity" came to me as something I wanted, and I wasn't disappointed. This year it's what I want again, I want to "see" 20/20 in 2020. I understand how clarity leads to paradise and paradise leads to clarity, how they are the same thing, but also a sort of "duality" within nonduality and enlightenment. I also want to become a real life Disney princess/witch/Christian missionary because since there is no time, all my desires and visions over my entire life are going to be rolled into one now. This will include making the continued goal over the year to continue exploring and learning bird, plant and mushroom identification. https://www.allaboutbirds.org/news/how-to-learn-bird-songs-and-calls/?fbclid=IwAR3iRmuf5NQqrSPXgDgmabn-KlI6Br9iOzPjTzuYwLWHtivLkE9w92axTkQ I also want to write a book. I just don't know which or when yet. And I'm going to paint the hallway where my dream board is going yellow, because the color yellow keeps coming to me. And I'm going to put an enormous dream board up.

@CreamCat Or my mind is a Siberian Husky, not a Shih Tzu. Which I'd suspect is also true of most everyone else on this forum.

I used to have a horrible time dealing with my family, especially my in-laws and extended family at gatherings. One thing I started doing is making sure I got outside for a run before I went to those things. I would be tired (but in a good way) and in a good mood from the runner's high which allowed me to be able to interact with them in the moment without so much over-thinking everything and being triggered by things. Basically my mind is like a pet dog, it needs exercise or it will destroy the house. Meditation and mindfulness of my thoughts throughout the day has gone a long way to improve this further in the years since, but I still haven't found anything quite as effective as going for a run before doing something I think might be emotionally challenging. If you aren't into exercise, I'd definitely do a quick meditation session at least to clear your thoughts, or find your own thing that works for you. Self love often looks like self care, self care then allows us to experience and express Self Love.

Earlier this year I had a mystical experience of channeled shadow work occurring with a kundalini awakening, neither of which I knew anything about as it was occurring as I was awake in the middle of the night filled with an intense energy typing words as they flowed through my hands. I've spent the year integrating and also trying to reverse engineer what I realized and glean insights from it so I can share them with others. It has taken some time and some trial and error to untangle the personal "content" and emotions that were felt so I could better see and explain the structure. There's a lot of confusion that I had and naturally other seekers have about "letting go" of the past, about letting go of stories or about what embracing the present moment really is. Essentially all shadow work is is both a letting go and embracing. It is equally owning your most painful moments and your gifts, it is the realization that they are one. Shadow work done with inspiration it turns out, is not so shadowy after all, it's enlightening. Wishing you all clarity and paradise in the New Year.

@Raptorsin7 Thank you.

Hike up a mountain, swim in freezing cold water. Was it pleasurable or painful?

@seeking_brilliance I love you too. It just started playing in my head when I was reading this thread. You're always but never alone you know. One mind, one heart. Thanks for the inspiration.

@VeganAwake Well that's no fun. All the fun is in the illusion of the interaction. It helps to remember that you got on the roller coaster by choice, not force though.

Awakening is an inside joke. I love the idea of sharing experiences but they just don't translate into words well at all. It's like when you buy something for China off amazon and read the directions and you just shake your head and ask yourself "what the fuck did I just read?". It's because the way it comes through is so personally unique to you and the things you've wanted and experienced through life. Spiritual experiences are personalized gifts for you. And it's so interconnected and complicated with everything you've wanted or experienced over the course of your life that you'd have to write a book to explain it all and how it fits in. The awakening would just be the end when it's revealed how all those things came together in the end and fit together like a puzzle. My point is divorcing the "high" from the mundane "rest of the story" of life just doesn't work that well.

God be like, I want you to want me I need you to need me I'd love you to love me I'm beggin' you to beg me - God (Cheap Trick, whatever)

The discussion on vertigo starts at 6:00.

The universe's plan is so spontaneous it is actually planned. At least that is what I tell myself when my life is an unorganized chaotic disaster. The things that we love are our guiding stars for the direction we are meant to go in. The entire thing was designed for the purpose of love, so when something reflects that back to us strongly, we know we are on the right course.

I live in a small town, so here the cemeteries are all open and generally located in the most beautiful spots. My parents caretook the cemeteries in our town when I was a kid and I spent hours there working with them (skipped prom and worked raking leaves in a cemetery that night instead) so I always liked them and never had any fear of them, just thought they were pretty and interesting places to go, and we don't really have parks... so.... Cemeteries are usually a very important part of the history of a town or city, so check with your city or local historical society if you are interested in visiting one. Cities generally have more rules because the higher the population, the more likely people are to vandalize or disrespect cemeteries.