mandyjw

How do you like them apples?

Who wants to know?

@tsuki "The name Suki is a girl's name of Japanese origin meaning "loved one"." Already know what t is for.

'The World is true.'; 'No, it is a false appearance'; 'The World is Mind'; 'No, it is not', 'The World is pleasant'; 'No it is not' ---- What avails such talk? To leave the world alone and know the Self, to go beyond all thought of 'One' or 'Two', this egoless condition is the common goal of all. -Ramana Maharshi The miracle here is that what we all want THE MOST, is to feel "good" and stop judging self and one another which feels "good". This is the egoless condition, this is enlightenment. To boil it down, we cause our own suffering whenever we judge or separate ourselves. All judgement is self judgement. This is fragmentation. We know when we are doing this when we feel bad. The judging mind says I don't want to feel bad (chooses good over bad), so it fragments itself, into self and other, creating time and continually follows the same loop of self judgement and suffering. The mind tells itself that it is identifying the problem, without realizing that in its identification and separation and desire NOT to have it, it actually creates the problem and itself the (I) in one motion. See how curious this is? Is it possible that when you feel what you call positive emotion there is little to none self referential thinking going on, that your memory doesn't "judge" "value" or "register" it like it did with the negative ones? Is it possible that what the mind calls "positive" is being and therefore the negative is the only one of the "two" that the judging mind can take "credit" for? Therefore is it possible that this is not a "problem" at all but a feature?

Laughed at something and then thought I shouldn't, because it was judgment and immediately my attention drifted to the conversation happening in the Peppa Pig show playing on tv. "It's NOT funny." "You're RIGHT, it's not funny." they said in jest. Judging myself for judgement. *face palm* "Put your hands to your third eye, then move the energy down to your heart" the obnoxiously big breasted sing-songy voice yoga instructor lady says. *face palm*

I just wanna go where love is alive I just wanna go where love is alive Only the chaos surrenders Changing the currents and tide The water can keep getting deeper 'Cause I'll be right here staying dry The thread I was reading was just discussing chaos! I also wrote on my dream board something that ties in with this so beautifully. reversing tides My husband came home with yellow lilies for me, he said he didn't think about the color, it was the first the lady at the shop suggested. I was telling my friend about the connection with the color yellow today and sent her a photo of the dream board on the yellow wall. He looked at my dream board and asked why I drew a boob on it. I drew a circle and intuition told me to dot the center. Lately I've been thinking about Ramana Maraharshi's analogy of "meditation" as like being a babe nursing from the mother and that analogy really struck me. Hadn't made the connection of the boob until now. For some inexplicable reason people keep designing lights to look just like boobs. "For the past few months, I’ve attempted to find the presumed sexual deviant behind the now-ubiquitous ceiling lamp design. Surely there must be one master of chaos behind it all." https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/ceiling-titty-boob-light-history Is everything in the world a pointer? Yes.

Elohim? a name for God used frequently in the Hebrew Bible. spelled backwards mihole Oh that's just too much. It sounded so REGAL until I mirrored the word. God, you're so fucking INAPPROPRIATE, just stop ok? Jesus. btw regal spelled backward is lager. We already knew God was a drunk though. Water into wine, mm yup.

Truth is alive? Love is alive? Oooooo.... yes. Always changing, always dynamic and yet... never moving. I went to go listen the the old country song The Judd's Love is Alive that I know so well and found this instead, was going to skip over it but intuition said otherwise, and wow what a song. It's NEW it's NEW, it's ALIVE, it's always NEW!!! Of course!

Today my friend sent me a video about the subject everyone has been buzzing about lately, about not having an inner monologue. As I watched it I realized that I have a VERY STRONG internal monologue. The past OCD and the awakening seems to come through as a verbal voice I "hear" without hearing. I remember playing with trucks in the sand pile at home as a young child and pretending like I had a show and an audience and turned the entire thing isn't some sort of education/entertainment fuckery while I narrated. Ahem. Hi guys. Shhh... you don't actually exist. This immediately reminded me of possum lady and her "Linda Sherwood got Cinderella, and I got narrator" "Well try to impress other kids by saying "I'm the narrator." A bunch of self-judgment and judgment was going on in my head concerning my friend, today we ended up talking on the phone for hours after we talked about the video. One of the subjects we talked a lot about was self judgment and she told me she is amazed by some of the things I say and feels that her response is lack luster, and I told her that I assumed she just thought I was completely crazy when that happened. *face palm* WHY DO WE DO THIS TO EACH OTHER??? It reminded me of something that my aunt said when we went through Grammie's house a couple weeks ago. My Grandmother ended up by strange circumstances of having just a little over the limit on her life insurance to pay for her funeral, which made her ineligible for nursing home care. She absolutely hated being outside of her house AND as if the universe were aligning to give her her way which ended up perfect in the end, the entire family ended up caring for her. She passed away in her own bed, in the home she almost never left. At the time everyone was horrified and stressed out because they didn't realize that she was that close to making her transition at the time the nursing home rejected her. She went through swings of being antagonistic and peaceful, and another strange previous conversation with my aunt (uncles wife, no blood relationship) showed me that this was mirroring her caregiver's attitude. Her own daughters, my aunt and mother seemed to have the worst time with it. At the time, this time last year, I felt very cut off from my family because Mom was so stressed and busy and I was no help having two young children. My aunt said that she was jealous of my mother during this time, because she was so patient with their Mom and she couldn't understand whys eh couldn't be as patient as mom. She said that she prayed about it and asked for patience (this aunt is very religious). She said she mentioned feeling this way to my cousin who said that she admired how SHE was with her and wished SHE could be this way, and my other aunt echoed this feeling about my cousin. So the entire time, everyone was comparing, feeling as if they were lacking, and also simultaneously admiring different qualities in one another. The incredible transcendent thing we really want is to admire and be inspired, without the comparison, or the "how do I fit in?", "if that's you, what does that make me?" It has struck me that when I do belly dance workouts or lessons, I simultaneously look at the teacher, with her perfect body and perfect technique and look at myself in the mirror trying to learn and follow along. This is the perfect scenario for a whole PLETHORA of judgement and comparison. Not only am I connecting mind and body, I'm practicing to learn and become without thought of point A and point B. I had an intuition I had a hard time following through today. I eventually went ahead and did it (fuel up my car before it needed it). I didn't see how it would benefit me, but while I was filling the gas tank I thought about how more and more it just seems as if I am creating where I am and this is ok. I could have waited until tomorrow to gas up but I'm doing it TODAY, OH MY GOD what a tragedy. I see how rigid and controlling I am of my life and my schedule and my intentions, how heavy the weight of time is, and oh, it is tiring. The story and the judgment of what I should be doing and why is falling away. These intuitions destroy your unconscious autopilot and sense of structure, habits and premade decisions, and require self love and lack of judgement to accept.

THAT'S what I was questioning. JESUS H Christ. Jesus headless Christ. Holy. Holey. Whole. Whole. Who? Who? On the drive to pick up my daughter I started thinking of this word play and then some bird shadow work which came full circle. When I was a kid I didn't like or care for birds. We had a pet parakeet named Pete. Pete started molting and I found this REVOLTING. It was a strong visceral visual reaction to all the little pin head feathers coming in. My mother covered the cage with a towel so I couldn't see him. Poor bird. My sister thought I was ridiculous. I experienced the same reaction to the seeds inside a pepper and much later in life found that there's a name for it. I googled it again and basically it's fear of holes. https://www.verywellmind.com/trypophobia-4687678 Clusters of bubbles, seeds, fractals, and Indra's net comes to mind again. Fear of emptiness, fear of the infinite? So the fear of birds became conscious to me in my early 20's. In another small town hick girl meets NYC unprepared trope like story, the fucking pigeons in central park terrified me and I went running and screaming when they all went flying over my head at once. I later started to look at owl pictures up close and became fascinated by how terrifying and dinosaur like they were. After reading the power of now, the "I am light" insight, I started reframing in my mind symbolism, the symbolism of the cross, horizontal meets vertical dimensions and the name "Light on Earth" name came to me for my youtube channel when i had originally intended my videos to be about minimalist and frugal living. Birds seemed the symbolic "light on earth" to me and I started to notice birds more and more around me. A few years ago before a blizzard having never seen an owl in the wild before, a barn owl flew RIGHT over my head. He then stood on a electric pole and I watched him a while. I really loved it and posted about it on my Facebook page, asking where my Hogwarts invitation letter was. Who? Who? This morning two bald eagles flew low across the road and on the way back through as I was thinking about my history with birds one flew across again. I see you and love you, buddy, in all your terrible beauty.

@tsuki The "mind" itself is already whole, who KNEW?

Love for everything that is, which is a step including and beyond acceptance. You already feel it when you aren't thinking, when there is no separate you from "it". You can deepen your experience of "it" by learning to stop interrupting it. You interrupt it whenever you think a thought of separation or judgment and instead choose a thought that feels good or abide in "no thought". It does not mean what you or I think it means. It is beyond the thought of "good" as opposed to "bad".

@Nahm nahm mahn d Y W why double you? namaste fo real. faux real. Someone stop me.

Devil? Well! Aren't We dramatic?

Love. Love of stories. God/You are a drama Queen and you love to create, infinite creates the finite. The whole creates fragments. My son just asked "Why is "stuff" a bad word to use in writing?" And I explained that it was nonspecific, and it's not satisfying when someone is too lazy to be descriptive in a story. Specifics and details makes life rich and colorful, they create endless possibilities. You are a character like a character in the alphabet. You don't make any sense by yourself, "unless you think you're I ), nor can you be specific, but together with the rest of the characters you can be part of a profound poem. Or something obscene written on a bathroom wall. Whatever you want.

Time spelled backward is emit. It's a projection. Like a star "emits" light it seems to take time to get to us, assuming star= point A, earth = point B. If you cease to be separate from point B, do "light years" exist? Or is it a very abstract concept based on many assumptions?

They have the incredible possibility to inspire you to find your own connection with yourself, however that looks in your own experience. It is good to step away from things that seem to "trigger" and "distract" us, to go within and examine how we create our own triggers and create our own distractions out of thin air. If there is a belief that there are triggers and distractions, one will create them in their experience to reinforce the belief of a separate self at odds with the world. If you are all alone and wish to understand it, this phenomenon will be unavoidably obvious to you. The possibility is peace and Love beyond all understanding and it's possible for you/all right now, but no one in particular and never in the future.

@Lento

All own, alone, all one heart hear it? "The more we are able to identify positive-negative movement of thought-self (fragmented action in movement), the greater awareness to that contradictory movement, the more complete-unlimited actions will be expressed as a result. In seeing-understanding the whole of what is incoherent, there is complete action in which brings about coherent action. To understand that which is disorder, is action in and of itself, in which manifests as ORDER, (INTELLIGENT ACTION). This holistic insight/perception is intelligent action, which is whole, (not influenced by fragmentation). " I want to phrase/interpret this in my own words. I don't know why. The more we connect with sensations (pay attention to how we feel), abide in awareness and understand how our thoughts and feelings are linked, the more we act from the heart, holistically. In seeing the inherent oneness of duality itself, (confusion, chaos and illness) one sees, understands and intuitively "moves" toward order and healing. I have SO MUCH gratitude for Leo. The desire for actualization, knowledge and understanding that he both fuels and fills in one action is the catalyst for understanding. You must love it, nourish it, grow it, give birth to your Self.

I have a habit of pulling my legs into my chest when I meditate to relieve back pain. I try not to do it and work with guilting myself for it. Maybe it's not a bug but a feature? Hmm... Anyway I was doing yoga this morning and it ended up a posture laying down pulling your legs into you chest. I wasn't thinking about it or what I looked like, but as I did I looked back up through the glass at the sky at the beautiful clouds (I accidentally typoed clowns, how appropriate!?) and saw the figure of woman. In an odd position. She was pulling her legs into her chest. I lost my diamond earrings that I wear all the time, still can't find them and got some crescent moon earrings to replace them yesterday. I feel like Luna Lovegood. ‘Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure,’ “You're just as sane as I am.” Right outside this lazy summer home You ain't got time to call your soul a critic no Right outside the lazy gate of winter's summer home Wondering where the nut-thatch winters Wings a mile long just carried the bird away Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world The heart has it's beaches, it's homeland and thoughts of it's own Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings But the heart has it's seasons, it's evenings and songs of it's own There comes a redeemer, and he slowly too fades away And there follows his wagon behind him that's loaded with clay And the seeds that were silent all burst into bloom, and decay And night comes so quiet, it's close on the heels of the day Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world The heart has it's beaches, it's homeland and thoughts of it's own Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings But the heart has it's seasons, it's evenings and songs of it's own Sometimes we live no particular way but our own And sometimes we visit your country and live in your home Sometimes we ride on your horses, sometimes we walk alone Sometimes the songs that we hear are just songs of our own Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world The heart has it's beaches, it's homeland and thoughts of it's own Wake now, discover that you are the song that the morning brings But the heart has it's seasons, it's evenings and songs of it's own

Skilled, Deadicated, the Grateful Dead If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine And my tunes were played on the harp unstrung Would you hear my voice come through the music Would you hold it near as it were your own? It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken Perhaps they're better left unsung I don't know, don't really care Let there be songs to fill the air Ripple in still water When there is no pebble tossed Nor wind to blow Reach out your hand if your cup be empty If your cup is full may it be again Let it be known there is a fountain That was not made by the hands of men There is a road, no simple highway Between the dawn and the dark of night And if you go no one may follow That path is for your steps alone Ripple in still water When there is no pebble tossed Nor wind to blow You who choose to lead must follow But if you fall you fall alone If you should stand then who's to guide you? If I knew the way I would take you home

deadicated?

The price of mastery is your life.

I'm realizing that the judgement of "distraction" IS itself distraction. I'm realizing how the Harry Potter books were about as important to me as Christianity, and as "true" as, the stunning way that things that are overlooked connect are are seen in the end of the books and the underlying theme of courage keeps coming to mind. I was reading through Faceless' old posts, he says that "any action positive-negative continues to fragment." This is the importance of sensation because the mind is using judgement and separation to define positive and negative. This is so profound and so easily glossed over, it blows my mind. One must feel what that negative movement is to know when it happens and they must be aware to feel it. My mind is unable to "judge" how "I'm doing", when it thinks about it, it's either like "HA YOU FUCKING IDIOT, this was SO obvious" and the further I go the more obvious it seems things "should have" been or it thinks that it has unlocked the secrets of the universe and quickly makes all kinds of unsatisfying dualities, stories and ramifications out of that. "Oooo, I'm so beautiful, look at my reflection, no one can ever love me like I love me, oh it breaks my beautiful Narcissus heart." Satisfaction is just laughing about it, appreciating it as it is, or isn't. There's no I and no doing. Like an elephant with a chain breaks the loop of back and forth thinking, ultimately it's irrelephant.

Meal prep on Sundays. Google meal prep and find something that inspires you plan a grocery trip and don't leave room for temptation. Even if you're eating peanut butter sandwiches with 100% whole wheat bread everyday, you're further ahead than McDonalds. And making a sandwich takes way less time (not to mention money) than going through the drive through, seriously. Also buy a bunch of raw nuts, almonds, walnuts, etc. Leave them in your car or at work when you get hungry if you need a meal replacement for when you haven't prepared ahead of time.