mandyjw

I'm path o logical.

Q: Still I have to repeat my very simple question: who makes the distinction between sin and virtue? M: He who has a body, sins with the body, he who has a mind, sins with the mind. I don't know why I'm thinking back to my preteen years so much lately. I remember New Year's Eve on 1999. Wait. No I don't. It's a mix of jumbled memories. Maybe other New Year's Eves. Gel pens. Journaling. Deep depression. Wanting the journal to be pretty, acceptable for others to read and not wanting to write anything like I was thinking. I remember going to an outdoor sports meet for my sister. I was bored and had a beanie baby bear and I tossed it in the air and caught it. I tossed it up really high and it hit some man square in the head. I can't remember how he reacted but he did. I was so guilty and embarrassed for it that I felt awful the whole rest of the event and every time I thought of it feeling awful. Everything that happened like that felt to me like a guilt I'd never be able to shake off. Eventually hermitism became a coping strategy for this. Hating people yourself is the only way when you love them too much think for other people so much you can't be around them. Loving people is the only way when you hate them too much. Do I even remember that? Why recall it? It's not that I deny it, but that, there's nothing there to really remember. "3 types of enlightened ones Three types of enlightened ones: 1. Samma-sam-buddha = One who rediscovers the teachings and teaches the masses as the historical Buddha did (Siddhattha Gotama). 2. Paccekabuddha = A silent buddha. One who attains full enlightenment, but does not teach others. 3. Arahant = Fully enlightened person, who might teach others, but not as the one who rediscovered the teachings, just as one who learned it from a current dispensation." I AM SAM. I AM SAM. SAM I AM. THAT SAM-I-AM! THAT SAM-I-AM! I DO NOT LIKE THAT SAM-I-AM! DO WOULD YOU LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM? I DO NOT LIKE THEM,SAM-I-AM. I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM.

@LastThursday Oh nothing, I love drama, but only when it's fun.

This is very interesting. So what do we want? We want to not judge people and ourselves for not wanting to be beneath anyone else. We see it, and it could not have been otherwise, and it's not actually the case at all, we just had never thought it through from an unattached standpoint so how could we have known? We were innocent. And now that we know we're innocent.

Damn, what an unaligned desire. I want to teach, I want the world to awaken, I want to awaken but in feeling I don't want others to be awake and awaken. I'm resisting my own deepest desire. But Leo also.. Er. Ah. Ahem. Everything is perfect as it is. No desire is death. No desire is... The other insight I had was that, anyone who wants to be unique does so in reaction against being mainstream. Why are Shania Twain, Brittney Spears and Titanic a joke? Because they were the mainstream height of popularity 20 years ago. As if popularity was not power, and time was real. As if the popular did not stand upon the unpopular and likewise. Perceptions of the mind. Therefore, no one is doing anything. It's all reactions and co-creation of the one taken from this limited perspective and thoughts, which... aren't. So why own your thoughts about other people? Why disown them? Luckily you can do neither, but see them. Oh.

Co-creation is a bitch. I am also a bitch. Coincidence? I think not, therefore, I am. Goddamn it. I wrote the word "poetry" on my dream board, but this isn't quite what I was expecting.

Also by posting a thread about this self imposed prevention from wholeness I'm assuming other people have the same problem. Oh sneaky, sneaky, double sneaky? Am I trying to save face for myself by journaling about it? Of course there's no one doing anything, and I couldn't be doing otherwise. Says a sneaky thought! Oh, the things I'll do to prevent myself from meditating. SHOULDS What the fuck is meditating anyway, I have no idea. I'm writing myself into a corner! I've written myself into a corner. Are there corners in infinite nothing expansiveness? If you imagine them, then why the fuck not? I guess that Sam I Am does have to chase the guy down and around everywhere so he'll try the goddamn green eggs and ham. "WOULD YOU? COULD YOU? IN A CAR? EAT THEM! EAT THEM! HERE THEY ARE. I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT, IN A CAR. YOU MAY LIKE THEM. YOU WILL SEE. YOU MAY LIKE THEM IN A TREE! I WOULD NOT, COULD NOT IN A TREE. NOT IN A CAR! YOU LET ME BE." Oh, but if you want to win it Babe, there's no speed limit Just go faster, faster and don't be slow Rev it up, rev it up 'til your engine blows In a week, I've never watched so many 20 year old music videos and watched myself like a hawk like my very life and non-existent (obviously) soul depends on it. It doesn't. Good to know. No, it's not.

@Serotoninluv It's such an Inconvenient Truth... there's no world to save. Or it's extremely convenient, actually.

M: To know itself the self must be faced with its opposite — the not-self. Desire leads to experience. Experience leads to discrimination, detachment, self-knowledge — liberation. And what is liberation after all? To know that you are beyond birth and death. By forgetting who you are and imagining yourself a mortal creature, you created so much trouble for yourself that you have to wake up, like from a bad dream. Enquiry also wakes you up. You need not wait for suffering; enquiry into happiness is better, for the mind is in harmony and peace. Oh burn. A couple insights today. "Why is this so hard?" "Why do I want it to be hard?" "How do I pathologically compare myself to other seekers on the forum and guess at levels of advancements?" "What do I truly want?" I want to say that I want it to be easy for everyone. Do I really? I want it to be difficult, an attainment, and therefore i keep it as a future goal for...myself. Opps. "You don't understand the meaning of the word movement. Movement is pulling the strings; the word movement is another word for control. Since you can cause movement by vigorous action, how could you not be able to cause stillness by pure quietude?" - The Secret of the Golden Flower.

I passionately want to want (am already always wanting, lucky me!), and therefore not want. But sometimes I just want and miss the want to want part. Except there's no sometimes, there's just an I forgetting and remembering things that I forgot to forget I am gloriously cursed/blessed. I now see why very few people respond to my posts anymore here.

Not wanting is always a form of fear. Desire/fear, sometimes rolled into one with big desires, or with all kinds of subtle names for the little ones, annoyance, irritation, even boredom.

Yes. Your perceptions are colored by your memories, likes and dislikes. Think of what you see as not occurring just in you, not occurring as something outside you, but a phenomenon that is entirely One, perceiver and perceived create each other.

Q: When I see a tree, a face, a sunset, the picture is perfect. When I close my eyes, the image in my mind is faint and hazy. If it is my mind that projects the picture, why need I open my eyes to see a lovely flower and with eyes closed I see it vaguely? M: It is because your outer eyes are better than your inner eyes. Your mind is all turned outward. As you learn to watch your mental world, you will find it even more colourful and perfect than what the body can provide. Of course, you will need some training. But why argue? You imagine that the picture must come from the painter who actually painted it. All the time you look for origins and causes. Causality is in the mind only; memory gives the illusion of continuity and repetitiveness creates the idea of causality. When things repeatedly happen together, we tend to see a causal link between them. It creates a mental habit, but a habit is not a necessity. Damn. M: You may call it so. Words do not matter, for they do not reach it. They turn back in utter negation. And when you turn the idea of negation into words...belief, ideal? Ego, separation.

Look into the eyes of an actual cat deeply. Look into the eyes of a picture of a cat. Imagine looking into the eyes of a cat in your mind's eye. Difference, no difference or both?

Stupid insight came to me and won't let me go until I write it down. Let your work be your rest and your rest be your work. Oh. The many facets of nondoership. M: You cannot possibly say that you are what you think yourself to be! Your ideas about yourself change from day to day and from moment to moment. Your self-image is the most changeful thing you have. It is utterly vulnerable, at the mercy of a passer by. A bereavement, the loss of a job, an insult, and your image of yourself, which you call your person, changes deeply. To know what you are you must first investigate and know what you are not. And to know what you are not you must watch yourself carefully, rejecting all that does not necessarily go with the basic fact: 'I am'. The ideas: I am born at a given place, at a given time, from my parents and now I am so-and-so, living at, married to, father of, employed by, and so on, are not inherent in the sense 'I am'. Our usual attitude is of 'I am this'. Separate consistently and perseveringly the 'I am' from 'this' or 'that', and try to feel what it means to be, just to be, without being 'this' or 'that'. All our habits go against it and the task of fighting them is long and hard sometimes, but clear understanding helps a lot. The clearer you understand that on the level of the mind you can be described in negative terms only, the quicker you will come to the end of your search and realize your limitless being. What is negativity, felt, and owned? The ego. The "thinking mind". How can the negative be felt and owned? It cannot.

@Dylan Page Have you ever read those stories about people who had a horrible loss or tragedy happen and it allowed them to appreciate life more fully? Then observed other people who have had fantastic success and been miserable? There's no good luck and bad luck. There's no cause and effect. It's only from your perspective that you can see how our stories and attachments create suffering. There's inherent pain and pleasure in life, and there's the mind seeking and running from based on it's ideas of what pain and pleasure are. Examine what those are and you might find that there are some false assumptions holding that up. Our observations of what happens to other people will always be based on our ideas, not our own experience. So you have to always come back to your own experience. The self and its web of illusions can't be seen when it's looking around trying to figure out others. There are no others without a you being assumed anyway. It's your own fear of pain and seeking pleasure that drives your concern for them. That concern is not real love but only masquerades as such. A deeper understanding is available beyond what we call fear.

That statement could mean depending on how you're interpreting it that "any idiot can talk about nonduality" or "no one is doing the talking, there's no effort in it". Dr.Seuss and many kids books are about enlightenment unknowingly, so are many song lyrics and poems. No one intentionally did it. It's a subject-less subject.

Enlightenment isn't what I thought. It's not what you think! You ARE deluding yourself. There's one prayer I've repeatedly prayed my whole life ever since reading Proverbs as a kid. "Lord give me wisdom." I repeated the words in my head. They just aren't there. They are but they aren't. It's almost like the way "fork" sounds meaningless after saying it several times, but not quite. Freedom. I accepted that I'm ok with having obsessive compulsive impulses all my life. I'm freedom itself. Sat to meditate. Fuck I can't do this. I'd think it if I was brave enough to translate it. Then the Shania Twain lyrics I googled after the guy in the red hat sang them so confidently a couple weeks ago. Just go faster, faster, don't be slow Rev it up, rev it up 'til your engine blows I'll think all the awful thoughts I ever can think as fast as I can possibly think them. You can imagine... how that went.

A major shift has happened, and I feel a sort of knot in my stomach that feels just like... falling in love. There's even thoughts that ask if it will be gone tomorrow (pleasure), or if it will be gone tomorrow (pain), but I know that they aren't there. I've never felt pain before in my entire life, how would I presume to know what it's like?

No, they all died.

First time I saw Eckhart Tolle, I was creeped out, disgusted, and triggered so badly I yelled at the person who was watching the video. Years later after watching hours of his videos, I thought he was a saint, saw eyes of love and wished he was my Grandpa. Neither of these perceptions was accurate, both were projections, judgments, that had nothing to do with me or Eckhart Tolle.

@Dodo "Dead" and "beaming with life" are your own projections. @Keyhole Can't PM you, but when you really question that need to understand, by what or why is it driven?

M: The world and the mind are states of being. The supreme is not a state. It pervades, all states, but it is not a state of something else. It is entirely uncaused, independent, complete in itself, beyond time and space, mind and matter. “So I will eat them in a box. And I will eat them with a fox. And I will eat them in a house. And I will eat them with a mouse. And I will eat them here and there. Say! I will eat them ANYWHERE!” - Dr. Seuss "Suess Name Meaning. German (Süss) and Jewish (Ashkenazic): nickname or Jewish ornamental name from Middle High German, German süss 'sweet', 'pleasant', 'agreeable'."