mandyjw

@Blackhawk Alright, I'm sick and it's super close to Solstice and DARK AS FUCK and this all has triggered a traumatic memory so Imma gonna share it. When I was like... 12? I went to a girl's birthday party. They lived in a really tiny house and they all decided to do the Macarena dance in the living room. Her dad was pretty lazy and quite overweight and his easy chair was in that living room, so he just sat there. I ended up with the spot right in front of him. I mean, right in front. It was SO awkward. Where do I look? I can't look straight ahead, that's awkward, I can't look to the side. Ohh... God. The moral of the story and my advice to all men is, either... A. Get OFF your ass and do the macarena with the 12 year olds. or, B. Go help your wife in the kitchen with the f-ing Birthday cake. People do NOT want to be put on the spot to feel as if they are performing for you privately, they like to have fun. In general. Fun. Get off your ass and do the macarena. Get over yourself. Will it look silly? YES! Will people laugh, YES! Let them laugh! Are you laughing? Your choices are.... A. Look silly and be a dick who refuses to change his routine for the circumstances. or... B. Look silly and have fun. Either way, you look silly anyway. I mean, no choice, right? I'm not doing the macarena for you! No. No. I'm not. Ayyy! Macerena! Obviously this is not about the macarena, but attitude to life in general. Just have fun. Have fun wherever you can. People are fun. This is why you want people's attention. But you can't just sit there. LET ME TELL YOU. THAT WAS NOT A VERY GOOD PERFORMANCE OF THE MACARENA. This is fun. Really. It's all just for fun. Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun.

Dragons! Potatoes! Butterflies! Carrots! Chocolate! Balloons! Dumb jokes! Your Mom! These are thoughts of things I love. They aren't love though. I can't make you feel love. You read the words the same, public or private is an idea after the fact. What difference does it make, really? Just more conditions you put on love.

How is the action of me typing to you showing my love for you? Am I your slave? Have you typecasted me? Is that really what you want? Mindless uninspired typing? Letters on a screen are unhurtable. You are worried you will hurt me and lose love, but you also say I don't love you, so how does this math work out? What is love? Is love a thought? Is love letters on a screen?

No body loves me either! You make up a story in your mind what my life is like. Trust me, life is very, very frustrating and depressing when you try to make people love you. You're basically just glossing over unconditional love, throwing it all away just to insist that it IS conditional. And in doing that your conclusion is the same... no body loves me. Nothing I say here can make you feel loved. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I could spent the rest of my days typing it till I get kicked off the forum. It won't make you feel loved like you want to be loved. You might get a glimpse or a hit of it. But it won't last. You are what lasts. You are what lets it in, you are already it, glossing over it.

@Blackhawk Second life? We're just avatars here too. Neither male nor female, just appearances. No body loves you. A body can't love you. You don't need a female. No body LOVES you. You are loved, so completely utterly loved right here and now, you don't need no body to do it for you. Call someone, a family member or call a hotline if you need too. Or breathe from your stomach, or just really feel that direct sensation of that shitty awful rejected feeling you're feeling. Really, really feel it. What's it made of? What's the substance of it? No body loves you. We're beyond all that. Sending you love from no where for no body, cause you already are it. You feel it, don't you?

If I say you sure think a lot of yourself do I think a lot of myself? Oh! Oh! Oh!

This is the most hysterically funny thing ever. Ready? Ready? Ready? exist (v.) "to have actual being of any kind, actually be at a certain moment or throughout a certain period of time," c. 1600, from French exister (17c.), from Latin existere/exsistere "to step out, stand forth, emerge, appear; exist, be" (see existence). "The late appearance of the word is remarkable" [OED]. Middle English often used ibēn, ibeon (based on be) for "to exist." Related: Existed; existing. https://www.etymonline.com/search?q=exist So a thought "stands out" and says me! Time is a third thought about the distance between two thoughts. Notice time flies when you are having fun, the more thoughts you have resisting something the more it seems time is very real. So me and my existence in time go hand in hand. Read the last thing again about the etymology of exist "The late appearance of the word is remarkable" Re-mark-able REMARKABLE!

You look deep into someone's eyes and you look into a black hole that lets the light in which allows them to perceive you. You look THROUGH it, they look through it. But you seem to see and be the periphery. Does this sentence have existence? Or is it periphery?

If I believe I posess a "life", then that's already a conditional circumstance. Posessing a life is a dead and fixed idea, being life, ever now is not weighed down by ideas of opposites, the possibility of loss of what it is or a need to secure anything for the one who owns this life. Happiness is a lack of thoughts that claim otherwise. You can claim happiness is caused by something and limit it by saying you know what it is, but then you'll just have an idea of happiness not the actuality.

How are enlightened people? How are dead people? They aren't any way. They aren't even people. Enlightened people aren't enlightened, dead people aren't dead. Exactly because enlightenment isn't possible for people, death isn't possible for people either. Unconditional happiness is Being itself, there is no person who must or who can secure the idea of themselves being happy in opposition of being some other way. Being itself is devoid of being any particular way in resistance of another way. Check with yourself. How are you? How are you really? You are the very checking, not the conclusion you draw through thought.

No one is saying everything is "One" in exclusion of something else that is not one. Nondual means it's NOT two. Another way to say this is that there's NO exclusion. Nonduality does not exclude duality. I'm not sure how you can have two models, but they seem to appear as two, just like duality seems to appear as numbers. All numbers are based on the integer of "one". Two is just two ones, three is three and so on. No one has been aware of three separate apples sitting on a table and counted them without also seeing the space around them, and being the light they appear as. All illusions have a reality to them, there is no conflict.

@Breakingthewall Is love a thought? How do you know, know, KNOW, love?

You know how math teachers always want you to show your work? Here's my work. God = dude in the sky Existence = literally a "sticking out from". Infinity = ? Love = ? You = Whatever I think I am So since the only correct answers in this kind of math are question marks, I'd suggest drop the others from the equation because they all add up to, "I think I'm a dick"

Yes, but if you take out the damental, you're just left with fun.

Interesting projection. You can't project back upon the pure light that is prior to the filter placed upon the projector. When you feel bad, go to the projector itself, not the projection on the wall. What belief did you leave there laying on the glass?

Are we human or are we dancer? https://youtu.be/RIZdjT1472Y

Not for me, Santa was not allowed to step on Baby Jesus' toes. I always knew Santa was the Devil. I remember being really little and informing my Grandmother when she tried to pretend with me that Santa was real, that he was NOT, and she said something about fun or something like that, I wasn't listening.

Except it's an anagram of Satan and they both wear red. Tis the season though!

You just know. There's a strange but cool kind of intuition around it. I braced myself for a repeat of the same intensity with the second but it never happened. I already knew how to do everything, was much more lax on co-sleeping and stuff like that, and just relaxed. My advice is, don't even think about two right now. My first was perpetually underweight or close to it too, but it turns out all that worry was unnecessary, he's just a small kid. I ended up having to cut things out of my diet, like dairy and tomatoes because he kept spitting up. Oatmeal is a really good food to eat more of for milk production. And relaxation is best, as much as you can. If you can't relax, don't stress about that. I don't want to fill your journal full of advice cause I know there's WAY too much of that coming from everywhere when you're a new mom, but if you have questions feel free to PM. Good luck and it really does get SOOOO much easier.

"No we see not that." "The further back you step the better they all look." There are images in the way of what you are actually seeing. Images that superimpose, that cover up, conceal and hijack what actually is. Images of you, images of others, images of emotions, images, images images. Images of past hurts, images of faces, images of places, place, place, place. Get out of my head, I love you and I hate you. I'm sick of this back and forth. What do you want from me? What do you want? You say to stop making it about others. What do I want? I don't know. I wiped the slate clean. I don't know how to get I back. Why did I write that? It was supposed to be it, not I. I want to feel at home, and safe. Country music, feels so familiar, so good, so wholesome, so safe. Dude probably runs a sex trafficking ring. I learned young not to play with the big boys. I stole my much older cousin's hat to tease him and remember quickly all the fun and play draining out of me when he angrily put his hands around my neck and I didn't know if he'd ever let go. I told my Mom and she was so concerned about pleasing my aunt and uncle that she didn't listen to me. Can't run to Mommy because Mommy is fucked in the head with her own people pleasing shit. It's not a good lesson to know. it's very limiting. I suppose I forgot it when I came to this forum. I guess I don't care so much anymore. Alright zoom out. Some kind of brilliant light is lighting the letters. What part did I come to play? If you ask you're not the light. I didn't come to play a part. I didn't come to play apart. ????

Are you a thing? Are you a thing that can have things?

Buddha, trash bag, Buddha, trash bag, never gets old.

Hugs! I have two, it all gets much easier, and much more fun. Breastfeeding becomes much easier too, I loved using my boppy pillow in with a chair with arms and then just chilled out. It gives you the breaks you need. Now I almost miss it even. But at first, it was SO rough. Hard to imagine it goes from so difficult to enjoyable but it will. Take the pressure off and relax. Trust your own intuition.

How would you know worth if there wasn't worthless? How would you tell the treasure from the sand you're digging through? The creator of worth and worthless is prior to them, beyond them and intimately both. Therefore worth is never imposed upon the creator of it, so you can say that it is without it. This is not dissapointing in the least, it's wonderful and liberating, but again, if you took my word for it and didn't have the freedom to feel into it for yourself, you just wouldn't be as fucking awesome as you actually already are.