mandyjw

Everything seems to hinge on allowing what's wanted, and the non reality of what is not wanted feeling awful to focus on, because it's not true and cannot be focused on. It merges right in with acceptance of what is, and the actual nature of what is. I wrote this reply and the depths of understanding this in other areas my life are still filling in. So incredibly thankful for the conversations I have here, which end up being illuminating in so many unexpected ways.

Listening to one of those mysterious free book box tapes. Women develop a sense of self in relationship through others. Insights that make you want to throw up cause you're SO ready for them, but not quite ready.

@Raze I know and don't mean to shame you for it or anything, just honestly ask yourself if that's what you really want to do. A lot of the time we downplay and do what you suggest with what we want, whether it be a nice car or a house on the ocean, etc, to make the belief that we can't have it more tolerable. Then we wonder why nothing satisfies us later on in life, and never question our beliefs about it. You're completely right, the OP is telling himself a fiction in his head about the girl, but changing the fiction in his head in this way ( in my opinion), will yield unsatisfying results, not just for him but for the women he has future relationships with. Those thoughts become reality and energy, and she will be susceptible to think herself to be less than satisfactory too. That doesn't make for hot sex or a passionate relationship.

There's a type of manic pixie girl, disney princessesque happiness and in the vortex, connected with source excitement that once the mind brings in the idea of other, weakness, the weaker gender and threat, turns into what feels like vulnerability and fear. I think the mind is extremely dramatic about what might happen to it, when it's really just afraid of being silly and ashamed of itself. Ouch! The LOA marriage book I read suggests just saying "ouch" when your partner says something that hurts rather than retaliating. My husband is almost always really kind, but own mind is real bad mother fucker, so I still needed that marriage advice.

You need to find some other area in your life that you're really interested in and go in that area. Career, hobby, interests, skills. Women are wired to be attracted to this. "Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills." - Napolean Dynamite Seriously though, they don't want to be responsible for your only fulfillment in life because they know they won't be enough, and they don't want to disappoint you. Once you get what you want, you'll be empty. Then she'll feel used. Girls like to make happy fulfilled men even more happy and fulfilled. It's the same way with men, you probably are only attracted to her because she is so playful and carefree about it, that's just how attraction works.

@Raze What you're suggesting is demeaning and degrading a woman in your mind in order to repress your own desire. Is that really what you want to do?

See, this is why I love Jim Newman. He's sort of an asshole who doesn't claim to know more than anyone else, or anything for that matter. I mean, as a woman, I LOVE men who are assholes, but I've never seen anything quite like it before, it's such an enchanting paradox.

Write down all the things you want out of life, big and small. Write down a list of self-care exciting things you can take time to do, small things, listening to a favorite song you haven't heard in years, reading an old favorite comic, etc. Make time to do 2 or 3 each day. The bigger stuff starts to connect and unfold and you'll find you have a huge lust for life again. Helps to start with the small stuff. How is your diet? Too many carbs possibly?

I'm starting to feel really overwhelmed again, my life is full, rich, full of love and wonderful things, but oh my god, when I need to a break or to just be, it's like everything crashes around me. Honestly super jealous of the "me" time I project that others have on this forum. I remember during the awakening how it was like I totally checked out and oh my God, the mess and chaos sometimes and yet... somehow by the grace of God nothing really bad happened out of that. Maybe I can check out and still do the dishes and get the kids to school on time? I dunno. This book is really helpful with these thoughts and feelings right now. https://www.amazon.com/Rainbow-Way-Cultivating-Creativity-Motherhood/dp/1782790284/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=the+rainbow+waY&qid=1600212929&sr=8-1 I also feel like I need to do some desire identification, clarification in this area but tonight I feel too scattered. Here's Muninn almost all grown up. I got a new office chair and now I hardly get to sit in it because he likes it better. Vizslas are super cat like. They are like dog + cat, squared.

Our own belief in superiority and inferiority is the core issue. At its heart, it has nothing to do with men or women.

There is know God?

@Zigzag Idiot I want to make a list of painful, depressive thoughts that had beautiful but misunderstood core truths, here's one that came to mind. "I can't wait until this is all fucking over. Then I won't be anxious." Came up especially in nervousness before a performance, a cross country race, sometimes in regard to big wants, having kids, being pregnant, raising said kids (oh god), purchasing a house, doing an art show, anything amazing, exciting and scary. Core truth, it IS already over, essentially, you can already rest in the peace that it is. But you probably don't want to, because this is the exciting part.

Ralston explains the core brilliance of Neo-Advaita beautifully here. It's not a revelation that apples do fall down, it's a revelation that they don't fall up.

Yeah, what you're pointing to the importance of here is balance. There are individuals who are unstable, creative, explosive, expressive, and they need grounding of the practices. Then there are intelligent, grounded individuals who really need a substance or an altering experience to open up the chaotic, creative part of themselves. Unfortunately we cannot prescribe anything for anyone because they only know their own needs by feeling and intuition. We can suggest things though. Lot of people have been helped by Leo's suggestion of psychedelics and he has pioneered and freed up the path quite a bit for his bravery of following his own intuition in this area. But the thing about intuition and feeling is things are never the same twice and landscape and the direction in which one needs to go is always changing. So we could just appreciate all the amazing "techniques" and non techniques, and all the amazing teachings and non-teachings out there. Opposites with no opposition. Perfect order in chaos.

Call it self improvement. Does it really matter if you paint your face or if you paint a canvas? Neither is actually you. "You wanna know what Zeus said to Narcissus? You better watch yourself" - Marilyn Manson

If you can be and they can't, that ain't God. Sometimes it's easier to say, there isn't a God. Then they can erase their ideas of God and be free to discover what it is they do not know. They don't need luck either, what you seek is seeking you in an infinitely wild variety of forms. Everyone on the universe is the luckiest little fucker alive. They are so lucky they are free to believe that they aren't lucky at all.

True. But if you law of attraction style focus on love and inclusion, you don't even need attract the possibility of leaving out. That's just it, it's up to you what you call it. You are the meaning maker, the exclusion maker, the cause and effect maker. You are God and so are They.

See... feel these subtle pain points here... we're all just like the nerdy kid in school who still doesn't want to be left out. We don't need an approach at all. Any approach, any attainment, leaves people out. There aren't any people to leave out. We're still just resonating with those echos of the pain of being left out. The only reason being left out hurt at all was because we can never, ever truly be left out of... this.

Let me explain how most women think about instagram. Many women actually view how they look and dress as an art form. The make up, the poses, the photo editing, the photography is all incredibly time consuming, it's their art. It's like modern day cross-stitching and instagram is where it can be displayed. In many cases they are just as happy and in many cases more happy to get compliments from women than men. A photo is not the girl. She knows that. It's a contrivance. Artifice. A work of art. That's why she doesn't want to be judged just on her photo. And yet, she does. If you understand that maybe you can make Instagram work, maybe not.

Neo-advaita seeks to completely clear the slate. It's almost destructive in a way, if you look at it through a narrow lens of judgement. It's the eraser the artist uses when they fuck something up. The eraser destroys hard work from one perspective, but really it paves the way for a mistake to become a valuable lesson. It's instrumental in allowing the finished piece to be what was envisioned by the artist in the first place.

To me there's a difference in what I'm hearing there when they say that, what I hear is "you're completely free to delve into whatever practice you want or to fully embrace life however you want, so be completely honest with yourself about what you want and why you want it." For example, some people are NOT free to stick 5-MeO up their asses, so to them you create an elite club that has dues to pay. Some don't even react to it when they do. They are either destined to have this freedom at this time or not. Or some people can't meditate as well as others, some people are raising families or living in third world countries, etc, etc. In my opinion this is not a club but so completely, utterly inclusive that our individual selves are not, and this is available to everyone, because there's nothing any one of us can individually do. I mean, just think about how interconnected we are. All these opinions and thoughts shared here are all formed by bouncing these thoughts and positions off one another and seeing how they stick, taking what we resonate with and reacting against what we don't. We're all like molecules just flying around all willy nilly.

There's no actual cause and effect though. We create our own meaning and we pick and choose cause and effect in the same way. For example, your post provokes me to respond to your's, cause and effect. Or, we were both born 30ish years ago. Or the big bang. Is there really time, for our causes and effects to hinge on? If so how far back in time should I go to pick the cause of the effect I decided needed a cause. Cause and effect are dualistic, they exist within the story. The story is always changing on us, your past is always being rewritten, Buddha is always newly imagined in the minds and hearts of everyone.

Nonduality doesn't get lost in religion, it gets lost in the mind. If you go deep enough into anything at all, it's there... or rather duality is not there. The Gospel of Thomas has the clearest nondual pointers but plenty of them survived in the four gospels. They are easily missed... here's a good example. “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” Luke 9:56 To the mind this means Jesus has no home. Go deep enough in non duality and you realize the son of man doesn't just refer to Jesus himself but something profound and Jesus is essentially saying here, "you don't have a brain, your brain is a belief." In other words, that mind I just said nonduality gets lost in... never existed anyway.