mandyjw

@Nahm The day may be coming, I know. But really if no one gives a fuck, why not? Some mansplain, others tell stories. Have a Ferrari I can trash?

@Nahm Brilliant.

I did it hardcore a few years ago. Felt great for a short time then felt weird on it, and then later developed major digestive issues. I still can't eat beans and lentils without stomach problems today. Cheat day doesn't help with stomach issues and can psychologically really frig up your eating. My blood pressure was really high because when you cut carbs like that you inadvertently end up with high amounts of salt, especially with the recommended foods on the diet. It did teach me a lot though, I learned a huge amount of self discipline from following it and how important protein is in the mornings, and how effective simple carbs are at making you hungry. I eat lots of fruit, whole grain carbs and get plenty of protein now and I'm thinner than I ever got on the slow carb diet, all while using WAY less willpower. Says fructose is the devil, is most easily stored as fat and it ages you.

@Loving Radiance I really don't think they've ever thought about it before.

Just by telling them what I honestly think. I said love wasn't something you think or do or something like that, love just is like the light of the sun it falls on everyone, so she sort of accused me of not loving my daughter. Funny you should ask, cause last night I had a 3AM revelation about that very subject. You have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations I guess. They don't usually come across people who are willing to. I also said I thought that it was really brave to have the commitment to go door to door like that for something they really believed in, because honestly I can't imagine doing that.

Buy some metal straws, no more teeth staining.

After weeks and weeks of feeling great, I started feeling really energetically off and uncomfortable a few days ago. This intense sense of loneliness set in. My youtube video terrorized me, I hated myself and could barely stand to see my face or hear my voice. Yesterday I didn't even meditate, and the weird thing about the day was that most of was spent in "the vortex" even though parts were really difficult. I sent @Nahm a message about something unrelated, who I've been sort of pissed at for weeks but known it's all my own shit so said nothing, then that turned into that coming out and flying back in my face, literally in bizarre synchronicity and my smoke screen which fooled even me didn't work. I've seen him mention that he makes a great punching bag before, I never knew how literally. My daughter reactively punched me hard in the face when I was putting on her swimsuit because I pulled her hair, she's never done that before. My glasses went flying across the room. I went swimming, in very cold water, kids screaming cause one tripped on her own and blamed her brother, storm cloud approaching, I didn't care and felt amazing. I ordered my dog a lion mane for Halloween and it looks like the most hilarious/realistic thing and laughed and laughed and laughed. The later the day went on the more I got confused and felt worse. Yesterday morning, I was doing word play in another thread and wrote. con fuse "The adjective comes from confuse, which has a Latin root, confundere, "mingle together." Deeper into word origin, confusion (n.) c. 1300, confusioun, "overthrow, ruin," from Old French confusion "disorder, confusion, shame" (11c.) and directly from Latin confusionem (nominative confusio) "a mingling, mixing, blending; confusion, disorder," noun of action from past-participle stem of confundere "to pour together," also "to confuse" (see confound). I cannot express how fucking perfect that is. I realized that I couldn't not confuse, I couldn't rage against my confusion. I wanted to let go of my thoughts about Nahm and caring so much what he thinks of me and using my mental construct of him as a standard. Since then I don't think this applies just women, to be clear. Started the Tosha Silver book, and she talked about a book that we have in our house, that my daughter really likes. "Are you my Mother?" and how the meaning she read into it was that the entire universe is your mother. I had replied in a thread about prayer, then sort of automatically like old days prayed to Jesus to help me let go of Nahm and started laughing and laughing when I was actually praying to Jesus to help me let go of my imagination about someone, and realized that could never ever happen. I had tried to let go of Jesus. Some people you can never have and never get rid of. Ok, all people, real or fictional. So I went to bed and woke up at about 3AM with a rush of clarity. I can't explain or reiterate it all, but a ton of connections were made about loneliness and inherent disconnection, Jim Newman's pointer about connection being duality. About what a conscience was, and even the con science spelling of it, which is funny because I forgot how to spell it and really struggled spelling it just now. "Borrowed from Old French conscience, from Latin conscientia (“knowledge within oneself”), from consciens, present participle of conscire (“to know, to be conscious (of wrong)”), from com- (“together”) + scire (“to know”)." Sometimes it doesn't seem like there's anything within about my conscience at all. It feels like it's all projected out as caring what people think about me and projecting what i think would please or displease them. And that's what Nahm was pointing to in some of the sessions. That asshole. My need for an external God (so that I can be a psychological self) persists and takes on new forms. Almost? all my suffering stems from this conscious and unconscious caring what other people think. And the most traumatic thing that ever happened to me, and how that fit into this realization of not caring and disconnection and love being an actuality and how we don't want to accept the beauty of that and instead sort of mentally slave for it. Then for some reason I remembered the end of the Blue Lagoon. Random. The scene with the poison berries. And I remembered how innocently and unexpectedly they become parents in that movie, how profound and mysterious it is that babies actually come from nothing, (the undoing of sex education here), and how dangerous the love of parents really is. Poison berries growing on an herbal healers grave, healers who punch you in the face. The cosmic joke. That was my other pain point, not wanting to be a mother. The exhaustion, the sense of loss of self which is actually a huge identification with self. The sense of requirement to always be loving, sweet, caring and giving that goes beyond my own children and how I see myself from form of an attempt at outside looking in sense of self. After this my husband woke up and I said nevermind to him, and the double meaning of nevermind hit me and I laughed and laughed. I tried to explain it to him, "it's like neverland, except nevermind" Then the dark meaning of Peter Pan and the Lost Children came to mind. I'm all children who ever were, and all their parents and neither of those things.

This book is really awesome. https://www.amazon.com/Outrageous-Openness-Letting-Divine-Take/dp/1476793484

@lmfao Truth is important to you? You love truth, or no?

This line was some sort of epiphany to me years ago "I'm still fighting for peace". Reminded me of my mother screaming at us "I just want some peace and QUIET!!!" and how funny it was that she yelled that. I think maybe though, I implied meaning that wasn't there. "You did not break me. I'm still fighting for peace." Broke. Broke. The word has come into my awareness so often lately. Broke my reality. Other synchronicity. Does this mean I'm a sinner, doing something stupid? Or does it mean I'm living my life purpose? Syntax just came into my mind, I can't remember how. sin tax. ? I'm still fighting for peace. I'm still for peace fighting I'm still And all the kings horses and all the kings men, couldn't put the peaces back together again. Because it never broke.

What's really interesting is that it was written with Yoko, I read, so it would have been a shared struggle I guess.

Nagging is something that happens in relationships because we start to focus on what we don't want rather than what we do. So her nagging can be exacerbated if you focus on it. Try bringing something fun and unexpected into your relationship, pick some wildflowers for her, draw a corny cartoon as a joke, whatever. The more you focus on those connecting things, the less the nagging gets focused on, the happier she is and the more the spontaneous, free romantic stuff is getting her attention the less she nags.

If I want to paint my face and dance, I do it for me, John, no one makes me.

I drink less than a cup a day (incredibly caffeine sensitive) and I'll quit it for a time and pick it back up again. It seems I get the most enjoyment out of it that way. After drinking it everyday for a long time the energy I get starts to feel disgusting and irritating but when I start after a break again it feels amazing. Might have to do with the adrenal system, who knows.

I think being really well educated in this area is really helpful. When you know enough about a religion to be able to deepen or shake up people's understanding of it, they tend to leave you alone. I'm still insulted that the Jehovah's Winesses haven't come back since our last conversation...

Con fuse. "The adjective comes from confuse, which has a Latin root, confundere, "mingle together."" Whoever knew confusion could be so sexy? It's like a great big party of life or something.

A woman's/alien's/whatever's highest purpose is to confuse a man so he forgets what he thinks he knows and can feel the clarity that he really is.

Oooohh, see she is a beautiful sign that that itself is something you want to embody. Go get in touch with that playful, carefree, lust for life part of yourself. Studying the law of attraction if you're open to it might be really helpful too. When we are intensely attracted to someone, it means we really want to merge with or embody something they are reflecting to us. Sex might happen or might not, who knows. The better we are at figuring out what the deeper attraction really is and adjust our attitudes, the luckier we get. But by that point you won't care so much about it because you'll feel fulfilled anyway. Life just gets better and better. Allow your desires, but be open to seeing that things are not always just what they seem to be.

Yep, that's the grand revelation. It doesn't mean anything, but I see the distinction between what Leo is pointing to in levels of consciousness, which also actually isn't really a distinction at all but freedom of expression in creation. Unfortunately we can only talk to one another and discuss this sort of thing if we chose a particular perspective. The connection can be mutually felt, even if words and intentions seem different. My connection with the doctor was just one of resonance and love. Reading his life story broke my reality because it was a "true" story and I saw the psychical evidence, but his story was a mystical one and I couldn't deny it was true in my heart. Going down the rabbit hole is just when you align and resonate with love so strongly or purely that what you think of as you ceases to be. Some people have that sort of connection with aliens. The aliens, the transmissions, the psychedelics, the clairvoyant doctors are just all fantastic Self-created manifestations of love. We already are all channeling. I speak to my higher self, I have both a Calvin and a Hobbes in my head. Sometimes Calvin pretends to be Hobbes though. Gotta watch out for that.

Coming from a religious background, I think aliens are a refreshing change from hundreds of years of the tradition of various men claiming to be the mouth piece of God.

You already look into the void whenever you look deep into someone's eyes. Even the center pupils are just black holes that we imagine are the depth of their being, and it is. And it is love, because love is the only thing that is neither something nor nothing.

You know how I had that weird connection with the clairvoyant doctor from the 1800's and read his life story? His awakening coincided with getting really sick and depressed, losing consciousness randomly then beginning channeling while falling asleep. He was really open-minded, loving and deeply connected with life, but I doubt that liberation was a known potential. Likewise many people can channel but don't embody or have waking knowledge of what they channel, the embodiment is maybe just an expectation we impose on the person. The Course in Miracles was channeled by someone who didn't deeply embody that. I just think the fact that that's possible is beautiful.

I think it's actually kind of cool that some people are seemingly randomly given gifts they don't understand.

Sometimes I get excited about posting videos. This one was exiting to make but since then I want to hide under a rock. I have cognitively distanced myself so much I don't even remember what I said really, so here you go, here's some sort of fuckery of some kind.