Vision

As someone who is 16, this weirdly inspired me ? For something close to what you probably want to hear, do a solo meditation retreat. But, I think you're going about this in the wrong way. This looks a lot like unhealthy Stage Orange; excessive fixation on results and progress. You're not going to be able to make much progress if most of your focus comes from the purported benefits of meditation. I say purported because you don't really know if you'll get those benefits and results to the degree you want it to. I'm not saying you won't have massive results from meditating for years, but in your current direct experience, it's just a theory in your head. In theory, you can have those results from meditation, which is great, but do you see the problem with doing meditation only for the sake of those results? You'd probably get those results much faster if you stay fully present with your meditation and not treat it like a grind, but rather an enjoyable thing to do. Apply the principle of mastery to consciousness work. You will find that people that are masters of their craft, whether it be athletes, authors, artists, etc - are not fixated on the fruits and results of their practice, they are in love with the process of practice itself; they engage in deliberate practice for its own sake. They wouldn't be where they are if their motivation primarily came from extrinsic values like getting results, getting money, etc. So apply the same to your meditation practice, or any other form of consciousness work. If you can make it an enjoyable part of your lifestyle you'll progress much faster than if you were to do it solely to get the the top of the mountain.

@Ajay0 Thank you for sharing! Will read them now. No one from my school goes to the gym I go to unfortunately.

@integralDo you enjoy it?

I've always wondered the exact same thing. I've talked to a person who fits the group of people you're talking about, and she thinks that such people, including me, are "bored philosophers" Of course, all she does with her time is play video games and obsess over fictional anime characters. But that's her choice. We don't all have to be metaphysically curious, it's just interesting how similar yet so different we are as humans.

@Knowledge Hoarder Would you say it's useful? What type of work are you supposed to do?

What is philosophy like in university? What do they teach you?

It’s not what you do but how you do it. Travelling can expand your bubble of experience and open yourself up to new perspectives. We went on a trip to my parents’ home country (my ethnic background but I wasn’t born there) 6-7 years ago. Things that are considered completely normal there are considered abusive in 1st world countries - doesn’t change the fact that it is abusive though. I think that people who have 1st generation immigrant parents have at least some type of childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse. It’s a cycle, they get abused by their parents and then they abuse you. But I digress. It’s been years since I last travelled but I am interested in travelling to see other cultures and perspectives. It’s like you’re going to a different plane of reality. Cultural norms play such a huge role in our worldview.

@SriSriJustinBieber I do know that action trumps thinking and conceptualizing. I was just wondering if there are any other models that could potentially be useful. I'm not thinking "Once I find the best decision-making model, then I'll take action." I know that's a trap and that's not how I'm going about this. See people I've avoided seeing? Like who? @PepperBlossoms Thanks for your input. These are very good questions to repeatedly be reflecting on. Thanks for the reminder. @vizual What do you mean by 'idling' and 'turtling'? You mentioned network, which I assume are social resources, how can I invest into my network and social resources?

I’m contemplating how I can best think of my current health situation. Journaling is the key thing that is helping me crystallise my thinking. An issue with my mentality when it comes to finances, is that I am hesitant and frugal when it comes to spending my money when it’s better not to be. I always earned money, but very sparingly spent it. This likely comes from the scarcity mindset I grew up with. This leads to me not thinking ‘big picture’ enough though. I think that, if I had just spent a few more thousands on my health treatment a year ago, I would have probably avoided wasting many months of spinning my wheels and wasting my time. Even with this being an emergency situation, costing me my productivity and quality of life, I was still being frugal with how I spent my money in this area. In hindsight, I think that this was a strategic blunder. Now, I’ve had enough. I’m not spinning my wheels trying to save money at the cost of time when it comes to my health anymore. So, to avoid strategic blunders like these in the future, I’m looking for frameworks and mental models that help in making decisions. One example is the Eisenhower Matrix. But that’s just for productivity. Another example is an aspirational hourly rate. The idea is that if a task or problem has an ROI less than your aspirational hourly rate, you either delegate it or simply disregard it completely. This single idea made me a lot more effective in my previous business/life purpose. Does anyone know of any thing of this sort for big decisions? Things that make you zoom out and think more ‘big picture’?

My life has been stripped away from me. I can't function. I can't feel anything. Completely emotionally numb. Can't cry, can't be sad, can't be happy. Just empty and dead, going through the motions. The goals and vision I had for my life? The vision that made me excited about life? The goals that I was eager to work towards? The things that made me engaged with life? Gone. They're gone. I suddenly don't care about them at all. They don't have the same spark they used to have. My list of my top 10 values? Nope, no spark anymore either. It's like I've completely lost my personality. I've lost my real self. I'm currently 16. The reason why I'm considering setting the deadline at 18 is because I don't think I can continue living like this for much longer. I couldn't have ever imagined life being this terrible before I got hit with these gut issues and problems. Could you imagine that the thing you were most passionate about could suddenly be something you no longer care about, or find enjoyment in at all? I couldn't have imagined it without experiencing it. I've forgotten what it feels like to feel good. I've forgotten what it feels like to feel alive and engaged with life. I've forgotten what it feels like to be productive. My life has turned completely upside down. I went from being someone I was proud of, ambitious & hard-working... to struggling to get out of bed. I have close to six figures saved up from my previous Life Purpose (before I knew what a Life Purpose was), but none of it matters because I am deprived of my greatest wealth, the basis from which I experience life; my health. I've already spent thousands on health treatment with little progress. I don't know what to do at this point. The advice I've seen for anhedonia is to do things you previously enjoyed regardless of how you feel, so that's just what I've been doing, not as long as I used to though. As I'm writing this I'm contemplating why I'm even making this post... I think I am just desperate for hope - someone, or anyone, that wants to show me some light at the end of the tunnel, please consider doing so. I don't want to kill myself at a certain point in the future, I want to end this suffering, and this just seems like a surefire escape. My life is slipping away before my eyes and the only thing I can hold on to in order to continue living is hope, which I am losing bit by bit everyday. Edit: For context, I’ve been dealing with debilitating health issues for the past year. I’ve already lost a year of my life to SIBO, and I am still battling it to this day. My SIBO is the cause for these issues; Depression, anhedonia, low energy, low motivation, brain fog, fatigue, food sensitivities, probably more that I’m forgetting. I have had tests done, which show that my neurotransmitter production (dopamine, serotonin, GABA, etc) is low all across the board. I’ve had eczema and insomnia for basically all my life, so SIBO isn’t the cause for those two, but it made those two conditions worse. It’s so severe that my skin is bleeding every day. I can barely sleep. I can’t continue living like this for long. I hope I don’t end up following through on this plan and that my health issues will resolve, or at the very least, reduce in severity. I just want my life back.

The only stool test I've done is the MetaBiome test. I currently know about the GI Map test by NutriPATH and the GI360 test by Doctor's Data, neither of which I have taken before. Are there any other better stool tests out there? What is the best stool test?

@Ulax Thanks. I've watched it, it sounds a lot like shadow work. How much benefit would you say you have gained from those 8 sessions? @Arcangelo Exactly, you experienced it. I don't think we ever truly understand an experience until we experience it for ourselves. It must be why one of Leo's principles is to never judge things that we have no personal experience in. @mandyjw That's the thing, I can't relax no matter what I do. Things that used to relax me when I had my full personality don't relax me anymore. My body is in constant fight-or-flight mode. I have tried so many things to relax, and given that I can't relax even when all the conditions are perfect to relax, it's even more demoralizing. Things that I used to want don't matter to me anymore. I feel completely desireless. I'm so numb that nothing feels like it has substance anymore. I'm just going through the motions of life. Maybe the only thing I want right now is just to get out of this hellhole. It's negative motivation. I can't feel an emotion even when all the conditions are seemingly perfect to feel it. I wish I could just use a button to feel emotions again. Yeah, I know about Anthony William's celery juice in the morning thing. Like 10 months ago I tried it for some time, and all it did was give me the symptoms I get from eating celery (due to my gut issues).

@Ulax Did you do it completely online or in person? How can I sign up for it?

@Ulax Have you done it yourself? Is it online 1-on-1? Their brand logo seems to be your profile picture.

@mojsterr I’ll listen to it. Thank you. @Giulio Bevilacqua I have only heard of it. I don’t know much about it. Is there anything from Ayurveda that could help? @Ulax Appreciate it. What is IFS?

@Barbara It really does feel like this will take far too long to go away, if ever. I don't really know if it's transitory, I just hope that it is. @Thought Art I had previously worked with Gojiman. @Average Investor Thanks for your encouragement. Thank you @Michael569

Thanks. A year already passed and it felt like a blur. I just don’t want to end up like those who have had problems like these for over 10 years. That would be a waste of life. Yeah. Staying in bed doesn’t even feel enjoyable, it’s just that everything else feels 100x harder.

My doctor prescribed me Escitalopram a week ago. I am to take 5mg for the first week, which is over now. I start 10mg tomorrow. I am a bit worried about taking this medication though, as I’ve heard that people have gotten anhedonia from it. I already have some degree of anhedonia so I don’t want to make it worse or even irreversible. Also, I’ve read that it’s not recommended for people under 18 years of age. I’m 16, so I want to be extra cautious.

@Lincisman Yes, I’ve tried the carnivore diet. All it did was reduce a few symptoms, not to a large degree. @Barbara Thanks for your response. Yes, I’ve been journaling for 2 years, it helps me think better. I haven’t heard of that app, I’ll give it a go. Thanks. How can I accept missing out on opportunities because of these problems? Due to my low energy and fatigue I can’t effectively do anything. @Thought Art For me it’s not “this will last forever” It’s “this might last too long” One day I hope I’ll be able to look back at this and think to myself: “I made it through that”.

@catcat69123 What do you mean by “going deep”? Was it shadow work or something of similar sort? @Gili Trawangan I can try accepting this, but I would also need to have something to look forward to, right? I can’t look forward to anything because I can’t feel anything. Nothing makes me feel good anymore. I used to be extremely passionate but I am the polar opposite of that now. I would rather feel negative emotions rather that no emotions. I want to be sad, I want to cry, I want to be angry, at least maybe that would let me process this better and give me some relief. But I can’t even feel that, just “blank”.

@PepperBlossoms Thanks for your post. I haven’t been able to see anything positive come out of this at the moment, but maybe I will in the future, I don’t know. @catcat69123 I appreciate it, thanks. Did you eventually find a fix to not being able to feel anything and being dead inside?

@Gili Trawangan How long did it take for them to subside? I’ve been trying to find a silver lining with this, but I just can’t. When I ask myself “What’s the lesson here?”, I just get ‘blank’. My SIBO came out of nowhere, maybe if I knew the root cause I’d have an answer. Not recently. My depression & anhedonia came from SIBO, which I’ve had for a year. I wasn’t depressed before I got SIBO. I already had a degree of emotional numbness before the SSRI, maybe it made it worse? I don’t know. My anhedonia seems to be progressively getting worse as the months pass by. If it got worse from the SSRI should I stop them or just push through? How can I know if I have DP/DR? Your username sounds so easy-going. I want to be @happyhappy

@Knowledge Hoarder In what ways is reading directly linked to your LP? Does it give you ideas and perspectives to integrate into your own writing?

@Loba How long have you been taking them for altogether?

@Loba Do you still take SSRI's?