meta_male

The truth is probably about what stage you're in. When you’re awkward, isolated, starved of connection and have zero social momentum @Leo Gura's view is like gospel. No amount of “just be more social” advice helps when you’ve never felt at ease around groups of people. But once you do get some traction, you have a social circle and can show up present @Emerald's view starts making more sense. You see more openings and your mindset shifts from scarcity to abundance and you start to see yourself become more attractive. Only then can you stop trying so hard. The trap is thinking you can skip that shift and still expect tangible results. Sadly, some guys talking about this have never made it far enough to see both sides. So they argue from whichever side they're currently on.

@Joshe I mostly agree, but I’d still argue: some people see through the BS early. Not everyone needs 40 years to know what doesn’t feel real. The risk of developing complexes goes both ways...faking extroversion just to earn solitude can leave you just as miserable. For me, the sweet spot is social exposure to stay grounded and connected, without bending myself to fit in.

What you mean "neurotic hyper state"?

If he never drank then one of those WILL get him hammered. Better get a Radler (beer + lemonade) @The Caretaker

5 times? How is this quitting?

Seems to me the sacrifice is going without intimacy for longer than feels tolerable with no guarantee it ever pays off.

Get two – one on each foot. @Natasha Tori Maru Thanks for the clarification, I get where you're coming from now. It read as "I've had my social life. You haven't. You'll understand when you're older." I hope we all know there's issues, just not always as easy to pinpoint. Curious though, what exactly are you saying us introverted guys are being ignorant about?

This is not how not meaning to be condescending works though... @Hardkill So you're not really asking where to meet women...you're asking if it's still valid to meet them in the nightlife scene?

Not everyone's either a sex-chasing-extrovert-chad or an enlightened-socially-detached-introvert-monk. @Hardkill You don’t need to go all in on cold approach or force yourself into the nightclub scene if it's not your thing. Just start small. Talk to someone at the gym, café or wherever. Train your social muscle casually while you finish your degree. Also, half of it is timing and luck anyway. You’ll never feel like your life is fully in order...waiting for that moment is a trap. Leo’s got a point. Just not one that applies to 99% of people in this forum section.

@Asia P Yeah, that space between wanting to give love and having nowhere worth putting it is brutal. The whole ‘wait vs. search’ thing... it's like both can rot you over time if you’re not careful. Waiting feels like a joke. Searching feels like a joke.

Just throw yourself in the cold water. No amount of preparation will make it less scary.

Bro.

Translation: I hate when people show up louder than me. Not everyone who does youtube is a narcissist, some just aren’t cowards.

Look at it this way: the guy acted like a scared douche, and you still showed him kindness... by not tearing him into pieces. That’s power, not weakness. It's just rare cause most people are scared little shits and yep, it's annoying as fuck.

@Applegarden8 Nah, why blame Leo? It's just reframing uncertainty. So really it's "until renewal might or might not take us apart." Not saying that marriages work great either, but this one isn't genius. @Princess Arabia Yeah. I'm starting to think spirituality and philosophy are just distractions from actually doing life. People would rather debate ‘being’ than get their hands dirty building something and making hard decisions. The mind is sneaky like that

@Applegarden8 It’s like saying you want to sign a lifelong contract but re-evaluate whether you want the lifelong contract every "x" years. How do you people even come up with such shit? 😂

Refreshing to see someone who gets it. @Something Funny If you wanna go the dating app route and don't have any photos or friends who take good photos: Joby GripTight One + phone + some practise is all you need.

Real talk though: the easiest hack is to have something in your life more compelling than trying to get a girlfriend. But yeah, it sucks because you can’t control when it works.

@Something Funny Because someone has to balance out the fairytales.

Absolutely! If you close your eyes real tight and believe, she will eventually knock on the door and jump on your lap.

You want a quick fix but even the quick fix needs effort. No way around it.

@Kalki Avatar No bro, you don't understand. It feels better to blame the universe than to admit you froze or were unprepared. You're romanticizing these encounters because they let you indulge in fantasies of "what ifs" without having to risk anything. How do you know you came across the perfect woman for you just because she walked her dog and said hi? Because you didn't have to do anything. And it sounds like that's the pattern you get lost in.

Now go full circle by getting yourself cleaned, ultimate meta level.

@Never_give_up I don’t have the answer. But you’re not the only one thinking this way. It’s brutal when the stuff you used to care about stops feeling like it matters and you’re just trying to survive instead of thrive. I can only give you this advice: keep moving your body, even if it’s just a walk around the block. It doesn’t make life magically worth living, but it sets you up to have a bit more peace. Be careful with that idea. Even if there is another life after this you’ll most likely end up facing the same challenges again and again until you learn how to move through them. Only chance to do so is in the here and now.

@Kalki Avatar It's not rocket science: - You were at an embassy, no phones allowed, your mom was jealous, couldn't figure out how to approach --> You were just awkward. - You had a love awakening and were "processing the immensity of that dimension" --> You were in your head having a meltdown. - You couldn't think of anything cause it was so unpredictable and your mind was flying --> That's called life. These are just everyday, mundane interactions you're putting a lot of extra meaning into and they leave you wondering what you could have done differently.