meta_male

Why do you have to chase them? It's not that you're not good enough when being yourself, you probably just lack some skills. But sounds like you're actually doing pretty well besides that ?

Yes and it was the most unpleasant, yet valuable time of my life. There were low key mystical elements like synchronicity, not much else besides that. I kept getting insights almost on a daily basis after I had understood what I'm going through. One thing that allowed me to embrace this time was someone on here telling me something along the lines of: just watch it happen, no matter how ugly it gets. The biggest thing I struggled with was getting as much time alone as possible during that period. I saw that I had poor boundaries and people kept stepping on them and take advantage of me. I realised I allowed them to behave that way. Ending this cycle was how it all ended. At least this one ?

I usually pay when I'm the one inviting her.

Hey man, this sounds a lot like what I just came out of. What's your intuition telling you? How have you been feeling in the past couple of years? Are you able to put the finger on what's off exactly? Do you feel confused and not like yourself while being with this person? You'll get there eventually, trust me dude. You posting this is the start of the leaving process, just gotta accept it and the suffering will start to soften. Can you imagine a better life without a girlfriend (for now) though?

So, after watching Leo's videos How To Deal With Confusion and How To Harness Your Intuition, intense self reflection, embracing uncomfortable feelings and doing research, I've gotten to the bottom of the suffering. I intuited something was off in the relationship, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. Well, yesterday I came across several videos by Stephanie Lyn Coaching on Youtube and it just dawned on me. Every word described my exact situation. My world shattered and I just knew I've been living a lie the past two years. Everything points towards my girlfriend being a covert narcissist. The need for constant attention, silent treatment, lack of emotional connection, no empathy, love bombing, presents, no clarity about the past, twisting words in my mouth. It's like the coin finally dropped. I'm ashamed and creeped out but at the same time relieved. But most importantly, what has become clear is that I still have codependent traits like poor boundaries, a false belief that I've got to take care of everyone and putting my needs behind other's. I understood this intellectually but now there is a real knowing. I know this stems from my childhood because my mum withheld love whenever I didn't live up to her expectations. The big lesson here for me is to take responsibility and not hand over my power to anyone else in my life because it will slowly poison me. Keeping up the narrative that I'm just a good person won't do anymore. Also, insecurity is poisonous as hell and disguises itself as love, when in fact it is the opposite and will exploit and bite you in the ass eventually. It is the fox that gets playful with the cat only to crush its skull once close enough, as explained in Leo's video about scammers. What I have to look out for now is to not to shut myself off completely, while still maintaining a healthy amount of scepticism. This could take a while for me to internalise but now there is a silver lining.

Last year I had some sort of awakening on weed while listening to Leo's "Guided Exercise For Realizing You Are God", where my paradigm shifted to a very strange place. I've been stuck here since, almost like I've seen through some illusions but not enough in order to have the peace I've been looking for. Through all this confusion I've moved in together with my girlfriend, which really only made the situation worse. At that time I was also close to having a burnout at work and so all I wanted was time for myself to contemplate and just getting up to what I love doing without caring about anyone else in my life. Here's some of the things I've realised during that time: - Good and evil are relative. I've learnt to see the beauty in what's considered darkness. - Memories don't represent what happened. I realised this by seeing that in my memories I am seeing the whole scene from another perspective and not through my usual point of view. - If I can't remember my birth, it's possible I've been here longer than I think. I just don't remember. - Death is the falling away of what I've become used to. I experience it every day, just in a more subtle way than physical death. - If through technology a dead body was able to talk and move, there would be no difference between them and someone else I interact with. - I am not the one typing this. The typing is all there is in this very moment. - I put more filters on reality through concepts. I was talking to a friend outside in some bad lighting while looking into his eyes. Because of the shadows across his face I couldn't actually see his eyes. Then, for a split second, I realised this is what he actually looked like in that moment. It was creepy as hell but also pretty badass as he looked like a demon without my mind projecting his normal face onto him. - I can function without thinking. When I want to move my arm and watch what/whoever gives the input for the movement, thought and the actual moving aren't in sync. I can think about walking left and actually go right. Here's my problem: right after having an insight I keep getting pulled back into doubting whether I am actually on the right track or if I'm going crazy. All while having an inner trust that everything will turn out ok. I've been struggling with this confusion for a while now, over one year in fact, which makes it close to impossible to make any important life decisions. I'm not sure if I'm stuck because of my relationship or if I'm just going about it the wrong way. I was a different person when I met my girlfriend and more tolerant of people than I am now...probably due to ignorance? Right now I don't know what's best for myself because my needs seem to change every day. Is this normal? What am I missing here?

I agree with you on setting certain boundaries. But you were wondering what was missing. And I'm telling you it was the attraction. There's ways you can create attraction, and then there's subtle things you can do to turn a woman off.

What did you show her the thread for? Work on understanding attraction. You basically told her it's either a relationship or the end. No woman trusts a man pushing to tie her down, it's a desperate move. It's the girl's job to put a label on the whole relationship dynamic. Notice how she said she wanted to see other guys afterwards... You will also have to work on your jealousy issues as you'll run into more girls testing you this way. As long as you're not exclusive with a woman you'll have to tolerate other guys being in the picture. Girls push your buttons and see how you react, you can't avoid that. Next time just focus on having fun, make the girl laugh, and get her into bed. You'll see she will naturally gravitate towards you if she can see that you give her enough space for love to grow. Especially because most other guys don't know how to treat women properly, it just seems that way.

This sounds like a bad deal, bro. Ideally, you want to be with someone who's serious about dating you. You've probably shown weak behaviour in the past, which is why she is acting hot and cold now. If I remember your last post correctly, you didn't seem to be too sure about whether you wanted to keep playing the field or be in a relationship either. She can sense that.

If that's what you enjoy doing, why not? You could ask yourself why this question popped up for you...maybe you feel like it could be a distraction for you? I love listening to music, riding motorcycles, working on my car, going to the mountains, going out with friends.

The thing is you can make up your mind about what you want in terms of dating this girl, but if she's up for it after summer break is out of your control. It sounds like she wants to keep her options open. For now, I'd just agree to see how you both feel after summer break and when she reaches out to you keep it casual and fun. If you decide you're in for a relationship with this girl, don't bring it up, let her initiate this conversation. But don't wait around for her, it will make you look like you lack options, which is unattractive and will guarantee you ending up feeling miserable. And don't forget to listen to your gut. Good luck, man!

@andyurb I wouldn't expect her to become interested in those topics, most people are happy living a basic life and won't see the point in becoming a better version of themselves. But you should take some time to think about whether or not you're okay being with someone who is bored of your interests. You will most likely not be able to have a deep emotional connection and won't get her support when it comes to facing the challenges in this area.

@Leo Gura @BipolarGrowth @VeganAwake Thank you for your time, this is very helpful already! Yeah, I guess there's no rush. I'll try to loosen up a little

@Preety_India btw, I grew up in a Christian cult and lost all friends as I left. I struggled with similar issues you do now, that's why I kept coming back to your post. Just trying to help out someone in need as I know what it feels like.

@Preety_India alright. Didn't mean to offend you, though I can see it can seem that way. I wish you all the best.

At least take responsibility for not expressing yourself in a way we understand. Everything is pointing towards you not seeing that you're part of the problem. You'll end up being bitter and go around looking for reasons and confirmations from other people as to why they are the problem. Your posts suggest that you're pushing people away. Now it's up to you to at least consider thatthis a possibility

The same that "clouds". Though I struggle to see what and where they are, and whether they actually appear or not.

Very helpful, thank you!

It will be harder for you to quench that passion for a meaningful friendship than being open to the possibility that you can enjoy interacting with those "illusions".

Let's say you decided it's not worth it, what would be your alternative?

I suspect you come off as needy to your friends. Would you be open to that possibility? You gotta pay attention to the small details if you want to attract an introvert. Like having the courage to wait for someone to reply without posting twice in a row. This tells me way more about your personality than all the words in your post. If you do that with your friends you will push them away. What activities do you see yourself and your future friend(s) get involved in together?

I used to do the same. Eventually, you'll end up suffering for it.

Yes you should! You guys aren't even contemplating the replies you get. It's like you don't even realise you're reading them.

@machiavelli Anyone can confirm you're right...or wrong. Someone is going to agree with you and yet another person will say you're confused. Who are you going to believe in the end? Let me ask you this: when did you realise you like icecream (assuming you do)? Did you go on the icecream forum asking people whether they can confirm the way you describe its taste is correct?

As a mod you're posting crap like this in a cult thread? Love the irony