meta_male

Congratulations for getting yourself out of a toxic relationship and taking responsibility for your healing. It will take a bit of time, but be patient and kind with yourself. Also with your self talk, this is important. Don't beat yourself up for not getting results right now. Things will add up and get rolling, just take it one step at a time for now, there's nothing you must achieve. If anything make sure you're just taking care of yourself. Your situation has to look hopeless and chaotic for the moment, this is normal. I can recommend looking into IFS, doesn't need to be therapy but just getting aware of different parts at play in yourself can bring you a sense of peace: https://ifs-institute.com/store/39

@evgn Yeah I get you, I've encountered this problem too. In fact, I'm dealing with it in IFS therapy at the moment, can recommend. This is not strong enough of a reason to be with someone. Not in a conscious, loving way anyway. The thought of losing her to someone else is driven by fear, what do you reckon?

@evgn It sounds like there are at least two conflicting parts inside you and depending on whether you're in a relationship or not, the part who doesn't have its needs met is the one you're identified with.

If she senses she owes you long responses within a certain amount of time, or owes you anything at all she might see you as the typical nice guy. Good luck finding a woman who showers you with texts that make you feel good every day whenever you need them. It sounds like there's still a part inside you which is looking for women's validation. I say send her that text and watch the show go down. It will hurt your chances of making something happen with her in the future, but it will be a valuable lesson for you and show you the subtle mistakes you're making. Also notice where the need to send her this message comes from.

So, I'm finally going to therapy this Sat as it became more and more clear to me that there's no way around it without going in circles. I think it's an important step in my journey. This is the first time I'm doing this, is there any important thing to keep in mind? Would you recommend not talking about anything related to Spirituality? Any important questions I should ask concerning therapy itself, or just go and see if this therapist feels right to work with?

Yeah, she has a certificate and did her training with the IFS institute in Germany. Not level 1 though, more like practitioner. But overall I got a good feeling during the talk today. She also did a lot of work on herself since 16. First session in two weeks. Thanks for the replies, everyone ?

Nice share. Reminded me of this beauty:

@Raze Cheers for the link @Ulax Appreciate it! I'll just give it a shot tomorrow anyways. It's important for me to just take action right now, even if it turned out to not be exactly what I expect. Good point, I'll keep that in mind. I want to reduce taking substances, just never had a solid reason for it up until this point in life. This one hits deep. Getting my mind to relax has been a recurring topic recently, just can't get myself to this state like I used to for some reason. But it'll be fine eventually. Thanks for your advice.

https://www.ifs-europe.net/ It's in German though. Richard C. Schwartz is founding member of the institute.

@Ulax Thanks man. She's listed on the IFS Europe site, so safe to assume she's legit, right?

Yes haha. This is conditioned behaviour. It can feel as though you're talking to an entity behind the text, like on the forum. Or maybe it's the other way round and GPT is just as much yourself talking to yourself like we are doing here...

I'd say it has to do with a lack of purpose and possibly routine. You need something in your life that makes you want to wake up early.

One of the better movies out there. It should get your brain juice flowing on death, rebirth and the self.

Same. It freaked the hell out of me for a good while and then subsided again. Now I wish I was back in that state again, it was powerful.

I came from this exact same place of fear a short while ago and pushed her away. As long as you're not exclusive you shouldn't worry about other guys. Take your time and clear your mind and when you're not anxious anymore ask her out again. Two weeks isn't long and she won't forget you.

What's a high consciousness app?

You can still take care of your mom without having to bend over backwards and sacrificing your life to her

@Abhishaik You posted about this some weeks back, right? You should cut ties with your mom if you ever want a better life. You're not responsible for her wellbeing, if anything, she was responsible for yours. This will sound harsh, but the pain is for your best. It shows you what you miss out on out of fear of your mom.

?

Well, you were right, dude. I got rejected hard.

So I hooked up with a girl (25y) on the third date, within three weeks after meeting, slept at her place, hooked up again the next morning. I took her to town that same day and she was all over me, held my hand, kissed my neck, slapped my ass, was laying on me as we enjoyed the sunny weather. She kept texting me afterwards (had always initiated contact first), yet wouldn't make definite plans to meet up again as she got sick. I told her to get back to me when she feels better. Four days later she texted asking whether I was free that same day. I couldn't make it and asked her about when she was free next, to which she replied by saying she doesn't usually like to plan ahead and that we'll see for next week, to which I said something along the lines of no problem, some other time and keep in touch. Haven't heard from her since and I'm left wondering why she suddenly turned flakey af and makes it difficult to meet up. For the last dates she gave me several days and times to choose from, now just "maybe". Either a shit test or she wants to keep me on the back burner. What do you think?

Imagine how boring life would be if everyone followed rules Many people are simply not aware of how dangerous their selfishness can get, let alone aware that they're being selfish. Are you attempting to understand the other side right now? To a radical level? Why are people acting like they're braindead? Not everybody has the same values, some people just don't give a shit about work and have their focus somewhere else. As long as they suffer they don't have the capacity to consider other people. Btw, I get you, I went through the same last year. It won't last forever. The key is to look inside instead of out at the external world, since that's a mere reflection of your inner world. You can't, this is your personal wish. But you can make it easier for them with patience, unconditional love and detachment.

Just pay and don't even make it a big deal. Some girls will want to split the bill or invite you out next time.

It probably has a lot to do with your state of mind. What makes you think you are a cheap looser?

@mr_engineer No man, I'm taking full responsibility for going too fast and dealing with weed withdrawal symptoms. Your approach doesn't sound too holistic. I'm not looking for a relationship.