meta_male

My problem is I have zero interest in forgiving them because not doing so is not causing me much stress anymore, more than anything it has helped me grow (weird I know). Maybe I'm just not conscious enough or something. I guess it did make me a little bitter at times, but there's bigger fish to fry, it's not all about the outer world Let us know of any new insights on this after your retreat btw.

Yeah similar, although I was never very close to them, this family member looked after me as a kid. For me it felt as if they've died and I caused their death by cutting them off so to speak. The whole thing caused a big drama in my family. There was quite a bit of grieving involved, which was mostly just overshadowed by hatred for the way this person treated me. I can't see myself forgiving them in the near future unfortunately, maybe one day.

@trenton Forget life purpose and grinding when you're feeling depressed. Sometimes it's important to do the counter intuitive thing and slow down. Step back and get into the present moment. From there you're more creative and will find ways to get to where you try to work towards or find alternatives that are even more aligned with your values. Just give it enough time.

This is what I noticed too in my dating life. The shortest relationships were the most intense.

@Schizophonia Yeah, that helps with getting you out of your head temporarily

Driving a vehicle and taking care of it leaves me with a profound sense of bliss. Sometimes I just drive in my dreams at night. There's absolutely nothing that compares to it for me ❤️ Building a fire. Taking a photo. When a cat crosses my path and meows at me to say hi.

Yep, that's the key 👍

It looks a bit like trauma inside you got triggered by Leo telling you chess is not a career path, most likely linked to some situation you found yourself in as a kid where you felt like you were at the mercy of someone else's opinion.

Many guys don't read between the lines as much, if you literally want him to ask you out you go: "I'd like you to take me on a date". This is very clear to a man.

@NoSelfSelf I like your example with government btw. And yeah it's about the whole system that needs to flow freely, it's a good amount of work. The wounded parts for me are the ones I feel when being sad, ashamed, anxious, powerless and formed in moments in my childhood when I actually did feel like I never want to feel again, helpless, hopeless. There's also parts that formed to protect the wounded parts to avoid any further harm and they have big potential to sabotage our life because the methods used can be inappropriate from an adult perspective...using anger, hate, force, black and white thinking etc. They don't yet belief we are adults and capable of taking care of our inner system until we do healing work and they can relax over time. In the example of a breakup it would mean to realise your self worth again, but it's hard because so many parts are getting triggered when someone rejects us and we barely know what the Self is really like.

What type of therapy was this? Have you looked into IFS? IFS targets your direct experience.

@NoSelfSelf What I noticed during therapy is that the more I get to know the different parts at play, the more the Self stands out. If the parts do their own thing you end up with a bit of a mess, since they only care about their own specific needs that haven't been met in childhood (love, attention, comfort) without seeing the bigger picture. It's not possible to be strategic from the perspective of parts. What I still struggle with is realising when I'm acting from a wounded part, whereas it becomes really clear when I'm acting from the Self (inner game is in order). It becomes easier to tell when you know the Self is calm, connected, creative, courageous, confident, compassionate, clear and curious.

I used to drive myself crazy listening to what conflicting inner thoughts are telling me. I'm looking at them as parts. One part tells me to try and get her back, another tells me to have more self respect, another wants me to end my suffering, another feels like a victim. Does the thought "you're choosing the easy path" sound a little something like a phrase you could have picked up in your childhood? Because parting ways with someone you're crazy about isn't exactly an easy path as you can tell. For now, just ride the roller coaster of emotions and be kind to yourself, time will do the healing.

❤️

I can't help but to sometimes feel misogynistic either. Remember how many times you've heard to watch your mind like a hawk? These are the moments you need to do so the most. Our mind is quick to put all women in the same basket...it becomes easier when you start to see women as human beings, you simply don't relate to all of them. Likewise, not all women relate with other women.

@Spiral I see. I personally wouldn't have been bored by this question and had a bit more to say about myself, especially if asked. If you send out minimalistic, you'll get back minimalistic. Seems you set up the meet though 👍 I've also been told several times I'm coming off really introverted, which was because I was like that in real life too. Can you have interesting, meaningful conversation in person? Do you naturally lead?

Yes, it's an big step in our development to realise running after people who disrespect us is really disrespecting ourselves.

@Rafael Thundercat You not intrigued by all those shadows lurking around? ❤️

@Spiral If you don't do online dating I don't see how one can be awful at texting. The problem is trying to have a conversation via text. Are the people who think it's important enough to point out your texting style people you look up to? Texting is a good tool to set up meet ups or dates but a bad tool for conversation.

@Yimpa Who needs a brain after such an accomplishment?

Fair enough.

@Carl-Richard His roommate tried to get him to leave his blanket outside so he can sleep in it when he returns, while @sda thinks it was meant for his roommate's friend who stayed there. @sda T's friend was probably too shy to ask you for a blanket and got him to organise one. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Which sport you got in mind? I've never heard about this besides maybe some extreme sports and boxing.

It might not get you the results you wish for, but of course it's ok, embrace your shadow. The more conscious you become, the warmer you're going to be with people over time, because you'll realise something very important along the way. The mind always finds proof its current model of the world is correct. Stay open-minded and curious

I see what you mean, you call people with victim mentality assholes. I agree with you. Not necessarily...put yourself into the shoes of a guy trying to heal his childhood trauma. See him as someone taking his inner wounded child by its hand and guiding it through life. It can look ugly as hell when a parent is protecting their child. It's also a form of love, just not the romantic Hollywood crap. Now see how this is true for a guy putting his purpose above everything else. Anyone interfering with his mission is gonna face harsh consequences. He knows himself and has realised he's not gonna make the world a better place by being nice, it takes a little more than that. You won't find these guys telling people to smile more, appreciate life more, to radiate more love. But you sure as hell will find such people in woke circles, thinking they're being real nice all the while unaware about who they actually are. If it makes you feel better...