Proserpina

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Posts posted by Proserpina

  2. Posted

    14 hours ago, Razard86 said:

    Ahh a kindred spirit!!! Its nice to meet someone who understands!! You too went to the void and returned!!! Yes isn't it amazing that you find out we been lying to ourselves our entire life? Its so freaking funny!! We literally have to lie to stay as a human!! Its the funniest thing!! But yes I'm glad you understand. All those experiences also to me is the greatest accomplishment to me in my life because I finally got to experience the truth, and I STILL haven't gone as deep as I would like. 

    But yes thank you for this post, I feel so loved when another can relate to what I went through. And yes meditation is key, you can remain calm by breathwork and surrendering to the moment. What helps me is I truly believe that I can remain calm. As long as I focus on that I am good. We are all capable of this, some just need more training than others and I know I am no where near the best at centering myself.

    ♥ ♥ 

    Love your presence on this forum.  

     

  4. Posted

    40 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

    I bet that if you were to take all the big contemporary mystics and screen them for psychiatric illnesses, the ratio of people with psychotic illnesses would be the same or less than the rest of the population.

    I think it's likely they've dissolved their beliefs.  In which ever way they did.  I was directed that I was new on the path because I had psychosis but also advanced.  Like a savant. 

  5. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    32 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

    That's great, and I believe you know how to draw a general distinction between those types of experiences and psychotic symptoms (e.g. the positive/negative symptoms of schizophrenia or the symptoms of bipolar mania). It's important to be realistic about these things. People like Sadhguru, Rupert Spira and Eckhart Tolle are not schizophrenics. They're mystics. You can have schizophrenic mystics and non-schizophrenic mystics.

    Yes.  It's just that the entities involved in both experiences have a continuation, a sentience.  You can't really split it up.  It all flows together, intelligently.  I suspect they don't have the psychosis aspects because they've dissolved all beliefs (non schizophrenic mystic).  Or perhaps they lack some spiritual gifts or knowledge.  I'm not sure.  

  6. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    I find that's it's best to take a scientific approach when I bump up against my condition like tonight.   Label as hallucination or delusion and do things that reduce symptoms (meditation and medication) and reduce triggers (that room).

  7. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Good news.  I've been practising mindshine for several days now and my default state has shifted already.  My default state seems highly moldable.  I still have pain in my chest (since psychosis), I'll probably have that for the rest of my life at varying intensities.  I don't measure my progress based on its full disappearance. 

  8. Posted

    Retraining my mind to overcome trauma and think positively using Mindshine.  I don't want to write about psychosis anymore, it's time for me to move on.  I'm going to become as healthy as possible so I can have more freedom. I'm doing 10-15 short sessions everyday to practice correct mindset. 

  9. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    20 minutes ago, Razard86 said:

    I didn't tell you guys everything I saw. I had a voice in my head that became devilish, and when I went to the hospital outside I had evil cars coming trying to crash the ambulance. So I experienced some of the crazy stuff you are talking about, but I realize why that happened and it won't happen again. There were certain beliefs I had, and I learned that without the right grounded beliefs....your mind can take you further down the rabbit hole than you thought you could go.

    So certain possible beliefs I had were killed because I went down that rabbit hole. I also experienced being stuck in a zone where there was no sense of time in the hospital without being allowed to leave the room and had a security guard who was being heavy handed with me and wouldn't let me leave. 

    So yeah I went to the other side, but since this was my first time dealing with this it was all new to me.

    I went through feeling I was going to get sucked out of a vortex so I couldn't sleep. I kept seeing visions and had trouble sleeping. I went through a lot man, but over time while there I stabilized my mind. I also had to deal with all the energy fluctuations of the people around me who were mentally unstable, we had a person scream bloody murder and run around naked there. So yeah I experienced the other side after my shrooms, edibles, car accident and kundalini awakening. There were a lot of stuff I left out of my report. I'm not speaking from some conceptual, nature I literally deconstructed my mind and had to fight to reconstruct it by telling myself lies that everything around us is real to make reality stable lol.

    So yeah this victim mentality is what keeps people mentally ill, its why I was able to commit myself and leave when I could argue I was further gone than any of the people there.

    People don't realize what Leo means when he says reality is groundless, it is literally held together by your belief. If you believe 100 percent that everything around you is fake...it will all disappear. Its the funniest thing to find that out, it shows you the power of your beliefs. 

    Wow.  Very very similar experiences, almost exactly the same.  The cars, the voice, the hospital, visions, the patients, labelling things as fake... I had to label things as 'delusion', 'hallucination' in the end so the medication would start kicking in.   And it worked.   Mostly I was able to get through everything by meditating.   Meditating would dissolve it all except for what did not need to be dissolved.   It was like the universe was rapidly showing me beliefs to be dissolved.  

  10. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    12 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

    Any peak experiences? Like a state of no-mind, cessation of all physical sensations, loss of space and time, anything of that sort?

    Yes.  Many like that.  Complete satisfaction, completion, no-mind, 'beautiful energies', everything glowed.  Very deep levels of 'bonding'.  Wrapped up in a blanket of love.  Body rapture. Loss of space and time was a primary theme, how entities are even possible.  

  13. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    As someone who has experienced psychosis and mystical experiences there doesn't seem to be a clear cut difference between them.  They meld into each other and influence each other heavily.  Mystical experiences can cause the break down of the mind, the difficulty seeing the difference between mind stuff and uh, mind stuff.  Entities are fully sentient and aren't always pleasant, like any other person. 

  14. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    16 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

    If you're talking about extraordinary experiences while in a mental institution, that is an easy conclusion to draw for the people you're talking to. 

    Not while hospitalised, no.   I was having communications with positive entities while hospitalised but it was rare near the end. 

    16 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

    if you get hospitalized, there is most likely a pathological reason for that, and that is why the psychiatrist will easily opt for a pathological diagnosis. That said, if you talk to people who study the difference between extraordinary experiences and psychosis, they will emphasize the fact that mystical experiences 

    That's true.   I hospitalised myself.   No one would hospitalise me for long because I didn't appear psychotic except near the end when I begged to be hospitalised and was using my hands to meditate.  Shadow comes up during heavy spiritual work so I wouldn't say it's all sunshine and roses.  

  16. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    I have 0% positive symptoms (delusions and hallucinations) on medication.  And anything I do have are positive in nature.  Negative symptoms (disorganization) are easily overcome with routine and habit building. You can be 100% functional as someone with 'mental illness' and thrive.  

  17. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Note: Removed apps other than intention, avocation and mindshine.  Feel boxed in by other apps. Need options as a P (ISFP).  

    My routine

    1. Happy list: Ambient music, Tarot, ASMR, Ambient room, themed guided meditation. 

    2. Oomph to my morning: 500-1000ml water, coffee,  protein and veggie rich breakfast.  

    3. 5 guided routines × 3

    4. Reset routine × 3 (Intention app)

     

    Keys: variety, enjoyment, guided

     

    Habit foundation: 

    Consistent meals

    Mindshine

    1 litre water in the morning

  19. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    I'm experimenting with routine apps. I'm mostly using apps avocation, monk mode, habitica, Intention and mindshine, moonly and Luna focus. I'm obsessed with habit apps.

    The moon cycle apps help me feel like my routine is less repetitive and more meaningful.

    Monk mode has large icons that give you an idea of how productive your day has been. 

    Intention and Mindshine have guided routines.

    Habitica and loop have systems to keep track of progress.  

    Avocation is my primary habit app. 

    I've successfully pulled off the core of this routine for months before so I'm going to repeat the same core structure.  My routine so far in avocation looks like this:

    1. First I start my day off with my 5 things that make me happy list which are Ambient music,  Tarot/Oracle cards, ASMR, Ambient rooms and themed guided meditations. 

    2. Then I begin my spiritual practices. I have 3 practices that I do. 

    3. Thirdly I have tasks that give me oomph to my day.  Those tasks are drinking 500-1000ml of water in the morning,  coffee and a protein and veggie rich breakfast.  

    4. Lastly I schedule in the tasks I have the most difficulty with: exercise, tidying up and a few other tasks.  

    I leave all my other easy tasks to other habit apps.  

  20. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Madness and the 'alien energy' (omniscience etc.) are related/ the same.  

    This feels so much better

    This feels aligned

    This is healing

    Thoughts that crop up when 'madness' appears.  

    To heal in the direction of 'madness', now that's scary

    .

    'Madness'/the energy is irresistible. Just as healing and feeling better is irresistible. 

    But it can be resisted still: 

    'More like my heart drags me there.  I'm half unconscious by the time I give into my heart'

    .

    The purer/stronger the energy and healing or relief the closer to truth and love.  

    The feeling is like a plastic band being pulled back and released back to centre,  back to alignment.  

    .

    Significant dream 3:

    God was trying to teach me about perspective. He gave me insight and told me that I have issues with delusion and absolute truth (not related to 'madness').  He gave me exercises to see perspective.  I tried to see perspective through the delusions.   I noticed that the worse the delusions were the worse it got.  I was able to half distinguish between delusion and non delusion with support.  

     

  24. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Two significant dreams: 

    Dream 1-

    Background- (I'm trying to decide whether or not to live with me Dad, after he punched me)

    *I go to the loungeroom to get my charger.  My mum is sleeping happily on the couch*

    My Dad: I'm going to have some meat. 

    Me: Oh. A barbecue? (I know it's a dream because my mum is dead so I'm joking around)

    Dad: Looks like it's sizzling now.  

    ............

    Dream 2: 

    God told me to use the master block (minecraft reference) to heal myself. He described it in detail.  I knew exactly what he was talking about.  

  25. Posted · Edited by Proserpina

    Life purpose:

    To attain the highest level of connection or devotion to an ideal

     

    Top 10 values: 

    Service

    Kindness/generosity

    Leadership

    Optimism/Positivity/ hope

    Playfulness/spontaneity

    Honesty

    Modesty/ Humility

    Honour

    Openmindedness/ perspective

    Joy