Proserpina

I'm discovering more and more that I appreciate bluntness and masculine compassion when it comes from a place of detachment and minimal ego. Where the past and personal grievances do not factor so much into the equation. A very difficult feat to pull off apparently. I won't pretend to have mastered it. I keep idealising males or persons in general as having possessing this quality when it isn't present. When you really know what you don't want, you really know what you do want - AH

I really feel strongly that there is nothing wrong with low 'social calibration' as long as the person has right Intention and is willing to admit wrong. One of the first steps in accepting people with mental illness and disability is removing this idea that low social calibration is somehow fundamentally wrong and needs to be exorcised. Social calibration is not the end all, be all, it is but only one factor. Low social calibration frequently goes hand in hand with disability/ mental illness. Are we to shun those with a disability or force them to change. If they have right intention maybe that's enough. Sometimes right action just is not completely possible but they can maximise every other area of the eightfold path.

Mhm Also PMDD is like miniature bipolar psychosis for me. It's more obvious during actual psychosis but every month I reach the lowest lows and the highest highs. That's where my schizoaffective bipolar reveals itself outside of psychosis.

@Devin She will also be a similar way, not a sheep, a lion - like him. Similar disposition of strength. Birds of a feather flock together, ‘High quality’ (whatever that means) attracts ‘high quality’. But the feminine still has a strength in following, which will inspire the masculine to develop himself further and lead. High value = turquoise or spiritual or similar (imo)

Open works too. I just remember the masculine working with everything I said, like it was deeply important to him. I influenced his ‘work’. I loved being a part of his work.

High value masculine is easily influenced, witty and playful. In a good way, where she feels deeply heard and understood. However he will lead fundamentally. But they become one force, one being.

Maybe. Many women are deprived of a good man in their life. It’s like a very real need that’s often not met because she isn’t high value enough, wrong upbringing, genetics etc. The definitions of high value and low value are up for debate though. I’ve been able to create high value males in my mind (I have schizophrenia) maybe because a part of me is high value for example even though I have schizophrenia (which is low value by most men’s standards).

I think she can create her own value however it’s much easier if there is a man in her life whom she could follow. It doesn’t feel sexist. Many women have a great capacity to meld their values to a strong male. It’s a strength.

God’s presence is indeed nice but still I would like if we could converse openly, with connection at the heart of the communication, without so much frequent countering. It puts you on edge.

Some more feminine presence would be nice.

So true.

Feel suicidal ideation. LOA fucks with you too. Everyone hates me this time of the month. Painbodies trigger dormant painbodies. “My first inkling that something transformative could happen at menstruation was 8 years ago while pregnant with my second son. I was reading Eckhart Tolle’s ‘A New Earth’ and he wrote at length about the individual pain body that we each carry around with us. He discussed that we also each belong to several collective pain bodies and that as a woman I also carried the collective female pain body. This he described becomes activated at pre-menstruum and that as women we were ‘blessed’ with this body based opportunity for awakening. It was a way, he trusted, into experiencing the present moment. I felt as if I had received an awakening just by reading this acknowledgement.” Joseph calls it the ‘monster’. It’s called PMDD. My energy is just terrible, it’s clingy and in ‘unbearable pain’. The more I’m rejected (the more others lean back in response) the worse it is, the more I cling, the more pain I’m in. It peaks at the later stages.

Breath Let go Breath

Maybe. But mostly I can’t help the things I was born with, largely genetic and a kind of disability; being lower density. I wouldn’t want a disabled person to suffer more than they had to. And there is pain and discomfort in the process of transmutation. Suffering is still there, it’s just different. Being vulnerable can be painful when you’d rather run away and hide for example.

Thank you. Being vulnerable and trying to connect with others is more important now than caring about my lower density, any stupidity or incelhood. That’s where the real blossoming occurs. When you can take the interaction that much higher from a detached place.

Why is it so terrible? Most of my pain and suffering in life has been in resisting that possibility. I remember when I embraced my ‘stupidity’ (lower density) then I really began to blossom. My lower density nature. Before then I would beat myself up for it and appeared very attached. I still have that issue.

This is a ridiculously touchy topic. Calm down. Everything is okay. It’s okay to have no social skills and be an incel. You’re actually more likely to be cooler and attractive socially if you don’t give a fuck and are detached.

Rather clinging/attaching (and then the consequential pull away over and over) causes strong emotions and then more clinging/attaching. Until it’s pathological.

Spiritual development actually increases extroversion statistically in the big 5, along with most other traits. I think, ideally, developed people have extroversion along with most other traits in the big 5.

Haha! And after calming me down with some orange slices and some fetal spooning, E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose. He said, "You are the Chosen One, the One who will deliver the message. A message of hope for those who choose to hear it and a warning for those who do not." Me. The Chosen One? They chose me!!! And I didn't even graduate from fuckin' high school.

In terms of why I’m alone: solitude and strong emotions/clinging are the primary culprits. The ideal solution would be pushing my limits socially and integrating dormant aspects through mindfulness after regulating my emotions/detaching (through mindfulness and solitude). Therefore removing the culprits of solitude and strong emotions/clinging.

The strong unregulated emotions can be explained by my diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder. Although my most recent psych report analysed it was a misdiagnosis and was actually bipolar (as a part of schizoaffective). Bipolar and psychosis can easily be misdiagnosed as BPD apparently. Idk. All I know is I have very strong emotions, always have, that I’ve learnt to regulate with mindfulness and solitude. People don’t know what it’s like to have such strong emotions that cause you to become clingy, driving people away.

Just had a psychology session: She requested that I summarise the session- - Value of solitude and finding a balance - mindfulness is core to social issues (my strong emotions, attachment and inferiority complex scares people away. Mindfulness essentially solves these issues for me) - Begin stepping out into social situations now that solitude and mindfulness has trained my vibration. Push my limits. Trigger difficult emotions now that I am stronger. - Leverage non PMS to train vibration. Utilise where I am strong and allow it to shift my baseline (use mindfulness during non pms. Similar to how solitude has trained my vibration in the past) - made a visual diagram of cycle of strong emotion and being clingy + attached. Strong emotion > clingy + attached > others pull away (paradox affect, too much leaning forward) > strong emotions > clingy + attached

@Razard86 Fascinating. Thank you.