ZenSwift

@tlowedajuicemayne This trip was a vital part of my understanding of death, as it allowed me to approach understanding into the nature of fear. I intuit that I will know what death REALLY is when I do 5meo.

Additional Commentary on this report.

I was just testing out the difference in potency between mushroom strains. I believe that different strains have different personalities, as well as different potency. A gram of blue meanies will be WAY more potent than a gram of golden teachers. Apparently the strain b+ will also yield a lot more positive trips, giving its name: Be Positive (B+). I learned how to be more authentic with my desires. I also learned how fear and anxiety are simply just defense mechanisms to control the sense of self. I got this "fishtank feeling" where I was confined to nothing but my perceptions. I think this was an experience of being nothing but the room, how you are literally nothing but the being-ness that "you" "experience". See Leo's video: "What is Perception?". My intention was also to use Leo's busting limiting beliefs worksheet that you get in the Life Purpose Course to help bust my limiting beliefs around my perceived inability to focus. This was the result:

Additional commentary on this report.

Learning from Leo that if your intuition is playing to win, then it IS authentic intuition. I found running a few kilometers as a GREAT way to clear out the negativity in the mind and also the fear. I was scared shitless. I've learned that it is best to Contemplate your intention, before, during, and after the trip. Especially in my first few trip reports, I report a lot of the subjective effects, like the visuals and the body feelings. These were pieces of information that I wanted to have when I was doing my research. The shroom overtakes you and eats your brain, like a bunch of tentacles creeping their way in. At this time, looking at any faces at all REALLY scared me. Looking at people's faces, and ESPECIALLY looking at my face in the mirror. I first started noticing this feeling of "impending doom", or a feeling that at any moment, the entirety of reality would be turned inside out and upside down. Like there was not much keeping reality together the way it is right now. I've noticed this feeling especially on my later trips. This is something I've noticed with my "bad trips". I can be in hell, but I could still keep myself alive for the next few seconds, and a few seconds more, and a few seconds more. When that situation IS your reality, you are thrusted into taking responsibility and taking on that load. That's how you grow. One thing I've noticed with mushrooms is that it will throw you off the cliff. When you're scared to jump, it throws you right into it. To this day I am not sure as to exactly why I was so freaked out by my legs. Maybe it was because at one point my legs didn't appear to be "mine". But at this time to I was just scared of any visuals moving that were close to me. Like I was looking at my blanket at one point and it scared me that it was breathing. --- I learned just HOW therapeutic it is to just CRY and throw a tantrum like a 3 year old. A bad cry lets the fear right out, it all goes away and gets purified. As my trips progress, I am becoming more and more conscious of how pragmatic it is to face all of your fears. --- During this trip I also noticed that any suppressed things in your psyche will come up. One of these things in my psyche was admitting to myself homosexual fantasies I had. Just being honest with myself and what this body/vessel naturally wants. And coming to terms with how that conflicted with my perceived identity that I constructed my entire life. I was learning how I needed to let go of my attachment to the "social ego"; the part of me that was my socially perceived sexual orientation. In this trip I learned about the power of FULLY surrendering to your fears, and once you do, you feel THE BEST!

Linking this thread to the Parent Thread.

August 23rd 2020 Very first Psycadelic Trip. A lot of this trip is written down as it was happening, and also I came in after and elaborated on certain points so things made more sense. Intention: What is intuition? 1g cubensis Melmac dried magic mushrooms. (I'm definitely more sensitive to substances than the average individual, so this was a great starter dose.) Consumed via Lemon tek (soaked in lemon juice for 20 mins). Didn't taste anything bad. No taste at all really, just the lemon juice when I drank it. Spent extra time to chew it really well. Consumed on an empty stomach. Meditated for 20 minutes watching my thoughts. Made the lemon tek, mediated a bit more. Had a whole lot of anxiety that morning, really fearful of the unknown experience I was able to have. Consumed at 11:10 AM I turned on music and danced to 3 songs. By the third song my emotion really came through and I cried a bit in the emotion. The rest of the time was spent sitting on a couch in the sunroom in the house, I wanted to be close to nature while on this trip, rather than in my basement. As well I wanted to be close to my tripsitter. 30 mins in Grass breathing subtly. 40 minutes Looking at my hand and noticing how foreign it is. Jitteryness Fingers trembling. Noticing all the plumpness and discolouration in the hand. Feeling the shroom creeping in. 11 55 Feeling a strong need to lie down and surrender. There is a place that I fear to go. And it's hauntingly deep. Had that feeling of being sucked back into a dark place that I feared to go. It was very threatening. Probably the most difficult part of the trip here. I went into the open starfish formation to fully surrender, as well as verbally saying "I surrender" 12:00 Nauseous and sinking. Shit is funny. 12:10 Noticing every hair on my arm. The most subtle things in peeling a banana that would go unnoticed I'm noticing. All the nuances in peeling a banana is noticed. 12:15 Noticing how marbled in colour our hands are. Small subtle feelings of nausea. Wanting to move left and right swaying. Have a really hard time to control it. As much as I can throughout the trip I repeatedly ask the question: "What is intuition? What is intuition? What is intuition? What is intuition?" 12:18 Ability to make distinctions in colour has increased. At one point at the peak later, all the green leaves in the garden are the same bright green hue. Still subtle nausea. Strong feeling of being a monkey. Puckering my lips out, showing my teeth. Really noticing a different state of consciousness. I think that's something that's easy to misunderstand about a psycadelic. There's the visuals, but that's like the side effect. Like the heat that is produced from a light bulb; a side effect. The reality is still here but the projector that is me has changed. 12:23 Swirly pattern in the cushion expanding to the whole entire cushion and swaying, swaying. What you focus on, literally grows. My body is part of that swaying. The universe around me feels like an ocean and I'm being pushed by the waves. Really noticing patterns emerge from the cushion. Intuition is so deep. Slow. That's the feeling. It's a whole lot easier to use my voice to type this report while I'm in the middle of the trip. 12:27 Noticing a deep rhythm to the universe. I can see how easy it is to just want to stare at the grass and get lost. Because I know if I stare at something long enough it will start breathing. Just like the floors right now it's moving like a slow river. Hardwood floors flow into several opposite direction Skinny rivers. 12:30 I'm noticing Everything Is Beautiful more than you can imagine. >it's really working to navigate a trip well by saying everything is beautiful. 12:34 You are constantly basking in the sunlight shining on to you at all angles. Infinite hands coming and shielding my face when I close my eyes. Oh my God. 12:38 "Noticing all the patterns in the ceiling and how they are breathing yeah it's really not that bad man, I get Majestic and beautiful yeah holyshit I'm in it I'm in it I love how it's recording my voice while I say this too." Slow. Easy I ask my intuition what is intuition. It tells me to tilt my head up and surrender in the starfish position to open up my body, because my body is a vessel to receive consciousness. It's not even mine. It's not even MY body as my ego would like me to believe. 12:43 Increased trip intensity as I look at the hundred actual birds in my garden. What's the difference between authenticity and intuition? Tons and tons of giggling. I must call everything beautiful to sway this journey. 12:51 If I stare at something long enough it moves. Especially things that are very generic but consistent in pattern. They flow like a river. That's why floors flow. Nausea is gone. But I am a wave now. It's so fucking easy to get distracted haha. If I was an artist I have infinite vision right now. Everytime I close my eyes it's a new vision. Creativity is so enhanced it's something you have to experience to understand. Creativity skyrocketed. 1:00 I close my eyes I notice all the visions of the background of red to yellow. I open my eyes and it's white dominated. The colour White. And it's all moving subtly. I am the room. Reality is a mind fuck. How could we be so foolish the ground ourselves in materialism? It's all one conscious mind. There is no difference between the wall and the tree it's all part of the infinite field. Creativity is skyrocketed. 1:13 I can see that a glimpse of how much deeper I can go I must ask the question: What is consciousness? 1:20 Going to the washroom, walking with a bounce like an ape. 1:25 Intuition is just noticing the push that you are being pushed in. You noticing the waves around you as you are just a part of the ocean. Close my eyes against the pillow for a second. I'm noticing that the left and right eye are like two different Instagram filters. The left eye with the green filter and the right eye with a clear yellow one In order to understand intuition I must understand the infinite intelligence and consciousness. +++big peak+++ 1:41 What is consciousness? Consciousness is all of this that you see. It's so easy to just get distracted and play on Shrooms. 1:48 I've never seen my pupils so dilated. Every time I walk to the bathroom it's just such monkey like in the way I walk. +++ hallucinations are barely apparent now.+++ 1:51 Seeing that you got to be brave to go deep. 1:58 Feeling the now. 2:00 Sight and Sound are literally connected. I can see how that Duality collapses. It would be interesting to see how the movement of reality reacts to music, as I've heard the room moves with the music. 2:03 I can see how it is so easy to distract yourself and get addicted to this experience. It crosses my mind why even contemplate. But I've saw someone fall for that trap before when reading a trip report. So I need to keep getting back on that horse to contemplate. Right now I need to do that. 2:22 The Universe is there for you. The entire experience of eating a banana so funniest fucking thing. Sticking your tongue out, chewing with your mouth wide open, swishing it around in your cheeks. Complete monkey mode. Completely authentic. 2:29 Every action becomes a game. You're being more creative with chewing a banana. You're being more creative in just the way you breathe. Everything just becomes interesting as fuck. 2:37 I noticed looking back earlier on the trip, how I was avoiding the present by opening and closing my eyes. Avoiding going deep. Protecting myself. And I see on a higher dose this will be unavoidable. The eyes closed and the eyes open will collapse, it won't matter, you'll be thrusted into it. Why can't I contemplate Consciousness while rolling on the ground? Why do I have to sit here in a Lotus position? 2:43 I can see when you're given a new perspective, it's so easy to question convention. Because I'm experiencing that new perspective now. Open Mindedness to the sky. It's easy to consider things I would otherwise fear or see as silly to even think of questioning. Shrooms would totally naturally collapse conventional society as a whole. 2:46 "It's not even you when you are surrendering. It's just the way of tuning you into flowing into the water." > When you are surrendering, there is actually no "you" to surrender. You just dissolve the notion of you and merge with the ocean. 2:48 Realizing that the movements that are hallucinations is the duality of solid vs fluid collapsing. 2:52 It's a rule in reality that you must first cross the chasm to reach the field of flowers. This is what the trip feels like. 3:03 I think contemplation becomes very different. You don't think into it, you BE into it. Be as in being. instead of contemplating formally, you BEING into your BEING too solve your BEING. 3:26 Strong urge to drum. 3:36 You need to poke around reality in different ways to explore reality fully. Like rubbing your nose against a couch. 3:43 The barrier that stops me from rolling around in the dirt is a made up one. Why not have fun and just roll around in the dirt, in the love? 4:08 Much earlier I felt like a child playfully roaring at my dog that was growling. 4:54 Noticing the ability to take a strong good look at the burns in your vision after your stare at something too bright for too long. Rather than it escaping your eye when you try to look at it, I was able to get a good solid look at it. That was interesting. How was that even possible lol. 5:51 Noticing the ego clamping down on me with the notion of shame. ___ Visuals Experienced During the Trip A beautiful boat with swirly wood flowering along the sides. An infinite flow of RGB streaks. Infinite deer head with RGB outlines Infinite things. Like a dead wasp I was staring at, then closed my eyes, and it appeared into my vision in an infinite row. Infinite row of 1 foot sized alien bugs crawling up my leg. I noticed some dead bugs on the floor including wasps and bees, and when I close my eyes how an infinite row of wasps was in my vision. But it wasn't scary, it was just beautiful. Because all of reality of beauty. These infinite patterns showed up like two mirrors being put together. Through the red eye of seeing, being able to fly through the world with passing by pieces of consciousness manifesting. ~~Things I've noticed later on that happened earlier ~~ Hugging the chair I'm lying on. With whatever is happening, all I can say is "beautiful". Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. This was great for me to navigate my trip really well. Just everything in my Consciousness is beautiful. I learned how authentic I can really be. To be like a child in authenticy. To be like an ape in authenticy. There is no barrier between me and wanting to roll around in the dirt. That's just a made up one. I noticed how intuition is connected to Consciousness, and that I really needed to contemplate what is consciousness and how to tap into it to understand intuition. I saw intuition as a form of channeling. A light form of channeling. ___ I also had a notebook where I wrote this down. Here's what I wrote. What is intuition? A strong pull. A gut, chest, throat pull. Intuition is deep. Intuition shows you the cracks of light. But it's up to you to travel to the end of the tunnel to realize the entire light. To access intuition, you need to channel. You already are a channel, just open yourself up. It's the subtle ground you take for granted. Question that natural feeling coming from nothingness. Consciousness is an infinite ocean. Just tap into the ever-flowing Rhythm ___ ###Days After Report ### Increased authenticity. Even in the way I walk. Increased interest in realizing my greater identity. Realized this when I talk to other people I still feel alone, and remembering the theory that you are alone and you just create reality and people around you to feel as if you're not alone. How you actually create reality in such a way where you actually feel like you can have some connection with something other than you. But in the end it's only you. Increased interest in the ability to surrender. Increased open mindedness in what I need to surrender to in order to discover truth. Starting to get deeper into wonder about what reality is. Noticing more contentment with what is. Noticing more fascination with the seemingly mundane. I realize I need to be very centered to follow my intuitions Found it quite difficult to consistently Focus while on that trip, so I'm interested in what a research chemical would be like. ??? Questions ¿¿¿ Is it proper to contemplate differently while trying to feel and experience the deeper existential aspects of reality? Stuff that's beyond logic? For example, for the entire trip on inquiring into intuition, I didn't want to contemplate it logically at all, but rather just wanted to experience what came up when I asked the question. How did my trip go? Thoughts?

From the beginning, I treated psychedelics like a vial of nitroglycerin. I was VERY scared of psychedelics. Ever since my first trip I got intimate with fear. I had a MASSIVE amount of fear of just taking a 1g shroom tea. As I learned how to work through this fear it has proved to be vital in my understanding that will aid in my future trips. Fear is something to be understood. I knew that I had to work through this fear in order to get to these higher levels of understanding. I didn't listen to any music throughout the trip, only the first 3 songs in the beginning to boost my state. I sat in the same spot in the entire trip, only getting up to go to the washroom. There was actually a point in the tip where there was literally over a hundred physical birds gathering around a small apple tree that we had in the backyard. It was like a snow white moment or something. A lot of times in the trip, to sway my experience into the positive direction, I verbally said "That's beautiful, and THAT'S beautiful, and that's beautiful!" I said a lot of deep shit in this report, but looking back at it now, with my new depth of understanding now, I had NO idea how deep the iceberg was that I was standing on. My system is extremely sensitive, the visuals that I got on 1g, other people would need 3g. With every consciousness altering substance I take, I get everything: The body high, The mind high and The Visuals. So every time I look into a new psychedelic, I make sure I look at all of the visuals, body effects, and cognitive effects, because I know that I will get them all.

Here's my current understanding. Because the illusion is total. That's the mind fuck! You will never stop dreaming a perfectly coherent reality. An illusion, by definition, is something that you do not know is an illusion, it has you completely fooled! An illusion so perfect that you believe it's real. Just think of this, if you started noticing glitches in reality you would be a lot more suspicious about what reality actually is. But the illusion is so perfect that there is never a single glitch for you to notice. Zoom infinitely into reality and zoom infinitely out of reality and you'll still find more reality, but none of it causes the other, that's all imagined story.

Lean into it. Personally, my Fear of death has pushed me far into this work for Understanding what reality is.

@Leo Gura Whoops, how badly did I fuck up?

Imagine believing you can slice reality in such an autistic/systematizer way. ~~~~ Reality is not binary like this. Contemplate: Exactly what point is mastery achieved? Open your mind to the possibility that mastery is something held in the perspective of an individual. Mastery in one's eyes is not Mastery in the next. You can practice for 10000 hours and still be dogshit at something, because you weren't implementing a proper practice routine that was challenging you. A practice routine needs to be designed in such a way that you put your full conscious effort into the routine such that it feels like a workout and it stretches you a little bit every time. Forget about trying to track the hours, just focus on figuring out a practice routine that you can enjoy putting countless hours into. Falling in love with the practice itself. The painter paints because he likes to paint, not because he likes to make pretty pictures.

At last my dreams can come true! I love older women!

The Ultimate Model Of Human Knowledge - All Knowledge Explained! This one was one of the first videos I listened to of Leo, and it blew me away with the relativity of all knowledge. The Power of Asking Questions Content vs Structure - Going Meta Is A Super-power How To Shop For Healthy Food Fuck I wish I could make the list longer. It's a perfect catalog of answering so many of the deepest questions. Picking a fifth one is like picking one child and the killing the other 30. Assumption Is The Mother Of All F**k-Ups

@Vincent S

@Someone here Write every question you have down. Pretty much every high quality question is answerable. Allocate time every day to answering your most pressing questions. It's EXTREMELY REWARDING to have your questions answered. Contemplation is going to help a lot here: Here's a list of my contemplation quick reference notes: Good Luck!

@Leo Gura Thank you! @Tim R I appreciate it! @Loving Radiance I see the danger with massive self-deception once you ground your epistemic and metaphysical authority in yourself. Which is why it is so necessary to study so many perspectives, and to develop a good radar on figuring out what is true and what isn't true. I need to figure out how to distinguish truth vs falsehood. I do think grasping the absolute will help a whole lot here. I just need to keep mindful of self deception happening at every turn. Familiarize myself with self deception and contemplate what is self deception for myself. @Cubbage I really appreciate the kudos! When that video is done I will just attach it here in this thread! @cjoseph90 Thanks! I really like trying to describe reality through my writing! @AMTO What you focus on grows. Here's a visual lesson on manifestation. Look at how your knowledge network manifests: https://imgur.com/gallery/FkeYl89 https://imgur.com/3FKlCpf Keep adding nodes to your knowledge network, and then the network of your knowledge starts to manifest and take shape. Imagine each crack in the glass is a context, a node, an assumption, a piece of knowledge. Becomes Becomes See? Look at this dream catcher as nothing but a network of nodes and connections between them. This is how you literally manifest things in reality. Look at this spider web, how it is a network of just singular strings, and how it manifests into a network, creating an illusion of a "web". Look at this image of how your ego is created through just a nest of contexts, assumptions and misguided correlations. It's all illusion. You can easily recreate your "self" by just changing the strings and nodes that make you up, change the strings and nodes that makes your reality up. Where you are now is an unconsciously created illusion. It's an unconsciously written story. Where you ought to be is a consciously created illusion. It's an consciously written story. All you have to do is write the story bridging the two stories. First, clearly define the vision of your ideal self and ideal reality. Then interview your ideal self, asking him questions on how he got there, and how he manifested it. The power of asking questions!

This is what I would call a true ego death.

@Loving Radiance Yes please!

Just made this one. https://imgur.com/7pOkQaF

This is great thanks.

Is there a guided exercise for ego death audio out there? Something that you would listen to while on a psychedelic like LSD. I've realized that my ego gets in the way of my contemplation while on LSD.

@Inliytened1 oh yeah I forgot this exists, thanks. https://youtu.be/30grH6X_Q7M