Breakingthewall

I think that maybe you believe what you are saying. I don't know how make you see what you are doing, maybe it's just impossible

@James123 I remember your two trips report when you took 10 gr of mushroom perfectly, was absolute nihilism, nothing. Then you changed the version telling that you got enlightened, but before you always was saying: reality is nothing, and putting videos of papaji. Now you ve change to a more positive version with love, but the point for you is showing the others that you are enlightened. You should ask yourself: why am I doing it? It's something deep, a need. What if you are honest at least once? In all the interactions with people you only want to take, like a vampire. Do you think that's not obvious? Be brave and break your barrier, be honest, show your true face. Or your plan is searching people around to vampirize them , like if you were sadhguru or any of those vampires? You are not going to achieve it, your game is too obvious Anyway, it's interesting like an example

@SOUL you are trying to have a discussion when james is lying to you, do you see it, right? If you tell him something, he'll tell you the opposite, or something unrelated that sounds mysterious to win you over (according to him). And if you give him impossible-to-refute arguments, he'll tell you those are just words, or "I love you, brother," and put a heart emoji in it, when he's really projecting aggression toward you. This is how a narcissist behaves in an interaction: always lying. But he doesn't realize it.

Id say that existence is absolutely logic because logic means relationship. The fact of that a relationship is possible implies it's coherence. The point is that existence is the manifestation of reality, not reality itself. Reality is not logic because it's not a relationship, it's absolute. Relationship means relative, absolute means without relationship

I just remembered a experience with 5 meo. I've had many negative experiences, nihilistic, extremely depressing. So, once, I decided to take 5 meo for 4 days straight. It was extremely terrifying to me. The first day, horribly empty nihilism. The second day, I do it again, and again: reality is dead, infinite emptiness. Horrible, but well, now I know what it is. I think, well, this was what I had to see today. You have to be patient. After 5 seconds, I thought, no, i have to break. So, I put a lot of 5 meo in the pipe without weighing it and vaporized it. And I thought, show me the truth or kill me (I know it sounds like a silly heroic novel, but I thought those exact words). Then, reality broke, and life flowed into it, the inexhaustible source of absolute plenitude, infinitely alive infinity, its infinite depth, so absolutely alive that you disappear. There is only a bottomless abyss of absolute life. It is infinite glory. "More" is impossible; you have it all. Infinitely more than your wildest dreams. More than infinite universes, more than God, it's simply total. Then, in your mind, an idea arises: Yeeeeeeeessssss, hallelujah, hallelujah. The gap has been broken, the glass has been filled, something irreversible has happened. I've broken through the doors of heaven. After 5 minutes, it closes, but you already know where to aim. That first glimpse is absolutely essential.

The absolute truth only can be experienced being it, and when you close yourself to it, you can't remember it. Even if it happened that same day, absolute truth is incompatible with the closure of the psychic structure, since it is the total opening to what you are. I believe that the essential thing is to want to be one with reality, to surrender to it, to desire dissolution, to be annihilated by reality. To dissolve into the abyss and disappear. Then it is extremely difficult because you always want to retain something of yourself, a small reference, a grip. So the opening sometimes occurs for a moment, and then you grab onto something again, and it closes. But if it has happened once, just once, everything changes.

These kinds of experiences, like changes in the structure of perception, are a sign that your psychic structure is flexible. You may see reality as a tunnel, or all of reality may suddenly be a green fractal. There is no you, the observer, just a green fractal for 10 seconds, and that is reality. Or you may see that you are creating a mental flow bubble, deactivate it, and reality may be fluid, without edges, and feel the vertigo of the absence of reference. It may also happen that reality shines in a very powerful way, like absolute power, and that shine is reality. All these kinds of visions point toward something, but they are not exactly an opening to the absolute. The opening is totally clean, diaphanous, indescribable because it is, let's say, in your heart. Your mind becomes diaphanous, the entire field of perception is clarity, and the essence of reality is perceived, and you are one with it; you are it. There is no structure; there is the essence of reality, and nothing is missing; it is everything. Variations in perception remain within the psychic structure; opening occurs when the structure disappears. That is, there is no understanding of how things are; understanding is always within the structure. The total does not require understanding; any understanding is partial. The total is total.

@Someone here If you want psychedelics to be of any use to you, your real intention, your life impulse, must be: I want to be one with reality. I want to break down the barriers that separate me, to open up my being and reality and see what is, what I am, whatever that is. I don't know what it is, I don't believe anything anyone has said. I surrender to the abyss, contemplating the possibility that it is absolute horror, but having the intuition that it isn't. I want to be destroyed, vaporized, annihilated, whatever that is. If your impulse is: I want to see things, understand the reality, you will operate always from the self, then you only will obtain confusion It's very obvious, the absolute is absolute right? Then if you are perceiving the absolute it's a relative happening. The only way is being the absolute.

5meo was a meditative tool for me because it breaks the structure of the psyche, and then it reforms. You see what it is like, not conceptually, but as something real that happens. Then you begin to understand it. It's like understanding that if you drop an object, it falls to the ground. You understand it not conceptually, but directly. The same with the psyche. total openness with 5 meo, maybe sometimes. But it's very violent and strange, and after 5 minutes, you forget about it because your psychic structure can't capture it because it's too asymmetric

All your post have the smell of contraction, like you need to convince yourself about your enlightenment. Your vibration is anxious, even you talk all time about love

Imo the problem is that disintegration seems like disappearing, becoming nothing, and that doesn't make sense. The idea is to dissolve the separation between you and reality and be reality. "Nothingness" is an idea of the self; it remains in separation. Dissolution is equivalent to there no longer being self and there is reality, or the self no longer being limited and embracing reality. It would be the same thing. It's a question of limits, not of disappearing.

It seems obvious that existence implies separation; absolute unity does not happen. For becoming to exist, there must be contrast and separation. In the absence of limits, this inevitably occurs. If you observe reality, it is clear that energy is organized into matter. Matter is organized into increasingly complex patterns. At a given moment, life emerges, a pattern within the universal pattern, which groups into increasingly complex units. The most optimal path it finds to achieve this is war against itself, from which increasingly effective patterns emerge until giving rise to human self-aware intelligence, which groups into ever larger, interconnected units. So, if the root of the organization of life is war, it is not strange for humans to be at war.

You could go to goa, where there are tons of psychedelics

I was thinking in the Buddhist paradigm, which contrasts emptiness with fullness and seeks the elimination of suffering and identifies that with enlightenment, all around the belief in reincarnation and nirvana

It is caused by the fact that if there were no desire you would not exist, then the possibility that is possible has desire

It's not easy because seems that almost everyone who try the spiritual path seriously choose to stay in a seemingly larger egoic structure and refuse to consider the possibility that that's not the end of the way

you are the truth, but that fact is veiled by the limits of the form. the absolute is always manifested in a form, because "manifested"=form=always. you could be open to your unlimited nature or not. its just a matter of perception, the nature is the same, but to clean your perception you have to equalize your structure with the unlimited. call it purification of anything. then your structure is transparent and you perceive yourself as the unlimited. its what you are, then it's totally possible to do it. but the human form has a lot of opacity, it is not an easy work to clean it. If you do a big dose of psychedelic its like a gesture, it means that you offer your structure, that you accept the dissolution. This does not guarantee anything but it is an undoubted step

Means that if you are smart enough your intuition will tell you that "enlightenment," or whatever you want to call it, is the absence of limits itself, not any "realization" you may have, since that realization occurs within the confines of your current structure. Openenss means perceive yourself absolutely unlimited, that implies everything. The total clarity of what you are. At first, you will try to remember it and may fall into delusions, but there will be a voice that whispers to you: "Don't fool yourself, idiot, don't you see that's a history?" At a certain point, you will begin to perceive the limitation as a serious nuisance, so you will begin to make energetic and conceptual adjustments to be able to open your structure more easily. The problem with psychedelics is that you are very "high," so everything is confusing, except for a few moments of clarity. You may intuit that this moment is what points to liberation, or maybe not; your ego may be stronger and you prefer to remain in circular narratives, seemingly unlimited but with limits, center. It is a long process, but perhaps it will be easy for you, perhaps not. I would say that you have enough foundation and enough skepticism to be able to enter into swampy terrain. In some point, you will be in absolute openess, total clarity, one with the total, in some moments being sober, and other moments not so. But if you are smart enough you won't construct narratives about the absolute. You can be the absolute, in the sense that don't be lost in the form, or not. You can't think in the absolute from the form, it's nonsense. You can think in the structure of the form that closes, but not in the openess

Then you are not in control except for awakening in the morning. I guess that maybe for some other things right? Maybe for everything? Well, but it's ok having that fantasy of no control. Imagine defecating without control, or masturbating in the subway. Maybe people could find it weird , then they would tell you: control yourself! And you would do. That's life. Of course if you were for example a monkey, nobody would expect any control, you could follow your impulses anytime, but unfortunately you aren't, then you have to control everything

In my opinion giving your sovereignty to others will never work for real spiritual progress, since enlightenment is being one with the Absolute, that is, realizing that you are the Absolute and be it. To do this, you must take full responsibility for yourself and detach yourself from any established system. Each mental structure is unique, so by definition, no homogenizing system will work. Perhaps it will turn you into a silent and empty Zen student, nothing more. Btw, I discovered another very interesting Sufi: Al Hallaj. A kind of Iranian Jesus Christ. Straight to the Absolute

The truth is absence of limits, then yes, a psychedelic can break your limits, but the most common is that your mind avoid it creating other limits apparently wider

No, I mean that if you work, how do you do to awake early, or going work some days that you would prefer stay at home, if you have released all the control

So you don't work?

Same, anyway , you don't understand my point, what to do? I Hope you get perfect of that surgery

The point isn't to disintegrate the self, but to open it. Disintegrating the self is the Buddhist way; it implies reaching emptiness. In emptiness, there is no suffering, and nothing matters. But there is a trap: who is dissolving the self? Another self, the Buddhist self that believes in emptiness, reincarnation and nirvana. Opening means perceiving yourself as the living flow of the reality without limits. I mean, you perceive yourself as the form , but also as the flow, the movement, the becoming, then you can shift the focus to the unlimited perspective putting the structure in background. To do that you have to make the structure equalized with the flow, so similar thats almost one, without closures, transparent. Then in some moments you can perceive the real flow so direct than you get open to it's ultimate nature. That's the mystical thing, look in the face to the totality and be one with it, be that. Not the flow or the becoming, the absolute, the nature of reality, the reality itself. Then it closes but the flow is permeated of its life, it's clarity, it's beauty. So you see clearly that everything is pale, black and white, if your perception is opaque. It's not defining the reality as infinite, god or anything, is be open to it's nature as much as is possible, then the self can be burned by the fire of the real thing. It's not that the self is false, it's that it's like a interface. It's impossible being without self unless you equalize the interface so much that the absolute or call it whatever is transparent, then you have like mystic experiences then you think... maybe the self is dissapearing, it's just the totality flowing, there is no difference in some moments. Maybe in some point it's so transparent that there is no "self", just a minimalist structure that almost doesn't occupy place and the totality that you are is totally open all the time. But little by little because there are opaque points , it's a natural process that moves in its rhythm, like anything else. It's impossible to force it, just perceive as clear as you can, without lies, ideas, traps, etc