Vrubel

Of course! history is entirely built on perspective(s) and therefore highly relative. It is basically a story we make up to make sense-of and to contextualize the world. (For me a very fascinating story though, I love getting lost in it) Having said that it is still problematic from a societal point of view when people deny or are blind to other narratives. Denying or relativizing the holocaust, saying the civil war was not about slavery or completely refusing to acknowledge an "opposing" perpective is not exactly a sign of high intelligence and moral integrity.

It happened only 80 years ago not in ancient times, we literally have millions of witness testimonies from nearly all perspectives. History is not necessarily written by the victors, that's something that edgy teenagers say to sound intelligent. History is written by whoever writes it. For example the narrative of the civil war in America war was for a long time dominated by the south as they falsely stated that the war was about states rights and taxes, not about slavery. And how do you explain the bad press the Babylonians got in the bible despite conquering the Hebrews. Over time as peoples became less attached to their history being righteous and sacred, they become more open to a less biased, more honest and a more multi-perspectival interpretation of history.

I hear spiritual masters talk all the time about love, bliss, selflessness but never so much about holiness. Of course, mainstream orthodox religions talk about it all the time but they are not exactly helping in explaining what holiness is and what its role is in the bigger picture. I myself have experienced the radiance of holiness during trips. If I had to describe it in a visual metaphor it is like a golden radiance that feels divine, indicative of a higher power. In orthodox religions, people worship the "holy" because it humbles them and I can definitely understand why. Is holiness an absolute or when everything becomes holy nothing is? but most importantly what is it and why?

I am in this very peculiar phase in my spiritual life journey. It seems that whenever I go to bed my ego gets significantly weaker because it calms down and hasn't much to distract me with. For example, I become more conscious of the fact that I am headless in my direct experience. This can feel very good but lately, a recurring thing that happens almost every night for the past weeks is that I also experience a fear setting in, my body becoming cold and shaky and feeling nauseous. Almost like 5-meo in the coming-up phase. And it becomes intense! like it's hard for me to fully surrender to it. I try my best but I have noticed that I have some attachments that are keeping me down, attachments to this life "being real", my "sanity" and also not to puke all over the bathroom floor. This brings me to another thing: often recurring nausea waves. I always used to have a strong stomach and I haven't had to throw up for many years (with the exception while on psychedelics). I even traveled for months through third-world countries and my stomach was mostly fine. And now I get constantly nauseated even though I eat very standard food that I have always been eaten. Another aspect of this situation is that I became "fascinated" with dying, for lack of a better word. For example, I have had a very vivid dream where I received a mortal wound that was bleeding out intensely fast and I was fascinated to know what would go through my mind on such a moment. Also whenever I watch a movie and a (main) character goes through a serious life endangering survival situation, I get supper immersed and empathetic. Like I feel some of his fear and how he desperately wants to survive. It makes me literally sick to my stomach and I get nauseated again. My personal take on my situation is that my psyche is catching up with my new-found consciousness as a result of the relatively decent number of psychadelics I have been doing this year and my ego is just resisting in all these ways. (Even though the last time I took a psychedelic was over two months ago and as of now, I have never broken through to awakening.) I would love to know the take on this situation from those who are experienced in this field. Is this normal and did you had to deal with these kinds of things? How did you deal with them?

@Nahm Thank you for these inquiry questions, guess I must not go with the stories that my mind conjures and instead focus on direct experience. It's not exactly clear to me what is meant by this part

I don't have a regimented meditation practice but I do it on occasion though. None of my spiritual practices are done in a regimented way, it's just when I feel like it. For example, when I notice I am full of worries and negative thoughts I practice self-love. I also did it after failing to properly surrender in the aforementioned situation. Sometimes spiritual moments just come over me but most of the time my mind is grounded in my life (work, family, hobbies, etc.)

@Juliano Zn @Leo Gura I own carnivorous plants in my house. I find them very cool but the insects trapped by them die a slow agonizing death. They are literally digested alive. This is not very easy on my mind, at least when I slap them they die in an instant and do not suffer. The trapped insects do sustain the plants though so that gives me some peace. But yeah, nature is damn cruel.

If you look at the main reasons why Europeans went to war with each other since the 17th century it was basically to maintain the 'proper' power balance on the continent. Of course, everybody had its own ideas of a proper power balance hence the wars. Ever since German reunification in the 1800's, it became clear that the Germans will become the most dominant power on the continent because they were industrialized, had a massive population and a large territory (Germany used to be way bigger than it is now). Britain and France were particularly very uncomfortable with a strong Germany. These tensions led up to ww1 where Germany was defeated and forced to make concessions. You probably know about the treaty of Versaille. The treaty was harsh but in those days harsh treaties for defeated nations were the norm. For example, the Brest-Litovsk treaty where Russia had to give up the Ukraine and large parts of eastern Europe was arguably harsher. But nonetheless, Germans suffered a lot after ww1 mainly due to high reparations costs that led to hyperinflation. This gave them the resentfulness and bitterness that eventually would lead up to Hitler's election. If we look at things from the perspective of a 1930's German, he will still think that Germany deserves its place as a top European superpower. And within the general paradigm (Zeitgeist) of that time, he was not necessarily wrong because the Germans were indeed a cramped in nation that had the potential to become Europe's big superpower. Of course, this resentfulness and the feeling of deserving to be a superpower was expressed by scapegoating the Jews, becoming fascist and subscribing to the theory of racial superiority and a to the vision of a grand divine destiny for the German nation. Or in short, becoming a Nazi. After ww2 Germany was again defeated and this time the Germans could no longer have any self-righteous nationalist ideas. Why? Because of the sheer cruelty and inhumanness of its conduct of war and of course most importantly the Holocaust. After the Germans sobered up from their ideological intoxication. Germany owned up and took responsibility for this low-point in the history of humanity. This feeling of responsibility to maintain the truth of the holocaust and its war crimes is what defines the modern german people today and is also something that makes them more mature and developed. I hope I addressed some of your points regarding the reasons for the war, how Hitler fitted in, and how the war changed the world forever, well enough.

@Space I will! with the emphasis on "work my way up". My last dosages that produced the strongest trips were within the 20-25mg range. But before that, I have done even bigger dosages but they were not as strong. I think that incorrect technique had something to do with that but I also feel that the trips gradually become stronger and stronger because with each trip I confront some kind of fear that allows met to go to the 'next level' so to speak in my next trip, even when I am lowering the dosage.

In the last 6 months, I have done something like +-12 (plugged) trips with 5-meo-dmt. I started with low dosages and my first few trips were rather weak but as I upped the dosages and improved my plugging technique the trips became stronger. Now to be clear I have not yet broken through but in my last trips, I definitely felt close to losing an I. For the time being, I have decided to go on a winter-stop with my 5-meo use to integrate more and getting used to my new self. Also, I very much so enjoy tripping in my garden and this cannot be done in winter. Now the dust from all the trip-anticipation and ego-backlashes has settled I can see very clearly how I changed as a person due to the healing and added consciousness from the trips, here are three insights: 1. How I view my future: I remember from truffle trips that I had that whenever I thought about my future I literally could see an ominous void (this is by the way a good example of how psychedelics reflect and amplify your own psyche). Now I realize how deluded I was to think my future was some kind of ominous void. It is in the ego's interest to paint the world, in general, and your concept of the future in specific as something dreadful and frightful. This is self-preservation 101. Now after the 5-meo trips, I have the wisdom to realize that my future is exactly the opposite of dreadful: it is shining white! Having a genuine and deep optimism in life is a big strength and has nothing to do with naivety. 2. How I relate to nature: I always was a big lover of nature but like many other modern humans, much of my life I was disconnected from it. But in the last few years, I got a big passion for plants and gardening. This drove me to create a garden with all kinds of vegetables, berries and flowers on my terrace. During my trips, I would marvel at the wonder of nature and get incredibly excited when I discovered a newly blooming flower. Also in some of my trips, I became very ape-like and I moved around through the garden as if I was an ape foraging for food. I actually ate some berries and grazed on the basil. But because my terrace is closed off by walls I could imagine how an ape would feel in captivity and this made me empathize with all animals that are confined to small living spaces in captivity. I feel that I also integrated a lot of my stage purple side that was largely repressed in my life. I got a spiritual connection with soil and plants and a new appreciation for natural foods like vegetables and fruit. To me, the growth, flowering and fruit production of a plant symbolizes the miracle of life. 3. I am so utterly nothing and insignificant yet I am so utterly blessed. In one of my 5-meo trips I made the insight that God plays the Uncle Iroh archetype from avatar the animation serie (of course his character was basically a highly conscious human being). Even though you are a devil "that lost his way". God loves you and is nonetheless always there for you, blessing you in all kinds of ways. His blessings, you take for granted or may slip under your radar. I am a person who says thank you a lot and I usually appreciate other people for example helping me. But nonetheless, during one my trips I also realized that I am really an ungrateful little shit for being so blind to all the ways I have been blessed. I am so blessed it is literally unbelievable to the ego-mind. These are the 3 insights I want to share for now, but really I got many more, and maybe I will make a part 2. The last thing I want to say is that you too are incredibly blessed and that you need to be grateful for what you have. Chances are that the most valuable things you have are the people you love. If they are alone a lot, spend some time with them, and if that is not possible give them your attention via skype or something.

@Leo Gura Yeah, before my 5meo trips the notion of me being G-d did not compute in my mind. Now I can intuit it more and more. But obviously I am not there yet, so I realize that my above insights are not the highest truth. But one day (I) will get there, I am not throwing out my 5meo stash(;

Hello. I have discovered that I have an unusually high tolerance for 5-meo, I have plugged 50-60mg fb without breaking trough. But it definitely does work on me and I would like to continue using it. Though I did hear that anything more than 40mg is already an insanely big dose which is potentially harmful. So my question is: Does the danger of the psychedelic lie in the power of the (excessive) trip alone or is taking to much of the (dissolved) powder dangerous too?

@outlandish Solid recommendations, I am investing!

Wow thanks for this resource, so helpful!

Yes, the coming time I will focus on perfecting my technique (to get more out of the same dose) while keeping a relatively normal dose. Yes measuring such small doses is very tricky. I try to be as conservative as possible in my estimation because consider this: I use an 8 mg scoop and each scoop I top off so the conservative estimation would be +-5mg that is left on the scoop. Now the largest dosage that I have taken was nine scoops, so that is around 45mg. Considering spillage takes me to +-40mg I am left with. I simply cannot give you a more conservative estimate. This is a heavy break trough for most people.

@outlandish Good point, I actually had that thought as well. But then again plugging does not feel like rocket science to me. I already have done it about ten times. So it is very hard for me to say what and if I am doing it wrong. I actually botched up my very first attempt but I quickly assessed what I did wrong and improved. (Maybe I will make later a new tread where I describe in detail my plugging technique). Is it really that rare to be more tolerant than average? Also does the breakthrough point not depend on my level of spiritual pureness. I would bet if I was further on my path. I wouldn't need so much powder. But considering your advise my plan forward is to wind down my dosage and to just perfect my technique. I expect the trips to be mild but on the plus side I can do them more often. As I said before even on lower dosages I get a lot of progress. Maybe that's just my path(;

@Corpus and @allislove Thank you for suggesting this possibility. I do not suspect my stuff being impure. It looks normal and does not have any extraordinary body load or side effects to it, but it can be a possibility I should henceforth consider. As I stated in my original question I would like to continue plugging because it most definitely does work (I already made good progress by facing fear and becoming more loving even without breaking trough). My only concern is that taking to much powder is somehow harmful.

Thank you for your reply Aaron P. Yes, I understand other factors may be at play, however I rule out your first 2 variables because I am already at my second bag and it seems the same as my previous one. Also I can clearly see that my 5-meo is dissolving. As for the third point. This one can always be a factor, if I am doing the plugging technique wrong in some subtle way, I am not aware of that. But even so, I always try to be consistent in my technique.

Hello everybody, I am already three years on my journey to awakening and since this spring I have started doing 5-meo-dmt. My approach was to start with low dosages and to gradually and systematically move up to a breakthrough dosage. For me "shit began to get real" only when I moved up to plugging 50-60mg, it's here that I realised it is not a cute little part of me that will die but in a sense my whole being and everything that I hold dear. So after that I decided to gradually lower my dosages, also because I know that 50-60mg is a crazy high dosage (in normal circumstances for the average person). And I am noticing that my trips are not necessarily getting weaker, so I intend on continuing my gradual decline in dosage until I hope that I can have a breakthrough on a more average breakthrough dosage. as of now I went trough a whole packet without breaking trough. Let me describe my trips because apart from maybe the different insights that I got, the overall gist of the trips are the same: The come-up phase involves a lot of fear and purification accompanied with compulsions to puke. In my last trip I actually puked out my stomach acid (I didn't consume anything that day). But all of this makes sense because the ego/body will apply every trick in the book to try to fight the dramatic raise in consciousness. But after the come-up which lasts 10 to 20 minutes comes the high, which always starts with a huge sigh of relief that the come-up phase is over. In the high-phase I always seem to do the same thing: Yoga. This is not some yoga according to established techniques but it is just me twisting and stretching in the way I see fit. The 5-meo induced consciousness already makes all of my muscles super relax. And I notice that all of my exercises revolve around the lower back. So am I working up to a kundalini awakening? But all of the above is just the background for the thing I really want to talk about and that is a dream I had last night, and by no means was this a normal dream. First I need to tell you that a few years ago when I was in bed somewhere at the halfway point between being awake and fully sleeping. At the point where you are not really sleeping but nonetheless have dreamlike "stories" playing out "in the brain". At that point, a certain kind of energy befall me. It was a kind of energy to which I could surrender-to or recoil from. That night I recoiled Immediately out of fear. Afterwards I console my self with an amount of self-love I was not normally capable of and out of curiosity I decided to no longer recoil from this energy but to surrender in to it if it comes back. After all, by leaving me it listened end "respected" my reaction so it definitely has a kind of benevolence to it. By the way, years before that I made a similar commitment with nightmares that I will not recoil and open my eyes but face them till the end. The reason I recoiled so fast from that energy that befall upon me was because I felt it wanted to "abduct" me for a lack of a better word, I even lifted up and started floating above my bed (paranormal style) . Also at that time this energy had a alien vibe about it, I even could hear UFO sounds, the same that you hear in every retro sci-fi movie. And over the years this energy revisited and I surrendered in it the best I could. There was fear and there was love, and so was the case last night. But I think because of the 5-meo and the resulting purifying I have been recently doing, the energy was particularly strong. So what happend: At this point it barely comes into my mind to recoil so again I tried to surrender to it the best I could. The energy lifted me up a meter or two, flipped me and put me back down. this repeated itself a couple of times. During this time all kinds of fears came up. I remember worrying that my mother might see me flip and freak out (even though I live on my own). But my biggest fear was that I would die because I will forget or seize to breath. And while being flipped like a burger I sometime had to wildly grasp for air. I asked my self: did I wildly grasp for air only in the dream or in real life as well? And It is here that I made the insight that "real life" is just as illusionary (or real for that matter) as the dream I am having. When I came down from the flipping and the energy slowly left me. Is saw a shadowy humanoid figure standing in the corner of the room. I think it was my literal (psychological) shadow. While looking at it I evoked love. There was fear but the love and wisdom was stronger. I did not recoil for no coward soul is mine(; The last thing I want to say and my message to you is that working up to awakening takes a lot of purifying yourself which means confronting and letting go of fears. even though this experience may sound very scary and negative, you must know that the mercy of god was always with me as it is with you. Again this energy respected me, so if I recoiled out of fear it would have respected that decision and leave me alone. You must know that the mercy of God is also always with you. In one of my 5-meo trips I made this insight that God plays the Uncle Iroh archetype (from avatar the animation serie). Even though you are a devil that lost his ways. God loves you and is nonetheless always there for you, blessing you in all kinds of ways. His blessings, you take for granted or may slip under your radar. I am a person who says thank you a lot and I usually appreciate other people for example helping me. But nonetheless during one my trips I also realised that I am really an ungrateful little shit (my words not His) for being so blind for all the ways I have been blessed.