5-D - L O V E

@integral I think I'm starting to comprehend your standpoint on this concept. Personally my most fond memories in life come from about 7/8 years ago (3years prior to the pandemic) and I was completely aligned with what you're trying to point to (I think); and the best model that encapsulates this POV is a certain type of native american shamanic lineage, which may seem animistic, very purple like in terms of SD, it may feel regressive if not perceived clearly and frankly it can be dangerous if done however. But it has a lot of benefits, the biggest being a fully integrated experience with nature. This guy is great with this kind of teachings The book "Celestine Prophecy" also comes to mind (but I view that one more like a work of fiction than something that points to absolute truths), I think that in your experience you care a lot about this, and I personally encourage to explore this aspect of reality further, there are many facets to truth, and this one is definitly a valid to look further into.

I've read some trip reports where people mention that, when you say living whole lifetimes, do you mean that literally ? as in being awake through every minute of it ? going to sleep and waking up in said reality day after day ... until the trip ends ?? that just sounds insane to me

I actually view/experience these loosy goosy notions of frequency, vibration, energy, love, emotional state, pure heartedness... as being even more fundamental than what's actually tangible, it's like they are zero order precursors to what's tangible, hence we have "if there's a will there's a way" or "start with the why" or "it's all about your intentions man", Islam has a notion of Intentions being the most fundamental aspect of actions. And what's the drive behind of intent? emotions ! I'm pretty sure anyone can look into their experience and remember an instance of day where everything internal felt right, and everything external just alligned accordingly, that's feelings in a nutshell.

I share this same frustration with you, even when I make effort into finding resources that dissect feeling, emotions and the feminine side of spirituality I only end up what seems to be shallow explorations, most spiritual teachers (or people in general) who tap into this seem to stop at the notion of "letting feelings just flow through you" or "being aware of feelings without attachements" (seeing feelings are not you)... this is the same as non dual teachers stopping at awareness as the final core of existence and disgarding understanding, insight, integration of metaphysical truths into one's life purpose... And that imo opinion arises from people just looking for a solution to suffering that stems from over attachment with ego, but if you're doing this work seriously you know that's not the totality of it, to me that's like step 1 into an infinite ladder. Sometimes I feel that women more than men don't understand or give importance to feelings like men do (but that's another topic), it's like just taken for granted... The only advice I can give you is this, try expremeting with classic psychedelics (if you're into that kind of work) with the intention of exploring this side of things, you'd be amazed what can be felt/revealed in a high dose LSD or Psylocibin trip, because these unlike 5Meo still "allow" some semblance of dualistic experience, I think it fits better with such explorations. One last thing, I feel that there a strange loop correlation between the feminine and masculine, eventually they end up looping into each other, the deepest feelings into the nature of existence end up revealing deep insights (and vise versa)

@integral I would like to preface what I will say with this; anything anyone could ever say is just words that are trying to encapsulate experience to some extent, and almost all of it is lost in translation, reality cannot be conveyed, and all our models are just pale depictions of what truly is This being said, one model/idea I would like to propose is that there's a fundamental duality in different people's awakening expertiences/spiritual path, and that duality is a bias, an important one none the less, but still a bias, that duality is the good old Masculine/Feminine, Heart/Mind. Feeling is the most fundamental thing is almost all of my awakening experiences, and in day to day life overall, and I see and experience it as the core of exsitence, God, Love, Being is a masterful Emotions chef, and it delights in that. Leo's bias (one I think he fails to see) is towards the masculine side of awakening, nothing wrong with that, it just may come of as cold and lacking in humane considerations to anyone who's more centered in the femenine aspect of spirituality. I've heard Leo talk a lot about how to realize the absolute would literally break your mind sending you into total madness, I've experienced and validated that for myself, but I don't see anyone else talking about is Insight into God would also break your heart (literally speaking) and it's the most beautiful heartbreak one could go through because it is what let's the light come in (I know this may sound all poetic and unbased but if you know you know) So Yes, Feeling is as fundamental as Being, and it is as valid a path towards God as Insight, Widsom, alien intelligence or any other "modality"

Just do it. Just strive to create new things as much as you can, of course it won't be a linear progression, somedays you'll be very inspired and you feel like the greatest artist alive, other times you may find yourself on the other end of the spectrum, ideally you would want to detach from unconscious self jugement, getting out of your way and just letting creativity take it course. What also helps is to play the long term game, try to view your whole life as a journey towards mastery, this would push/inspire you to put in consistent work, always view yourself as a student of the craft and always seek to make progress and learn new things. Inpiration I believe is not in our hands, meaning, most of us can't summon it at will, so the best thing is to be ready for when it strikes, of course I find it that the more you advance in your craft, the more inspired overall you'll be, and the less you'll rely on inpiration as an external force and rather tap into internal things, Last thing I would add is that if you want godly levels of creativity (i.e similar to the kind you get on psychedelics) then Falling in love, or rather Being Love is the way, try to take your whole life towards the direction of love, and watch how miraculously inpirational anything could be.

@Santiago Ram I'm gonna be blunt and direct about it, hoping this would be of help to you Your notion of God is wrong. God is absolute infinity, trying to hold on to any false notion, no matter how helpful that notion could be at the time of adoption will end up forming some sort of glass prison you can't escape until you choose to deconstruct it. God is all of it, anything you can think of, anything you can smell, touch, think, imagine, any sound, any idea, any state, all of time, all of space, every being, every object, all is God. Blasphemy is an egoic projection, only a finite, insecure being would "punish" someone else for questioning or critizing their authority, God is defenetly not insecure... This being said, I second @Someone here advice, I tore some religious books to shreds after an awakening I had years ago and it was one of the most liberating things I ever done, I wouldn't recommend doing it if you're still afraid of the repercusions though Also, ask yourself this, why all the fear around this specifically ? why all the attachement to religion ? what are you trying to gain ? what are you trying to avoid ?

My question is very simple, does the godhead "know" everything and I mean everything, does it see beyond potentialities and the seeming free will of different conscious agents ? To give a further analogy, picture the exapnsion of the universe which as a process is faster than the speed of light, that means that any phenomenon at any point in space cannot be perceived by any observer (that experiences light and relativity the way we do) if that observer is at the edge of said expansion, and vise versa, now is it the same for god? does its infinitude "escape" him, and it's undergoing some sort of process to understand itself, or does god simply know the totality of itself even as absolute infinity ?

God realization and non dual awakenings feel to be like some sort of great equilizer for me, like you can disregard any experience by saying it's all God, which is valid in some way, but not necessarily the most helpful position to take Here's where I'm coming at this from, it's basically the fact that the more awakening/ mystical states I reach, the more complexity I seem to unravel, YES it is all God, but God likes to play with itself within forms, "stories" and frameworks and those are as valid ways for it to recognize itself as melting directly into the sun of its being, the forms and stories I'm reffering to could potentially include anything; The discovery of a "personal soul" that undergoes a reincarnation journey accross space and time (and yes it could be seen as illusory as the personal ego but in my experience it's still there), Paranormal activities (clairvoyance, clair audience, controlling matter and energy through the quantum field) Disincarnated entities, spirit guides, angels, aliens and alien intelligences Synchronities that simply break reality and that could fall on the verge of schizophrenia A soul's purpose being something other than realization, a "personal" soul could incarnate for the sake of learning anything whether it's courage, faith, proactivity, trust, love, selflesness..., and yes all these are stepping stones towards god realization but necessary non the less Direct DNA activations and rewriting, nervous system rewirings, the discovery of Akashic records Personal karma that transcends this one lifetime, soul contracts, souls reincarnating in groups to help each other fulfill their life missions 5D consciousness and beyond, vibrational levels ... And the list goes on and on, I know a lot of people may just consider a lot of these things to be just new age dogma(s), and tbh many are, and I don't advice anyone to believe in anything that hasn't been personally verified, I started out this journey being a radical non dualist, to the point where I didn't believe in anything outside of God as a singular infinity, there was no nuances, separations or experiences from my view, if you asked about a personal soul or reincarnation, I would just explain it away with God But I'm feeling that although that was not false in itself, radical non duality is still valid, I'm realizing with time that there many layers to truth/reality that could all be valid at once My question to finish this is, is there anyone in here with experiences along the lines of what I've described ? and why does no one seem to talk about these things ? I know a lot of bullshit has been superimposed on a lot of these things which made everything dilluted and took out a lot of validity to these things, but still there is a kernel of truth in what I'm gonna refer to as "dualistic awakening", there is value in this, but that's just my perspective I would love to know anyone's position on this matter

@Hojo It may be devoid of bias but braindead doesn't compute in my own understanding, infinite potential carries infinite intelligence, and infinite intelligence doesn't emerge from a dead brain, if it was braindead how could it generate anything, whether it's experience, insight, love, strive, will to exist... ?

First of all, assuming everyone here has a atleast some understanding of god as being absolute infinity, for "you" to begin, absolute infinity has to end, and by definition that a is a contradiction, absolute infinity permeates everything, so "you" never exisisted, in that sense, from god's pov, solipsism is the only reality, there's only one reality and one experiencer, and they are the same, no you to be found in this picture, of course the ego would beg to differ, but that's not true As for sanity and insanity, in the absolute sense they don't matter, what we refer to as sanity from our egoic experience is just an oversimplification of reality based on beliefs and patterns, awakening feels more like insanity (from our day to day understanding) than sanity, if you open the flood gates of experiences and surrender to it all, you will go insane, reality is that chaotic and beyond, "chaos" can be experienced to an extent that would make wish to die, and you will (temporarily hopefully) but then the ego's desire to come back will put a limit to god (or we could say god would put that limit as an act of mercy) for you to come back and have some chance at regular survival, carrying out a "normal" exsistence, but once this is perceived, you will forever be permeated and prone to some kind of fluidity that aligns more with truth than with survival

I feel deeply stuck in life for years now, now it got to a point where I feel souless My situation is quite peculiar so I don't think I can eve go into enough details to explain it all, but let's say my life is highly paraoxical On one hand, I always cared about metaphysical truth and I've always "been spiritual" more than being inclined towards materialistic life, and I have given my life to god (to the extent I can), like I don't see that my life belongs to me, to a certain extent I don't believe I (as the ego) can do anything Yet I feel like I'm dead inside, I've lost all joy for life after a series of rejections I got in the past, before that happened I was balanced, I still had love in me, I geniuenly cared for others... then it all just shifted and I turned into the most selfish person, I don't believe that humans are capable of love, I don't think that the ego could ever love God/reality and those beliefs (which are extreme and probably wrong) killed the spark in me I moved to a new town half a year ago in the hopes of starting to just live my purpose, the first couple moths I felt like a new person, then the past caught up with me, and now I kinda feel worse, because I have everything I need to do what I want to do, yet I don't feel inspired to do anything I've thought about this a lot, and at the core, I found that I have a feeling of ontological betrayal, I feel that god doesn't care for me, I can't care for me because I don't like myself to begin with... if that makes any sense, I know I may come off as a spiritual newbie, or as just someone who needs to work more on himself, or that I need to do some counseling... But I can assure you all that is not the case, I can't explain it all, but I just feel I need love, godly love, but manifested in the day to day 3d world, I do work with high dose LSD (400 to 800ug) range, and done work with mushrooms too, I've been tripping regularly for the past 8 years, and I know Truth, I have had every answer I was looking for, I've had the reality breaking enlightenment experiences Leo talks about, yet once I come back to my normal state I just feel dead inside... I feel overwhelmed by this feeling of just wanting to leave my current incarnation because I feel it's broken beyond repair... I have suicidal thoughts but I simply won't do it I don't believe in anything anymore, including myself, and I'm aware that the reason is the lack of love, a DEEP lack of love, on one hand I've had "revelations" that completely shatter this belief, on the other hand I just feel sad and alone, and I can't even imagine something that would change that... I wish I could tell way more than what I'm giving right now, because I'm leaving a lot of things out, but need something.. an insight, an actionable idea, hope, prayer... anything To give a last pointer of specificity with my issue, I know that everything is in the hand of god, like I could go out everyday to meet women and not finding a single one that interests me, then I could completely give up on the idea and just having happen by total synchronisity, that the godly love I'm reffering to, I've had deep insights and understanding about the nature of need, and that I don't need anything, yet it is my blockage point, I could be working on things than the feeling just hits me and I'm phased, and I lose all flow... I also have deep resentment, regret, jealousy, the whole devilery toolkit is on my backpack, I'm not proud of it, but it's just the truth of how I am, I strived with all my capacity towards the light and it didn't transform me, I strived with all my might to integrate my shadow and I just became more of a devil and lost the joy I had for life... what can I do ?

@TruthFreedom i like most of them, yet to come to terms with rats and cockroaches, today is defenetly a pigeons, lizards and elk day Seahorses are fun, too bad they can't be mounted yet, imagine what a ride it would be Also; saw you post about seeing the light and just wanted to say that I find everything you said to be completely valid, experience is infinite, so the experiencer (not the ego) but soul for lack of a better term is bound to be somewhere else once this trip is over, I personally have had insights into heavenly realms, reincarnation (both past and future lives) but just remember to do your best to make this existence into heaven, cause chances are this is what we are here for, the other heavens can wait And if it has been revealed to you that you are special, then you are, just don't cling too much to that realization cause you may get a glimpse into the opposite side of the coin on a future trip, that neither you nor anyone is special, and both realizations can be valid at the same time

I understand these aspects of the spiritual process, my issue lies somewhere else It has to do with developping one's potential, living, being open to experience, having life open up and manifesting desired experiences. What I struggle with is feeling such a lack of love and joy that I can't find the will to do anything, I do/did more in terms of effort and had almost no results to show up for it, and my conclusion is that it's all due to a fundamental lack of love overall, I lack faith faith, joy and love in every endeavour I partake in, and it shows My premise is that if anyone was in my shoes, they would have exactly the same experience I'm having, I have a beautiful home studio and I don't have to work for the time being and what I would want to do with my time is work on music, but I find myself lost in apathy, negative thought loops, smoking cigarettes all day long, and I don't know how to break out of this, I am construct aware but it's an energy thing, all my life I have struggled with having an inexistant support system, never felt being geniuenly loved by anyone, and as much as I would have that not affect me, it does A LOT Now I just see it clearly, the difference between me and everyone else who has accomplished anything worthwhile is that they have experienced love, I have not, how could one remedy that ? Most people don't understand how much love is necessary to do anything in life, it is taken for granted because nobody had to deal with what I'm dealing with

@gettoefl Consider this, before you reached your spiritual liberation, did you have ego based desires ? (I would assume yes) and I would also assume that you had atleast some success regarding some of those, if not a lot of success, but atleast you had the ability to manifest, where the intent came from is not what is of interest to me, but rather you having that ability, I used to have this ability as well, if you think about it deeply you will realize that self love/joy, innocence and clarity of intent are the most important factors when it comes to manifestation Now, if that's the case then you start suffering from your desires and you surrender everything and go for god, after that you'll still "have" the mechanics of manifestation working for you (like they did before), it's like having a muscle and never having it go so broken and atrophied that it just dies afterwards... My case is that I have already surrendered my life to god, and I know too well that ego is a failed project (not to say absolute madness), BUT me having had the joy and innocence parts so broken in the past makes my ability to manifest close to nil, so I know what my higher self wants, but (A) I can't go for it because (B) I feel stuck on things I can't seem to get over If anyone could put themselves in my shoes it would make SO much sense, but I'm targeting something so fundamental and which is taken so much for granted by almost everyone that almost no one can even see let alone validate my issue, or help me find solutions which are not projections

Or both the world and physicality hold immense worth, see it could all be just semantics (or not), if that was the case then why don't anyone who realizes god immediately just leave this world ? What if my path was to fulfill these cravings ? I know it's mostly vain, and I see through it, and I do aspire to higher things, but I can't even work on my purpose and I do have all the time, skill and money is not even an issue at this point in time, yet here I am, I can't bypass this I wish I could just say "I fogrive myself, I allow and release" and just go on doing my work, but I can't get 10 minutes in without being bombarded by mind What is a good life ? is it similar for all people ? can it be the case that some people need more ego ? other to eradicate their ego completely ? can it be the case that some people have had so little development when it comes to the ways of the world that they can never be fully functional as classical egos so they just have to surrender all their life to god, and when they do god pushes them exactly in the direction I'm trying to follow?

I know that the fabric of reality itself is love, so how can anyone ever lack that, yet here I am, it's not a problem of identification, it's not anything anyone has touched on so far, it's not me needing to do basic self work, or seeing a therapist, or having some kind of new realization or awakening, it's about manifesatation, self love (in the small self sense) and realizing that god cares for me, sensing that when I wish or pray for something atleast I get some sort of response, if I am god, then why can't I be complicit with me, yet anyone who dwells in ego (as long as they have enough self love) seems to have that ?

@Grateful Dead Psychedelics are not the issue. Me not taking responsibility is not the issue either, it's rather the symptom of the real cause of suffering, anyone who is taking responsibility and acting in a purposeful manner has a basic layer of self love I lack Life is not openning for me, that's my issue I lack love, touch and validation, that's my issue I can't seem to find joy to evin begin anything, and I do know my purpose, I just seem to have lost love for anything including life itself, and that's my issue I need a miracle, anyone who has done anything (no matter how small or big) has had the kind of miracle I'm reffering to, I just need life to work with me, but I don't love myself, so nothing seems to work because everything I do lacks the most fundamental catalyst, LOVE, and I don't know how to break that cycle Think fundamental, more fundamental than you can even picture, I'm talking baseline levels of fundamental

@gettoefl That becomes glaringly obvious when I transcend my ego on psychedelics, it happens to me in regular states too, but the sadness aspects of my life seem to hold more weight than any insight or realization I get, even god realization It boggles my mind whenever I see people talking about their 5Meo experiences on youtube and saying how much of a shift that has on their lives, some peoplle get that with other psychedelics, others even with various other spiritual practices, whatever they may be... I have been there, I consider myself having gone deeper than most people, yet due to where I come from I can't seem to reap the benifits of said experiences, I know this screams ego and lack of integration, but I beg to differ, I wish I could explain my situation with words.. It's just like having an insight into god, it can't be conveyed, so goes for what I'm struggling with and trying to point out

There was a period where I was way more functional, optimistic and aligned with truth, but I still felt alone, so I put aside my own goals to make connections, find people, or share what I found valuable with the ones that were already in my life, and I got zero support, worse than that I was just brought down in many ways, and the joke of the situation is that those same people used the inspiration I brought to up their lives while I stayed behind I am ready to let it go, it is it which seems to be clinging to me, I had moments where I just let go of everything, I've had profound cathartic moments of release and forgiveness, I set my intentions on new beginnings more times than I could recall, but the pain and regret just seem to always come back, I have yet to find a definitive solution

If anyone in here had a similar experience to what I'm reffering to you would understand the abyssmal depth that heartbreak could take, and that with such scares, most people (if not all) wouldn't even want to continue living, and to be honest, I don't either, I'm just aware that there's nowhere to go, and that if I overcome this I may be one of the strogest and most rezilient people to have ever lived, but that isn't a motivation (no matter how much I try to recontexutualize this situation) I have an immense sense of faith, but I don't see that faith working for me I know I sound crude, bitter, raw and completely dysfunctional, which is the case, I also have positive and functional sides, but I'd rather be true than try to paint a false picture, this is also who I am

@Salvijus I may sound confused and conflicted by saying this, and yes I am But I don't believe in most things that are being proposed here (sorry) Not rejecting the validity of what anyone is proposing, but rather that none of the solutions proposed seem to address my specific situation, I don't think that anyone quite grasps what I'm dealing with, and it's partly my poor conveing of it all As much as I want to find the love of god, I want a solution that deals with everything in one fell swoop, Expressions such as "God's love" or "serving one's ego" or "shadow integration" are quite vague, here's where I'm coming at all this from I'm big on comparaison, there's this one thing I see almost everyone pull of except me (which just boggles me... but let's not go there) This specific thing is that anyone who puts out a desire or an intention into the universe gets a manifestation of said desire, no matter how spiritual they are, in this sense life just seems to work for "everyone", and the fundamental reason that everyone is overlooking and cannot grasp and which is taken for granted is that almost all people have a basic layer of self love, no matter it's source or how thin it is I have never had that, I could have done more spiritual work and more self help work, more shadow work... than anyone in here and it wouldn't show for that simple reason, I don't fundamentally love myself So the kind of grace I'm looking for is its own agenda, I'm not going for the big pie (god's love), or rather I want the universe to show me that it cares about my ego like it seems to do with everyone else

@Leo Gura Do you know about Paul Chek and the CHEK institute ? From what I've gathered that guy is the real deal when it comes to anything physical, his understanding of physiology and biochemestry is quite deep and he has an integral approach to his practice, he does work with 5MeO and from what he states and many of the people he works with, he does get good results, he works in conjoncture with other physicians... I thought to let you know because I truly believe in this guy's work

@vibv fun fact, music is my purpose too, and I am supposed to be working on a record... and I do love music, but the feelings and thoughts I wake up to everyday seem to overpower my love for everything including life itself, let alone any project I could do Sharing what I was passionate about with others is one of the reasons I find myself in this place to begin with...

@gettoefl What makes you believe that I haven't awakened to the fact of the self being immortal ? My problem is quite the opposite from almost what everyone is assuming about me in this post, I have gone for the light, no one that I personally know of has brought as much love and light to themselves and their surroundings, but instead of life opening up for me, I got the opposite of that, things closed of, and in retrospect I feel like I got punished for it, and now I just feel empty, bitter and resentful and I don't know how to repair this kind of damage, YES it feels THAT fucked up! more than I can ever express