If there any other literary nerds out there, Dostoevsky is about as Blue as they come.
Crime and Punishment is particularly interesting, as it's a Blue critique of a Red worldview.

What you call sick, other men jerk off to

One day you will realize the most obvious thing ever: experience is Absolute Truth.

You are not your unconscious inner workings.
Realizing you are not that, you can set you free to observe them calmly and withouth judge them and heal them with your compassion and love to all things and beings.

Question to Contemplate for the "Who Am I Essay" 
I'm basically going to let this simmer in my mind. I want to be careful and intentional with what I come up with because I have only four pages I can write (double spaced). I'm guessing he wants this essay to be succinct and focused so we don't beat around the bush when it comes to our identities. These questions were basically a starting point suggested from my professor. Since there are a lot of them, I went ahead and bolded the ones I find myself drawn to. 
What key experiences have defined who I am? Do I have different components? Levels? What are they? What is my vision of who I would like to become in the future? What is the goal of human existence? What is an “ideal” human being? What is the deepest longing that I have in my life? Am I the same person now that I was ten years ago? One minute ago? Why or why not? What is the essence of who I am or do I even have an essence/core? What gives my life joy? Meaning? Why? What do I hide from others? From myself? Why? Am I free from my past experiences and background or defined by them? How so? What will happen to “me” after my death? (Best guesses) What is my connection (if any) to God or whatever I consider to be of ultimate importance?

The concept of self-actualization comes to us from the humanistic psychologist, Abraham Maslow. Maslow defined the self-actualizing human being as follows.
Self-actualization is the expression of your true self, your fullest potential, and your great capacities. Self-actualizing people exhibit the following traits:
Have a superior perception of reality — they see things in an objective, accepting way without intruding themselves upon what is being perceived. Have an increased acceptance of self, others, and nature. Have increased spontaneity in behavior — they can be unpredictable and outrageous. Are more focused on the problem than themselves. Have increased detachment and desire for privacy. Have increased autonomy and sense of individuality — take full responsibility for how their lives unfold. Are resistant to social conditioning. World-citizens not beholden to any one culture. Pick and choose what they like from culture. Are comfortable being themselves even if that means being unpopular. Have a good sense of what is real and unreal. Value truth and facts over beliefs. Have great freshness of appreciation and richness of emotional reaction. Have higher frequency of peak experiences. Being in flow state more often. Have an increased identification with the human species. Have improved interpersonal relationships. Have a more democratic character structure. Have greatly increased creativeness. Have a deep knowledge of themselves. Are constantly moving toward unity and integration of their personality and world view. Are actively nurturing their talents. Place great value on truth, beauty, goodness, uniqueness, wholeness, justice, simplicity, richness, effortlessness, and playfulness. Are driven by positive, intrinsic motivation, not by lack. Generally enjoy most aspects of life, not just achievement, triumph, or peak experiences. Take pleasure in functioning at their prime. Take a non-valuing, non-judging, non-interfering, non-condemning attitude towards others. Are more loving. They need love less but are able to give love more. Embrace conceptual dichotomies, polarities, and conflicts by fusing, transcending, or resolving. Are comfortable with paradox, contradiction, and not knowing. Have desires and impulses that correlate with what's good for them. Have solid psychological health. Live on purpose with a sense of mission. Work is a precious cause. Involved in improving the world. Willing to admit and correct mistakes. Have an easy self-discipline which comes hard to average people. Duty and pleasure are the same. Gratify themselves moderately rather than abstaining through harsh self-discipline. Express impulses more yet use less control. Controls are less rigid or anxiety-driven. Are able to express their aggression in a healthier way, as a sort of righteous indignation rather than a lashing out. Have a different, new set of concerns: being-challenges vs needs-challenges. Live to experience joy rather than avoid pain. Live in the present moment. Make more conscious decisions.  
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

So I was listening to this video last week "10 Important Things You Don't Know You Want" and I realized when Leo starts talking about the "first time childlike intense magic experience" around the 8 minute mark, that this is something that I want.
Things were more much more lucid ,vivid and life was generally more enjoyable when I was younger. The older I get the more boring life seems to become as I become more and more acquainted with it, and everything I do seems to always trying to induce that new feeling to life again. So as I was watching this video I remembered two separate videos on different topics but still somewhat interlinked, which are ADHD and Dopamine Detox's.
If you put into YouTube "Dopamine Detox" a bunch of videos appear going over similar themes which are basically to deprive yourself of any form of gratification and eventually you'll regain that lucid childlike state again. I recently been attempting intermittent fasting, and after you experience a similar sensation as you starve yourself the first food you taste is heaven, even something like steamed broccoli beats chocolate. Same logic applies elsewhere, what is meditation if not boring yourself into submission to the point that your own breath becomes interesting. So my current plan is to gradually start boring myself more, to get that new life state of mind, this according to one video I watched gives you "dopaminergic ammo" to re give you the neuro chemical desire to actually step outside of your comfort zone and to "experience life", so basically to escape escapism.
So what does this have to do with ADHD, well our culture is what was called a "novelty culture" in this video, which is basically a culture built about hooking in to your brain and keeping you constantly stimulated in a zombie like trance. More and more people are getting diagnosed with ADHD, as I was. But it seems to in reality that ADHD is a result and reaction to this culture of over stimulation and constant entertainment. The inability to sit still and focus is because we get bored so quickly because we are so used to constantly being simulated. Which makes us sensitized to boredom as a result. Its not like ADHD is a recent genetic mutation, its environmental, caused by a culture of novelty, which results in the medicalising of boredom, so high schools can justify what is the drugging of overly bored and misbehaving children with hard stimulants, anyway I'm rambling. So I think my ADHD is bullshit, I'm going try a dopamine detox over the next few days and see what it does for me. There's a book referenced in one of the videos called "The Science of Boredom by Dr Sandi Mann" that I'm going to read, and is probably a insightful if anyone else is interested in this topic. 
Anyway this is my first post on Actualised forum, I've been meaning to start using the forum for a while (became a member January of 2019) but just haven't got to it, so I just decided I'd write whatever. Anyway if anyone's got any advice on how to get the "first time childlike intense magic experience" it'd be much appreciate, Cheers
https://www.bookdepository.com/Science-Boredom-Dr-Sandi-Mann/9781472135988
 
 

@PenguinPablo Hi!

I personally love attachment styles and think that they are incredible at specifically discovering the type of emotional support we need for ourselves to heal whatever wounds are within us. If you're interested in attachment styles I can't recommend this channel enough 
 .

I picked a specific video for fearful-avoidant attachment for you because as you described yourself, you might have a tedency towards that category. I'd like to also point out that the fearful avoidant has a tendency to rotate between anxiety and avoidance. So it's not really that you're an anxious attachment, you're likely a fearful-avoidant experiencing both ends of the spectrum (that's why they're called anxious-avoidants as well). This is important to know because the anxious attachment needs quite a different approach for recovery than the fearful-avoidant (even though they share some similarities).

As a former fearful-avoidant myself I have a deep empathy and compassion for this attachment style because I understand the inexplicable pain that can be involved in this, as this attachment is what is created out of the most traumatic childhood circumstances. So I wish you good luck and if you'd have any concerns or questions regarding the healing of attachment wounds don't be afraid to drop me a message.

Good luck!

@datamonster this!! ?
Ideally find a 40h/week job that doesn't tire you out too much physically and mentally so you can work on your life purpose on the side
Then you'll eventually be able to quit that job, do your life purpose full time with some time for other interests too 
 

I've thought about it, but decided against it because it goes against certain higher consciousness values.
I don't want to sell shit that people don't really need. I would rather invest that time and energy into creating powerful courses that actually will transform your life if you pay for them.
Thanks though. It is tempting to sell shit.

Two Parts to Self-Esteem 
As I have been doing some shadow work, I have noticed that I am not as confident as I thought I was. Today I began thinking of what consists to self esteem as a whole and I came up with two parts. 
The first is self respect. Self respect is more inwardly driven. I would characterize this as more defense rather than offense. Self respect is more on establishing boundaries and sticking with them. Its about avoiding people and places that no longer serve you and could potentially harm you. Its about being strong enough to walk away or stand your ground when threatened because your sense of self does not come from the external rather it is something you decide for yourself. 
The second is self confidence. Self confidence is more externally driven. This is more like playing offense. It's about being able to advocate for yourself, go after what you do want, and feeling comfortable with taking up space. It's about being strong enough to make your presence known and being secure in who you are because you are comfortable with your strengths and limits meaning neither of them detract from your sense of worth. 
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I know some people who have a lot of self confidence but little self respect. I know a group of people who are amazing at advocating for themselves when it comes to their career and try get the highest positions possible because they know that they are up to the job. However, they won't establish boundaries or leave a job if their employer treats them horribly because of things such as status and money etc.   Another example of people who have a lot of self confidence but little self respect are this group of girls I know. They are beautiful, smart, talented and they know that and they know that they can get any guy they want. But then they end up choosing a guy with too many red flags who treat them like trash and/or cheat on them but they still insist on staying. 
Personally, I have discovered that I'm the opposite. I have a lot of self respect but I don't always have confidence. I have been pretty shy with anxiety for a large portion of my life, but, I have never been a push over. I can stand up for myself when needed and I don't have a history of sticking around with people and situations that could potentially be toxic. I also had a lot of friends tell me I am a good judge of character and have a good taste in men since I tend to choose guys who have it together and will treat me right. Because of this, a lot of people, including myself, have characterized me as someone who has a quiet sense of confidence an a good sense of self worth with a large dose of humility. 
However, upon more inspection with shadow work, I realized that I don't have much confidence. I'm terrible at advocating for myself in opportunities. Job interviews, writing resumes, and sending in applications give me anxiety because of this notion that I have to "sell myself." This lack of confidence is often mislabeled as humility because people see my potential but don't see me gloating about them. But honestly, even with all of my qualifications and achievements, I still don't feel like I'm enough. I often feel like an impostor. A lot of this comes from my perfectionist tendencies that were drilled into my by my parents when it come to academics from preschool all the way to senior year of high school.   
Another area where my lack of confidence manifests is in social situations. I see myself as this weird, socially awkward person who is not worthy of connection. I'm also pretty judgmental towards socially awkward people but that's because I don't accept myself. Even though nobody nowadays thinks I'm weird and socially awkward, I carried this label from my childhood when I was bullied and ostracized pretty badly. I'm hyper vigilant on how I carry myself and because of that I carry myself pretty well but it is at the cost of seeming authentic to some people. I also tend to isolate myself and stay quiet until I feel that I can be accepted by people. It takes me a while to really warm up to people. This is because it's easier for me to take a default rejection from myself through isolation than to take a potential rejection from other people. That way, I have more control in the situation.
In other words, even though I know I deserve the good things in life, sometimes I don't think I'm good enough.  

1) Don't trip when you are in a bad mood.
2) Don't trip for the purpose of experiencing bliss or pleasure.
Those are your two mistakes.

Well, I'm all for following your passion. Why aren't you doing that?

Even to interact with..seems so difficult and meaningless nowadays for me in this town.
Empty conversations. Fakeness. Lies...and so on. Seems so difficult, specially in social networks when it's all about showing.
I assume you got high standards due to be in here. Got the same issue. Know you worth.
I'd introduce him some self actualized topics you are keen on. Real test to know of he's for you!
 

Really need your help guys. So this is something I've been debating with on and off for over a year now. Just a quick back story. A while ago I had a car accident and sustained a severe brain injury and ended up in coma for a few hours. Let's just say tough times pursued after that. I experienced neuro fatigue, severe anxiety, insomnia, personality changes, among other mood disturbances. My life had fallen apart. Broken relationships with all my friends and family, and not being able to hold a steady job. Thankfully I've within the last year actually started to do things to heal my brain (& emotional traumas
) that pharmacology couldn't do (for many years I was on an anti depressant, that all the doctors I saw prescribed me when I told them I had a TBI). I did an Ayahuasca retreat followed by a couple of San Pedro ceremonies, silent meditation retreat, became spiritual, hyperbaric oxygen therapy and I'm doing significantly better. I stopped taking the meds before doing the Aya and in the beginning it was so hard. But since coming off the meds I have become so conscious of life that I'm afraid if I get back on meds my consciousness will go back down while on them. HOWEVER, while I am more conscious off the meds it's hard for me to function in the material world without them. The anxiety is so bad it has made me a loner. When I do leave my place it's to go to the park by myself. I have trouble making eye contact with people, not really sure what that is about. I can't have conversations with people, nothing comes to mind to talk about. It's hard for me to concentrate on something because the anxiety has my mind racing and gives me scattered thoughts. On the meds, these things don't exist or are much more tolerable. I'm able to have a balanced life, something a spiritual teacher told me is necessary in the spiritual path.
 
Wanted to know what you guys think, especially Leo since he's commented on one of my posts about my TBI so I'm curious to see what he thinks. All the doctors and psychologists that see me tell me I need to get back on my meds. My family that sees that I've improved so much lately says I don't need to. It just really hurts to not have friends or a social life, or a good job (not doing so well financially and I'm over 30, times ticking). I feel if I take meds for a temporary time, say maybe a year, I can concentrate on trying to start a business, make it profitable and go back to living a balanced life. Then when I have more money I can afford to do more treatments for my brain injury and mental health which will make me feel even better, which in turn can make my spiritual practice even stronger. I'm from the US and currently living abroad in a 3rd world country (consciousness level is really low here). I can then move back to the states, somewhere out in nature feeling comfortable, I can come off my meds and take full advantage of living a conscious life. What do you guys think? I'm honestly torn between the two... Would be greatly appreciative for any of your feedback.

@Megan Alecia there's a difference between doing things selflessly out of genuine caring and doing things for other people with a subtle agenda/expectation in mind. 
The second one is a coping mechanism and it's purpose is to be liked by people, but you get angry when you feel like people don't care about you or don't show gratitude.
When care comes without expectations, you can also feel bad if you're the only one investing in the relationship. But that's a healthy reaction because realtionships need to be balanced and a two way street. The difference is that this is not a coping mechanism used to be liked by people. It doesn't come from a place of lack but from abundance. It's the difference between doing something for another person because you feel good and doing it because you're afraid they won't like you if you don't.
Another important part is to accept that we're all "selfish" in one way or another. As I said, people pleasing is actually done for "selfish" needs, even if it doesn't look like selfishness. 
My guess is that there's some emotional wound around feeling that people don't care about you. When you see people acting "selfishly" this gets triggered. 

What do you do when no one is watching? When you're all alone and feel the freedom of judgment-less time to yourself? 
Your true self may be hidden in what you don't let other people see while you're pleasing them. Maybe it's something you're afraid of what they would think of you if they found out. 
This isn't something terribly important to focus on, some people live in lack because they feel they are still "finding themselves" the ego loves to play around with this self, so just be aware. Self is something more like a feeling that you can't just put into a simple sentence. No one needs to understand besides you. And if you don't understand yet, you will over time as you grow spiritually. 

1) It will happen, just accept it. This journey is often 2 steps forward, 1 step backward. Sometimes 2 steps backward. Sometimes 3 steps backward. The key is to just keep going and re-commit yourself every new day.
2) Have a strong vision and think about it frequently. So you have some noble beckoning you.
3) Pace yourself intelligently. If you bite off too much too fast, you're actually slow down your progress. You need to learn -- through trial and error -- just how much change you're able to stomach in a given week, month, year. The more noble and compelling your vision, the more change you will be able to stomach. When my vision is really HOT, I find myself able to make lots of changes and they stick pretty well. When my vision is weak, I find myself backsliding a lot.
4) Learn to be your own cheerleader. When you fail and backslide, learn how to console yourself, reassure yourself, and cheer-lead your spirits back up. Learn positive self-talk rather than dumping all over yourself.
5) Mindfulness is huge
6) Psychedelics are huge. I've found that nothing gets me in touch with my authentic motivations better than psychedelics. They clear out all the extraneous materialistic crap. Although they too can have their own backlashes.

Talk a lot about yourself. Your life, your goals, your feelings, your opinions. Be narcissistic.
That's what extroverts naturally do.
Don't filter the details of your life. And don't feel an obligation to make sense or be logical.

I used to highlight passages when I was in uni, mainly. Once in a while I still do.
You know what? I used to like getting used books and reading other people's highlights, especially if they wrote notes, and following other people's thought processes.
I have a book of Rumi (technically two). I believe I have some of my favourite poems/ passages marked down.
I find it's helpful to read in designated shorter blocks. Take breaks, pace around a bit, make you have drinks/ hydration on hand. But really focus during that time period. Sometimes during long periods of research, it would get harder, for sure. I really enjoyed it too in a way... but I think there was a strong degree of intellectual masochism involved, haha.
I'm a fast read though.

change the way you see the situations. 
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change" Planck and Wayne Dyer

This is my vision for humanity. For everyone, the best possible, the most pure, the most unified version of themselves. Whatever it is that you want, in awareness, in knowledge, in being able to create whatever you want artistically and intellectually.
Infinite vision (or perspective itself). Unlimited knowledge. Unlimited expression, in depth and in scope. Absolute embodiment.
What I am does not need to negate you. Why should it?
This is not a zero-sum game. It wasn't then, and it's not now. And anyway, I think I've aged of former smartypants status, which is something I've been looking forward to, honestly. It's only what I accomplish now that matters, right?

@Leo Gura the martial arts : tai chi , bagua, hsing which work with energy ,  are clearly not red. Very nice for spiritual development.

Hello loved ones.
I feel like sharing a few thoughts about The Almighty Shadow. Perhaps you'll find the information to be relevant.
I like referring to 'The Shadow' or 'Darkness' as just a 'different shade of Light'. Because it is, in fact, Light - unrecognized and unacknowledged by You.
The Shadow cannot help itself but be You. Be The Light. You cannot help yourself but be it. The Shadow's one and only job is... to maximize your ability to Love unconditionally and fearlessly. To accept and embrace fully and willingly. It's such a cleaver and powerful 'mechanism'. And in case you disagree with that; well, then you have not truly felt its claws. 
The Shadow has no more and no less power than The Light of God does. It is equally magnificent, equally intelligent and equally real. It is equally beautiful and divine.
But it does not know that. Thus it is 'The Shadow'.
It's always here, but not always active. As I said - it is just God being very cleaver and...well... a little bit gangsta.
The Shadow is patient. It has all the time in the world. It will wait and wait; until you think you've got it all figured out. And then it's going to jump out of nowhere and ruin your cute little enlightenment.
That's right. The Shadow doesn't give a flying fuck about your spirituality. It does not care about your realizations and insights. If anything; those are the very things it will objectify and use against you as a weapon in your darkest hour. There will be no mercy. No tolerance. One cannot bullshit their way out of darkness. No amount of spiritual concepts, methods or practice will save you. Darkness will swallow you whole. How willing or unwilling you are to surrender yourself to it...determines how painful, agonizing and persistent it will be.
So how do you accept The Shadow? How do you recognize it as The Truth of who You are? How do you escort it back into The Light of Perfection? 
It's simple.
Not easy. And not comfortable - at all. But simple.
The Shadow demands above and beyond all one thing, only. And that is... 
R E S P E C T 
Need I remind you just how exactly you're disrespecting The Shadow? Gladly; I will.
You are disrespecting The Shadow by hiding it. By hiding from it. By denying it. By demonizing it. By being ashamed of it. By thinking it's less than pure perfection. By acting like it's not even there. By neglecting it. By abandoning it. By putting everything that's nice and shiny before it. By surprising it. By forgetting about it. By fighting it. By silently hating it. By treating it as an enemy. By wanting nothing to do with it. By not having the balls to look right into its eyes. By judging the living crap out of it. By convincing yourself it is the reason for your failures and misfortunes. By blaming it. By resisting it. By negotiating with it. By manipulating it. By lying to it. By keeping your heart closed for it. By not inviting it in. By keeping it locked in the basement.
And if you think The Shadow is stupid enough to be fooled by your funny little games... You're in for a rude awakening.
It has the power to arise as fire and bring hell into your reality. To burn down everything in its way - including you. It has the power to annihilate everything you hold close to your heart. To take it all away from you and never give it back. To diminish you. To force you into submission. It will burn down everything until nothing but it remains. Until you finally give up and gather the courage to show it respect.
Even saying 'I don't know how to respect you the way you deserve it' is a very good first step in establishing the connection. Even saying 'I wish I could accept and include you into my heart' is enough. What matters is that you are being honest. The Shadow can smell bullshit before you even shat it. There is no way around. No negotiation. You either level with it - or you burn.
Once You earn its Trust and you become a team that operates together as One... The true innocence of your Being will start shining through. There will be no Darkness. No Shadow. Only one Being loving fearlessly whatever arises. Purity. Honesty. Courage. 
Love and Respect.