Megan Alecia

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Everything posted by Megan Alecia

  1. @Eternal Unity Can you take down the comment? This is a closed journal.
  2. Aka the eternal existential journey
  3. I like Leo's society fucks you video
  4. Shot myself in the foot WHEN: Jesus I wish I can take back my best insights that I've written here and turn them into a book/some kind of work But like it's also kinda obsolete.... repeating old stuff always feels like that for some reason.
  5. Mindfulness involves detachment from the ego which is thoroughly influenced by the id. This creates in a person more clarity, since you act less from the motivation of the id (which may be fearful, egocentric, closed off/pretending to be invulnerable, has a lot of unprocessed stuff in general.)
  6. God loves his children, yeahh!: "He knows not how to rule a kingdom, that cannot manage a province; nor can he wield a province, that cannot order a city; nor he order a city, that knows not how to regulate a village; nor he a village, that cannot guide a family; nor can that man govern well a family that knows not how to govern himself; neither can any govern himself unless his reason be lord, will and appetite her vassals; nor can reason rule unless herself be ruled by God, and be obedient to Him." -- Hugo Grotius "The greatest joy for a man is to defeat his enemies, to drive them before him, to take from them all they possess, to see those they love in tears, to ride their horses, and to hold their wives and daughters in his arms." -- Unknown, but often attributed to Genghis Khan
  7. The nature of life: "Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine. And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others. And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about." -- Haruki Murakami "The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn." -- T.H. White "A sovereign should never launch an army out of anger, a leader should never start a war out of wrath." -- Sun-Tzu "Artists are people driven by the tension between the desire to communicate and the desire to hide." -- Donald Winnicott
  8. Peak - a state of upward growth or unmatched ecstasy. To strive towards absolute infinity, like endless possibilities.
  9. The Mechanics of Power: "It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle." -- Sun-Tzu "Understand: people will constantly attack you in life. One of their main weapons will be to instill in you doubts about yourself – your worth, your abilities, your potential. They will often disguise this as their objective opinion, but invariably it has a political purpose – they want to keep you down." -- Robert Greene
  10. "It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle." -- Sun-Tzu "Understand: people will constantly attack you in life. One of their main weapons will be to instill in you doubts about yourself – your worth, your abilities, your potential. They will often disguise this as their objective opinion, but invariably it has a political purpose – they want to keep you down." -- Robert Greene
  11. There's a Hitler in all of us, and if you meditate you KNOW this.
  12. Evil is infinite, but so is love (if you can find it, that is.)
  13. Free at Last: Main value: freedom Flaws: I don't know myself I'm not courageous enough (for what?) "Abnormal reaction to abnormal behavior is a normal reaction" (paraphrased) - Viktor Frankl I still have anxiety Desires: A simple quiet life (That's Melbourne. Kinda ironic but yeah, I'm an introvert, so) Rewarding and intellectually stimulating work (knowledge, creativity, the human condition) Purpose (to feel better? To feel solidity within me) Femininity (soap, perfume, clothing, men) (for some reason I like the contrast between a sort of masculine style and being feminine) That's all for now
  14. Main value: freedom Flaws: I don't know myself I'm not courageous enough (for what?) "Abnormal reaction to abnormal behavior is a normal reaction" (paraphrased) - Viktor Frankl I still have anxiety Desires: A simple quiet life Rewarding and intellectually stimulating work (knowledge, creativity, the human condition) Purpose (to feel better? To feel solidity in me) Femininity (soap, perfume, clothing, men) That's all for now
  15. Death: (Intersubjectivity in psychology^) If reality is made of tetrahedrons, then life must truly have an intrinsic order to it. And tetrahedrons are like made of lines... which is meant to signify the grand interconnected system of all ideas and concepts, which collectively constitute meaning in this universe? I don't know anything about the physics (for now), but if I'd just intuitively pick a figure that makes up reality... it would be the tetrahedron (out of these five). The constant triangle thing representing upward growth and fall, then flatness... the edges as death, the equality of all beings... which is singlehandedly rectified by death in this world. Ring a bell?
  16. Only if they constantly pursue tasks that truly mean something and profound. Enlightenment is not a vaccine from boredom... you actually gotta do stuff in a engaging way (for yourself and the world around you).
  17. Believe it or not, life is a quest for power. Elon Musk's journey to bring humanity to Mars - the power to accomplish that. Buddhist power to practice nothingness. Chomsky's power to influence the world with his hard earned knowledge. A child's power to be able to walk for the first time. A soldier's power to defend his loved ones and his country. And so on and so forth.
  18. Melancholy/Only Fools Rush In: You ever remember those nights when you came home from a long day and dinner's already ready on the table? It's such a weird thing, remembering how easy life used to be for me. It gets better is the popular thing to say, and that's probably true. Panta rhei. I used to be with so many classmates. It's just odd. I wish I'm still as innocent as I used to be. Or not. Idk. But undeniably the feeling of childhood, of warmth and care, is tempting. Nowadays I just get these two from... tv shows. I wish to find creative work that offers that kind of comfort... not comfort as in as a couch potato but something subtle and poignant. Like Christmas during childhood. It's weird to talk about these things, so I'll stop. -- Lorde was a world sensation back then. Reached our country too.
  19. Peak: I don't wanna philosophize anymore. Just feels wrong. I need to READ. (Need why?) It's necessary for me I guess. Not to be pretentious but like... it's like being a fish out of water. Or something. Most of my life feels... pointless. Because our predilections are unique to us, and thus enforced by our desires. Even hunger manifests as desire. But do take this with a grain of salt, I mean I need to research on the pleasure principle by Freud (and its validity in the psychology realm.) What do I think of life? I feel like I need purpose. I have to be strong and competent to survive... it's a jungle out there, like Tai Lopez said. This need makes me feel ashamed, frankly. Maybe because I just haven't sorted out the "real me", or something. I feel like I need to study every detail of existence. Hence a list. Okay.... probably the missing jigsaw to the whole puzzle. Life: Gender I'm 17 and a trans girl. People seem nicer to transwomen nowadays, in 2018 the bigotry was still palpable tbh. Being feminine for me is fun. That's how I view it. Could be sublime, divine, and ecstatic. I also like femininity in other women, seeing it manifest. Moreso in real life. I do enjoy wearing nice dresses and smelling/looking good. Haven't looked up nice products lately... I wanna do this soon. Sex Recently because of stress my sex drive has been fluctuating between really open to sensations and just... eh. Like not engaged, not into it. I'm straight, but like, haven't been in a highly sexual mood lately. Lifestyle Melbourne/Stockholm. Apartment. Collect a bookshelf. Become a VERY educated person. Find a close friend circle. Find a relationship. Heal myself emotionally. Not into smoking but who knows. Survival Emotions Perception of reality Personal qualities -- Just realized, my mood changes real fast so... I'm not miserable as this post may imply.
  20. Existential-ized: Maybe I have to stop waiting. Not to make a "should" statement (curiously loathed by my favorite thinkers on youtube) but like.... nothing's working right now. I literally canNOT wait for my dream Melbourne/Stockholm life. What do I want? I want creative work. I want inspiration, and freedom. I want to learn and get my mind engaged. Discipline is necessary, I know, but what I need is satisfaction. Right now... my dreams seem so far away from me. I'm a young girl so it's an understandable situation. Everything passes, sooner or later I'm 21 (clarification: right now I'm 17. And you know what I mean :D.) But yeah. I feel the need to make a comprehensive list of my PURPOSE for doing anything at all. "You have to assemble your life action-by-action", said Marcus Aurelius. And WAY (don't wanna research the exact amount of time) later more recent philosophers felt the need to ask - "But why?" Whats the point of life at all. To be a woman and raise kids? To vote? To make the world cleaner and greener? What does all of life mean?
  21. Leo looks like a baby lol Handsome too.
  22. A Tale of Two Civilizations: (not really) Sometimes I write things that don't matter and I'm just like "man some of my thoughts are quite useless." Lol. I don't know... I feel like I'm just lost still. Looking to read two books REALISTICALLY not hypothetically - "Civilization and Its Discontents" by Freud and "Civilization in Transition" by Jung. I'm not promising to finish any of these two (and I'm reading them for myself anyway) but yeah... right now I'm reading the Freud one. It's dense and lots of information like literally - it's no joke. It's a challenging read (for both my attention span and brain power) but like, its also subtly nourishing. Idk. Gen Z doesn't read so I'm doing this at least - but tbh reading is truly a challenging experience. While reading I get some strange thoughts in my head - like about food and sensations and just... living. I feel more sensitive, idk why. Maybe because my mind is completely and even intimately engaged with the words and info on the book. This is not a book challenge - it's not some Battle Royale game. I read to learn, that's all there is to it. And learning is good. -- Wonderful synchronicity damn.
  23. Get a grip: Narcissism is both a life-long and all-pervasive condition. It's the epitome of the song lyric "Better run, better run, faster than my gun." -- I don't know what I want. That seems to be the problem, hence I feel tired and bored. Boredom is Buddha nature - read this somewhere once. Probably the best way to put it. Well, I've just finished watching another Mad Men episode... It was pretty good. In this show there's a lot of qualities unsaid - much more like a novel than say, Better Call Saul. Better Call Saul makes use of the different locations and character/actor dynamics and storylines effectively in a more cinematic way (think a Scorsese movie I suppose... idk.) Self-love = self-esteem and boundaries. That's like, 90% of world problems today. A lack of self-love. What's left - basically the Dunning-Kruger effect. What people call ego.... you know when I read something like a book by Freud I realize that I don't know anything. In spite of some fairly clever insights that I get from time to time. Sure, our knowledge helps us to get through life's challenges, but in reality, we're still in Plato's cave most of the time. Real knowledge lies both on paper (yes, even so-called street smarts have an underlying system to it) and beyond.
  24. Meditation and reading.