WingT

11.07.2016 Back from the "dead".. ... This is exactly how i feel after i watched Leo's video. I was Bathing in the Illusion of Society, that you have to get this to be happy. I try now to find the next step in my life after i finish with my Drivers License, i know that i said that i change Jobs after that, and the question is what the hell should i Choose. Ok man ok.. Let's See what Kind of job would support me enough financialy and with little or no triggers that send me into my lower self ? Hmm maybe a Driver, a truck?..fuck no i would not be able to work on my business because it demands a lot of time driving. Some people at work said that i should make an Ausbildung because i am still young , that would take 2-3,5 years of school depending on what i Choose. I was curios at first what is out there for me, that is what i did in the last two day's..seriously i DIDN'T find anythink that i would like to do.. Yeah i just realised that this would get me in the wrong direction... I want to become financial independent and not work for anybody that is my target, to make enough money to pay rent and to Travel to diferent country every couple of months.. So i was looking in the wrong direction?.. I need to rebuild my Strategie.. I waste time that i don't have. What if i change to a job that pay's me enough to pay rent and Necesities and don't need no constant interaction with work collegs to do my job, maybe at a call Center or on a fork-lift truck, this way i don't have to be all the time fake at work. this way i could save more Energie that i can use in productive ways for me .. Like to Get The Fuck Out Of The Rat Race! Task for today :40 minutes Learning (Complete) 20/20 p.s. I think that i will scale up the Learning time only to 60 minutes /reason -I don't have that much Learn Material to digest, and it is still Damn chalanging to motivate myself to start Learning. I have 1 month left until the exam..ok,cool i got a Deadline i forgot about it.. Logging out...

06.07.2016 To much, to fast.. My last day's where chalanging since my procrastination interfered and i did not record anythink . I understand now that the should statement that i made to write everyday in this Journal was Holding me in my distractions, like YouTube and such. Cool, It's ok.. I have made my "leash" a little loose since resisitence showed up, that means that i write when i feel like it and when i have something to write. The goal that i set for myself this year is still in Progress, i skiped only last weekend. I notice that i was moving at a high pace.. Maybe i lost patience. Doesn't realy mater now. Task for today :40 minutes Learning for Drivers License (Complete) 19/20 Logging out...

Gütersloh /Germany

01.07.2016 6 Months!.. Another month passed quick as usual, i realy can't believe it myself. Hmm i could rewand myself, but what? I know, i do more meditation! Calm down "me" i was just joking...for now. I will think of a rewand in this weeks, maybe some sushi or idk a little Trip in Nature, yeah it would be fun! So for today i did my Learning and my other stuff, i learned more about myself, what are my triggers that send me into the lower self and a little Bit more about why i feeld in certain ways when i was a child(Personal growth is hapening here:D) Task for today :40 minutes Learning for Drivers License (Complete) [16/20] Logging out...

30.06.2016 Guard Down.. 4 day's!, the F#ck!? I did nothing to get closer to my goal. I could kick my big ass ego to the moon right now.. But i know that is what "it" wants. Damn! I don't want to Sound like a Victim..wait the hell am i doing? I am trying to create excuses.What i should do is to find a way to not get distracted all the time from My goal. Well i could cut everything else and Focus only on my Drivers License, but then i create a should statement, aaand that bring me to where i am now again.. Hm i think that on 03:28 night is not a good time to break Walls.. Bullshit! Ok for today i learned 40 minutes, i did my meditation, my visualization and affirmation plus i had leg Day and i did not skip it! Maybe i don't need to fix everything in one Day, and maybe i can't. I remembered something that i learned not so long and that is, to not get traped in your mind, let yourself be pulled into the right direction, because if i am interested in Martial Arts i should not make a should statement that i have to do this everyday and Become a Master as fast as i can, the better way is to do it because i like it, and not set a big must in my way, this will open a lot of doors quick, because i don't concentrate on the result but on the journey. Task for today :40 minutes Learning (completee) Logging out...

I am glad to see that you think this way about fear.i Use fear more as a guide than Stimulation. I know how powerfull a kick in the ass from fear can be, it striked me when i had to move out and had a deadline, i would Land on the street if fear was not there.

24.06.2016 Underestimate resisitence.. yesterday i decided to stop all sorts of low conscious Stimulation, like YouTube, movies and animes..Hmm and today i watched a couple of episodes from an anime that i follow, i think that i need to make another aproach since this habit has deep roots. I start with YouTubeVideos.i unsubscribed some chanels that i was following, like pewdiepie and Team coco and i slowly ramp it up towards eliminating movies and animes.. Every 30 day's i Do this.. This is the Second Day, because i did not turn on any funny YouTube Video. Tasks for today : -35 minutes Learning (14/14) >add 5 minutes (14/20) -No Mindles YouTube Videos watched (2/30) Logging out...

23.06.2016 Climbing the lader back up.. I beleive that every punch you get in the face gives you two choices ..stay down or get back up and ask for another. I had an interesting day,at work less then home,There i needed to get in the role of a productive member of society. So i got to the conclusion that i watch to much youtube videos,animes and movies...i did not notice that it got much worse in the last weeks .I had nothing planed for the past couple of weeks like usual..that backfired slowly and painful.I don't want to drag this out to much that's why i decided to quit Low conscious stimulation.I forgot that there are other stuff of stimulation,healty ones..this way i can finaly go to a martial arts school ! and use my time a bit more wise. The problem is to choose the right one.. what kind of martial art should i practice first?..because i know that choosing one would exclude the other ones for some years .I will give this more thought ...i could do test months on 2-3 martial arts schools than choose the one that i enjoyed the most.(Higher Self) This is the first day of cutting all sorts of Low Conscious Stimulation (short -LCS ) out of 30 Days Now Back to our First Goal for this Year I slowly get to learn more about what to do wile driving and what no to ...more what not to do ..a lot of restrictions.I know that this is for the drivers safety and the others around them ,but this learning method is build to create resitence ,to make you say screw the rules . Last week i was at the theory hour at the driving school,and we should watch a movie about what can hapen on the street ,car crashes and so on,they where showing us some interwievs on people that had car crashes and how there life changed dramatic .The point that i want to make is that ,learning hapens through fear, What if they would use a Growth mindset and concentrate gradually on improving your skills ,that way you can get in a car and be confident that you can handle any situation and not get a neurotic response based on fear when you are about to drive on red light. MAybe ''The world'' is not yet ready for a growth mindset..hmm when i think back in school how they teach us ..dissapointing for future generations.I should stop before i start to write all night. Task For Today: Learning 35 minutes (Complete) [13/14] Logging out...

22.06.2016 Lots of awareness.. OK good ..ok..i made it..pffuu.. i thought that i procrastinate forever till i start to write something in my journal, hahaa ..not with me ego! Now i am stuck..crap ,i celebrated to soon .Let's start slow with my day and what productive things i did ..myeah besides the 8 hours that i spend for growing somebody's else business i think i did..nothing ..damn.. I watched a lot of videos on the topic of how to quit your job and start your business..hmm i tend to skip some steps..i should focus on my drivers license.it is weird everytime i start somethink productive and work slowly towards the goal that i set for myself,i tend to forget the progress that i made so far (good that i write a journal) . Nothing much hapened today besides the fact that i was extra aware of my behaviours ,like my grandfather that watches old western movies with cow boys and stuff ..it was an interesting experience to see how the thought come ,they insist ,then they leave and behind them is a loong line of other thoughts that bring up some odd behaviours in me. i was doing a test this couple of day's with junk food..i was eating ice cream ..and i was aware of the sensations and thoughts that popped into my mind when i consumed that gross /delicious milk made diabetes bringer. Hmm yeah and my people pleasing tendencies are much more active these day's.i believe that since i stooped working on that behaviour and focused on another ,my focus got split..then i slowly opened the dam for things to go back ,flooding the cities and drowning the old people (to far? ..neeh!) What do I do to remedy this situation? -Simply ,i keep moving forward ,no mather what..i have already burned my bridges..cut 99% contact with my parents ,Because they wont understand ..and said that i joined some sort of sect when they heard me that i do affirmation ,I WAS SUMONING LUCIFER ,TO GIVE ME MORE sakee and a Biger D%ck !! ..gosh i love sake .. .I have nowhere to go ..only forward.. Task for today :35 minutes Learning (Well i did 2 times 20 minutes so i actally di 40 ! Hell yeah! ) Sometimes i think that there is tooo much positivity hapening in me and too little action..Next time i will say that --Oh man I touched a real Car and it Just feeled as if i had my drivers license ..i Am Better than Budha!!--- somethink like that.. {12/14 D} Peace Logging out...

21.06.2016 I did my homework I ask myself sometimes why do we have an ego? ..i was watching some videos today about the ego on youtube and this question was bothering me..maybe i need to be enlightened to realy see the truth ...are we just a web of random beliefs that was thrown at us from our childhood? ,and what is passion?,what is the procedure that creates passion for things in life for us?...is it a slight interest in a skill that bubbles up over time the more you do it ?..is passion something that brings you in ''the zone'' ..so many questions are popping lately into my mind.. I know that i have a long way ahead of me ,to realy grasp the meaning of this questions...i know that my ego is still in the early stages of dewelopment and to wipe out some of my old beliefs....i forgot one thing to say ..i tend to loose my sense of humor and sometimes positivity the deeper i look into myself..is this normal?.. This is a major piece of my self image,it got me trhough highschool and it helped me to overcome a lot of BS that hapened in my life ,like my parents breaking up ..and stuff...i don't want to loose it..Or is my ego playing tricks with me again?Damn! Task for today:35 minutes of Learning (complete) [11/14 D until upgrade] -- i was send in my lower self at work today and i did not had the time to learn more since it was a busy day and a lot of old people pleasing behaviours where knocking at my door..crap now i realise that i opened the door for them.. ''i '' (the observer) have the only key ..it's like i am in an old vampire movie ..the vampire can not enter only when you invite him ,or maybe i am wrong..but this is my journal and i write what i want ...Green unicorn with purple dots and a popsicle instead of a horn ...like that. Man.. this journal is going to an unknown direction... Logging out...

20.06.2016 Habits.. Today was a short day ,nothing much hapened , i get tricked from my ego to give in and buy a lasagne ,buut i knew that this would end this way, because i didn't set for myself a strong intention to change my eating habits ,i did only a 95 % commitment . i am positive and see that this is normal ,it hapened because i alowed it to hapen.i can be now so cool about this because i know that i can change only one thing at a time . i still keep my awareness on my food ,but now i don't get so frustrated when i slip back to an ocassional greasy food ''experience ''because i know that when i put all my time and will power into this it will change like every other habit. And i got a letter today that i need to pay more for my dental work ,ca, 210 euros f$ck! when i think about this i believe that was the trigger that send me into my lower self,lack of money ..and what did i do ?..i stuff my face with lasagne ,...it's a dark day for my toilet ! Task for today : 35 minutes (Complete) + bonus 201 questions answered. [10/14 Day's till upgrade] Logging out..

19.06.2016 Ego is F$cking with me ..again.. I usually don't do much on sundays ..but today i pushed myself too learn and to do some bodyweight workout .Man this resistence is sometimes a pain in the ass,right now it tells me to and i quote '' Cut the crap with your journal and go eat something or watch a movie ,why do you struggle? do you not see that personal dewelopment is just a scam? '' blah.. blah blah. It's actually funny how creative my ego is ,using my fears and my weaknesses to trick me into believing that i can't change ,that i can not change my eating habits ,my workout routines and so on. it is entertaining ,yeah sometime when i let my guard down or i get send into my lower self ,i might get tricked into believing all that bullcrap that my ego is coming up with...i let it be, because this is the normal growth process ,whitout the ocasional slidebacks we would not learn anything and our pall growth would not show up. Task for today :Learning for the drivers Licences 35 Minutes (Complete) 9th Day (out of 14 till the next upgrade) Extra achievement for me is that i managed to say no to the desire to order fast-food again ! Loging out...

18.06.2016 Crazy day.. I write this on 03:08 morning ,mmyeaah a little bit late ,buut i still made it when i said i do something i hold myself on that . i feel energyzed ,happy and full of motivation since i get closer and closer to my finish line then ..oo then comes the next chalange ,but ,till then i keep my eyes on the road look for the signs that show me where constructions on the road are not held (good word play is hapening right there). Oh boy ..i get back from a fun day ,was with my 3 friends ,one of them is my sis ,she has maybe the same degree of crazyness as mine,but as a big bro i have to step up the ridiculousness ,sometimes i get too far (i did not find a emoji that matches my crazyness so here have a ninja ).We ate sushi and drank sake ..sake ..this stuff should be hiden from me seriously .After that we spend some time till now at my sisters house ,joking around and having fun . Yeah and back to my progress now ,i actually managed before i started writing to.. ..Task for today: learn for 30 minutes ..You know what is coming.. 8th Day Complete ! ...In the next episode i will attempt the imposible and add 5 minutes to my daily learning ritual ..i hope i will not die ..coming soon..realy soon... like after 8 to 10 hours soon . ....something is missing.. ah yeah!.. ..I am freaking awesome ! Loging out...

Thank you very much @CalamityJane for folowing my journal,i try to keep it as unfiltered as possible with a little sprinkle of me throwed in (that sounded dirty ,don't know why ) .

17.06.2016 Sense of direction.. Today was a productive day for me, since i get to build some momentum with my learning habit ,funny that i learn only at work ..hmm maybe the resistance to work is greater than that of learning ..you never know . When i am home i research some stuff and try to find out how i distract myself from learning...wait..this right here is a distraction (i don't mean journaling),crap. I get sometimes overwhelmed from all this stuff i can improve in my life ,for example if i watch Leo's videos and i choose randomly 'how to get a girlfriend ,i get excited and start to plan out every step till i get there ,i really picture myself beeing a master in that skill .Unfortunately when this hapens i forget my actual trajectory that i set for my personal dewelopment and this hapens for other stuff that i wish to get better at. Buuut since i started to write this journal and to the progress i make with my goals i got a sense of direction . Task for Today: 30 minutes Learning for Drivers License (Complete) + 186 questions Answered from the Mobile App 7th Day Gooing slowly to Day 8 ! Fk yeah! Loging out...