Tristan12

I can totally relate I'm in a pretty similar situation myself. For me i've just made the choice to put up with living at home and just working as much as I can to build a career until I can support myself financially. For me its just a better option than having to slave away at some mindless job to be able to barely cover living expenses, and not having much time to work on my passions. I've manage to sort of distance myself from my family to the extent where I barely talk to them and I just isolate myself as much as I can, and they don't bother me so much now. I still can't wait to move out though. I don't really know what to tell you, this is just genuinely a shitty situation to be in. Hopefully you end up getting a job you like, but if not I guess you'll just have to decide if you want to settle with a job you don't like for a while to be able to live alone, or if you want to live with your parents. You could try to look for some alternative way out like maybe living with friends to lower living expenses, or maybe you could really put your mind to it and come up with some way to land a job that you really like and is perfect for you, but if not then I feel like you'll just have to bite the bullet of a difficult situation and make the most of it, whatever you end up doing. I'm sure long term it will work out, if you're worried about money still being an issue for you later in life, then that's something you can work towards and set goals for, just like any other area of personal development. Start learning about finance and investing and figure out what you can do to make more money for yourself if a job won't be enough for you.

Minecraft and GTA 5. I love open-ended games where I can do whatever I want and be creative. I love Minecraft especially, the creative potential in that game is insane, and its just ridiculously fun.

@Leo Gura Thank you

@The0Self Interesting

You will immediately know that awakening is more accurate. It's just like waking up from sleep. I remember the times that I've awoken to reality being a dream, it has felt so convincing and like how could I ever doubt this, of course its a dream, but then I wonder, how do I know that my perceptions are accurate and truthful, what if I am deluded or just imagining something? Even though the awakenings I've had feel completely true and undeniable, like waking up from sleeping like you said, I still have this lingering thought in the back of my mind of how do I know my perceptions are accurate.

I still have a hard time understanding that if I normally perceive my reality as being real and physical, and it doesn't feel like a dream, but then I become conscious that reality is a dream, how do I know which is more accurate? All states of consciousness are Absolute Truth, but you still describe reality as being a dream and as not being physical, so if I can be in states of consciousness that perceive both, how do I know which is more accurate?

So are you saying that once you awaken deep enough, there will be absolutely no doubt or uncertainty, and so you can be sure that reality isn't what you normally see it to be in a regular state of consciousness?

@The0Self How do you know that when you have an awakening, what you realize is more true than what you perceive in your regular sober state of consciousness? I was thinking and I guess if I perceived my reality to be real and physical, that would be a thought, and even though things seem real, there is nothing in my direct experience that actually proves that reality is physically real and not a dream, and so without any thoughts, in a regular sober state, reality just feels like a question mark, like I don't really know what I'm looking at. Because of that there's no contradiction if I suddenly become conscious that reality is a dream. I still feel sort of uncertain about this, in the sense that what if I am deluded, or if i only see reality as a question mark because my consciousness is already raised and maybe a materialist wouldn't, but I guess if I remember that direct experience is absolute, and it's just thoughts that delude me, then whatever I perceive in my direct experience is what's true, and if I don't know what it is while in a sober state, then that's just what it is right now. Do you have anything to add?

I was watching the video Leo posted on his blog from this same channel about Egyptian spirituality. I found this video in the recommended section, and I wanted to share it here as it was really beautiful. "The basis of creation is Love. God loves his creation, and when his creation passionately loves him back, the purpose of creation is fulfilled."

I’ve heard of a place called Arkana from a couple youtubers who made some videos of retreats there and it seems like a really great place. I’ve never done aya but once I eventually do I plan on going there. You should research it

You may have issues around grief or other emotions from earlier traumas that make it difficult for you to access these emotions now, so you would probably want to find and address those, but for now, treat emotional numbness as its own emotion. If you think about your grandfather's death and you can't get yourself to grieve, just let yourself feel how you feel, even if you don't really feel anything, and just sit with that and let yourself feel that way. Numbness is often a cover emotion for overly strong or difficult emotions. A cover emotion is an emotion sitting on top of another emotion to try and protect you from a more painful emotional state. If you just sit with it, honour it for what it is (trying to protect you from a painful emotional state) and let yourself feel it, you will often drop into the emotion beneath it. I recommend just sitting with your numbness and letting yourself feel that, and it may help you start to feel again. It's important that you don't just try to push your way through the numbness and instead you honour and respect it for what it is, since its trying to help you, so go into it with that mindset.

I grew up with a single mother, and one thing I remember is that she always provided for me and gave me everything I needed, and I was never wanting for anything. Even beyond basic necessities, she would buy me toys and other things I wanted all the time, and when I look back I am really grateful for all of that considering that she raised me alone and she didn't always have much money. I was grateful for those things, but I wouldn't say they contributed much to the love I felt as a child. I think all of the love I felt came from some sort of emotional connection. When I think about times that I felt love as a child, I think of quality time I spent with my mum and family, but specifically times where I just really enjoyed it and felt really close with them, times where we were happy or laughing and I felt really connected to them and really loved. Other things I can remember that made me feel loved where times where I would get hurt or upset, and I would be crying, and my mum would be there for me and comfort me. That would always make me feel really loved and safe. Of course that didn't always happen, hence my trauma and emotional issues lol, so I think seeing how much it destroys you inside as a child to not get the love you need when you are facing some sort of distress, that's what really makes you feel the least loved as a child, and so I would say that the inverse of that is also true - your parents loving and embracing every part of who you are, and always being there for you when you are hurt, showing you that its completely okay to feel the way you're feeling, that feels like the most loving thing. The love you feel is never really about anything external, it's about your parent's love and embrace of you for who you are. To the degree that my mum/family did do these things, that's what made me feel the most loved. Emotional support and recognition/approval of certain qualities I had.

I remember I used to have these weird hallucinations when I would start falling asleep when I was a kid. it's really hard to describe but its something along the lines of sensing some sort of shape and then I can feel it just get exponentially bigger over and over. I hadn't had this happen in years but then when I started a meditation habit a couple years ago, I now get it every once in a while when I meditate.

I have the same experience whenever I whip out my Pokémon card collection

Wow. That's amazing

"There is no salvation for the soul but to fall in love. Only lovers can escape out of these two worlds. This was ordained in creation. Only from the heart can you reach the sky: the rose of glory can only grow from the heart" - Rumi

Thinking you are unlovable ultimately comes from unintegrated shame from childhood, which means its emotionally based. It's an emotion trapped within you that needs to be felt through and released. Because of that, its not just the case that people who think they are unworthy or unlovable just believe something crazy and need to change how they think, so you can't resolve this issue (at least at the root) just by trying to tell yourself how worthy you are, or telling yourself to stop thinking you're unlovable. No amount of doing that will resolve anything. By doing that you are just opposing and invalidating your own emotions of shame. You're better off telling yourself/knowing that its completely okay to feel unlovable, and then just be with that feeling and let yourself feel it, rather than opposing it and trying to get rid of it. It will naturally become much easier to deal with at that point. You will need to process and release that emotion of shame that is trapped within you from childhood to be able to heal and resolve this issue completely.

Astrology only started to resonate with me more once I learned about my sun/moon/rising rather than just my zodiac sign. It makes sense because having a more in depth description of your signs would be more accurate to each person. I’m a Sagittarius, and I never really resonated with it that much, but then I learned I am Sag sun and rising and Cancer moon. I resonate with Cancer moon a ton, and I can see how some parts of myself resonate with Sagittarius a lot, so having that more detailed description feels a lot more accurate to me. Before I felt like I resonated with Sag a bit but it never felt like a good description of my whole personality, but now having the cancer moon piece makes everything feel a lot more accurate, because I can see that Sag is just a part of me and not all of me. I don't know that much about astrology but i'd be willing to bet there is a fair amount of truth to it if you go into the details of it.

@Judy2 @RickyFitts When sadness is dealt with in a healthy way, and it is allowed to be felt, and you don't run from it, it's often felt as more of a melancholy, which is like sadness combined with love. Sadness is about loss, and when you're not in resistance to it, its not really painful and instead you get into a state of love and appreciation for what was lost, which is melancholy. That's where sadness can actually be an enjoyable emotion. I very much agree that sadness/melancholy is very beautiful. It's one of my favourite emotions

One thing i've been sort of confused about is if infinity is the impossible made possible, why does reality 'have to' be this way and that way, and not some other way? Why is infinity not knowable, why is God Love, and then you give logical explanations to why these are the case, but why does reality have to work logically? Why couldn't infinity be completely knowable, even though it makes no sense and is impossible, since infinity/reality is the impossible made possible?

@RickyFitts Lol, yeah Rumi is amazing. I absolutely love his quotes. He's a huge inspiration

Happy Birthday Leo!!

A few months ago I had this awakening where I discovered this deeper part of myself within me. It was really clear that it was me because of how it felt, but it wasn't my ego or me as Tristan. When I saw this part of myself, it was like I as Tristan was looking at it and it was communicating with me in a way. I could also see that no other person really existed, and all of reality is just my own direct experience, and this life I had as a human and everything within it is just something I imagined. This part of me showed me that everything that I have been through in my life had led me to this point of awakening and realizing all of this, and it will continue to lead me deeper. It also showed me that all of the suffering I have been through in my life (as I have been through a ton) was never personal, it was never about me, it all happened just for the sake of leading me to awakening. Then this part of me showed me that it loved me, very much. It was really beautiful. Last night, I was listening to some really beautiful loving music, and getting into a really deep state of love, and I noticed that whenever the love gets really strong, I often get so consumed by it that its like I lose my sense of self, and all that exists is love. I become love, and Tristan is gone. Then, all the sudden, I realized that when I feel this love, it's not Tristan that's doing the loving. It's something much deeper within me that is so in love. As soon as I realized that, the love got SO intense, I dropped to the floor and just started crying so hard. It was like I realized in that moment that I'm not Tristan, I am this deeper thing within me that this love is coming from. This is the second time I have discovered this deeper part of me, but this time I was actually it, and I wasn't just looking at it from the outside. The thing is, I have no idea what this part of me is. It feels like my higher self or my soul or something, because it really feels like me, but something much deeper within me, but I don't know what it means to say its my higher self. I'd wondered if it could have been God realization but I feel like it would be really obvious if it was and I wouldn't be asking this. Does anyone have any idea what this part of me is?

"Every tree is beautiful when touched by sunlight; every soul becomes gold when touched by the Beloved" - Rumi

""Who are you?" I asked love one evening. He said "I am immortality, a beautiful life which has no end."" - Rumi