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About Jai

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  1. Sep 19 really solid day. Was really productive and connected which is good. I got in 6.5 hours studying and will do the same tomorrow I think. My spiritual practice was really strong as was my exercise and habits. So a good day all around. I also was in a good internal space and avoided lustful thinking which is important for me to hit this 30 day retention goal. I got a little good momentum so I can do it. Hardest part is if I release just getting back on retention asap. It's common for me to deviate for like a week after a good retention streak. I think the big thing is to watch my thought patterns and get back on track mentally and avoiding lustful thinking. Overall really good day. I have a little time here to really go all in 100% on studying and see how I it goes and how it feels. I like the end goal of mobile income and more moeney so i want to go for it and see how i progress Daily spiritual practice* Good session, i'm going to settle in to a really nice routine Attitude of service* good outward energy, was helpful around the house Mental and emotional states* Mostly all positive and engaged today. Back playing on offense and I want to keep it that way Sex energy* Good here today. It's relatively low for now. Did a better job avoiding lustful thinking which is good. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Probably tomorrow I'll be back to doing this first thing in the morning Eat clean* Really good here. I've really improved since moving. I've been really clean with the diet and it feels good. Haven't compromised in a long time and I'm excited about that. I'm feeling good about this improvement Phone & computer habits* Okay but this week I'll be focusing on this. I've been checking too much the itnernet on my phone to be distracted Exercise* Really good here. Rode my bike up a really big hill, went on a run, stretched out twice, did some push ups moved forward today
  2. Sep 18 Really a good step in the right direction today. Feel like I'm getting momentum back after falling short last week with the sex ideal. So that feels good. Got some studying and some remote work done so that was nice to feel productive. Also took some time to walk around the park and see the city some. It's been a lot of years since I've been here so I felt really nostalgic. Kind of like visiting the past. Also felt a little sad about it which was noticeable. I definitely feel like I'm on a different trajectory now. Different things are important to me since the last time I was here. Which is good. I definitely feel motivated to work hard to build a nice future. I feel like I'm trusting God as well. I want to trust that the future holds great things for me if I really clean up my life and work toward spiritual growth. Anyway so a good day today and I'm ready to keep it moving in this direction. Daily spiritual practice* really good morning session, going to do an evening session here as well. Attitude of service* Good here today. Had pretty good outward energy and was ready to go overall. Felt like I was ready to participate in life. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Was more in the neighborhood of being positive. I still got a ways to go but I was feeling good overall. No porn / retention* Generally good here but I need to do good on the mental side of things and avoid lustful thinking. That is really where it all starts. If my mental area is clear then I'm not distracted in this area. Today I did good overall but was mentally distracted at times. This energy is so strong that if I harness it I can really accomplish a lot. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower outside with the garden hose. Been awhile since I've had a hot shower. Probably 3 weeks. Eat clean* Good here. Got good momentum Phone & computer habits* Actually better but still checking my phone for no reason Exercise* Did push ups and went on a nice walk Moved forward today
  3. Sep 17 Better day today and back on track which is good. Tomorrow will be a strong day I anticipate. Good effort today overall. Was a little low energy from watching porn the last two days though so it will take some time to get that back. All around though a pretty solid day. Looking forward to really getting back to coding. I'm really going to give it 100%. That is the plan. To really go all out and do my best in that area and jump in 100% and see what happens. I also plan on really cleaning up different areas of my life, the biggest one being porn. I do okay in that area but like once a month I end up watching it for a weekend which isn't good. I really need to turn a corner there. That is really the only big negative thing in my life htat I want to improve. I'm setting a really high standard in other areas and want to keep it up. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Morning session was nice. Looking forward to tomorrow's mornign session and chanting more Attitude of service* Good here. Found some extra ways to be helpful. At the meeting helped to pass out cake. Helpful at work and around the house so I'm doing good here. Mental and emotional states* Not bad but also not on offense. Just a little flat and bland. Not really believing in my purpose and direction. I want to get a really deep belief in the direction I'm heading in. No porn / retention* Good today. Need to start another nice streak and really transmute this energy toward building a nice life. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Felt fantastic after. Eat clean* Good here. Didn't eat any cake at the meeting which was nice Phone & computer habits* A couple times I was scrolling but pretty good. Exercise* Nice bike ride today Moved forward today
  4. Sep 16 Another mixed day because of watching porn again. I'm just in a little funk the past week. I know I can do better and really have in the past. On days like this I don't even feel like doing a review because just one mess up like that kind of ruins all the progress and good things of the day. I end up feeling let down. The difficult thing is I don't feel motivated to date like in the past. In the past at least I had a lot of motivation to go talk to girls or do online dating. Now that doesn't even feel like a priority. But I miss that element a lot from my life. All of my focus is really on building a future, figuring out a work situation, practicing coding, etc. So it's tough to feel lonely like this and without a real social life. I may just have to put more emphasis on being social and try and date. Meeting a girl would bring a lot of good things into my life. It always has in the past. I'd have to just accept the work and effort it takes to meet someone and go and deal with it. Either that or just dedicate myself fully to building my future and use the sex energy for that. The problem is that I can do it for awhile but then I end up back to feeling lonely. Anyway, either way I have got to give up the porn. It's just empty and hollow and not real. It ends up making me feel down and a little off. So I need to do better in this area of my life. I've been back and forth on this for almost a year now. It's been a really difficult area. Last time I stopped watching porn for a long time I was having regular sex which is way better. Part of me thinks I just need to put some effort in to finding a girlfriend. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Morning session before work has been predictable and nice. Once I go to studying full time I'll be able to expand on this. Attitude of service* Good here. Was really helpful around the house. I've been having a good eye for chances to be helpful. Same thing at work. Mental and emotional states* Basically good until I watched porn. I've been just trying to get away with that lately. No porn / retention* Failed completely here. It's been frustrating. It's the problem of being single and not being really social or really wanting to be social. I'd like to meet someone "naturally" but that never works lol. It just takes some effort. Cold exposure* Good cold shower Eat clean* Good ehre Phone & computer habits* overall pretty good except for watching porn. Other than that not on my phone too much Exercise* Nice bike ride and work] didn't move forward today
  5. Sep 15 Mixed day. Good effort in the morning and good effort at work. Only problem is that I ended up watching porn. I think I'm just feeling kind of lonely and disconnected. And kind of unwilling to put in a bunch of effort in that area. Anyway so that was the down part of my day. I want to bounce back tomorrow obviously. Also need to look at what is my ideal and the direction i want to head in. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session so good effort here Attitude of service* Pretty good at work and in general. But got stuck in self some from falling into a bad habit Mental and emotional states* Mostly good until I watched porn. After that just felt kind of let down Sex energy* Fail here. I want to get back to being really clean here Cold exposure* Nice cold shower, felt really good. Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Always can improve here Exercise* Good today Not the best day. Some good things but a fail with watching porn negates it. Can't really say I moved forward with that habit
  6. Sep 14 Good day all around. Got off oto a good start and had a good day at work. Good energy and good optimism. So had strong habits today and actions as well. Just riding out the rest of this week helping a friend at his work. After that going to study full time and see what happens. Not too much else to say. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session to start things off. Best way to start the day. Looking forward to my spiritual practice once I'm studying full time since it will be a little more open ended. Attitude of service* Good here. When I was biking to work I offered to help a guy push his car that was broke down but he was able to get it started. It's good I had the attitude of willingess to be helpful. Also just being helpful around the home whenever I can. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Playing on offense and doing my best. Sex Energy* Decent here. Back on retention which is good. Had some mental distraction here but still did okay today Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Pretty good after work and going on a bike ride Eat clean* Good here. My diet has been really strong. I have newfound discipline and willingess and I'm eating really clean and not diverting. I'm also never really hungry that much during the day. Phone & computer habits* Needs improvement. I find myself wandering and checking my phone too much. Probably should just turn it off when I don't need it. Exercise* Worked all day and biked to work so good here. Moved forward today
  7. Sep 13 A really strong day all around. Had really strong habits and bounced back after falling short yesterday. Felt good to bounce back strong. I got a bunch of studying done and a bunch of work done also. So I was really deliberate today and it paid off. I really had a strong intention and got good momentum. So a big improvement from yesterday. Studying coding went well. It's going to take a long time to get really good but i'm on my way. This week I'm working a bunch and then after Friday I'm pretty much open to focus on studying only for awhile. Daily spiritual practice* Really solid morning session. Probably do a shorter session now as well Attitude of service* Better outward energy today, was helpful around the house. So a good job here Mental and emotional states* Good here. Good improvement. Was playing on offense today and back on the side of being engaged and positive Sex energy* Improvement from yesterday. Started retention again. Maybe a weekly retention pattern is best for long term instead of building this energy too high. I do want to harness this though. I see how well I do with other habits and practices. This is the strongest though so if I can really get this aligned then I'll be good. Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower in the morning Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but need to improve Exercise* Really good here, run, push ups, stretching moved forward today
  8. Sep 12 Another off day although I did get some good things done. on the positive side I got some good exercise in and I got some decent studying and work in as well although I could've done more if I were more efficient. On the negative side I ended up watching porn. I go no porn for like a month and then I watch porn for a day or two. I just end up back there becasue I'm lonely and not motivated to actually go meet girls. I really want to fix my finances and I'm exhausted with talking to girls and just putting in numbers trying to meet a girl. So I do fine for a month and then get a lot of sexual energy and get lonely. Anyway so I fell short in that area today. It's frustrating and I'll feel down for a bit but I'll be back on the right track soon. The point is not to deviate once a month in this area in the first place. Really that is the only negative thing. Maybe I do need to make it a habit to go out and try to meet someone and put in some effort. Good news is I'm excited about tomorrow, tomorrow is another opportunity for growth. I'm going to get a bunch done and get back to the habits I know work best. I'm also excited about being able to really study full time. I'm prepping to put in maximum effort in to this starting in like 5 days. I'll have a really free schedule to do my best. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session here. Attitude of service* Stuck in self some but also was helpful around the house which was good. Mental and emotional states* Not where I want to be. Not the greatest clarity or focus. I was off today from watching porn and just felt out of it some. I want to get back to being really motivated and optimistic Sex energy* Failed here by watching porn. I want to get back to retaining energy. Might have to think about what is the best release schedule - full retention for long periods seems to throw me off. Once a week might work so I don't get too tightly wound Cold exposure* Good here, was able to face the cold Eat clean* Good here, diet is strong Phone & computer habits* Bad with the porn, pretty much okay with everything else Exercise* Good here did push ups and went on a nice run Stalled out today with bad habits
  9. Sep 11 A tougher day today. I've been on a nice streak overall. today was a day off of work and I slept in some and that kind of got me off to a slow start. Was really distracted by sex energy and didn't have a bunch of focus. I did end up getting some stuff done but I didn't have the greatest productivity that I'm used to or the greatest drive. I ended up breaking my retention streak which is okay I guess. It mellowed me out some. I did have a better afternoon. I have been visited a little more by doubt today. I really want to stay energized and motivated. So not the end of the world since I'm still having mostly good days and every once in awhile there will be an off one. So tomorrow I'd like to have a little more focus and drive. Daily spiritual practice* Good here, had a really solid meditation Attitude of service* Tried to be helpful around the house. But was stuck with not the best outward energy. Kind of stuck in my own head today Mental and emotional states* Dipped into a little negativity and doubt. Was also distracted by sex energy so not the best day in this area No porn / retention* Broke my retention streak, but that's okay since I didn't watch porn I guess Cold exposure* Good cold shower today Eat clean* good here Phone & computer habits* very distracted here. not the best. didn't watch porn but was checking out some other questionable sites Exercise* did some stretching which is good. kind of a neutral day - made some forward progress but also i felt like i was stalled out
  10. Sep 10 A good day and glad I have an off day tomorrow to study. Feeling a little distracted though also. I've been doing retention for awhile and that energy is running high. Still solid day all around. I've come out here to keep moving forward and win. I definitely think I'm off to a good start and I'd like to keep it that way. So tomorrow going to sleep in a little bit and then get some studying done and work at my remote job. Beyond that also going to just have a solid day and set aside some really good time for meditation and prayer. Daily spiritual practice* Good effort here. Solid morning session, will do a shorter session now Attitude of service* Good here also. Trying to be helpful in general. Mental and emotional states* Mostly in a good spot all day. Some fear came up about not being where I'd like to be work and money life. But I'm on a good trajectory. Really all I have to do is keep this up. No porn / retention* Distracted here. Toward the afternoon felt more and more distracted. I'd like to improve this tomorrow and keep a greater focus. I won't be on a retention streak forever but I still want to go a little longer. Cold exposure* Good here. Feeling strong in the cold water Eat clean* REally good here Phone & computer habits* Afternoon i got sucked into my phone. I shouldn't even have it with me at times. Exercise* Great job at work and biked home. Also got some stretching in. Moved forward today
  11. Sep 9 Another solid day. Good habits and good productivity. Putting in good effort all around which I like. I got a little bit of everything done which is nice. Was able to have a second meditation session also. Did a good job of getting in stretching too. My good habits are really taking over. I'm also starting to see with more clarity the path I'm on. I'm not in fear and I'm just trusting that things will work out. That's exactly what I should be doing. I'm still doing WHM and seeing a lot of benefit. This February will be 2 years I've been practicing that really consistently day in and day out. Big thing now is just keeping my momentum up. I want to keep my connection and confidence really high. I want to see the future as opportunity and just do my best to build a nice life and trust that I'm on a good path. Daily spiritual practice* Good sessions today. I'm pretty much instantly settling in to a good place for meditation Attitude of service* Good outward energy, trying to be helpful at work and around the house. Mental and emotional states* Where I should be. Living a day at a time and keeping my focus on staying connected and positive. Not distracted at all today. Just in a good spot all around. No porn / retention* Good here. I have a good amount of energy reserve with retention now. Almost at two weeks I'd say. Cold exposure* Good cold shower in the morning. I'm on a good streak of not taking any hot water. I want to keep this going. I'm really enjoying the cold recently Eat clean* Good here also, not making any compromises Phone & computer habits* One time today got really distracted by my phone, other than that good. Exercise* Good job stretching, biked to work also. Moved forward today
  12. Sep 8 Really strong day. Worked all day. Got up early to get some spiritual time in and prep. So solid day all around. Not much else to say other than worked like 12 hours. Going to get up early tomorrow as well to make sure I have spiritual time. It's so important for me. Daily spiritual practice* Made time for a session Attitude of service* Tried to be helpful at work and contribute Mental and emotional states* Good here, on the positive side of things No porn / retention* Benefitting from having the reserve energy from retention Cold exposure* Fantastic cold shower outside Eat clean* Diet is doing good Phone & computer habits* No time to waste today so this wasn't an issue Exercise* Rode my bike to work, and then worked a physical job today moved forward today
  13. Sep 7 Really strong day again. All my habits have kind of lined up. I'm feeling pretty connected and off to a great start in California. First I keep investing in a morning spiritual practice which is nice. I've been doing some open ended sessions which I prefer. Tomorrow got to be at work at 6:45 so got to wake up at 4:30 to be able to get a good session in. It's definitely worth it and it's good that I prioritize this. Other than that made progress with getting my mariner's credential/passport. Felt good to do all the steps and submit that. I think all I have to do now is wait. Might take like 30 - 45 days I think. Also did some coding which was good. so all around a solid day. I've been stretching more as well which is my weakness fitness wise. I'd really like to get better flexibility. Besides all of that just feeling like I'm on a good trajectory. That's what I need to remind myself - that I'm really doing good work and heading to good places. I want to really carry around optmism. Daily spiritual practice* Really good here. Attitude of service* Was definitely helpful when I could be. Trying to do things around the house and also trying to be friendly to people in life and carry a good vibe Mental and emotional states* Good here, playing on offense the whole day No porn / retention* Good here also. My energy level here is high so I'm having the benefit of retention. This discipline helps a lot also Cold exposure* Something feels really fantastic about showering outside. Something about it just makes me feel strong and in the elements. Eat clean* Big improvement from a couple weeks ago. Feels good to be really clean here. Phone & computer habits* Better today, still catching myself on my phone but it's limited. Want to eliminate even these deviations. Exercise* Did stretching sessions in morning and evening. Also good run and bike ride. I'm feeling fit for sure. Moved forward today
  14. Sep 6 Another good day. Good habits, good spiritual practice, good work and getting things done. So I was productive and feeling good. Life isn't really exciting and there isn't anything crazy fun going on but I'm having solid days and building a nice future. So everything is moving nicely. I'm overall pretty well connected and in faith. I would like to get my enthusiasm and love for life back up again. I guess I just need to pick what to do and go for it. In the past I have had some strong visions about what I wanted and went for it. I think the same thing here I need. just a really strong vision of who I want to become and to really go for it 100%. I've been enjoying coding more so maybe that's the path. Whatever I do I'd like to do 100% and be confident of what I'm doing. So got to do something that I think will improve my life. Right now I have like 3 options for this so I'd like to just go for one. I guess now I'm just seeing which one emerges. But today was another solid day. Just staying busy. The only thing I really want is a deep conviciton of what I'm doing is good and that I'm on the right path. I want to get a love of life and a bunch of enthusiasm and to have that be evident. To really go after life with 100%. I've had that in the past and now I want that again. Just gonna have to pick and go for it. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. A really robust morning session with chanting. this is the foundation and my day always starts out strong. Attitude of service* Good outward energy. Looking for little ways to be helpful. Still would like to get more enthusiasm though. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Mostly positive. Never really dipped into negativity at all. So this is where I want to be connected and confident No porn / retention* Good here for the most part. Since my energy is high here I feel distracted from time to time. Cold exposure* Nice outdoors shower. Something about showering outside with the garden hose feels natural. It makes me feel really alive. Eat clean* Really good here. Diet is back in place. No processed foods, fully vegan. Not getting hungry during the day. Eating one big meal at night with smaller meals during the day. Phone & computer habits* Overall better here. Always can be improved. Exercise* This is a highlight recently. I'm feeling really strong and fit. I see how important it is to make time for this. moved forward today
  15. Sep 5 A really solid day. I got a bunch of coding practice in which was fun. I'm definitely getting the fundamentals down more. I'm having fun again after a break. So it felt really rewarding today and felt like I'm making progress. Still a long term goal but making progress is good of course. Sometimes I have some doubts about this but it's important to remember how far I've come. It's also important to remember I've had some big accomplishments in the past. So if I'm in doubt I can remember that over time I can do it. Also a pretty solid day all around with habits. Good discipline and felt connected. So I'm off to a great start in my new location and I want to keep this up. Daily spiritual practice* Another really solid morning session. Need to find a way to keep this going when I'm working more. Attitude of service* Good outward energy, good contributions also. Been staying on top of small things. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Felt capable and connected. Starting to settle in to better focus. Mostly always positive over the last few days No porn / retention* Mostly good here. Definitely being distracted though. This energy is high. Ended up checking out some questionable sites even though I didn't fap. Got to stay away from anything questionable. Cold exposure* Great morning shower. Showered outside with the garden hose. That's my new thing. Eat clean* Really strong diet today. Ate light all day to keep energy high Phone & computer habits* In free time checking dumb websites. That's not the way to go. need to implement better habits Exercise* Fantastic all around. Starting stretching more which is my weak spot moved forward today