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Everything posted by Jai

  1. Sep 19 really solid day. Was really productive and connected which is good. I got in 6.5 hours studying and will do the same tomorrow I think. My spiritual practice was really strong as was my exercise and habits. So a good day all around. I also was in a good internal space and avoided lustful thinking which is important for me to hit this 30 day retention goal. I got a little good momentum so I can do it. Hardest part is if I release just getting back on retention asap. It's common for me to deviate for like a week after a good retention streak. I think the big thing is to watch my thought patterns and get back on track mentally and avoiding lustful thinking. Overall really good day. I have a little time here to really go all in 100% on studying and see how I it goes and how it feels. I like the end goal of mobile income and more moeney so i want to go for it and see how i progress Daily spiritual practice* Good session, i'm going to settle in to a really nice routine Attitude of service* good outward energy, was helpful around the house Mental and emotional states* Mostly all positive and engaged today. Back playing on offense and I want to keep it that way Sex energy* Good here today. It's relatively low for now. Did a better job avoiding lustful thinking which is good. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Probably tomorrow I'll be back to doing this first thing in the morning Eat clean* Really good here. I've really improved since moving. I've been really clean with the diet and it feels good. Haven't compromised in a long time and I'm excited about that. I'm feeling good about this improvement Phone & computer habits* Okay but this week I'll be focusing on this. I've been checking too much the itnernet on my phone to be distracted Exercise* Really good here. Rode my bike up a really big hill, went on a run, stretched out twice, did some push ups moved forward today
  2. Hello, people I'm starting a journal to review and mark my spiritual progress. This is mostly for self reference. I find that if I review what I'm actually doing I take my spiritual practice more seriously. I've been doing this somewhat regularly in a journal but I want to become more accountable here and have more of a formal process. The idea I have is to do a formal review of my day taking note of my progress. This will include a review of my personal spiritual practice (meditation, prayer, spiritual reading) as well as how I do out there in life and my day (how well I interact with people, having an attitude of service, being grateful, feeling connected with God/the universe, etc.). In addition to a daily review, from time to time I may go more in depth about topics or problems I'm facing. I see these as a more in depth journal session where I can dialogue with myself about the direction I want to take. My daily review will have a pretty basic format of positives (+) and negatives (-). I'll basically note the things I did well and the areas I fell short and need to improve. A lot of this will include good habits that I'm (hopefully) doing... taking note of my meditation, good diet, exercise, good attitudes, good acts. It will also include bad habits that I want to change, like aimlessly wandering on the internet, not waking up on the first alarm, or getting angry at someone or a situation. The idea is that having to review daily helps me to take everything more seriously because I'm accountable and because I'm aware of how these impact my life. Additionally, I plan on doing a wholistic review and mini journal session where I look at how I did overall... did I move forward or backwards? Perhaps, I will change the format as I go along. For now it is important to get started to build the good habit of reviewing. I really think self analysis is fundamentally important for spiritual growth and for changing habits. I really want to take this seriously. In the past I have, I've stuck with daily review and really saw the progress. Lately, I've been less adamant about taking a consistent and honest look at things. The strategy I have (and what I want to stay accountable to) is to continue a daily spiritual practice of prayer, meditation and spiritual reading. I tend to think that you can't really be spiritual without an actual practice. I also want to change different habits. I'm going to journal about more, and I want to focus on maybe one or two to start out so I make actual progress instead of trying to fix a million things. One thing I definitely want to change is I want to become more positive and optimistic. I really want to be a person who is positive, I know some people who are and it's a great asset. I no longer want to be pessimistic about the future and life, I want to be excited. So that is definitely one character trait I want to change. So that's the intro. Here's my review for today: Apr. 20 + Good attitude working (was grateful for some yard that I'm doing for neighbors) + Good spiritual practice 25 min meditation (not an epic long session, but still good), prayer and reading + Good habits & discipline (woke up on first alarm, took a cold shower, exercise, diet) + Generally positive (had a few instances of negative/critical thoughts, but overall good) with this I also stayed out of fear/worry/anxiety about the future. This is important for me especially now with covid virus stuff - Went over my hour limit for internet (distracted, unmotivated) - Ate too much for lunch, lost energy (lack of discipline) Overall: Today was a solid day. Good habits overall. Need to stay on my toes everyday and watch out for the fear/worry/anxiety/self pity. Those take all the energy out of my day. Also, need to watch how bad habits suck me in. I know wasting time on the internet is bad but I do it anyway, and after I usually feel shitty. I'll go more into some of these bad habits and how I will change soon. For now, I'm getting started with this formal review so I'm excited about that.
  3. Sep 18 Really a good step in the right direction today. Feel like I'm getting momentum back after falling short last week with the sex ideal. So that feels good. Got some studying and some remote work done so that was nice to feel productive. Also took some time to walk around the park and see the city some. It's been a lot of years since I've been here so I felt really nostalgic. Kind of like visiting the past. Also felt a little sad about it which was noticeable. I definitely feel like I'm on a different trajectory now. Different things are important to me since the last time I was here. Which is good. I definitely feel motivated to work hard to build a nice future. I feel like I'm trusting God as well. I want to trust that the future holds great things for me if I really clean up my life and work toward spiritual growth. Anyway so a good day today and I'm ready to keep it moving in this direction. Daily spiritual practice* really good morning session, going to do an evening session here as well. Attitude of service* Good here today. Had pretty good outward energy and was ready to go overall. Felt like I was ready to participate in life. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Was more in the neighborhood of being positive. I still got a ways to go but I was feeling good overall. No porn / retention* Generally good here but I need to do good on the mental side of things and avoid lustful thinking. That is really where it all starts. If my mental area is clear then I'm not distracted in this area. Today I did good overall but was mentally distracted at times. This energy is so strong that if I harness it I can really accomplish a lot. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower outside with the garden hose. Been awhile since I've had a hot shower. Probably 3 weeks. Eat clean* Good here. Got good momentum Phone & computer habits* Actually better but still checking my phone for no reason Exercise* Did push ups and went on a nice walk Moved forward today
  4. Sep 17 Better day today and back on track which is good. Tomorrow will be a strong day I anticipate. Good effort today overall. Was a little low energy from watching porn the last two days though so it will take some time to get that back. All around though a pretty solid day. Looking forward to really getting back to coding. I'm really going to give it 100%. That is the plan. To really go all out and do my best in that area and jump in 100% and see what happens. I also plan on really cleaning up different areas of my life, the biggest one being porn. I do okay in that area but like once a month I end up watching it for a weekend which isn't good. I really need to turn a corner there. That is really the only big negative thing in my life htat I want to improve. I'm setting a really high standard in other areas and want to keep it up. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Morning session was nice. Looking forward to tomorrow's mornign session and chanting more Attitude of service* Good here. Found some extra ways to be helpful. At the meeting helped to pass out cake. Helpful at work and around the house so I'm doing good here. Mental and emotional states* Not bad but also not on offense. Just a little flat and bland. Not really believing in my purpose and direction. I want to get a really deep belief in the direction I'm heading in. No porn / retention* Good today. Need to start another nice streak and really transmute this energy toward building a nice life. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Felt fantastic after. Eat clean* Good here. Didn't eat any cake at the meeting which was nice Phone & computer habits* A couple times I was scrolling but pretty good. Exercise* Nice bike ride today Moved forward today
  5. Sep 16 Another mixed day because of watching porn again. I'm just in a little funk the past week. I know I can do better and really have in the past. On days like this I don't even feel like doing a review because just one mess up like that kind of ruins all the progress and good things of the day. I end up feeling let down. The difficult thing is I don't feel motivated to date like in the past. In the past at least I had a lot of motivation to go talk to girls or do online dating. Now that doesn't even feel like a priority. But I miss that element a lot from my life. All of my focus is really on building a future, figuring out a work situation, practicing coding, etc. So it's tough to feel lonely like this and without a real social life. I may just have to put more emphasis on being social and try and date. Meeting a girl would bring a lot of good things into my life. It always has in the past. I'd have to just accept the work and effort it takes to meet someone and go and deal with it. Either that or just dedicate myself fully to building my future and use the sex energy for that. The problem is that I can do it for awhile but then I end up back to feeling lonely. Anyway, either way I have got to give up the porn. It's just empty and hollow and not real. It ends up making me feel down and a little off. So I need to do better in this area of my life. I've been back and forth on this for almost a year now. It's been a really difficult area. Last time I stopped watching porn for a long time I was having regular sex which is way better. Part of me thinks I just need to put some effort in to finding a girlfriend. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Morning session before work has been predictable and nice. Once I go to studying full time I'll be able to expand on this. Attitude of service* Good here. Was really helpful around the house. I've been having a good eye for chances to be helpful. Same thing at work. Mental and emotional states* Basically good until I watched porn. I've been just trying to get away with that lately. No porn / retention* Failed completely here. It's been frustrating. It's the problem of being single and not being really social or really wanting to be social. I'd like to meet someone "naturally" but that never works lol. It just takes some effort. Cold exposure* Good cold shower Eat clean* Good ehre Phone & computer habits* overall pretty good except for watching porn. Other than that not on my phone too much Exercise* Nice bike ride and work] didn't move forward today
  6. Sep 15 Mixed day. Good effort in the morning and good effort at work. Only problem is that I ended up watching porn. I think I'm just feeling kind of lonely and disconnected. And kind of unwilling to put in a bunch of effort in that area. Anyway so that was the down part of my day. I want to bounce back tomorrow obviously. Also need to look at what is my ideal and the direction i want to head in. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session so good effort here Attitude of service* Pretty good at work and in general. But got stuck in self some from falling into a bad habit Mental and emotional states* Mostly good until I watched porn. After that just felt kind of let down Sex energy* Fail here. I want to get back to being really clean here Cold exposure* Nice cold shower, felt really good. Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Always can improve here Exercise* Good today Not the best day. Some good things but a fail with watching porn negates it. Can't really say I moved forward with that habit
  7. Sep 14 Good day all around. Got off oto a good start and had a good day at work. Good energy and good optimism. So had strong habits today and actions as well. Just riding out the rest of this week helping a friend at his work. After that going to study full time and see what happens. Not too much else to say. Daily spiritual practice* Nice morning session to start things off. Best way to start the day. Looking forward to my spiritual practice once I'm studying full time since it will be a little more open ended. Attitude of service* Good here. When I was biking to work I offered to help a guy push his car that was broke down but he was able to get it started. It's good I had the attitude of willingess to be helpful. Also just being helpful around the home whenever I can. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Playing on offense and doing my best. Sex Energy* Decent here. Back on retention which is good. Had some mental distraction here but still did okay today Cold exposure* Nice cold shower. Pretty good after work and going on a bike ride Eat clean* Good here. My diet has been really strong. I have newfound discipline and willingess and I'm eating really clean and not diverting. I'm also never really hungry that much during the day. Phone & computer habits* Needs improvement. I find myself wandering and checking my phone too much. Probably should just turn it off when I don't need it. Exercise* Worked all day and biked to work so good here. Moved forward today
  8. Sep 13 A really strong day all around. Had really strong habits and bounced back after falling short yesterday. Felt good to bounce back strong. I got a bunch of studying done and a bunch of work done also. So I was really deliberate today and it paid off. I really had a strong intention and got good momentum. So a big improvement from yesterday. Studying coding went well. It's going to take a long time to get really good but i'm on my way. This week I'm working a bunch and then after Friday I'm pretty much open to focus on studying only for awhile. Daily spiritual practice* Really solid morning session. Probably do a shorter session now as well Attitude of service* Better outward energy today, was helpful around the house. So a good job here Mental and emotional states* Good here. Good improvement. Was playing on offense today and back on the side of being engaged and positive Sex energy* Improvement from yesterday. Started retention again. Maybe a weekly retention pattern is best for long term instead of building this energy too high. I do want to harness this though. I see how well I do with other habits and practices. This is the strongest though so if I can really get this aligned then I'll be good. Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower in the morning Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but need to improve Exercise* Really good here, run, push ups, stretching moved forward today
  9. Sep 12 Another off day although I did get some good things done. on the positive side I got some good exercise in and I got some decent studying and work in as well although I could've done more if I were more efficient. On the negative side I ended up watching porn. I go no porn for like a month and then I watch porn for a day or two. I just end up back there becasue I'm lonely and not motivated to actually go meet girls. I really want to fix my finances and I'm exhausted with talking to girls and just putting in numbers trying to meet a girl. So I do fine for a month and then get a lot of sexual energy and get lonely. Anyway so I fell short in that area today. It's frustrating and I'll feel down for a bit but I'll be back on the right track soon. The point is not to deviate once a month in this area in the first place. Really that is the only negative thing. Maybe I do need to make it a habit to go out and try to meet someone and put in some effort. Good news is I'm excited about tomorrow, tomorrow is another opportunity for growth. I'm going to get a bunch done and get back to the habits I know work best. I'm also excited about being able to really study full time. I'm prepping to put in maximum effort in to this starting in like 5 days. I'll have a really free schedule to do my best. Daily spiritual practice* Good morning session here. Attitude of service* Stuck in self some but also was helpful around the house which was good. Mental and emotional states* Not where I want to be. Not the greatest clarity or focus. I was off today from watching porn and just felt out of it some. I want to get back to being really motivated and optimistic Sex energy* Failed here by watching porn. I want to get back to retaining energy. Might have to think about what is the best release schedule - full retention for long periods seems to throw me off. Once a week might work so I don't get too tightly wound Cold exposure* Good here, was able to face the cold Eat clean* Good here, diet is strong Phone & computer habits* Bad with the porn, pretty much okay with everything else Exercise* Good here did push ups and went on a nice run Stalled out today with bad habits
  10. Sep 11 A tougher day today. I've been on a nice streak overall. today was a day off of work and I slept in some and that kind of got me off to a slow start. Was really distracted by sex energy and didn't have a bunch of focus. I did end up getting some stuff done but I didn't have the greatest productivity that I'm used to or the greatest drive. I ended up breaking my retention streak which is okay I guess. It mellowed me out some. I did have a better afternoon. I have been visited a little more by doubt today. I really want to stay energized and motivated. So not the end of the world since I'm still having mostly good days and every once in awhile there will be an off one. So tomorrow I'd like to have a little more focus and drive. Daily spiritual practice* Good here, had a really solid meditation Attitude of service* Tried to be helpful around the house. But was stuck with not the best outward energy. Kind of stuck in my own head today Mental and emotional states* Dipped into a little negativity and doubt. Was also distracted by sex energy so not the best day in this area No porn / retention* Broke my retention streak, but that's okay since I didn't watch porn I guess Cold exposure* Good cold shower today Eat clean* good here Phone & computer habits* very distracted here. not the best. didn't watch porn but was checking out some other questionable sites Exercise* did some stretching which is good. kind of a neutral day - made some forward progress but also i felt like i was stalled out
  11. Sep 10 A good day and glad I have an off day tomorrow to study. Feeling a little distracted though also. I've been doing retention for awhile and that energy is running high. Still solid day all around. I've come out here to keep moving forward and win. I definitely think I'm off to a good start and I'd like to keep it that way. So tomorrow going to sleep in a little bit and then get some studying done and work at my remote job. Beyond that also going to just have a solid day and set aside some really good time for meditation and prayer. Daily spiritual practice* Good effort here. Solid morning session, will do a shorter session now Attitude of service* Good here also. Trying to be helpful in general. Mental and emotional states* Mostly in a good spot all day. Some fear came up about not being where I'd like to be work and money life. But I'm on a good trajectory. Really all I have to do is keep this up. No porn / retention* Distracted here. Toward the afternoon felt more and more distracted. I'd like to improve this tomorrow and keep a greater focus. I won't be on a retention streak forever but I still want to go a little longer. Cold exposure* Good here. Feeling strong in the cold water Eat clean* REally good here Phone & computer habits* Afternoon i got sucked into my phone. I shouldn't even have it with me at times. Exercise* Great job at work and biked home. Also got some stretching in. Moved forward today
  12. Sep 9 Another solid day. Good habits and good productivity. Putting in good effort all around which I like. I got a little bit of everything done which is nice. Was able to have a second meditation session also. Did a good job of getting in stretching too. My good habits are really taking over. I'm also starting to see with more clarity the path I'm on. I'm not in fear and I'm just trusting that things will work out. That's exactly what I should be doing. I'm still doing WHM and seeing a lot of benefit. This February will be 2 years I've been practicing that really consistently day in and day out. Big thing now is just keeping my momentum up. I want to keep my connection and confidence really high. I want to see the future as opportunity and just do my best to build a nice life and trust that I'm on a good path. Daily spiritual practice* Good sessions today. I'm pretty much instantly settling in to a good place for meditation Attitude of service* Good outward energy, trying to be helpful at work and around the house. Mental and emotional states* Where I should be. Living a day at a time and keeping my focus on staying connected and positive. Not distracted at all today. Just in a good spot all around. No porn / retention* Good here. I have a good amount of energy reserve with retention now. Almost at two weeks I'd say. Cold exposure* Good cold shower in the morning. I'm on a good streak of not taking any hot water. I want to keep this going. I'm really enjoying the cold recently Eat clean* Good here also, not making any compromises Phone & computer habits* One time today got really distracted by my phone, other than that good. Exercise* Good job stretching, biked to work also. Moved forward today
  13. Sep 8 Really strong day. Worked all day. Got up early to get some spiritual time in and prep. So solid day all around. Not much else to say other than worked like 12 hours. Going to get up early tomorrow as well to make sure I have spiritual time. It's so important for me. Daily spiritual practice* Made time for a session Attitude of service* Tried to be helpful at work and contribute Mental and emotional states* Good here, on the positive side of things No porn / retention* Benefitting from having the reserve energy from retention Cold exposure* Fantastic cold shower outside Eat clean* Diet is doing good Phone & computer habits* No time to waste today so this wasn't an issue Exercise* Rode my bike to work, and then worked a physical job today moved forward today
  14. Sep 7 Really strong day again. All my habits have kind of lined up. I'm feeling pretty connected and off to a great start in California. First I keep investing in a morning spiritual practice which is nice. I've been doing some open ended sessions which I prefer. Tomorrow got to be at work at 6:45 so got to wake up at 4:30 to be able to get a good session in. It's definitely worth it and it's good that I prioritize this. Other than that made progress with getting my mariner's credential/passport. Felt good to do all the steps and submit that. I think all I have to do now is wait. Might take like 30 - 45 days I think. Also did some coding which was good. so all around a solid day. I've been stretching more as well which is my weakness fitness wise. I'd really like to get better flexibility. Besides all of that just feeling like I'm on a good trajectory. That's what I need to remind myself - that I'm really doing good work and heading to good places. I want to really carry around optmism. Daily spiritual practice* Really good here. Attitude of service* Was definitely helpful when I could be. Trying to do things around the house and also trying to be friendly to people in life and carry a good vibe Mental and emotional states* Good here, playing on offense the whole day No porn / retention* Good here also. My energy level here is high so I'm having the benefit of retention. This discipline helps a lot also Cold exposure* Something feels really fantastic about showering outside. Something about it just makes me feel strong and in the elements. Eat clean* Big improvement from a couple weeks ago. Feels good to be really clean here. Phone & computer habits* Better today, still catching myself on my phone but it's limited. Want to eliminate even these deviations. Exercise* Did stretching sessions in morning and evening. Also good run and bike ride. I'm feeling fit for sure. Moved forward today
  15. Sep 6 Another good day. Good habits, good spiritual practice, good work and getting things done. So I was productive and feeling good. Life isn't really exciting and there isn't anything crazy fun going on but I'm having solid days and building a nice future. So everything is moving nicely. I'm overall pretty well connected and in faith. I would like to get my enthusiasm and love for life back up again. I guess I just need to pick what to do and go for it. In the past I have had some strong visions about what I wanted and went for it. I think the same thing here I need. just a really strong vision of who I want to become and to really go for it 100%. I've been enjoying coding more so maybe that's the path. Whatever I do I'd like to do 100% and be confident of what I'm doing. So got to do something that I think will improve my life. Right now I have like 3 options for this so I'd like to just go for one. I guess now I'm just seeing which one emerges. But today was another solid day. Just staying busy. The only thing I really want is a deep conviciton of what I'm doing is good and that I'm on the right path. I want to get a love of life and a bunch of enthusiasm and to have that be evident. To really go after life with 100%. I've had that in the past and now I want that again. Just gonna have to pick and go for it. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. A really robust morning session with chanting. this is the foundation and my day always starts out strong. Attitude of service* Good outward energy. Looking for little ways to be helpful. Still would like to get more enthusiasm though. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Mostly positive. Never really dipped into negativity at all. So this is where I want to be connected and confident No porn / retention* Good here for the most part. Since my energy is high here I feel distracted from time to time. Cold exposure* Nice outdoors shower. Something about showering outside with the garden hose feels natural. It makes me feel really alive. Eat clean* Really good here. Diet is back in place. No processed foods, fully vegan. Not getting hungry during the day. Eating one big meal at night with smaller meals during the day. Phone & computer habits* Overall better here. Always can be improved. Exercise* This is a highlight recently. I'm feeling really strong and fit. I see how important it is to make time for this. moved forward today
  16. Sep 5 A really solid day. I got a bunch of coding practice in which was fun. I'm definitely getting the fundamentals down more. I'm having fun again after a break. So it felt really rewarding today and felt like I'm making progress. Still a long term goal but making progress is good of course. Sometimes I have some doubts about this but it's important to remember how far I've come. It's also important to remember I've had some big accomplishments in the past. So if I'm in doubt I can remember that over time I can do it. Also a pretty solid day all around with habits. Good discipline and felt connected. So I'm off to a great start in my new location and I want to keep this up. Daily spiritual practice* Another really solid morning session. Need to find a way to keep this going when I'm working more. Attitude of service* Good outward energy, good contributions also. Been staying on top of small things. Mental and emotional states* Good here. Felt capable and connected. Starting to settle in to better focus. Mostly always positive over the last few days No porn / retention* Mostly good here. Definitely being distracted though. This energy is high. Ended up checking out some questionable sites even though I didn't fap. Got to stay away from anything questionable. Cold exposure* Great morning shower. Showered outside with the garden hose. That's my new thing. Eat clean* Really strong diet today. Ate light all day to keep energy high Phone & computer habits* In free time checking dumb websites. That's not the way to go. need to implement better habits Exercise* Fantastic all around. Starting stretching more which is my weak spot moved forward today
  17. Sep 4 Good day here again. Took an off day from running in the morning but still went on a short bike ride in the afternoon. Ready to get up and run tomorrow for sure. Also did some good stretching today which I want to make a regular thing. My flexibility definitely isn't very good so it would be nice to improve that. Morning meditation was solid as always. Chanting regularly now and doing a good job all around on my spiritual practice. That's basically it for my habits. i did get 5 hours of coding in which was nice. It felt good to make progress there. It was fun and interesting and I felt a little excited. I know it will get more difficult but if I keep engaged I'll do well. I want to keep going with that and see what happens. Overall I just need to trust God on the trajectory of my life. Just trust that things will work out and keep a solid desire to do God's will. I want to stay away from the doubt and the fear and just stay connected. I'm off to a great start here. Every day I'm putting in good effort and living really clean. So I want to keep that up 100%. Eventually I'll get clarity on which option to go for. The best I can do is really keep improving my life. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Really nice morning session as always. I want to keep this really strong. Attitude of service* good here also. pretty good outward energy, not overly stuck in self. trying to be helpful around the house Mental and emotional states* Mostly where I want to be. Engaged and connected. Mostly positive and on offense. Really only things holding me back are feeling lonely from time to time and comparing my situation and feeling behind. Really need to avoid those things No porn / retention* Good here although the energy is high now after a week of retention and I feel distracted by this. Cold exposure* Good cold shower in the morning first thing. Eat clean* Good here. Really happy with the new discipline. This has cleaned itself up since I moved out here. Phone & computer habits* Mostly good, but just found myself wandering on youtube which is the worst. Not for long but still. I need to have a purpose on the internet or else it's detrimental Exercise* Good here for an off day. Still did some moved forward today
  18. Sep 3 A pretty solid day. Woke up early and had a great morning session all around. Exercise, meditation, prayer, cold shower, etc. Great start to the day. Then I got a bunch done with coding which was fun. I'm glad I was having fun coding again and that it was interesting. So I want to keep that up. I have a bunch of free time now to code so I want to enjoy that more. I also got some work done and ran some errands so overall pretty productive. In the evening went to a meeting and saw some old friends. That was nice. It had me feeling really nostalgic though. It's been 7 years since I've lived here and a lot of time has passed. I've changed a bunch and I've gotten older and feel a little older. I want to get more energized and excited about life. One of the big things is I just want to know what I want to do and just go for it. When I was younger I knew exactly what it was I wanted to do and I went and did it. I want the same vision now. I'd like to have a really strong vision on what to do. Just know it and commit 100%. Right now I'm really considering like 3 different options, eventually I just need to choose and give it 100%. The bigger goal is saving money and building a nice future. So it's how I'm going to get there. Being back is kind of like visiting a past life of mine. It feels different. Each day I just want to keep my effort up and my habits strong. Just keep growing toward God's ideal for me as much as I can. Daily spiritual practice* really good here again Attitude of service* was helpful at the meeting and cleaned up coffee someone had spilled. Also I was pretty helpful around the house. Pretty good outward energy Mental and emotional states* Good here, mostly positive and connected. This evening a little nostalgic and melancholy which happens from time to time No porn / retention* good here and on a good streak. This energy is building again Cold exposure* Really nice cold shower. Tomorrow going to shower outside with the garden hose lol Eat clean* Good here also, my diet has gotten better Phone & computer habits* Better here today. Avoided for the most part distraction Exercise* Another great day here. I'm happy for this and want to keep this up moved forward today
  19. Daily spiritual practice* Attitude of service* Mental and emotional states* No porn / retention* Cold exposure* Eat clean* Phone & computer habits* Exercise* Sep 2 Good day all around. Got off to another great start by getting up early, going for a run, cold shower, meditation, prayer, chanting practice. Best way to start the day. I was also productive in running some errands and filling the day with mostly good habits. Generally felt pretty connected and in faith. Toward the end of the day a little doubt has crept in, but not all that much. Feel good about things and will trust that things will work out. I have a few different opportunities and it will be interesting to see which one emerges. Need to have faith here. Really the only true difficulty is feeling a little lonely from time to time. When this happens I feel like I'm not on the right track even though I think I'm doing really good overall. Big priority is really just getting my money situation straight and work on really building this. So out here I want to be on my best behavior with my habits, lifestyle, spiritual practice. I really need to keep a high standard. Daily spiritual practice* Good here. Even did a second evening meditation. Gonna start putting a little more into the ceremony also before and after meditation. Want to start bringing my gong outside to meditate. Attitude of service* Good here, was helpful around the house generally. I want to look to do more also. So tomorrow I'll ask about this. It's nice having a roommate and staying at a house so I want to do my part. Good outward energy as well overall. Mental and emotional states* Overall mostly positive and playing on offense. This is definitely where I want to be. Felt more energized internally and connected. No porn / retention* Good job in action, but sometimes deviating into lustful thinking. Overnight ends up being difficult because I have a high level of energy then. Cold exposure* Day 3/90 without any hot water since I got here. Gonna start showering outside with the garden hose so I can water the lawn here since it never rains. Also it's a good effect to shower outside like this. Air is cool in the morning and will only get colder Eat clean* Good here Phone & computer habits* Slipped some. Found myself checking my phone too much. Should turn it off sometimes or leave it behind. Exercise* Another really solid day here. I got some motivation to push myself here and that's good. Moved forward today
  20. Sep 1 A really solid day all around. Really strong habits and off to a good start here. I want to keep this momentum up obviously. Just keep focusing on investing in God and my spiritual practice. Keep doing WHM for cold exposure, breathing, mindset. Keep confident that I can work hard and good things will happen for me. So it's really just day in and day out making progress. Really the only thing now is some fear and doubt about not making it and not doing well here. So I really want to put maximum effort, work hard, live clean and just put God first. It's going to take a lot of sacrifice but it's basically going to be work and God for awhile. I don't have a lot of time for other things. Just need to get established. Daily spiritual practice* Really strong morning practice and did an evening session as well. This helped me feel oriented and ready Attitude of service* Good outward energy and was pretty helpful all around. So this was good. I also want to get clear that I'm here to serve God and have God work through me. I also want to just be on my toes ready to interact with others. Mental and emotional states* Also good for the most part. Really felt energized for most of the day and moving in the right direction. Was pretty positive and optimistic. Only down spot was that I started comparing some to a friend who is really successful. That's a losing formula. Instead I should look at all the good things I have, be in gratitude, trust that I'm on the right path and just trust my instincts. No porn / retention* Good job here. Sex energy is building back up. I want to really harness this and use this as I build a future. I really want to use the high energy and vitality and direct it Cold exposure* Good cold shower finished day 2/90 with no hot water at all Eat clean* Good here. Diet is really clean now which I'm happy about. Good sign that my discipline is strong Phone & computer habits* Actually good here. Wasn't too distracted at all. This habit I definitely want to keep up Exercise* Fantastic here. Run, pull ups, push ups, bike ride. Feels good to be active. Moved forward today
  21. Aug 31 Was on the road the last two days and didn't do a written review. Made it out to California and starting here on the right foot. While driving or traveling I'm always thrown off some. Feels good to arrive. After getting here i unpacked and then went for a nice run, took a cold shower, did some whm breathing and then did some meditation and chanting. I want to really keep up my spiritual practice like this and make this a priority. Each day if I really put effort in to this I won't fall into doubt and self pity, fear, etc. Driving out here I felt some doubts so I need to really set a high standard so I can face these. If I'm really connected spiritually and if I give my best effort I'll do okay. I'm coming out here with the attitude that I'm here to win and give 100%. So that's what I have to do. Other than that was pretty helpful today and am overall off to a good start. Daily spiritual practice* Nice effort today after I arrived. Felt really good to make this an important part of my first day. Had a decent meditation and I'm back at chanting which is good. So I definitely want to keep this up. I'm really setting myself up for success if I put my spiritual practice first Attitude of service* Good here. Good outward energy and found a way to be helpful around the house. So that's good. Mental and emotional states* Driving out here this morning I felt in some fear and doubt. I put some effort into good habits once I arrived and I'm back on offense. I'm feeling more optimistic and positive and ready to go. It's so important that I take care of this. If I'm strong here then I'm strong in other areas so my perspective and attitude is important No porn / retention* Good but also having my moments about thinking about deviating. I want to keep this area strong. I'm going to do 90 days celibacy again to get off to a good streak here. I want to really harness this energy and transmute it. The big thing is keeping the mental space focused and clear from distraction Cold exposure* Good cold shower. Also doing 90 days no hot water. This is gonna be tough. Usually I reward myself with hot water at the end but I'm just going to force my body to get used to it. Eat clean* Did a good job today especially for being on the road Phone & computer habits* Good here but I want to have rules and follow them. Today i just did okay but didn't really have rules to follow like putting my phone in a phone box Exercise* Really good here. I need to train and take this serious. So solid run today, did some pushups and pull ups. So this has to be a priority
  22. Aug 28 Good day overall. Another nice meditation session in the morning. I've been on a really nice streak. Other than that I really did a good job organizing and getting ready to leave. It was also nice to hang out with my sister and go to the fair. So lots of good things today. Only negative really is that I'm off the retention streak I started. Last night couldn't sleep so ended up fapping. Really it's all good as long as I don't watch porn. Although I'd like to get another nice streak going. I definitely want to have really high sex energy and transmute it. I'd also really like to meet someone when I move so probably need to put some effort in there. I'm pretty much ready for the next phase and the next thing. I'm really excited about this move. I think things will go well there just like they did here. I really have to just keep God first and keep working toward good things. Daily spiritual practice* This is really strong and the highlight of everything lately. Just a solid foundation. Really good concentration and focus and it's really natural to do long meditations Attitude of service* Pretty good outward energy not overly stuck in self or in my own problems Mental and emotional states* Had a bunch of serenity today which was nice. Really at peace with my decision to move. Really at peace with my year here. It's been a really good year so I'm happy about that. No porn / retention* Didn't retain last night. Actually chatting with a girl I dated and she's sending me photos lol. I just really want a girlfriend again. Gotta get my life in order and set it up Cold exposure* Good cold shower Eat clean* Ate out and ate way too many fries Phone & computer habits* Need improvement here. Fell back in to checking my phone Exercise* Walked a ton today but not any exercise that I set aside to do Moved forward today Really getting ready for what's next
  23. Aug 27 A really solid day. Spent a lot of the day going through things and packing. I'm a bit nostalgic to leave because it's been a nice year here. Was good to go through some things and organize. I'm pretty much ready. Got to do some cleaning and make a trip to Goodwill but that's about it. Tomorrow also going to hang out with my sister which will be nice. Today had a really solid morning session of meditation, prayer and chanting. I want to really work in the chanting regularly in the future. I want to use that as a resource. Also did a bunch of whm breathing and then did 55 push ups without any oxygen in my lungs. When I get down to sea level I should be able to do even more. I want to keep training this and see how many I can do. Also a nice cold shower of course. Today was in a nice place of just feeling pretty solid and secure. Just feel like I have faith and that things will work out well for me. That's a good feeling to have. Still just need to keep with cleaning up my life as best I can and giving 100%. I feel reenergized with the new opportunity and ready to really go after it. So tomorrow I anticpate another solid day and then I'm on my way. Important to keep my spiritual practice strong on the road. Daily spiritual practice* Really nice morning sessions. I'd like to really keep this up Attitude of service* Good outward energy today. Not a lot of clear opportunites to be helpful but I had good energy and good interactions overall. So this was a good orientation Mental and emotional states* Good job here, this is where I'd like to be. Positive and in faith. I felt pretty strong and capable as well. No porn / retention* Good here although from time to time there are thoughts. Retention energy building back up which is good. I like having that be strong Cold exposure* Nice cold shower Eat clean* Good here. I like my simple diet and really would like to continue this Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but it's easy to wander on the phone. Still need to get more serious about this Exercise* Push ups and a bike ride Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*
  24. Aug 26 Last day in person at work went well. Really feel good about things. Also feel pretty good about the future and about opportunities coming up. I'm back in a place of pretty good serenity and pretty good sense of faith and confidence. This is really because I'm really inviting God into my life on a daily basis. I can fall into doubt and self pity but I can also get back quickly to a position of faith and trust. That's why my daily spiritual practice is so important. I'll never be far from a solid place. Today was chill overall. Really the only negative in my life that I've had is lonliness. Even today that came up. That is really the only negative spot. Everything else is pretty positive overall. The lonliness is tough because I really like dating and having a girlfriend. I'm in a really odd time with this. Part of the battle is really cleaning up my desires for substandard sex practice. Basically I want to be done with porn, my life is so much better without it. And I'd also like to be done with any thoughts about sex workers. I think I really need to clean up desires like this. I want to get back to a place where I have a really strong sense of love in my heart all around. I also want to do the semen retention which is good for me. Generally I've made good progress here and want to keep this up. I really want to transmute this energy and then also bring it to a relationship and a girl. It's just I feel lonely waiting for this to happen. So I'd like to just keep investing about being excited about life and building a nice life. So I should be really enthusiastic and motivate about the path I'm on. Daily spiritual practice* Really nice morning session as usual. This has been really solid lately. Possibly doing some chanting tonight also. I think when I move I'll really mix in my chanting practice. Attitude of service* Good here generally. Good outward energy, good on the actions today to contribute. So overall good performance here. Mental and emotional states* In the neighborhood I want to hang out in of positivity and optimism. So I'm glad about that. I feel much better for having weathered the storm of doubt a couple of weeks ago. I was really tested and now I'm in a really good place. It gives me faith that this is generally the place where I'll be the most. No porn / retention* Good here. I want to get better at not checking out girls though. It's pointless to just check out a girl. If anything i should just find girls to talk to. Retention energy is starting to build back up which is good also. Cold exposure* Nice cold shower first thing in the morning. Such a solid habit to start the day Eat clean* Good here. Big challenge will be driving when I'm on the road Phone & computer habits* actually pretty good today. Listening to podcasts is a good example of something positive with this. Want to avoid the negative use of these resources Exercise* Push ups and a bike ride moved forward today *Daily spiritual practice*Attitude of service*Mental and emotional states*No porn / retention*Cold exposure*Eat clean*Phone & computer habits*Exercise*Stay positive and optimistic
  25. Aug 25 Really solid day overall. Good energy and moving in the right direction with the different areas of my life. I feel like I'm all ready to move and I'm not stressed. I'm kinda caught up at work and on good terms there. I'm not stressing work so that is good. I'll bring a little income with me by working part time remote. So today I contributed some at work. I also had a solid day with habits. Back on the retention and I didn't dip since i had had a pretty good retention streak before fapping once. So the baseline energy is relatively high. I really want to work on this area, keep that energy and use it for other purposes, and also avoid lustful thinking. Just really clean up this area of life so that I don't bring any bad habits into my next relationship. My outlook is also generally positive. I'm ready to go to San Diego and win. I'm ready to give it 100% nad really keep my spiritual life as the foundation. I'm also willing to clean up the more difficult areas of life like lustful thinking. So with this willingness I can go forward and feel like I can do okay. It feels good to have this faith and confidence. I want to encourage this. I want to feel like if I have God in my life I can take on anything and face adversity. I want to feel assured that I can handle whatever comes up. So it's good to be in this space now. This past year or so has gone really well. I'm ready to continue this. Each day the important thing is to invest in God and not feel intimidated by the challenges and adversity out there. I can also feel like I'm on a strong trajectory since God is number one. That's a big thing. Keeping God #1. With that in place I can move forward with confidence. Daily spiritual practice* Strong morning session as always. Also just had a strong evening meditation with a friend. Had a lot of clarity about the changes I'm making and the willingness to take this on. Lately this part of life has been really good. Just high quality sessions. Attitude of service* Also good here. Good outward energy. Better overall and not stuck in self. Since I'm going to part time I've lost some of the intensity with service but I've nevertheless done pretty good. Mental and emotional states* Where I should be. Mostly feeling connected, mostly feeling optimistic. I'm playing on offense which is where I'd like to be. Living life by leaning into it and not on my heels. Nice to be here after a couple tough weeks playing out the decision to move and start looking for other work opportunities. This is definitely the area I want to live in. No porn / retention* Good here. Back on building a retention streak. Day 2. Also better with avoiding lustful thinking. Generally I want a better and more positive perspective around girls. I had that in the past when i was dating a lot. A little harder being single. But i want confidence and abundance in this area. Just live in a strong mentality and perspective. Cold exposure* Good here. Woke up and got in a cold shower right away. Wasn't that difficult. I've definitely improved here because last summer cold showers were more difficult. So I've gotten used to cold showers after over a year, but I know when winter comes and the water is colder that it will be more difficult Eat clean* Good here today. Actually thinking about changing my diet around and having a big meal in the morning. after talking with monks they usually have a big meal in the morning and then lighter snacks after that. Have considered this but not sure. Either way I'm recommiting to eating really clean Phone & computer habits* Mostly good but need to follow rules with this. Easy to stay off track and I'm not taking this as seriously as I should Exercise* Bike ride and push ups. I want to find something to train for though Moved forward today