Jai

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Everything posted by Jai

  1. Feb 24 Tougher day today also. Not horrible but also a little difficult in some ways. I'm feeling a little nostalgic and that makes me feel a little melancholy also. Sometimes I get this way thinking about the past. Not necesarily bad, just sometimes a little sad. Maybe because I've done some really nice things. Today was also tough because I've really gotten weak on some habits. Not waking up on the alarm, not doing bodyweight exercises, just loss of motivation there. Also still tempted by watching porn which is something that unplugs me. So I have to build my momentum back up and find some motivation. Another issue is just being distracted by my phone. Really good idea to stay away from my phone after work and during the day also. Also can get down a little about online dating. Looks like I got another date on Sunday, but not really all that excited by online dating. It can feel like a drag on my life. But it also is a bit of a necessity to try to meet someone. / Spiritual practice: okay, but missed chanting. So okay effort but not great / attitude of service: good effort at work, that is going well. But stuck in self and my own worries and doubts, etc. So I want a better outward orientation. / Mental and emotional states: Not where I want this to be. Not horrible but also not strong and optiomistic. / Life habits: Missed some of the best habits. Want to get back on track. Overall: still moved forward some.
  2. Hello, people I'm starting a journal to review and mark my spiritual progress. This is mostly for self reference. I find that if I review what I'm actually doing I take my spiritual practice more seriously. I've been doing this somewhat regularly in a journal but I want to become more accountable here and have more of a formal process. The idea I have is to do a formal review of my day taking note of my progress. This will include a review of my personal spiritual practice (meditation, prayer, spiritual reading) as well as how I do out there in life and my day (how well I interact with people, having an attitude of service, being grateful, feeling connected with God/the universe, etc.). In addition to a daily review, from time to time I may go more in depth about topics or problems I'm facing. I see these as a more in depth journal session where I can dialogue with myself about the direction I want to take. My daily review will have a pretty basic format of positives (+) and negatives (-). I'll basically note the things I did well and the areas I fell short and need to improve. A lot of this will include good habits that I'm (hopefully) doing... taking note of my meditation, good diet, exercise, good attitudes, good acts. It will also include bad habits that I want to change, like aimlessly wandering on the internet, not waking up on the first alarm, or getting angry at someone or a situation. The idea is that having to review daily helps me to take everything more seriously because I'm accountable and because I'm aware of how these impact my life. Additionally, I plan on doing a wholistic review and mini journal session where I look at how I did overall... did I move forward or backwards? Perhaps, I will change the format as I go along. For now it is important to get started to build the good habit of reviewing. I really think self analysis is fundamentally important for spiritual growth and for changing habits. I really want to take this seriously. In the past I have, I've stuck with daily review and really saw the progress. Lately, I've been less adamant about taking a consistent and honest look at things. The strategy I have (and what I want to stay accountable to) is to continue a daily spiritual practice of prayer, meditation and spiritual reading. I tend to think that you can't really be spiritual without an actual practice. I also want to change different habits. I'm going to journal about more, and I want to focus on maybe one or two to start out so I make actual progress instead of trying to fix a million things. One thing I definitely want to change is I want to become more positive and optimistic. I really want to be a person who is positive, I know some people who are and it's a great asset. I no longer want to be pessimistic about the future and life, I want to be excited. So that is definitely one character trait I want to change. So that's the intro. Here's my review for today: Apr. 20 + Good attitude working (was grateful for some yard that I'm doing for neighbors) + Good spiritual practice 25 min meditation (not an epic long session, but still good), prayer and reading + Good habits & discipline (woke up on first alarm, took a cold shower, exercise, diet) + Generally positive (had a few instances of negative/critical thoughts, but overall good) with this I also stayed out of fear/worry/anxiety about the future. This is important for me especially now with covid virus stuff - Went over my hour limit for internet (distracted, unmotivated) - Ate too much for lunch, lost energy (lack of discipline) Overall: Today was a solid day. Good habits overall. Need to stay on my toes everyday and watch out for the fear/worry/anxiety/self pity. Those take all the energy out of my day. Also, need to watch how bad habits suck me in. I know wasting time on the internet is bad but I do it anyway, and after I usually feel shitty. I'll go more into some of these bad habits and how I will change soon. For now, I'm getting started with this formal review so I'm excited about that.
  3. Feb 23 Not the strongest day but good actions for the most part. Slept in a little again and didn't do bodyweight exercises. Also my internet use is poor. That and the phone. I'm on the computer all day at work. Would be good to not be checking my phone and internet. It just leads to distraction. Also just felt a little lonely today. So my energy was a bit down and didn't really have the focus I'd like to have. Good news is I still did a bunch right. Had a good day at work, had a decent spiritual practice, went for a bike ride, had a good study session. So point is to just build the momentum to where it was before. It just takes a little time. + Spiritual practice: pretty good here. good chanting and mediation session. / Attitude of service: Good at work but mentally and emotionally stuck in self. Didn't have good outward energy. - Mental and emotional states: Not where I want them to be. I want to be energized and optimistic, wasn't that today. / Life habits: A mix. Some good, some got lazy on. Overall: still moved forward today.
  4. Feb 22 Much better day. Built a decent amount of momentum even though I slept in a bit and didn't do my normal morning practice. Made up for it with a good lunch time practice. Also had a good orientation of service at work. Felt like I started to move in the right direction after a less than optimal weekend. I really need to keep living with good habits day in and day out. I'm asking a lot of myself and I plan on doing even a little more. Also just got to stay positive in general about the direction of my life. Also not get distracted by online dating. Just put in effort and see what happens. + Spiritual practice: missed my morning session but made up for it at lunch. + Attitude of service: Had good outward energy today. Had a good orientation at work. Felt good about how I was helping on projects. + Mental and emotional states: Took a step in the right direction and happy about that. I have to prioritize this and not cut off progress by watching porn after a month. That habit has to go, I dip too much after. / Life habits: Good but woke up a little late. Overall: Moved forward today.
  5. Feb 21 Tough day. Fell short on my sex ideal and watched porn. That really disconnects me. I just feel let down. Definitely need better discipline here. This is the one thing I've been falling back to a couple times a month. Started of the year a month and a half away and I fell back into it and it drags my well being down. Discipline in general with sex energy is valuable. I definitely feel benefits from semen retention. Good energy, good focus, higher mood. Problem is that I also feel lonely sometimes and frustrated. I wouldn't say my ideal is to be totally celibate. But I do see advantages to that. I go on streaks where I'm unphased but then I get distracted by high sexual energy or feeling lonely. Then I watch porn for a weekend. It just gets disconnects me and I feel ungrateful, not confident about the future, fall in to fear. So I want to stay away from all of that. So tomorrow I'll be back to what's good, but it takes a couple days to get some momentum. I really need to stick to a path of discipline here it's so much better for me. And just trust that I'll end up meeting someone who I'm really in to. / Spiritual practice: Set aside some good time for a morning session but didn't chant today. / Attitude of service: for the most part stuck in self and my problems. Just an off day. I did offer to help someone at the grocery store, that was the brightspot today. I recognized a chance to be helpful. - Mental and emotional states: Definitely not where I want to be. Really in a spot of disconnection. Not confident about the future, couldn't focus, not optimistic, on the negative side of things. Also just didn't feel dialed in. So want to get back to what works here. - Life habits: Not great today. Watched porn, diverged from clean diet.
  6. Feb 20 Good day today. I had an epic breathwork and meditation session.70 minutes and felt really connected and fantastic. In a perfect world I'd be able to do that everyday. Problem is I'm busy. I'm still proud of doing 40 minutes total on weekdays. That seems to be the norm. But on a weekend when I really have a lot of time then I really have a great connection and it's deeper. Just having it be opened ended like that. Also went on a date tonight which was fun. Was great I ended up going back to her place and hooking up a bit. Did some nice kink role play. Tried to really make her feel good and excited. Was pretty innocent also since we just played around and didn't have sex or anything. Felt good though. + Spiritual practice: Really good session. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy. + Mental and emotional states: In a nice spot, also was just pretty positive and felt better about my computer course. Made good progress today. / Life habits: pretty good but gonna end up watching a little porn. Moved forward today.
  7. Feb 19 Really solid day overall. I had a more mellow vibe during the day since it's Friday. Still good energy, but not as amped up as other work days. Had good orientation at work and pretty good service. Only down thing was getting distracted by online dating some after work. That can unplug me some. It does take away some focus but I feel like I should put in some effort there. I also feel like I probably should just really get more serious about my studying and building my future. I want to have a really strong study day tomorrow. I don't want to slow down with that, want to keep really good progress. + Spritual practice: good here. Two really nice sessions. This really is the foundation. Still building a nice relationship with God. + Attitude of service: Got some good stuff done today at work. Trying to contribute and things are working out nicely. + Mental and emotional states: Good here also for the most part except for the distraction after work. / Good but also hit snooze so not so happy about that. moved forward today.
  8. Feb 18 Bounced back nicely today. I really had much improved optimism, vitality, connection. Had a nice day at work, did a bunch of service, had outward energy. Felt relief from the fear/worry I had yesterday. I also was more grateful today. So all in all some strong habits are accumulating over the past handful of days. Really got the benefit of that after dipping a bit. So want to finish the week strong tomorrow. + Spiritual practice: another nice dual session day. Do this in the morning and then right when I take lunch. This has been working nice and I'm consitently getting in 40 + minutes daily. + Attitude of service: Today was good. Really good outward energy. Volunteered to do something at work. Trying to get projects for people done. Just consistently trying to contribute. Today also felt good also. + Mental and emotional states: Big turnaround from yesterday. Yesterday wasn't bad, I was just dull and disconnected. Today was really good, I had some good optimism and positivity and generally felt good about things. + Life habits: Also good here. Moved forward today
  9. Feb 17 Today was a little bit of a struggle. Not a bad day by any means, but I wasn't really energized or optimistic. was a little in fear and worry. The big concern is the future and how I'm not making progress fast enough - this type of thinking gets me out of gratitude and out of service. It disconnects me and I end up just worrying about my own things instead of having outward energy. So still just feeling a little off. Had a nice streak to start the year of just dialed in days and then watched a little porn and I became disconnected. Something like that leaves a repurcussion. It's not like things are horrible I just lose some edge. So want to move forward there and put in some effort in online dating. I do have a date Saturday which is something to look forward to to at least get out. Kinda took today off of the apps also since it's a big distraction it seems like. Regardless I want to get back some momentum and get back in positivity and gratitude. + Spiritual practice: 2 good sessions, morning session and lunch session is the norm. Put in 40 minutes am consistently doing longer sessions. / Attitude of service: my actions were good, it's just my mind was stuck in self some / Mental and emotional states: Not bad but not up to the high standard I would like + Life habits: Pretty good here. Good discipline and actions, in the normal weekday routine of clean living.
  10. Feb 16 Good day all around in action. Good job at work, decent outward energy. So progress there. Good spiritual practice today also. Problem was with just getting distracted by online dating which happens. So that's the area I need to keep watch on. Just not get distracted and just put in some effort. I've committed to putting in at least a little effort for awhile. Hopefully I can stick with it and not get distracted. So I have to stay plugged in to God as always. Also not get thrown off and keep my focus on my goals and building a nice life while at the same time staying grateful and enjoying life now. + Spiritual practice: Good here. Consistent effort and good quality. + Attitude of service: Also pretty good. Trying hard to contribute at work, not stuck in inner turmoil today. Good outward energy. / Mental and emotional states: For the most part pretty good. Like i said online dating throws me off. It feels like a big distraction. Not as excited about this as I was in the past. So I have to continue with this and not get thrown off. Need to put in some effort and commit and stay positive. + life habits: Good here today. Living clean. Water extra cold in the shower. Quite the rush. Moved forward today.
  11. Feb 15 Much improvement. Got out of the weekend slump today. Got up early, cold shower, exercise, study sesssion, good spiritual session and kept God at the forefront all day. Had some adversity with a project but wasn't too thrown off. Need to be on the watch for that. That has gotten me frustrated recently. But I got some good momentum to start the week and want to keep that up. I also have made some progress with online dating and am trying to line up a couple dates for the weekend. I got a couple numbers but who knows if anything will happen. Regardless I want to keep my focus on the day and good habits and building good momentum. + Spiritual practice: Good here. Nice morning and lunch session. Lunch is now split between a walk and doing some chanting, japa and meditation. So really put in good effort here. + Attitude of service: Better outward energy, have to watch frustration at work, that is a barrier. Generally looking to be helpful. + Mental and emotional states: Definite improvement. mOre positive, more connected. Not where I was a bit ago, but still good. I just want to keep this a priority and not sacrifice it to watch a little porn and be distracted. That really unplugs me. + Life habits: This was also good. Good discipline today, discipline coming from God not from me. If I stay close to God a lot of the stuff comes easy. Moved forward today.
  12. Feb 14 Mixed day. Low mental energy and focus because I watched porn last night. Really felt down for most of the day. Just a let down from that. Still I put in some good spiritual effort to get back on the right track. I did a really nice breathwork session followed by a nice prayer/reflection. Later did chanting and japa and meditation though I was a bit distracted. Didn't study that much because I wasn't feeling it. So didn't hit my weekly goal. So bummed about that. I did get on online dating some finally. I've been frustrated with this area of my life and that's part of the reason why I've been watching porn a few times a month. So gonna put in some effort here which is good. I need to just stay consistent, put in effort and not get too mentally distracted from this. So in some senses I made some progress today. + Spiritual practice: Good effort here, nice sessions all around. - Attitude of service: Not good outward energy, stuck in self and my own worries and problems. Not projecting out in to the world. - Mental and emotional states: Distracted, feeling low confidence, not radiating energy and mental clarity. Not optimisitic and positive. So this week I'll get back to where I need to be. Need to keep an eye out on distraction of online dating. Can't let this disturb my progress in other areas, so put this in a box... after work I can get in to it. / Life habits: This was generally good but no exercise. Moved forward today.
  13. Feb 13 Good day in some regards but also tough in others. Went to the temple and chanted and meditated with the monks. Also met with a friend and did some prayer and meditation together and talked spirituality. Hung out for like 6 hours. So that was nice. Feeling a little low vitality and disconnected. The culprit is basically watching some porn after a month and a half away. That seems to be the pattern, not watch any and then go back for a few days, then stop watching it again. It does end up making me feel disconnected and operating at a lower level. So will have to move forward from that. Good news is I have some decent photos ready and will put some effort in to online dating. I think that will feel good to commit to that, although that is also a test because it's not easy and it takes some time to get dates and meet girls. So it's frustrating but at least it's an option. Other than that probably not going to hit my goal this week for study hours. I"m really busy which is good but wish I had more time also. Hard part is if I want to do some social things or go skiing or find something else to do it really cuts in to my study hours. So that will be a challenge when I start dating also. I need to keep the commitment to studying and making progress. So still going to get a bunch of hours in tomoorw, but probably not going to hit 10 hours considering there are other things I should do also. + Spritual practice; Had really good effort here. Really nice practice today. + Attitude of service: Helped a friend, helped around my sister's house when I was visiting. - Mental and emotional states: Not where I should be. Felt distracted and disconnected. Not energized with God's presence. That's what happens after I watch some porn. Just lose the edge. / Life habits: Mix, some good, some not so good.
  14. Feb 12 Not the best day today. Didn't have a lot of discipline and fell short in different areas. Didn't exercise, didn't eat clean, watched some porn for the first time in a month and a half, didn't study. So a lot of my personal habits were off. I didn't feel very connected either. Taking a day "off" is never a good idea. I always have strong days when I'm motivated and have discipline, sometimes when I have a free day I end up not feeling as connected just because I lay off the gas. Anyway, I'll get back to what works, but I need a constant reminder not to take off days. Just keep the train rolling. I was on a really nice streak so got to get back. - Spiritual practice: Not good at all. Didn't meditate. Had really short prayer session, not meaningful and significant. Tomorrow I'm bouncing back though. + Attitude of service: Really good... I helped clean my sisters house by doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. So that was good. - Mental and emotional states: Not where I want to be. Wasn't connected, didn't feel the confidence or connection. Didn't feel focused or motivated. Felt somewhat insecure about work and some things also. - Life habits: Fail here. Especially with watching porn. That's not progress for me. Feel better when I live clean without that. This year I think I only fapped once before the last 2-3 days. So last couple of days was frustrated and watched porn. Need to get back to maintaing that sexual energy.
  15. Feb 11 Okay day, kind of felt a little lower vibe and was a bit frustrated over a project at work. Still a pretty strong day in many regards, just not up to the high standard I've had. With that I also released last night so lower sexual energy. Also a factor but not everything. Just had a bit of an off day. Online dating has also got me a little distracted. I want to put in effort there but it does distract me and lessen my focus. But that just has to be tolerated. Problem is I'm really busy and I don't have a lot of time. So distractions hurt my vibe some. - spiritual practice: I put 20 minutes in but not the quality I've come to expect. + attitude of service: actually pretty good here. I'm trying to do well at work. / Mental and emotional states: Okay for most of the day. Bottomed out a little bit in the evening. Glad I'm off tomorrow to study and get some stuff done. + Life habits: For the most part pretty good. Not the best ending to the day but still moved forward.
  16. Feb 10 Solid day all around. Felt pretty connected during work which is good. After feeling frustrated a week or so ago I've entered in to a nice space. I'm not overly stressed. I'm doing a good job day in and day out of making progress. I'm inviting God into my life which is the foundation, from there I'm living pretty clean and trying to contribute. I'm just on a nice streak of solid days. I really want to keep this up. I'm motivating about building a nice life for myself and a nice future. Things are good already but it feels good to have something to work for also. So I want to continue to settle in at work and stay connected. I'm putting some effort in also to taking some photos and am gonna start online dating soon. So happy about that. It will take some effort and some time but I want progress there also. + Spiritual practice: Good job today. Chanting is nice now that I know the entire chant basically. There is one small ending part I'll finish learning but I have 99% done it feels like so I'm just doing this and enjoying it and really letting it sink in mentally. Another really strong prayer session with the beatitudes also. Meditation also good. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy. Getting a lot done at work. Trying to be helpful. So this is a good orientation. + Mental and emotional states: Good. I'm really been able to acheive a solid place for the past month and a bit longer. I've been consistently feeling connected, motivated, optimistic. Not like a huge rush, but just solidly above average which is good. When summer comes and life gets back to normal I think I'll really be in a good spot. Winter has been tough and I've adapted. + Life habits: Also good. Lots of discipline that comes from God. Cold showers make everything else seem easy. Even sleeping on the floor now. There's something oddly pleasurable about renunciation and living really clean. Moved forward today.
  17. Feb 9 Another good day. Nice streak going. I did a good job of being honest at work and admitting I made a mistake. Never easy but it is good to do this and works out better anyway. It wasn't the end of the world with this mistake but it always is tough to admit mistakes because I'd prefer not to make them and not look bad. Regardless, glad I'm taking work seriously and being honest about it. Also had a really nice meditation and prayer session after work. Did chanting, breath meditation and did a deep reflective prayer session on the meaning of the beatitudes. It was really strong to put in some extra time after work for that. My life habits are good and I've noticed that I've started out this year with some strong days. My overall ratings for days is consitently up. Part of this is that I've been on a good retention schedule. Thus far I've only released twice since the year started. So my sexual energy is high and is being channelled toward spirit and good habits. I'd like to start dating a bit and will get online soon but I like having discipline in that area of my life. + Spiritual practice: really strong after work session. Really felt God's presence and connection. The whole thing is to maintain a God awareness through the day. + Attitude of service: Helpful at work, trying to contribute. Good outward energy and not stuck in self. + Mental and emotional states: Want to keep this going. I haven't had too many difficult days here this year. Been consistently feeling strong internally and not thrown off. Just consistently in a good spot. I'd even like to amp up the connection a little bit and be more excited about life and more energized spiritually. / Life habits: mostly good. But I devaited from strict diet. Snacked on too much bread during lunch and ate a sugary granola bar. Not what I want to be doing. Moved forward today.
  18. Feb 8 Really good day and really good connection today. Never got thrown way off track. Also never got frustrated even though I had made an error at work. So I'm happy about that. Definitely some progress there. Also pretty good habits and stayed positive. + Spiritual practice: Made some good effort here. Definitely getting it in. Did 3 shorter sessions today. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy. Tried to be helpful today, got some stuff done at work to contribute so good effort. + Mental and emotional states: I've had a string of really nice days. I'm on a pretty good roll of being positive and staying focused on God. So happy about that. + Life habits: Also good. Really nice cold shower and whm breathing. Lived pretty clean today. Moved forward.
  19. Feb 7 Another solid day. Got started right, got up on alarm, cleaned the house, took a cold and hot shower, breathwork, meditation, then had a nice study session 5 hours today. Still managed to get some other stuff done too and then watch the game. So glad I had a strong day. My connection is growing. Want to keep this going in to this week. Stay connected, positive, optimistic, grateful and just keep being excited about life. Beyond that would like to improve waking up at first alarm, this past week I fell short there. Also just stay connected during work, not get tense and not get stressed. Instead keep my thougths on God and service. + Spiritual practice: really nice chanting and meditation session today. + Attitude of service: good outward energy, not stuck in my own problems. Trying to always be oriented toward contributing to life. + Mental and emotional states: Good and I did good work to get me here. First thing everyday should be setting aside time to get straight with spirit. Felt way better about my computer course compared to yesterday. Want to stay excited about this. / Life habits: pretty good but ate some pizza for the super bowl which thinking about it was pretty gross. Not gonna throw me off but definitely a deviation from clean diet. Moved forward today.
  20. Feb 6 Really turned around my day and finished strong. Woke up late and didn't get up as early as I woulda liked. That's been a problem recently, not getting up at first alarm. After a short prayer session I went straight in to studying. My mind was groggy and not as clear as normal. Usually I wake up, exercies, cold shwoer, wim hof breathing, meditate... and then I'm really sharp and energized. Point is this low clarity mind and unenergized mind got me a little down about studying. I was a bit pessimistic and discouraged. I definitely wasn't at my best. So I went for a bike ride and took a cold/hot/cold/hot.. etc shower. It really gave me a strong awareness and presence in my body. Did some deep breathing and meditation after and had a fantastic day. Went to shoot photos which was fun. Definitely a new hobby of mine. so enjoyed the afternoon. Will catch up on studying tomorrow but i have to have a solid start to the day... it's a peformance thing. + Spiritual practice: Good effort, decent sessions. + Attitude of service: good outward energy today. Happy about that, not stuck in self. / Mental and emotional states: Good in the afternoon, but not where I wanted to be in the morning. It's not automatic, I have to put in effort to really exist on a higher level of positivity and connection. Funny how weekends can be some of my lower days just because I lower the intensity and am not as strict with myself. + Life habits: Cold shower really did it today. Felt so good and energized, went back and forth between hot and cold. All I have to do is overcome the intial mental block that tells me not to get in. After I get in I end up adapting. Moved forward today.
  21. Feb 5 Really nice day today. Felt pretty well connected all day. Did some service at work, didn't get upset about anything. Felt nice because it was a Friday. I have a nice cumulative momentum going. I've been consistently investing in God and I've really gotten to a nice place. Big thing is just keeping this up no matter what. Daily spiritual practice is the foundation of it. From there clean up my habits and try to do some service. All of this has really put me in a nice place. I'm also really seeing my vision for the future more clearly. It's like the fear and worry and doubt and regret and self pity are disappearing and I can really believe in the future with faith and confidence. It's taken some time to get here and I know there is even more better things to come. The point is to never stop a spiritual practice. I've had so many good things challenge me this year. Wim Hof method has been great. Daily talking myself into a cold shower so much benefit I don't want to give that up. It's mentally so hard to face that daily, I'm over 8 months everyday and I say I'll stop at a year. Funny how I want to stop something that is good for me because it's difficult. So theme is to just keep building it a day at a time. + Spiritual practice: good model today. morning lunch evening. All pretty good. + Attitude of service: good here. At work did well, and in general had a good outward energy, mentally reminding myself thy will not mine be done, that God is the center. + Mental and emotional states: Good example of where i want to exist mentally and emotionally, secure, confident, connected, positive, optimistic, really living in the day + Life habits: pretty solid overall Moved forward today.
  22. Feb 4 Another solid day. Looking back over the past month or so I've really had some sustainable solid days. Not too much to complain about. Usually feeling connected. Usually productive and positive. Generally outward oriented toward service. Not falling in to fear, regret, doubt, worry, self pity, etc. Instead on the connected and positive side of things. So want to keep that up. Feeling pretty good even though my computer course is difficult. It will take what it will take. I think just accepting that will relieve some stress. / Spiritual practice: Good but didn't have as long of a session as I would like. After work met up with a friend. I've swithced it to after work which has some benefits. But I think I'd like to get more of a habit of doing it right after work if I stick with the switch. + Attitude of service: Good here. Tried to be really helpful at work. Good outward energy. Really kept on my mind today to do God's will. Just orient toward serving God. + Mental and emotional states: Really calm at work. Connected, and not frustrated or stressed. Good to feel this way at work. + Life habits: Mostly good except hitting snooze. Not super pumped to jump out of bed. I guess since I get up so early I'm relaxed about this. Slowed my pace down with moving my long meditation to after work. Moved forward today.
  23. Feb 3 Did a good job today of maintaing good God connection at work. Really several times brought my mind back to God. This helped maintain connection and I wasn't as tense. It's important to keep this up. I don't want to exclude work from a sort of God connection. I want to maintain God connection and a service perspective. I was also in trust and faith, so not in fear, worry, anxiety, etc today. So obviously that's good. Good habits today also, and actually getting more motivated to do some online dating now that I'm getting some photos in order. Photography looks to be a new hobby of mine also. Today was really warm out and I took an amazing walk during lunch. Laid down in the park and just let the sun shine on me. Felt warm and relaxed. Winter in some ways has been tough. But lucky I get nice warm days like this in Colorado also. / Spiritual practice: Good but missed wim hof breathing which I like to do before meditation. Good session after work. I may move the bulk of my practice to after work so I'm not rushed in the morning. So brief morning session last two days. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy. Tried to be helpful. Not upset or resentful or agitated. So good state to be in at work. + Mental and emotional states: Good today. Especially the God awareness at work. I want to keep encouraging that tomorrow. Nice to keep in a solid place all day. / Life habits: Mostly really good. Only issue was that I didn't get up at first alarm. Tough again today. Was in a really deep sleep. When I'm in a deep sleep it's tough for me to get up really quick. Hit snooze for like 15 minutes today. Moved forward today.
  24. Feb 2 A solid day in action. I also in thought and emotion good, not as good as I can be there but still good overall. I did put in some extra effort to stay God aware during work. That's important. I really want to bring God connection to work. Otherwise my vitality fades and I fall in to frustration. If I remind myself that all I have to do is serve God then some of the pressure is lifted. Lately I've definitely noticed that I'm feeling distant from recovery meetings in general. The more I get in to a spiritual practice, meditation, prayer, review etc the less I'm relating at meetings. Before meetings were the center of everything, now I feel less connected. Some of it has to do with spiritual pride and becoming a little hardened by a lot of the sacrifices and difficult steps I'm taking. So I need to watch that. Part of it is also just relating less and not really wanting what anyone has. I feel more connection from a new spiritual traditon I'm learning about which is bhakti. I feel more and more drawn to that. On top of my other practices. So that's just how my heart is resonating. I want to be on the look out for that. Other than that going through some photos I took and getting more excited about photography. Also excited to go skiing a couple more times. So overall things are still pretty good. I've had a nice start to the year and have some nice momentum. + Spritual practice: Had an nice 35 minute meditation after work. Longer session since my morning session was cut a little short. Maybe a possibility is to do this after work and have a short morning session. Especially possible considering I'll have to go in to work soon and will have to shift my schedule. + Attitude of service: Good outward energy at work. Not frustrated or upset, just trying to contribute. / Mental and emotional states: Generally good except for feeling distant from meetings. That did bother me a little today. I was a little judgmental of others as well from meetings which isn't good. + Life habits: good but I overslept some. I had an unbelievably powerful dream. usually i'm light sleeping by the time the alarm goes off but not today. When the alarm went off I was still just swept up in it. I just laid around and let it sink in. Other than that solid habits. Moved forward today.
  25. Feb 1 Good day today. Got studying back on track which was good. Felt nice to be productive there. Also had a good day at work. Did a better job of keeping God conscious at work. Didn't stress too much, stayed God focused and didn't take things to seriously, just trying to do service. It did feel a little monotonous today after work. Went to a meeting and didn't enjoy it all that much. Which is too bad. And then it's like go home and go to bed because I get up so early. But this is life. I'm working hard building a nice future. There just isn't a lot of down time. But did have a solid day. Had a really nice meditation session in morning and during lunch. So spiritual life is good. + Spiritual practice: Nice solid weekly session. Good whm breathing session prior which opens up a sense of tranquility. + Attitude of service: good outward energy and not stuck in self. + Mental and emotional states: Good today, felt pretty connected at work which was a plus from last week when I was a little stressed. + Life habits: Solid here. Good habits today, usually start monday strong. Keep this up during the week and weekends I can relax a little and sleep in a little. Moved forward today